The Mail Box

[Viola]

why am i always confused?

[Psyke]

B

 

i dont ask you out all the time because i know you have a lot of things to do. i respect the dreams, the plans that you had before i came that's why i am sacrificing my wishes and desires just so you could achieve yours. do not think i do not want to be with you for if you only knew how much i want to spend each day with you. to see that smile, sink in that loving hug, dwell in that passionate kiss that you only can give. they mean the world to me. you mean the world to me. you always say, "do i have to spell out things for you?" no you dont. that is why i ask that you tell me your specific things like schedule, so that i dont miss anything. i dont forget to consider anything.

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why do we always have to fight because we (subconciously) try to outdo loving each other?

 

 

R

[LB]

Dear A,

 

Hope you liked my bday gift. Kung hinde, just tell me. Pwede naman dagdagan eh. Wow! Ang tanda mo na. I can still remember nung mga bata pa tayo. We used to fight a lot over anything. Hahaha. Nagwrestling pa nga tayo di ba. Gaud! Now, you're 20. I feel so old na. And, I'm very blessed to have perfect sister in you. Beautiful, highly intelligent, smart, talented... Sobra, you're perfect. Sana nobody could make you fall apart when you go out into the real world. It would be hard but I'm always here with you. Sa wakas malapit ka nang grumadweyt. Lakas mo gumastos ha. Hehehe. I'll send Jem to school din. Don't worry. Mag-ipon ka nalang muna after college. Ako nang bahala sa kanya. You just pursue your dreams. Pag may problema ka, I'm just here. I know, di ako role model. Wag mo akong gagayahin ha. Uupakan kita. Hahaha. And, kapag may plans ka na mag-bf I hope pakilatis mo muna saken. Papabugbog lang naten to make sure na kaya kang ipagtanggol. Hahaha. Shet! Natutuwa ako sayo, ang tanda mo na rin di ka na teen. You grew up so well. Sana makuha mo lahat ng pinangarap mo. Actually, di ko na kelangan i-wish yan for you kase I know that you will. 100 times more successful ka siguro kaysa saken. I love you sis. Kapag may gumago sayo yari saken sabihin mo lang. Ingat ka ha. Di ka na baby. Minsan bilisan mo ang pagkilos, un lang talaga ang liability mo. This is a fast-paced world. Opportunities come and go in a blink of an eye. Ayokong masayang lahat ng librong nabasa mo at lahat ng naturo sayo ng unibersidad at paligid naten. You'll always have me kahit na mawala ako sa sarili Katakut thought noh. Basta, bear that in mind. Gets mo naman di ba. And, love our youngest sister kahit na napakakulit non. She needs your guidance. Teach and influence her para pumayat-payat naman. Hahaha. Bago pa maging mashadong mahaba at madrama ito puputulin ko na. Sasabihin ko nalang sayo ung iba. Again, I love you sis. Nobody could ever change that.

 

Ate

[Barenaked-NoMre]

You're busy ... I get it.

 

I dont know what's up with you lately ... wish I did or you'd mention it.

 

Whatever!

 

Am a fool for still trying to connect.

 

You're just like the rest of them ... I thought you were different.

 

MEN are just USERS!

[LostCommand]

PVB,

 

Remember that wet summer morning in early May 2001, when we hit one-sidededly a wet patch at (illegaly) high speed while going down the (still new) Katipunan flyover, and the heavy blue 4by4 pick-up fishtailed suddenly like the rear tires were greased? In my adrenalin-charged memory it remains crystal clear. It was broad daylight, bright sky after a sudden morning rainshower. The pickup was angled so badly after the rear end had fishtailed loose that we were going down the Katips flyover near-sideways, nose pointed at that blue eagle in my old school's gymnasium. And at that flat an angle we still had enough speed to overtake an owner-type and a tricycle, their drivers staring at us in sheer horror, as we passed them sideways like a dream, myself looking back at them, mouth open in a soundless scream, and at you with your long hair, well-practiced ballerina's build, and quick hands busily countersteering to control the pick-up's nearly impossible angle, not once succumbing to panic and stepping on the brakes (which would have spun us like a top), your beautiful round eyes slitted against the morning sun, your small hands doing with a heavy truck what even I myself would not willingly do with anything else short of a properly set-up road car, your small mouth pressed tight... By the time we skidded past Gate 2 you had us nearly back to pointing straight ahead, and with a final precise press of the gas you at last got the smoking rear tires fully straightened out, and without any sound but our panting and the heavy diesel engine burbling we drove on slowly in third gear, past Gate 3, past your old school, until that small Shell station in front of La Vista.

 

There we parked and still looking ahead we laughed slowly, our knees still shaking, the acrid-smelling white and green 99 pound sacks of nitrate explosives, rifle ammunition, and illegal firearms at the back still safe and sound and undiscovered and unexploded, and ourselves still whole and not in pieces over the flyover, and still quite able to participate in the upcoming elections. You even cheerily smiled at a cop car filling up.

 

After that I got you a complete set of rims and proper grippy road tires, so you could reserve those tricky chunky cleated offroad rims and tires for those real 4by4 expeditions.

 

It has been many, many, years, mi amiga. Now parts of me are missing, some irretrievably perhaps. Now I am on the defensive, unable to counter-attack, running low on everything from blood to bullets. In the teeth of the storm I look hard for a trace of your purple and pink banners. I raise my own red and black standards as high as I can, that you may see it from afar. Did my messengers find you?

 

Can you come?

 

You had always piloted me well, as your rabid, violent, powerful, tricky, and deeply flawed friend. You smoothed out what unnecessary rough edges were there, and you preserved whatever useful sharp edges were present, even if these edges might cut your hand as you handled me. And I defended you well, right or wrong, I defended you well and truly, there was not a sin I would not do. Where before I was all quick thinking and quicker fists, you taught me by your own examples the principles of timing and positioning, the ballet dance of power, and suddenly I was twice as deadly. You had such a hand in my creation.

 

Can you now lend a hand in my reconstruction?

 

I was your bloodthirsty, barely leashed boyfriend, and that younger brother you never had (incestous as that may sound), writing his way through the girls and the ladies, engineering his will into men and machines with equal ease. Remember how, long ago, together, we turned down the invites of the frats and sororities of UP, sneering to their faces how they had fallen so far and lost so much glory since the time our parents and grandparents graced their ranks, how now they are reduced to the irrelevance of rumbles and imperfect English? Who are they that we should lend them our luster, we whose blood was not yet so spent?

 

And I had whispered in your ear what dark magicks I knew, what skills of mind and hand and words are there that alone can harness the darker forces in this world. Do you still remember me when your eyes go round and dead just before you pull the trigger in target shooting? Nowadays in that faraway land of lakes and forests, you drive a blindingly quick two door sports car, that red and black car that you had waited for an extra month just to get the manual version. I wonder if you sometimes remember me whenever you perform a racing double-declutch, and jump ahead even twice as fast?

 

For at the same time you had intertwined your gold into my steel, I had somehow managed to streak your gold with my steel,

 

Where are you now? Did my messengers ever find you?

 

I call upon promises made long, long ago, and far, far away...

 

 

-Felix Villaflor IV

Edited May 6, 2006 by LostCommand

[Guest ^arianne^]

I just miss you that's all

No malice or anything

Looking forward of seeing you again

[Viola]

i love you baby.

[Psyke]

B

 

you'll be going home soon..for 2 weeks we wont be in the same landmass.

i understand your fears..the thoughts that are swirling inside your head..i understand because i feel them too..maybe hers is stronger but i definitely feel them too..we both have been in this type of situations before and our experiences didnt go so well..but i want to assure you that no one can make me change my mind about you..about us..i love you and nothing will ever change. .not now..not in 2 weeks..not ever.

 

R

[KristinLavransdatr]

i let go of you the first time. i quit on you the second time.

 

sayang hindi ko nakaya. ayaw kong kayanin. baka hindi mo maintindihan.

 

sabagay, wala na ring pag-asa. mahal mo na siya. kinalimutan mo na ako. noon pa. bago pa man nagbago ang isip ko na ituloy na lang. bago mo napag-isipan, bigyan ng pangalawang pagkakataon na suriin kung pwede na. kung pwede na rin. o napag-isipang bahala na.

 

medyo nanghihinayang. naiinis sa katangahan. masyadong naging mapagmataas. mapagkubli. ayaw umamin na malungkot din. na hindi ganun kalakas. katapang.

 

ngayon. hanggang basa na lang. hanggang sulat sa pader na hindi mo naman nadaraanan. ayaw daanan.

Edited May 9, 2006 by KristinLavransdatr

[tsunade]

I always want what I can't really get...

[chipmaker]

I only wanted to say...

 

... go to sleep na babe. I know you're sick. I only let you go to gym because there's no way I can prevent you from doing what you love. But I can't let it pass that you're losing sleep as well. I know you fell asleep waiting for me to get back from lunch, but that's okay. You know me, I'm not one who'll make a big deal out of it. You need your rest. And if you happen to fall asleep because you're tired, then so be it. We still have tonight. We still have tomorrow.

 

... you should take care of yourself. Reading back at what I IM'ed you, yes, I realize it was unsensitive of me to say you probably wanted to chat with someone else. But that was only because I felt hurt when you said na "istorbo ako sa work mo." Babe, when did this became an issue between us? I never felt this way when I bug you in the office. So should you. We should be way beyond "feeling istorbo" at this point. Don't you think so?

 

... i love you. That's why I want you to take care of yourself. That's why I want you to take it easy when you're in the gym. Hell, if I had it my way, I don't want you to go to the gym for the meantime. If I had it my way, I want you in bed by 10pm. There are only two reasons why I tolerate the fact that we chat even if it's already past twelve there: (1) because you want to talk to me; and (2) because i want to talk to you.

 

I'm sorry if it didn't come out that way.

Edited May 10, 2006 by chipmaker

[bluegreen717]

Why couldn't you just listen to me?

 

Such a futile attempt. Just because it doesn't fit your framework doesn't mean they're wrong. There are policies that you cannot muscle your way into. These policies are based on sound framework that have kept their industry from collapsing after '97.

 

You cannot just tell them that AST needs the money to survive. Remember the other meeting when they refused funding outright for Plan B? That survival and repayment is contingent on the expansion? These people almost lost their shirts over AST. Why would they risk it again?

[missmanners]

and like everything in your life that you should think through, you rushed into it. some regret nagged at you, i'm sure. but you're the type that's easily comforted by the fact that everything will turn out alright in the end. that those decisions you rush into happen to mostly be the right one anyway.

 

but what happens until this happy ending unfolds? until then, what?

 

you jumped out of a plane without checking to see if you had a parachute on. i bet you'll pull that string and you'll find nothing will balloon out to save you.

 

what then?

[LostCommand]

PF

 

I write you hurriedly midway this manic morning.

 

There are certain things true in this world, as I live and write my lines. I'd like to briefly remind you of some of these:

 

1. Men get their way not just by following the rules but also by force, by cunning, by deception, by intelligence, by seduction, by sheer risk taking. You will scarcely believe just how much we can get away with using these techniques (tricks). "Dirty", by the way, is a relative term.

 

2. In the right time and the right place, these are the very tricks needed to get things done around here. Which is why we tend to get very good at using them techniques, sometimes, all of them.

 

3. Yes, we may also apply these techniques to get us girls. No sh*t. Oh, and did I tell you that "dirty" is a relative term?

 

Lastly,

 

4. The truth will set you free. It's gonna hurt though. No sh*t.

 

LC

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Ate N,

 

What the HELL is happening to you over there?

 

You already got the 1 point something MILLION from the PAG-IBIG you were bent on processing before you flew back.

 

Now, you're asking for more?

 

Tama na ...

 

Fix your life. Stop turning to us for help. We can barely live on what we have as it is.

 

Ate R's getting pissed off already ... based on her reply to your email request.

 

You leave your daughter with her ... as if she were an old piece of clothing you can just throw away.

 

Shame ... YOU should have DIED instead of Dad.

 

Hope Ate R doesnt send you a single cent. You dont deserve it!

 

A

[missmanners]

you with your too-big boobs bobbing around before the rest of you gets in the room. and yes, you, the sidekick that bullshits so bad i have no idea how you got to where you are. the both of you. i promise you this: you will never get ahead in life. you will never get what you want. and you will never be happy. people who are pathological liars and who are unashamedly two-faced will never get anywhere in the world.

 

and you. the one with the double standards. the one who airs her dirty laundry and then scoffs at everyone else's. and the rest of you. yes you without the personality. and yes the one that feigns maturity to hide her inner brat. you will all never be happy either. so long as you need to make fun of other people to feel better. so long as you need to stick to the cool clique to belong. so long as you don't fix your issues first before being high and mighty about everyone else's.

 

good luck to all of you. you'll need it.

[smaug]

nothing to rant about today...

 

 

 

 

 

 

to all the mothers, happy mother's day

[bluegreen717]

B,

 

I suggest you read the following:

 

1. Chapter 13, Concerning Auxiliary, Mixed and Native Forces

2. Chapter 18, In What Way Princes Should Keep Their Word

3. Chapter 19, How to Avoid Contempt and Hatred

 

"Chew the fat."

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Mom,

 

Despite what you may think ... you're TOTALLY off course.

 

We dont think certain things of you.

 

You're just missing Dad.

 

I may speak louder than necessary to you ... I need to. Your ears dont register what they should with the normal speaking voice/volume.

 

I dont know ... it is the generation gap.

 

I hope for your sake, you papers are processed. You'll be more happy and productive in Aussie.

 

Just dont be too hard on yourself.

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

S,

 

The EB with you was definitely WORTH my time ... by answering your PM. Did take a few exchanges for you to convince me to meet you. ;-) Am glad you were free that night, despite the last-minute text.

 

I did enjoy the company, dinner, drinks, your stories/laughs ... and DESSERT! ;-P

 

Hope we do have some more MEALs together. ;-)

 

Soon ...

 

A

[Wyld]

Because of YOU

 

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

 

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

 

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

 

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

 

I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

 

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

 

Because of you

Because of you

 

Im takin some time. Bruised and battered.

Respite most welcome.

Im sorry for the mess.

 

[LB]

Friend,

 

You're absolutely right. Unlike you, I'm happy. I wish you the same. Your current state saddens me. It is not because of him. The positive energies I mean. Someone new. I'll let you meet him one of these days. When I'm already sure. Hopefully, soon. Oh well, that is if you want to.

 

Labyah!

 

April

 

PS. Thanks for the gifts.

[wyette]

Chicken thighs/MCdo

 

Where have you been?

 

You came at a time I needed a reason to smile.

 

You touched my life when i I don't need anybody to do it.

 

I warned you.

 

I told you not to pamper me.

 

I told you I am scared of what you have started to do and what you have started making me feel.

 

I confessed to you my past heartaches.

 

I trusted you deeply no matter the distance...and the time we've known each other.

 

You know how small I think of myself. How ugly I think of myself.

 

You know of my feelings. I did not keep it from you though I must admit i have had a hatd time admitting them.

 

You are the reason why I can't sleep tonight.

 

You are the reason why I will and I shall look into my messages tomorrow and the day after.

 

You made me feel special in such a short time.

 

I asked for a sign, and it was granted.

 

I believed the sign or were those signs I am too stubborn to believe?

 

I trusted my heart not to fall....for the wrong person again.

 

I am suppose to be wiser now.

 

I am suppose to be a better person now.

 

But.....

Let's talk okay? We started that way, let's keep it that way.

 

 

By

[bluegreen717]

Some thoughts for your company:

 

Your 7Ss are not aligned. You cannot execute your strategy with such a staff. Remember that you are in a different country where prized employees are given more leeway to implement plans as they please.

 

Heard of best practices? I suggest you read up on that. Please. For your sake.

 

You're a bumbling idiot.

[preacher]

Something I wrote down a long time ago, in a different world....

 

April 2001; I pray to God almighty that she gets to read this.

 

All around us we see couples so happy and content with each other, their gleaming smiles an assurance of a future most fortunate for both of them. But what happens when everything falls apart? What happens when either one of them finds out that the person they loved and cherished the most turn out to be very different from what they had expected? A couple of weeks ago, my beloved left me. For one reason or another, I didn't understand. I DIDN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND. It was supposed to be our time. 5 years of missing each others marks was no joke. I didn't know what to do with her. She drove me mad when I kept on seeing her with someone else. It makes me crazy every time I don't get to see her or talk to her even. Then it happened: we became a couple. We were starting off so nicely. I introduced her to my family, something that I wasn't able to bring myself to do before she came into my life. Then everything started to change. She said I was always frustrated. I was hard to deal with and that she needed some room. I tried my best to adjust my ways to suit her lifestyle but it just wasn't good enough for her. "This is just the way I am" she'd tell me. It was very difficult. It was very frustrating. And when she left, it hurt like hell. I told myself that I didn't care. That I didn't want to see or even know her. But I was only fooling myself. We talked a couple of times after that. She said that she had to find herself first, that she couldn't be completely happy around me. That we both need to be complete first.

 

What they said about us having to be complete first before we love someone else has some truth to it. But try to think about it for a while. How do we know if we're complete or not? How would we know if we're ready to love again, give everything we've got when deep inside we still feel empty and incomplete? The answer is so simple I almost kicked myself when I got it. The mere fact that you start to love someone again, that you sacrifice a bit of yourself, that you let them know how deeply appreciated they are for everything that they do........ You’ve already extended a part of you to the one you love. Not something that you give that makes you feel DRAINED after, but something better, something more than that. You feel alive by giving it off. It’s pure, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Love that asks for nothing in return. Love that can only come from a person with the purest of intentions. It’s not the kind of love that gets exhausted or used up, or gets drained from you. It’s the kind of loving you "expel", so to speak. It’s your excess. Maybe it was too much, maybe it wasn't enough. I’ll never know. All I know is that I still love her deeply. With all my heart, and with all my good intentions. I wish her the best of everything to come.

 

As for me, its time for me to move on. I don't know how I’ll be able to pull it off, but I’ll give it all I’ve got. Sometimes we just have to let go, no other way around it. We have to face a new day alone and no matter how much we try to make ourselves feel better there will always be a void in the fabric of our being. A sense of longing for the times that we spent with our loved ones. We might even be scared to try again, playing it safe until "the one" comes along and sweeps us off our feet. We’ll just have to risk it, take a chance. And whatever happens, good or bad, the experiences will teach us valuable lessons on how to be human beings of worth.

Edited May 16, 2006 by preacher