howarddeduct Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Erap kami!!! :evil: Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Erap kami!!! :evil: Noong araw, ERAP na ERAP tayo, Ngayon ARROY-OH, ARROY-OH pa rin tayo, Huwag na POE, huwag na POE, maawa kayo, Baka maLACSON na ang mga KABAYAN natin at magka ROCO-ROCO ang buhay natin. ------------------------------------------------------- Anak: Bakit MR.PALENGKE ang tawag kay MAR ROXAS?Ina: Kasi pag kasal na sila ni KORINA SANCHEZ, siya ang LAGING MAMAMALENGKE! -------------------------------------------------- Coming Soon!!! Bong Revilla: Anak ng nardong putikJinggoy: Anak ng juetengMiriam: Anak ni sisaLacson : Anak ni marcova --------------------------------------------------JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?ERAP: . (di nagsasalita)JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking? Quote Link to comment
*kalel* Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 ontest: hanapin ang kuneho sa gubatcontestants: russia's kbg, philippine's nbi, usa's fbi KGB's method- hinalughug ang gubat, kinidnap mga kamag anak ng kuneho at tinorture, pero hindi nila nakuha ang kuneho... FBI's method- pinasabog ang gubat at sinunog... pero hindi nila nahuli ang kuneho...sinabi nila sa press na malamang patay na ang kuneho sa nangyari sa gubat... NBI- pumasok sa gubat, pag labas me dalang OSO, bugbog sarado at sumisigaw- ako ang KUNEHO! Quote Link to comment
Qui-Gon Jinn Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Our Presidentiables, ayon sa mga Bituin ANO ANG SINASABI NG MGA BITUIN sa kapalaran ng siyam na kandidato sa pagkapangulo ngayong linggong ito? Narito. Basahin, limiin, unawain, at seryosohin. Ngunit laging tandaan ang paalala ni Zenaida ‘Syzygy’ Seva, “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” Ulitin natin. Pero sa pagkakataong ito, basahin nang malakas at imadyinin si Zenaida Seva habang binibigkas ang linya, “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” At inulit mo naman. Masunuring bata! Noynoy Aquino February 8, 1960 Aquarius: Iwasang magtungo sa Quiapo. Baka mapagbintangan kang bumibili ng survey. Sa pag-ibig, magpapasya ka this week sa regalong ibibigay mo kay Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad sa Valentine’s Day. Huwag mo itong ipaalam kay Kris. Pagtatawanan ka lang niya at sasabihang “Gosh, how cheap!” Hahabol sa kasikatan ng “Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura” jingle ni Manny Villar ang NOYNOY! jingle kung saan tinangka mong mag-rap katulad ng idolo mong si Vanilla Ice. Ngunit makabubuting panoorin ang ginawa mong pagsayaw sa naturang patalastas. Ginawa na ni Villar ang ganyang gimmick noong 2007. Utang na loob, huwag mo nang ulitin. Mukha kang tanga! Syanga pala, may nag-text. “Patahimikin mo na kami. Huwag mo na kaming isali d’yan. Matanda ka na. Alam mo na ang dapat mong gawin. Good luck.” All the best, Daddy Ninoy & Mommy Cory JC De Los Reyes February 14, 1970 Aquarius: Saludo ang mga bituin sa iyong tapang at determinasyong tumakbo sa pagkapangulo ng ating bansa. Ngunit mas sasaludo sila sa ‘yo kung ikaw ay uurong. Joseph Estrada April 19, 1937 Aries: Hindi ka si Harry Houdini. Hindi ka rin si David Copperfield. At lalong hindi ka si David Blaine. Pero ang tanong ng mga bituin: bakit hanggang ngayon ay nabubuhay ka pa rin sa illusion? Patuloy na bebenta ang iyong mga jokes sa mga presidential forum. Ikaw ang aani ng pinakamalakas na tawanan at palakpak mula sa crowd. Subalit ipinapayo ng mga bituin na limitahan ang dami ng binibitawan mong jokes. Baka mapagkamalan kang si Dolphy at kunin kang endorser ni Villar. Richard Gordon August 5, 1945 Leo: Bilib ang mga bituin sa talas at husay ng iyong utak lalo na sa mga debate at presidential forum. Ngunit mag-ingat sa napakabilis na pagsasalita. Baka malunok mo ang iyong maigsing dila. Iisa pa lamang ang successful tongue transplant sa mundo. Limitahan din ang paggamit sa Subic at Olongapo sa mga debate. Given na ‘yon. Sinuwerte ka lang dahil doon ka nahalal na alkalde. Kung ikaw ang naging mayor ng Siayan town sa Zamboanga del Norte na may poverty incidence na 97.46 percent, baka wala ring gaanong nagawa ang matabil mong dila. Isang unsolicited advice lang po mula sa mga bituin: palitan n’yo na ang iyong TV ad na ang musikang gamit ay “Silent Night.’ Pebrero na ngayon. Nicanor Perlas January 10, 1950 Capricorn: May walong araw pa bago opisyal na magsimula ang campaign period kung saan inaasahang gagastos nang todo-todo ang mga kandidato. Dahil sa mababang rating sa survey, mahihirapan kang kumalap ng campaign contributions. Habang abala sa paghahanap ng financial support, makakatanggap ka ng ‘good news’ at ‘not so good news’ bago matapos ang linggong ito. Ang good news: susuportahan ka ng pamilya Ayala. Ang ‘not so good news’ – ng pamilya ni Joey Ayala: karaniwang tao. Pinupuri ng mga bituin ang iyong mga nagawa bilang advocate ng malinis at maayos na kapaligiran at kalikasan. Dahil diyan, mananalo ka! Mananalo ka sa May 10… kung papayagang bumoto ang mga puno. Gilbert Teodoro June 14, 1964 Gemini: Iwasang makunan ng larawan kasama ang isang babaeng may nunal sa kaliwang pisngi. May dalang kamalasan ‘yan. Mas lalong iwasang makunan ng larawan kasama ang isang ginoong napakalaki ng katawan ngunit napakaliit ng boses. Doble ang kamalasang dala niyan. Mauungusan mo sa susunod na survey sina Noynoy at Villar… kung sa La Salle campus gagawin ang survey. Posibleng umagaw ng boto sa ‘yo ang isang female presidential candidate na berde rin ang campaign color. Malas mo lang dahil pareho pa kayo ng gupit. Remedyuhan habang maaga. Manny Villar December 13, 1949 Sagittarius: Sa pananalapi: napakasuwerte mo. Ni singko ay wala kang utang. Umuulan ang iyong pera kaya naman bumabaha ang iyong political ads. Dahil sa ‘yo, muling mag-iinit ang Senado sa linggong ito. Consistent kang tao. May isang salita. Hindi ka sisipot sa pagdinig ng plenaryo. Kaya’t patuloy na magtatanong ang taong-bayan: guilty or not guilty? Dahil sa patuloy na pag-iwas mo sa iyong mga accusers, malamang na iwasan ka na rin ng mga botante. Ang payo ng mga bituin: simulan mo na ang paghahanap ng tindahang nagbebenta ng suwerte. Kakailanganin mo ‘yan ngayong Mayo. Babala: kung ayaw mong umuwing may black eye, iwasan ang isang babaeng may initials na JM. May maitim siyang balak sa ‘yo. Matagal ka na niyang hina-hunting. Clue sa katauhan ng babae: mukha siyang lalaki. Jamby Madrigal April 26, 1958 Taurus: Kung may mga sanggol na ipinaglihi sa hilaw na mangga, maasim na siniguelas, o hinog na duhat, naniniwala ang mga bituin na ikaw naman ay ipinaglihi sa sama ng loob. Tila malaki ang kinikimkim mong galit sa pulitiko man o sa mga kamag-anak mo. Isa kang ‘bully’ sa iyong past life. Babala ng mga bituin: Chill. Baka dumating ang araw na maubusan ka ng maaaway at ibaling mo ang iyong galit sa iyong sarili. Sa pag-ibig, walang gaanong pagbabagong nakikita ang mga bituin. Masyadong maulap ang aspetong romantiko ng iyong buhay. Sa pulitika, sinabi mo last week na hindi ka naniniwala sa mga surveys. ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Hindi rin sila naniniwala sa ‘yo! Quits lang pare. Bro. Eddie Villanueva October 6, 1946 Libra: Ang katulad mong Born-Again Christian at spiritual leader ay hindi naniniwala sa mga hula. Ang sabi ng mga bituin: ‘Pwes, hindi rin kami naniniwala sa ‘yo.’ Wala kang horoscope! Quote Link to comment
camiar Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 The Hair Cut One day a florist went to a Barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the Barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the Barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the Barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.” The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the Barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the Barber again replied, “I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.” The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the Barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. Quote Link to comment
Qui-Gon Jinn Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The Hair Cut One day a florist went to a Barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the Barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the Barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the Barber again replied, "I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week." The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the Barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the Barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the Barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. akala ko when he opened up the next day there is already a big tarpaulin streamer in front of his shop saying..."LIBRENG GUPIT MULA KAY CONGRESSMAN!" Quote Link to comment
kamote042988 Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Philippine Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the Filipino people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven." So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...Today, you voted." "REMEMBER TO VOTE WISELY!" Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 ERAP's DICTIONARY:Cardiologist - card dealer in casino;Pathologist - duck raiser;Radiologist - disc jockey;Gastrologist - LPG dealer;Autopsy - car dealer. Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Erap: jinggoy, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na.jinggoy: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) Oo tay hinog na. Erap: O sige, baba ka na at sungkitin natin. Quote Link to comment
MikeyArrovo Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Bumisita sa Pilipinas ang French Minister. Inilibot siya ni GMA. Sabi ng French Minister, “People here urinate in the streets! In France, we jail them!” Napahiya si GMA. Nang bumisita si GMA sa France, inilibot siya ng naturang French Minister. Habang dumadaan sila sa Arc de Triumphe, napabulalas si GMA, “Hey! Someone urinates at the Arc! You said you jail them?!” Paliwanag ng French Minister, “That one is exempted. He’s your Ambassador!” :evil: ---------------------------------------------- Noy Noy: Hindi ako magnanakaw!Gibo: Ako din hindi din ako magnanakaw!Erap: Ako babalik ako dahil hindi pa ako tapos magnakaw!Villar: Ako! Magnanakaw ako dahil malaki nagastos ko. Babawi na to.GLORIA: Mga tanga wala na kayong mananakaw UBOS na.----------------------------Top 10 Reasons Forrest Gump Would Say If He’s Filipino 10. My name is Porrest, Porrest Goomp 9. Inay always said that life is like a balikbayan box 8. Lieutenant Dan! p#tang %na mo! 7. Lieutenant Dan! Gusto mo ba ang sorbetes? 6. Me and Jenny went together like champorado and isda 5. Mr. President, iihi ako. Na saan ang “comfort room?” 4. My best friend Bubba knew everything there was to know about bagoong. “There’s bagoong with rice, bagoong with lemon juice, fried bagoong, bagoong at puto, etc.” 3. Those look like comfortable shoes. Sa Payless ba? 2. He invested my money in a prrooot company 1. Tanga is as tanga does. :evil: Quote Link to comment
Totsky2008 Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 ontest: hanapin ang kuneho sa gubatcontestants: russia's kbg, philippine's nbi, usa's fbi KGB's method- hinalughug ang gubat, kinidnap mga kamag anak ng kuneho at tinorture, pero hindi nila nakuha ang kuneho... FBI's method- pinasabog ang gubat at sinunog... pero hindi nila nahuli ang kuneho...sinabi nila sa press na malamang patay na ang kuneho sa nangyari sa gubat... NBI- pumasok sa gubat, pag labas me dalang OSO, bugbog sarado at sumisigaw- ako ang KUNEHO! LOL.... pwede.... :thumbsupsmiley: Quote Link to comment
howarddeduct Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 GMA and her family riding an airplane.. GMA: What if I throw 1 check worth 1M Php out of the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy? Mike A: Honey, why not throw 2 checks worth half a million pesos to make 2 Filipinos happy?Luli A: Mom, why not throw 4 checks worth quarter of a million to make 4 Filipinos happy? Finally her grand daughter spoke: Grandma, why not simply THROW YOURSELF out of the window to make ALL Filipinos happy? Quote Link to comment
*kalel* Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 iam not sure if this is related...kanina sa news, nagwawala si angelo reyes (DOE) dahil sa nangyari sa pcos machines.. sabi nya the people who are responsible for this should be hung.... ang sagot ni teddy locsin sa kanya, yes they will be hung together with those responsible for brown outs... natawa ako... Quote Link to comment
*kalel* Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 # Miriam Defensor-Santiago on her opponents: “Many, if n0t all, of my presidential opponents, are certifiable idiots.”# Quote from Imelda Marcos: “People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?# Erap: “Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.” Saleslady: “Sori sir wala p0 kaming ballpen.” Erap: “Ano ba yan, PENSHOPPE walang ballpen!”# GMA: “Sorry late ako. Grabe ang brownout sa Makati, 1hr kami sa elevator.” ERAP: “Mas grabe ang brown out sa San Juan, 2hrs kami ni Jinggoy sa escalator!”# Someone asked Imelda Marcos: “Madam, how rich are you?” Imelda: “Darling, if you can count it, you’re not rich.”# Randy David on his arrest during PP1017: “Isang paraan para di mahuli sa rally, inglisin mo yung pulis.”# Dolphy on running for office: “Madaling tumakbo, eh paano pag nanalo?”# On Philippine politics: “Pagkatapos ng eleksyon, dalawang klase lang ang politiko – NANALO at DINAYA.” Quote Link to comment
Ryuji_tanaka Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 ^ nakalimutan mo yung punchline sa Miriam joke:the psychiatric report that alleged reported Noynoy has psychological issues, has been confirmed as altered. Research has shown it is the evaluation for Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Quote Link to comment
aguinaldo612 Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 The SWS says GMA net satisfaction rating went down to -59 percent. Thats a FAILING grade from the Filipino People. When asked for comments, Mrs. Arroyo said, " Well in that case, I am more than willing to REPEAT!" hahaha Quote Link to comment
*kalel* Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 gibo- dummy ni gmabayani- dummy ni gordonmanny v- dummy pera, dummy bahay, dummy loteerap- dummy ============================================== erap: magandang mag magic trick, kaso nagawa na ni villar mag pa appear ng kalsada sa ibabw ng lote... alam ko na, papuputiin ko na lang si jojo... mga kaibigan running mate ko po yun... hindi ko anino :-P Quote Link to comment
Barenaked-NoMre Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 Di inaasahan ang biglang pagbaba ng VOTE COUNTS for VILLAR. Ang dahilan... lahat ng main supporters nya, "CHECK" ang nilagay sa balota! Quote Link to comment
destron Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Welcome Mayor Binay, our first black vice-president! Quote Link to comment
kanto-terrorist Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 looking at the election results... Erap at 2nd place, Bong, Jinggoy, Lapid at top 10 in the senate... Is that a JOKE? Quote Link to comment
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