The Mail Box

[sweetpsyche]

miss na kita....

[wjc-934]

Para sa kanya...

 

 

kagabi ako ay muli nanamang napahikbi at muling dumaloy sa aking mga

 

mata ang luhang nagpapahayag ng panghihinayang at pagsisisi, mga sakit

at hapdi na pilit kong kinikimkim sa likuran ng aking dibdib at

 

kinukubli sa bawat ngiti at halakhak na aking ginagawa. akala ko ay

 

tapos na ang lahat. animoy wala ng hapding nadaram ngunit ako ay

 

nagkamali. ang sugat ay di pala gayong kadaling gumaling at kung

 

maghilom man, isang alaala pa rin ang mananatiling nakaukit sa aking puso.

 

nais ko sanang magbangon sa pagkarapa mula sa isang bigong pag-ibig

ngunit ito ay hindi gayong kadali. pilit kong itinutuon ang aking isip

 

sa ibang bagay ngunit walang makasagip sa akin sa pagkalunod.

hindi ko na mawari ang dapat gawin upang siya'y mawala sa aking isipan

 

at upang ang mga damdaming nadarama ay tuluyang mawala na sa aking

 

puso ngunit walang nangyayari.

 

hanggang ngayon, batid ko parin na pangalan pa rin nya ang sinisigaw

 

ng aking puso at siya pa rin ang aking hinahanap, gustohin ko mang

 

muling lumakad ngunit ang nakaraan ay patuloy na pumipigil sa akin.

Itong alaala ng kahapon na muling nagbabalik sa akin ng lungkot at

 

ligaya. ang kanyang malalambing at mapanuyong tinig, ang bawat salita

 

at simpleng pagsabi at pagpapadama na ako ay kanyang mahal ay

 

nakapagpapapayapa sa aking damdamin at nakakapagtikom sa aking mga

 

labi at ang kanyang yakap at halik na nagpaparamdam sa akin na ako ay

 

nabubuhay.

 

hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon siya makapangyarihan at magpasa

 

hanggang ngayon kahit ako ay kanya nang pinalaya ay tuloy pa rin ako

 

sa pananatili at pagbibigay ng sarili ko bilang kanyang kaibigan.

napakasakit man ng aking nadarama, batid kong siya ay iniibig pa.

batid ko mang may mahal na siyang iba at hindi na ako mahalaga para sa

 

kanya, patuloy akong magmamahal sa kanya. ang bawat patak ng luha,

 

hikbi at panaghoy ay makapagpapatunay na mahal na mahl ko siya higit

 

pa sa aking buhay.

 

marahil ako nga ay sakim, ngunit para sa akin pagdating sa pag-ibig ay

 

walang kasakiman. siguro ay tanga lang ako dahil umaasa parin ako na

 

magbabalik ang kanyang pagmamahal sa akin kahit walang kasiguruhan

mananatili pa rin dito sa aking puso ang kanyang larawan, tinig, halik

 

at mga yakap na nagbibigay sigla sa aking buhay. ang bawat alaala ay

 

patuloy na nakaipon sa aking damdamin at walang tigil na nagpapaluha

 

sa aking puso.

 

dito sa puso ko ay tanging siya lamang at ang lahat sa kanya pa rin

 

iaalay. dalangin ko lamang sa dyos na mahalin nya ulit ako at kung

 

hindi na nya kayang ipagkaloob ang pag-ibig na aking inaantay ay

bagong pag-ibig nawa ang magbago sa lahat ng nadarama ng puso kong ito..

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

i guess, all i can do now is wait.

 

wait til you realize that im sincere and true

 

wait til you say that you love me too...

 

 

you cant blame me if i get threatened by the girls surrounding you

 

cuz i still dont know what iam to you

 

if only you would word the things that iam wanting you to say

 

forever in your folds i will stay

 

 

dang, if you only knew how great the feelings i have for you inside

 

if you only knew how willing iam to change just to keep you

 

but, lest, all i can do is just wait

 

wait 'til you realize iam for you

 

 

still waiting,

RJ

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

for all the things that I sarcastically said

 

for all the deadly words that came out of my mouth

 

for all the demands I radically command

 

I’m sorry…

 

 

I was just trying to make you love me

 

But I guess, I just have to settle with what you can give

 

C, I just love you…

 

I hope I can hear those words from you soon

 

And if that time will ever come, I hope you’d mean it.

 

 

 

I am resilient.

You’re the only thing that could bend me…

 

 

RJ

[Lipstick]

join me

 

i'm waitinhg for godot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Funny, I have been thinking of Godot, too, the last 2 weeks. Lamenting and waiting.

[Lipstick]

So That You Will Hear Me - Pablo Neruda

 

So that you will hear me

my words sometimes grow thin

as the tracks of the gulls on the beaches.

 

Necklace, drunken bell

for your hands smooth as grapes.

 

And I watch my words from a long way off.

They are more yours than mine.

They climb on my old suffering like ivy.

 

It climbs the same way on damp walls.

You are to blame for this cruel sport.

They are fleeing from my dark lair.

You fill everything, you fill everything.

 

Before you they peopled the solitude that you occupy,

and they are more used to my sadness than you are.

 

Now I want them to say what I want to say to you

to make you hear as I want you to hear me.

 

The wind of anguish still hauls on them as usual.

Sometimes hurricanes of dreams still knock them over.

You listen to other voices in my painful voice.

 

Lament of old mouths, blood of old supplications.

Love me, companion. Don't forsake me. Follow me.

Follow me, companion, on this wave of anguish.

 

But my words become stained with your love.

You occupy everything, you occupy everything.

 

I am making them into an endless necklace

for your white hands, smooth as grapes.

 

Felicity,

 

My words desert me so I resort to borrowing thoughts articulated by someone else to half express what's in my head.

 

It is strange that I run out of words when that is all you and I ever had ... just words. That's all we had. Yet, now, those words fall upon such indifference and you, too, have no more words to whisper. Without any words, you have hurt me in the worst way possible.

 

-L-

Edited June 9, 2005 by Lipstick

[Wyld]

Blow Hot, Blow Cold

 

I dont get it.

After such joy.

Im now unsure.

 

I dont get why.

After making me happy.

You now draw back.

 

Will it always be.

Ten steps forward.

Fifty steps back?

 

Will we always

Move around in circles

Rather than a straight path.

[missmanners]

dahhling. i love that you've finally decided to come out of the closet. really. i don't even know why it took you this long. it's not like half of manila didn't know it yet anyway. but i must say, it's a very brave, liberating thing you're about to do. i'm so proud. and even prouder that you honored me with your trust and confidence.

 

i also don't say it often enough. but i do love your energy. just being around you. you have this infectious aura... this ability to just make everyone feel comfortable AND special. i don't know how you do it. wish i did. because if i had a power over people the way you did, i'd rule the world.

 

and dare i say, you've undertaken one fabulous life mission, sweetie. that whole "make better not over" thing is genius.

 

loving!!!

 

hahahaha. and in the immortal words of your favorite hilton, "that's hot!"

 

btw. i really do appreciate your help. actually taking time out from making all your enviable dough to help hopeless me. i've been drowning, DROWNING in work lately. so your stepping in to take some load off by offering to do half of it for me is just wonderful. woondefoool. hahahaha. i want to pay you back in some way... but what do i get someone who has it all?

 

colin firth. wrapped in a bow. just a bow.

 

 

i'll see what can be arranged. hahahahaha.

 

oh, sweetie. don't worry. i have the tabs on your brothers. they don't hate you for being who you are. in fact, quite the opposite. they are so proud of you. and if i were in their position, i would be too.

 

thanks for keeping me in your life. your friendship is truly, truly one of those i hold dear.

Edited June 9, 2005 by missmanners

[curian]

to the stranger,

 

i do hope you're doing fine... fighting against oneself has never been an easy task and i wish i could help you but we both know i can't. but please don't be so harsh on yourself, as there are things in our lives that we cannot control and the best we can do is to accept it with resolution and then deal with it. every mistake that we make makes us stronger... i'll be rooting for you... anywhere you are...

[missmanners]

you...

 

well. it would seem there's no choice but for our paths to cross this weekend. chan says i should just shut up and be as civil as possible. but if you open your mouth and start rattling off about whatever personality disorder it is you think you have and the many irrational, insane ways you deal with it, i'm going to go drown myself.

 

you annoy me. big time. you call me your best friend. but what kind of best friend would not even ask how i am. or tell me to shut up when i'm giving you advice and showing you the brutal truth. you make my skin crawl. and everyone around you is disgusted by how you behave. i mean it's none of my business if you wanna sleep around. but when you talk about it like you're proud of it.. to people you hardly know or just met.. the same reason why i don't want to introduce you to any more of my friends. or let you tag along when i go out. because you're a loose cannon. and i really don't know where you're going to aim for next. and it makes me look bad. like i'm a slut by association.

 

yeah. i said it. slut.

 

which is why i really don't want to be around you. i feel some guilt because i feel like i should be doing more to help. but all the years we've been friends should be help enough. besides. you've already said you don't want any. you don't want to hear what i have to say. remember that night? you did that in front of people we were having dinner with. i was in the middle of something and you cut me off. just like that. and said you don't want to hear anything i have to say.

 

if that's the case then, i really don't know how we can be friends.

 

which is why i didn't go to your party. and which is why no one told you about this weekend. i mean, if you weren't part of the friggin yahoogroup, you'd never know. it's just that no one wants to take you off the list. i would if i were handling that stupid yahoogroup. but i'm not. so i guess until then, our paths will have to cross.

 

to my extreme displeasure.

 

and yes. i'm through feeling sorry for you. everyone's got problems. god knows i do. dammit. and no, the world does not revolve around you. so suck it up, bitch.

[bods1000]

A window's reopening,

A small crack, a tiny slit....

Not that I don't want to get reacquainted with that crack,

Not that I don't want to lick that slit again,

But hey, this is better than the void you spread before.

And I'll take it for everything it's worth.

 

Miss you, sweetie.........

[missmanners]

i'm throwing in the towel.

 

i give up.

 

it's been years and i'm out of practice and i'm probably being irrational and melodramatic and neurotic about it. but i can't stand it anymore. and besides, i've been through enough to know that maybe this time, i should listen to reason and not allow my bullheadedness to reign supreme.

 

so i quit.

 

besides. as R said so well, i shouldn't have to work so hard.

 

so i quit.

[missmanners]

f**k you for betraying my trust.

 

you told her about my frustrations with working with her. god knows what else you've said and to whom.

 

f**k our friendship.

 

f**k you.

[curian]

hello,

 

there was a time that i thought you would stay forever... well... i guess you will... but i'm sorry... im the one who's got to say goodbye...

[gen_g]

while im just trying to get by everyday and make do on that day...

[missmanners]

there's nothing like a bit of sea air to clear one's mind. so here's a few thoughts:

 

1) i really don't think M was the friend i thought she was. obviously, if she can't even be trusted to handle certain things with some care and discretion, i don't really see how being friends with her can continue being managed.

 

2) i need to sleep to work better.

 

3) i'm really done with the whole O business. really. i mean it this time. it IS time.

 

4) i love my girls. i really should make more time for them. instead of lying, two-faced bitches who can't keep their damn mouths shut.

 

5) i really should give that teaching thing a try. and other things that make me happy.

 

6) i really, REALLY shouldn't be near a phone when i'm emotional and panicking.

 

7) i really must relax.

 

8) and i really, REALLY must thank YOU for being so patient. in the same way you see me as your support system and place your confidence in me, i value you just as much. or probably even more. for this singleton whose urbanite family is just as important as her own, i'm glad to have you be part of it.

 

it's lovely having a will to my grace. :*

[Lipstick]

11 June 2004

Sydney, NSW

 

Beloved,

 

I patiently count the hours till I open my eyes and see your face next to mine first thing in the morning. Today is a month short of the day I first laid my eyes on you close to 5 years ago. 59 months seem like a long time to spend in a long distance affair. It is indeed crazy and yet here I am in Sydney typing this silly love note on your pc and there you are in bed in deep sleep waiting for me to lie beside you. It has been a long journey for me to finally get here.

 

My mind is running at an incredible velocity so let me apologize in advance for the incoherence of this letter.

 

I'm happy to be where I am today, in your arms; in a place you have made your home for more than half of your life. But what I am most happy about is that after all this time I find myself falling in love with you constantly every part of each day. I’ve told you many times before and I will tell you again, you and the girls are the best part of my everyday.

 

Where do I start to tell you about the things that keep me in this smitten state, the things that make me feel so good to be alive each day so I could love you?

 

Sometimes it's the way a cigarette sits between your lips, sometimes it's how you never forget to open the door for me, sometimes it's your hand reaching out for mine when we are walking, sometimes it's the way you embrace me with some pang of desperation, sometimes it's the way you look so deep in thought, sometimes it’s the way you fight your sleepiness just so that you could be online to welcome me home, sometimes it’s receiving an sms from you with just three words in it, sometimes it’s how you always cup my face when kissing me, sometimes it’s how you look at me with so much love in your eyes while we are making love, sometimes it’s just as simple as you saying my name. I could go on and on, over a thousand things, over a thousand thoughts that keep me falling for you each day. It’s all these little things which you probably are oblivious to but have no idea of the profound effect they have on my life

 

I picked up this bottle of happiness for you just to add to the thousand ways I remember you by. When I walk in Manila from now on and I smell this in the air, do know that I will be closing my eyes and thinking of the smell of your skin during winter in Sydney.

 

Happy Monthsarry Beloved, thank you for the wonderful past 730 days filled with laughter, quiet moments, tears and love. I love you always and no matter how the world turns and changes it ways, I will always be here for you. I will always be your best friend. And for as long as you will have me, I am yours completely ... heart, mind, body and soul.

 

-L-

 

Love of My Life,

 

How are you? What's it like where you are? Do you ever feel a little sad or lonely? Or are you shielded from all the sadness and longing? Does it ever rain where you are? If it does, then remember how envious I have always been with the rain that fell on you in Sydney as I am with the rain that falls on you where you are now because they kiss your skin in a way I cannot.

 

I wish I could say I have been great but I haven't and I've never lied to you so why start now. I know you're probably disheartened and feeling sad over the state of my heart. I'm sorry. It breaks my heart, too, having to disappoint you because I know you would've wanted me to be as happy as I could be. You always told me that my face wasn't made for crying and that I could light up a room with my smile. Of course, only you saw that and today I miss the way you loved my smile. I miss smiling for you, I miss smiling at you. I miss many things Clancy, but most of all I miss waking up so happy because each day was another day of living my dream with you and our girls.

 

As I was preparing to sleep last night, a letter I had written a year ago fell out of my old planner. I knew I shouldn't have opened it. I shouldn't have read it. I was very angry with myself for being careless, I thought I had put away all the things that would remind me of you so as just to avoid weeping incessantly. And yet, even that was a futile attempt. How I can run? How can I hide from you when you are all around me, in me, everywhere enveloping me.

 

Suffice to say I haven't had a wink of sleep. I just kept tossing and turning in bed, my head filled with thoughts of you. Oh darling, you have no idea how difficult the last 7 months have been. It's so tragically ironic that we used to count the months from the time we fell in love and today, I find myself counting the months since you passed away. And I know I will count many many more months and years till I'm with you again. A lifetime of missing of you. It just isn't fair. Please tell me it won't be like this everyday, it isn't right for me to be missing you this way and crying this way everyday. When will the pain of loss subside and the the joy of memories take root? I have become a very very sad person.

 

Hey listen, do you think if God knew I would be this broken, do you think he would still have taken you away from me so soon? I wonder. All the heartaches before you happened to me, was that not enough? I wonder when and where it stops. Am sure other people have had it harder and mangaed just fine. But I'm not them. I'm not strong despite the fact that I might've convinced others and myself that I am strong through and through. Even I am sorely disappointed with myself, with just how weak I have been. Any attempt to live, to move on has been fleeting and transient. I always feel empty in my quiet moments with you. What is living anyway? I don't think I know anymore. All I know is I need you, I need you to hold me.

 

I miss you everyday, you were my life. You still are.

 

Across whatever distance there is between where my tears fall and where you smile, I send you my thoughts and my love. Know that I am so in love with you, still.

 

-L-

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

i had a great time yesterday! 'cant find words to describe it. the feeling is just oh-so overwhelming. miss cosim is right, no fancy restaurants, jewelries, expensive gifts can compare to quality time, ultimate [graham] bonding, and cooking 'tocino'

 

hmmn... enough na...

 

 

thanks for the pabaon (looking forward for more)

RJ

[Wyld]

i never thought id say this but...

 

i think ive come to the end of the line.

 

i have heard that one thing that

 

i have tried to turn a deaf ear too.

 

finally.

 

its not gonna happen.

 

not in this lifetime.

 

not this way.

 

sad.

 

i now think i should have kept the door shut.

 

instead of opening it a wee bit...

 

i now realize i should have run away

 

instead of running forward.

 

i now know how stubborn i have been...

 

and thats why its hurting now.

 

i have to go.

 

while i still can.

 

while there is still some of me that can be

 

pieced back together again.

 

i have to.

 

for me.

Edited June 13, 2005 by Wyld

[Barenaked-NoMre]

My FWB,

 

Thank you for the time we spent together last Saturday.

 

I know you held back ... probably coz you know how I feel about you.

 

No worries ... got my emotions in check.

 

Just friends ... "with benefits"! ;-)

 

Am glad that we're ok ...

 

Have a safe trip to the US.

 

CUM back to me ... in one piece. ;-)

 

A

[cdma]

Dear Diary,

 

I had a wonderful, no magical, day.

 

I had the best cup of coffee ever. They must have changed the way they brew their coffee.

 

I also had a heavenly salad for lunch. No, it was not the Ceasar's.

 

I saved an unlighted Lucky Strike for you. I don't think I need anything to remind me of today. A tiny fraction of her will last me all tomorrows plus a day.

[Fahfrd]

At times like these, my words are not enough.

 

I'll have to defer to one of the masters, James Ingram.

 

"

your face is beaming

you say it's 'cause you're dreaming

of how good it's going to be

you say you've been around

and now you've finally found

everything you wanted and needed in me

i don't have the heart to hurt you

it's the last thing i want to do

but i don't have the heart to love you

not the way you want me to

inside i'm dying to see you crying

how can i make you understand

i care about you, so much about you, baby

i'm trying to say this as gently as i can

'cause i don't have the heart to hurt you

it's the last thing i want to do

but i don't have the heart to love you

not the way you want me to

you're so trusting and open

hoping that love will start

but i don't have the heart

oh no, i don't have the heart"

 

I'm sorry.

[Wyld]

i guess i will never know.

 

not anytime soon at least.

 

 

Somewhere, lost in the wind

I'm watching you

Sunlight touching your hair

And I remember

Somehow, we said that we would never stray

But somehow we lost our way

Promises too often spoken

Are easily broken apart

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be

A fool wondering what might have been

 

Trace of forever lingering

Drawing me closer to you

A new beginning

Now I know

There is no doubt I understand

Just how fragile love can be

I can't forget

Your mem'ry found me

Now I know where I belong

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be a fool wondering

What might have been

Through every day, into the night

With only love to guide us

I'm ready to go, coz I've got to know

What might have been

Let the lovin' decide, I can't run, I can't hide

 

I want you to know

My heart will show that I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be, a fool wondering what might have been

I've searched everywhere, and nothing compares

When we've got love to guide us

I'm ready to go, coz I wanna know what might have been

I'm wondering what might have been

We're gonna find what might have been

Oh I wanna know what might have been

 

i still want to know... but i cannot find out by myself.

 

maybe this should just be one of the things that....

 

will always be a "might have been."

[batibut]

it was great to see you today. felt like old times... what can I say? thats 2 kidnaps for you in less than a week! good job! :cool: looking forward to our movie at the theatre with lazy boys, bottomless popcorn and a butler! promise me, we'll see something mindlessly absurd?

 

oist! d ako chubby ha! after september, i'll beat your amazing abs! by the haloween weekend, i'll have the most amazing abs in bora, you just wait!

Edited June 14, 2005 by batibut

[missmanners]

i feel like s**t.

 

i feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.. and nothing is what it seems. nothing can be trusted. and that it can only get worse.

 

i feel like i'm a misdeclared winner in the boxing fight of my life. my name was announced and i punched the air in victory. and not five seconds later, the tables are turned and i'm the loser instead.

 

i feel like all these good feelings i've been having about finally getting to where i want to be... about finally being able to relish the sweet taste of getting something i shed bloodsweattears to receive... about living my dream... that all of these are unfounded and baseless. and dumb.

 

i feel stupid.

 

:cry:

 

why is it that just when you think things are getting better, it always, ALWAYS gets worse?

 

i so need to talk to you. but i don't know how welcome a call from me would be. you know, it's times like these that i miss you. when i just need a sounding board... when i need someone to tell me it won't be so bad. that it's not the end of the world.

 

you know how it was when we could just do that? when you just had to run everything by me.. down to what to have for dessert? i remember just sitting there.. anywhere.. with you. not really talking. not even touching. but allowing for the comfort of each other's presence to say, yes, it's gonna be ok. that life wouldn't be without its ups and downs. that it's these dramas and tragedies and comedies that make our lives so lovely to live. that you're there anyway, so at least i know i'm not alone.

 

but now i am alone. and i so desperately want to call you. but i doubt you'll comfort me the way you did. i had to hear from someone else all these wonderful things that are happening to you. i knew it was inevitable, of course. it was my decision to show you i needed you less.

 

i'm thinking i regret that decision now.

 

and on top of everything, my dreams have just been dashed to oblivion.

 

wonderful.

 

Edited June 14, 2005 by missmanners