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Political Jokes


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A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel , the medicine is so advanced that we cut

off a man’s testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work"

 

 

The German doctor comments: "That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain

from one man, put it in another man and in 4 weeks he is looking for work"

 

 

The Filipino doctor answers and laughs: "You all are way behind us.

Last year , we took a man with no brains and no balls and put him

in as President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!!!

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post-206207-0-24987700-1303173237.jpg

 

Takot sa sarili nyang daga!

 

 

The way Noynoy and his boys are doing it blaming all the ills of government on the past government and corruption what is more likely to happen is that once the Ombudsman is removed, corruption will even be more massive under the Noynoy government as he and his allies will be protected. And he will have no one to blame but himself.

Edited by camiar
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  • 1 month later...
  • 5 weeks later...

JINGOY: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng'cocomban ' ..

ERAP: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon ' cocomban ' pa rin ang tawag mo!

JINGOY: Ano po ba ang tama?

ERAP: Bomb paper!

 

 

 

In a very recent funeral nag kita sila...

 

ERAP: Tara na , Noynoy. Alis na tayo!

NOYNOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!

ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: 'REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.

 

NOYNOY: Pare , ang bilis kong nabuo ' tong puzzle!

ERAP: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?

NOYNOY: 5 months!

ERAP: Tagal naman!

NOYNOY: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito: 'for 3 years & up ' !

ERAP: Ah ok na nga, Autistic ka nga pala! :lol:

 

 

JINGOY: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng'cocomban ' ..

ERAP: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon ' cocomban ' pa rin ang tawag mo!

JINGOY: Ano po ba ang tama?

ERAP: Bomb paper!

 

 

 

In a very recent funeral nag kita sila...

 

ERAP: Tara na , Noynoy. Alis na tayo!

NOYNOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!

ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: 'REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.

 

NOYNOY: Pare , ang bilis kong nabuo ' tong puzzle!

ERAP: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?

NOYNOY: 5 months!

ERAP: Tagal naman!

NOYNOY: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito: 'for 3 years & up ' !

ERAP: Ah ok na nga, Autistic ka nga pala! :lol:

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Bishops: Nagkasala ka sa Diyos at dapat ikaw ay mag-repent.

PGMA: Ay ganun ba, baka kaya nyo akong ipagdasal.

Bishops: Hindi, masama sobra ang ginawa mo sa mata ni Lord.

PGMA: Bibigyan ko kayo ng Pajero and iba-pa.

Bishops: In the name of the father and of the son and of the holy ghost, may the blessings of God be upon you always, go with God you saintly woman.

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MY WAY

(by GMA)

 

And now,

my end is near,

and so I face

the nation's judgment

 

My friends

I say it clear

I have my case

and it's impending.

 

I've lived

a lie that's full

and gained from deals

from every highway

0h yes

i stole a lot

and did it my way.

 

secrets

I had a few

two leaky boobs

of false dimension

I did

what I had to do

Garci saw it thru

with out exemption

 

To think

I did all that

and may I say

not in a shy way

Oh yes

I screwed u all

and did it my way!

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  • 1 month later...

I got this in my email:

 

NEW BILL ON FILIPINO ACCOUNTING TERMS

 

Dilemma of Accounting in Filipino Accountants (Pagtutuos) Take Note!!!!!!!!! A bill filed by Sen. Lito Lapid asks that proposed laws should be written in Filipino (Pilipino). Likewise, the official spoken language in the senate should be Filipino. A young, good-looking representative from Laguna sponsored a bill recommending the Filipino language be used in all levels of accounting firms & Banking Institutions. The solon claims it will provide better understanding of the business transactions for those who are inexperienced & non-English speaking citizens. The bill received unanimous approval from the House & was presented to the President for signature to become law of the land. But inspite of the overwhelming pressure from the members of the Congress, the President vetoed the bill. WHY? He explained that when the English "business" words are translated in Tagalog, they sound very malicious (malaswa) and are nakaka-hiya at nakaka-kilabot.

 

Here are few sample words-English to Filipino

- ASSET-Ari

- FIXED ASSET-Nakatirik na Ari

- LIQUID ASSET- Basang Ari

- SOLID ASSET- Matigas na Ari

- OWNED ASSET- Sariling Pag-aari

- OTHER ASSET - Ari ng Iba

- MISCELLANEOUS ASSET- Iba't ibang klaseng Ari

- ASSET WRITE OFF- Pinutol na Pag-aari

- DEPRECIATION OF ASSET- Laspag na pag-aari

- FULLY DEPRECIATED ASSET-Laspag na laspag na

pag-aari

- EARNING ASSET- Tumutubong pag-aari

- WORKING ASSET- Ganado pa ang Ari

- NON-EARNING ASSET- Baldado na ang Ari

- ERRONEOUS ENTRY- Mali ang pagka-pasok

- DOUBLE ENTRY-Dalawang beses ipinasok

- MULTIPLE ENTRY- Labas pasok nang labas pasok

- CORRECTING ENTRY- Itinama ang pagpasok

- REVERSING ENTRY- Baligtad and pagkakapasok

- DEAD ASSET- Patay na ang Ari

 

O, ANONG MASASABI NIYO... PABOR BA KAYO SA BILL NA ITO?

Edited by camiar
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In a speech before the Filipino community in Beijing, President Aquino compared his love life to a brand of carbonated soft drink. He said, ‘Parang Coca Cola; noong araw ‘regular,’ naging ‘light,’ ngayon ‘zero.’

 

No wonder, his sex life is so much like San Miguel. You know, Super Dry.

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according to reports, people of agusan are still looking for a bigger crocodile in its marshes.... Lolong, the 21-ft long and 1037kg croc, was allegedly smaller than the one saw by witnesses attacking a carabao.....

 

Gee... Maybe the reason they could not find it is that they are looking in a wrong place... Try the marshes of crame, bonifacio, congress, provincial and municipal capitals.... It will not take them long.... In fact, lolong would be a baby compared to those crooks, i mean crocks.... ;-p

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On Lolong ....

 

People of the Philippines have captured Lolong who is naturally in hiding

 

... Crocs in the government are seen in TV, malls etc .... we could not even get to jail them

 

 

according to reports, people of agusan are still looking for a bigger crocodile in its marshes.... Lolong, the 21-ft long and 1037kg croc, was allegedly smaller than the one saw by witnesses attacking a carabao.....

 

Gee... Maybe the reason they could not find it is that they are looking in a wrong place... Try the marshes of crame, bonifacio, congress, provincial and municipal capitals.... It will not take them long.... In fact, lolong would be a baby compared to those crooks, i mean crocks.... ;-p

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