Political Jokes

[Bugatti Veyron]

Headline: ANGRY KANYE WEST YANKS AWAY AWARD FROM UNDESERVING TAYLOR SWIFT

 

two weeks later

 

Breaking News: OBAMA WINS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

 

Republican National Committee: let's send kanye to the award ceremonies.

[harmless0810]

The Audacity Of Hope

 

the white house has launched the "middle class jobs and opportunity tour."

 

obama will give a series of JOBS CREATION speeches starting in TEXAS, in the hope of TURNING IT INTO A BLUE STATE.

 

HA HA HA HA Ha!!! what will you say jay leno?

[harmless0810]

The Magnificent Jay Leno. The liberal that politically connected liberals hate for having the guts to skewer Obama's failures.

 

President Obama was down in Texas on his Middle Class Jobs and Opportunity Tour. Now, don't confuse it with his first term. The Middle Class Jobs and Missed Opportunities Tour. That was totally, totally different.

 

While in Texas, while President Obama was in Texas, he told the people to remember the Alamo and forget Benghazi. Just forget that. That's a whole 'nother thing.

 

Well actually the administration now very concerned that the Benghazi hearings are gaining momentum. Like today, in a press conference, even a non-Fox reporter asked about Benghazi. So that's not. That's a little crazy. That never happens.

 

More:

 

The White House has a new slogan about Benghazi: Hope and change the subject.

 

A serious comment:

 

This week, CBS News became the first news organization besides Fox to ask President Obama, who changed the Benghazi talking points?

 

See, this is very dangerous to the White House if journalists should start asking real questions.

 

Source: NewsBusters

[Cheesy Escudero]

Grace Poe: Ano ang english ng 'Panday'

 

Nancy Binay: 'Blacksmith!'

 

:lol:

[harmless0810]

"Obama: Anatomy of a World Leader" - Alex Gray

 

"Difficult as it may now be to recall, there were once 'spiritually advanced people' who looked at this Chicago machine politician and saw 'a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being ... who can actually usher in a new way of being on the planet.' "

 

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-26sp3UuaCys/UQae6eRBvEI/AAAAAAAAO84/yD2dnfjiXtw/s400/Barack_Obama_Light_Worker.JPG

 

Divine One, when will you fix the U.S. economy?

 

Why won't you punish that infidel, Dick Cheney?

 

Will you bring down your wrath on that basketball god from Chicago, Michael Jordan?

 

What sacrifice will you ask from the wealthiest woman in the world, Oprah Winfrey?

 

 

 

wait, isn't 'lightworker' another alias of the dark prince?

[oscartamaguchiblackface]

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public

 

office.~Aesop

 

 

 

 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished

 

by being governed by those who are dumber.~Plato

 

 

 

 

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.~Nikita Khrushchev

 

 

 

 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow For The Defense' by Irving Stone

 

 

 

 

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.~John Quinton, American Actor/Writer

 

 

 

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer, "The Mark Twain of American Socialism."

 

 

 

 

I offered my opponents a deal:"If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".~Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952.

 

 

 

 

A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.~ Texas Guinan, 19th Century American Businessman

 

 

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.~Charles de Gaulle

 

 

 

 

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.~Doug Larson, English Middle-Distance runner

 

 

[maxiev]

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public

 

office.~Aesop

 

 

 

 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished

 

by being governed by those who are dumber.~Plato

 

 

 

 

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.~Nikita Khrushchev

 

 

 

 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow For The Defense' by Irving Stone

 

 

 

 

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.~John Quinton, American Actor/Writer

 

 

 

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer, "The Mark Twain of American Socialism."

 

 

 

 

I offered my opponents a deal:"If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".~Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952.

 

 

 

 

A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.~ Texas Guinan, 19th Century American Businessman

 

 

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.~Charles de Gaulle

 

 

 

 

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.~Doug Larson, English Middle-Distance runner

Very appropriate in our poltical world. Seems politicians have been derided for a very long time now. Serves them right.

[sonnyt111]

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public

 

office.~Aesop

 

 

 

 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished

 

by being governed by those who are dumber.~Plato

 

 

 

 

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.~Nikita Khrushchev

 

 

 

 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow For The Defense' by Irving Stone

 

 

 

 

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.~John Quinton, American Actor/Writer

 

 

 

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer, "The Mark Twain of American Socialism."

 

 

 

 

I offered my opponents a deal:"If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".~Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952.

 

 

 

 

A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.~ Texas Guinan, 19th Century American Businessman

 

 

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.~Charles de Gaulle

 

 

 

 

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.~Doug Larson, English Middle-Distance runner

 

 

I get the feeling that politicians the world over aren't trusted by the people who put them in office. Like lawyers, I've never really heard anything nice said about politicians.

[sonnyt111]

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public

 

office.~Aesop

 

 

 

 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished

 

by being governed by those who are dumber.~Plato

 

 

 

 

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.~Nikita Khrushchev

 

 

 

 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow For The Defense' by Irving Stone

 

 

 

 

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.~John Quinton, American Actor/Writer

 

 

 

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer, "The Mark Twain of American Socialism."

 

 

 

 

I offered my opponents a deal:"If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".~Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952.

 

 

 

 

A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.~ Texas Guinan, 19th Century American Businessman

 

 

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.~Charles de Gaulle

 

 

 

 

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.~Doug Larson, English Middle-Distance runner

 

 

I get the feeling that politicians the world over aren't trusted by the people who put them in office. Like lawyers, I've never really heard anything nice said about politicians.

[harmless0810]

jay leno: "president obama said recently that he wants to finally close down guantanamo bay. guantanamo bay? why not close down the IRS?"

[oscartamaguchiblackface]

jay leno: "president obama said recently that he wants to finally close down guantanamo bay. guantanamo bay? why not close down the IRS?"

Ha ha. A lot of Americans would celebrate even if in the end, it was only just a hoax.

[harmless0810]

CBS reporter Elizabeth Palmer declared all Iranian candidates succeeding Ahmadinejad were the Islamist equivalent of conservative groups.

 

Sarah Palin responds to Palmer: "You put the BS in CBS."

[harmless0810]

MAN ON THE STREET

 

reporter: "have you heard the controversy about ben affleck being cast as batman?"

 

man on the street: "yes, there are so many posts on change.gov. they are lobbying obama to take action."

 

reporter: "do you want to change batman?"

 

man on the street: "change batman? i'd rather change the joker in the white house."

[*kalel*]

galing ke sen miriam...

 

1. Difference ng philippine government at mafia- one of them is organized

2. She described the 2 sides of the brains of ?Filipino politicians - the left side has no right in it, while the right side has nothing left in it

3. When a filipino congressman was held up:

Holdaper: hold up to, akina na ang pera mo

Congressman: di mo ba ko kilala, isa akong congressman!

Holdaper: kung ganun, hold up pa rin ito akina ang pera NAMIN!

4. On doing things: in everything you do, always give your 100 percent except when donating blood!

[kempaf]

Nanet Nafoolish

[*kalel*]

dahils sa speech ni Sen Jinggoy, pinatawag si Jollibee sa senate para magbigay linaw sa transaction ni gonzales....

 

sabi ni Jollibee, walang kinalaman sa pork and transaction nila dahil ang hamburger nila ay 100% beef!

[scam]

US & UK - Stealing is punishable by imprisonment

 

Saudi Arabia - DO not steal, your hands will be cut off.

 

Japan - Stealing is dishonor to family, commit harakiri

 

China - If caught stealing, yuou will face firing squad.

 

Pinas - Stealiong is " FOR OFFICAL USE ONLY"

[maxiev]

Sexy Jinggoy Estrada asked his father...

 

Tatay, sabi nila kung nakaharap ako, mukha daw akung Jose Rizal, at kung naka side-view ako, mukha daw akung si Manuel Roxas. At kung naka ngite ako, mukha daw akung si Andres Bonifacio...bakit Tay, may lahi ba tayong "Bayani?"

 

Erap to Jinggoy:

 

Hinde anak, pag sinabi nila ng ganoon...

 

"MUKHA KANG PERA!"

Edited October 2, 2013 by maxiev

[dungeonbaby]

I miss the old days when the polar vortex was known as Pelosi's stare.

 

- Dennis Miller

[harmless0810]

In 2008, Marvel Comics published a limited series with Spider-man and Obama. The only thing missing was them in a lip lock.

 

5 Years Later

 

NYT: OBAMA TO FUND RAISE IN MANHATTAN

 

Obama: SPIDEY! SPIDEY! Can you swing down here for a moment?

 

spider sense tingling

 

O: Spidey, how are you?

 

S: Fine sir.

 

O: You can talk to me about anything. I told you that 5 years ago.

 

S: Why are you spying on Americans and our allies?

 

O: Uhm, well...

 

S: Why did you increase the drone strikes by 250%. You even said that you are good at killing people. People at Reuters and the AP heard it.

 

O: It was a joke. Son, how's your Aunt May?

 

S: Aunt May lost her health insurance. Why?

 

O: Errr, Spidey, I have to go. They're waiting for my speech.

[camiar]

Subject: Old Butch

 

Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot

and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them

to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which

rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by

just listening to the bells.

 

Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this

morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy

chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters

coming, would run for cover.

 

 

To Bert's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. >

Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City

Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece

Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a

politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting

populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

[sonnyt111]

Subject: Old Butch

 

Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot

and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them

to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which

rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by

just listening to the bells.

 

Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this

morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy

chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters

coming, would run for cover.

 

 

To Bert's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. >

Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City

Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece

Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a

politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting

populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

. Good one....

[rockybrawler]

One more thing:

 

 

 

 

Nangurakot ako, nagurakot ka din.

 

 

 

[numina]

http://www.spot.ph/newsfeatures/58557/purisimese-101-basic-english-a-la-alan-purisima

[camiar]

Asan si Mr. President?

 

 

Edited February 18, 2015 by camiar