Political Jokes

[camiar]

Bishop Rosales exorcising Noynoy!

 

[2XS]

Bishops: Nagkasala ka sa Diyos at dapat ikaw ay mag-repent.

PGMA: Ay ganun ba, baka kaya nyo akong ipagdasal.

Bishops: Hindi, masama sobra ang ginawa mo sa mata ni Lord.

PGMA: Bibigyan ko kayo ng Pajero and iba-pa.

Bishops: In the name of the father and of the son and of the holy ghost, may the blessings of God be upon you always, go with God you saintly woman.

[camiar]

Noynoy's latest book:

 

[scam]

MY WAY

(by GMA)

 

And now,

my end is near,

and so I face

the nation's judgment

 

My friends

I say it clear

I have my case

and it's impending.

 

I've lived

a lie that's full

and gained from deals

from every highway

0h yes

i stole a lot

and did it my way.

 

secrets

I had a few

two leaky boobs

of false dimension

I did

what I had to do

Garci saw it thru

with out exemption

 

To think

I did all that

and may I say

not in a shy way

Oh yes

I screwed u all

and did it my way!

[camiar]

BS Aquino's much ballyhooed straight path looks like it has a carnival circus at its end...

 

[camiar]

I got this in my email:

 

NEW BILL ON FILIPINO ACCOUNTING TERMS

 

Dilemma of Accounting in Filipino Accountants (Pagtutuos) Take Note!!!!!!!!! A bill filed by Sen. Lito Lapid asks that proposed laws should be written in Filipino (Pilipino). Likewise, the official spoken language in the senate should be Filipino. A young, good-looking representative from Laguna sponsored a bill recommending the Filipino language be used in all levels of accounting firms & Banking Institutions. The solon claims it will provide better understanding of the business transactions for those who are inexperienced & non-English speaking citizens. The bill received unanimous approval from the House & was presented to the President for signature to become law of the land. But inspite of the overwhelming pressure from the members of the Congress, the President vetoed the bill. WHY? He explained that when the English "business" words are translated in Tagalog, they sound very malicious (malaswa) and are nakaka-hiya at nakaka-kilabot.

 

Here are few sample words-English to Filipino

- ASSET-Ari

- FIXED ASSET-Nakatirik na Ari

- LIQUID ASSET- Basang Ari

- SOLID ASSET- Matigas na Ari

- OWNED ASSET- Sariling Pag-aari

- OTHER ASSET - Ari ng Iba

- MISCELLANEOUS ASSET- Iba't ibang klaseng Ari

- ASSET WRITE OFF- Pinutol na Pag-aari

- DEPRECIATION OF ASSET- Laspag na pag-aari

- FULLY DEPRECIATED ASSET-Laspag na laspag na

pag-aari

- EARNING ASSET- Tumutubong pag-aari

- WORKING ASSET- Ganado pa ang Ari

- NON-EARNING ASSET- Baldado na ang Ari

- ERRONEOUS ENTRY- Mali ang pagka-pasok

- DOUBLE ENTRY-Dalawang beses ipinasok

- MULTIPLE ENTRY- Labas pasok nang labas pasok

- CORRECTING ENTRY- Itinama ang pagpasok

- REVERSING ENTRY- Baligtad and pagkakapasok

- DEAD ASSET- Patay na ang Ari

 

O, ANONG MASASABI NIYO... PABOR BA KAYO SA BILL NA ITO?

Edited September 2, 2011 by camiar

[camiar]

In a speech before the Filipino community in Beijing, President Aquino compared his love life to a brand of carbonated soft drink. He said, ‘Parang Coca Cola; noong araw ‘regular,’ naging ‘light,’ ngayon ‘zero.’

 

No wonder, his sex life is so much like San Miguel. You know, Super Dry.

[lomex32]

Perhaps he just gets along with PSPs from this site or the others

 

No wonder, his sex life is so much like San Miguel. You know, Super Dry.

[*kalel*]

according to reports, people of agusan are still looking for a bigger crocodile in its marshes.... Lolong, the 21-ft long and 1037kg croc, was allegedly smaller than the one saw by witnesses attacking a carabao.....

 

Gee... Maybe the reason they could not find it is that they are looking in a wrong place... Try the marshes of crame, bonifacio, congress, provincial and municipal capitals.... It will not take them long.... In fact, lolong would be a baby compared to those crooks, i mean crocks.... ;-p

[lomex32]

On Lolong ....

 

People of the Philippines have captured Lolong who is naturally in hiding

 

... Crocs in the government are seen in TV, malls etc .... we could not even get to jail them

 

 

according to reports, people of agusan are still looking for a bigger crocodile in its marshes.... Lolong, the 21-ft long and 1037kg croc, was allegedly smaller than the one saw by witnesses attacking a carabao.....

 

Gee... Maybe the reason they could not find it is that they are looking in a wrong place... Try the marshes of crame, bonifacio, congress, provincial and municipal capitals.... It will not take them long.... In fact, lolong would be a baby compared to those crooks, i mean crocks.... ;-p

[Richmond]

There is still a 4 foot female crocodile roaming free in the urban jungles of Manila.

[zenislev]

There is still a 4 foot female crocodile roaming free in the urban jungles of Manila.

 

yeah, and the territory expands up to pampanga.

[uaeboy25]

philippines has set a new record, beside of having the largest crocodile in terms of body size, we also has the largest number of crocs living at home, making them the most domesticated animals in the philippines. Record shows they are anywhere, most of them are wearing red, yellow and blue uniforms, depending on the city colors.

 

some crocs from the lower house petitioning to make crocs as our national animal as they symbolizes our fashion with the one of the most dangerous animals in the world.

[Richmond]

The new tourism secretary stated that the top 3 tourist destinations in the Philippines are Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao.

[camiar]

4 yrs 8 months na lang....

 

[MikeyArrovo]

Mukhang madaming joker sa admin ni Noynoy

 

"Isusulong pa din daw ng DOST ang pagsulong ng National Broadband Network,

ang classic nito "Handa daw magresign si Sec. Montejo pag napatunayang may corruption sa proyektong ito "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

kopya kay migs para lusot nga naman, hindi na ibabalik ang pondong nakurakot

 

 

 

what a joke.

Edited September 13, 2011 by MikeyArrovo

[scam]

"Pareho lang kaming MASAMA"

Sa akin UGALI...sa kanya MUKHA!

 

Brenda on Dionisia sa issue ng RH Bill.

[uaeboy25]

Philippines has the cheapest submarine

[jopoc]

si gloria, buhay pa, may sungay na.....4 pa!

[zenislev]

si gloria, buhay pa, may sungay na.....4 pa!

 

akala ko naglalaro ng console games si GMA.

[Sl@MDuNk_Mitsui14]

Got this thru text.

 

BREAKING NEWS: Lolong ayaw kumain dahil daw may sakit.

 

Pilosopo: Ganyan talaga mga BUWAYA pag nakukulong nagkakasakit, tingnan mo sina Gloria at Mike.

[uaeboy25]

Bagong Movie ng Transformers

 

[scam]

Ang pustahan ng bayan ngayon eh

"Sino kay Gloria vs De Lima ang makukulong"?

Taya na! Bwwaaahahahaha...

[hornet18]

The saying "the truth will set you free", didn't work for GMA. When GMA's docors told the truth that GMA is on the road to recovery lalong naipit ang plano ni GMA na pumuslit ng bansa.

[uaeboy25]

The saying "the truth will set you free", didn't work for GMA. When GMA's docors told the truth that GMA is on the road to recovery lalong naipit ang plano ni GMA na pumuslit ng bansa.

 

the truth will sent her in jail