The Mail Box

[bret_hart]

i guess i will never know.

 

not anytime soon at least.

 

 

Somewhere, lost in the wind

I'm watching you

Sunlight touching your hair

And I remember

Somehow, we said that we would never stray

But somehow we lost our way

Promises too often spoken

Are easily broken apart

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be

A fool wondering what might have been

 

Trace of forever lingering

Drawing me closer to you

A new beginning

Now I know

There is no doubt I understand

Just how fragile love can be

I can't forget

Your mem'ry found me

Now I know where I belong

 

I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be a fool wondering

What might have been

Through every day, into the night

With only love to guide us

I'm ready to go, coz I've got to know

What might have been

Let the lovin' decide, I can't run, I can't hide

 

I want you to know

My heart will show that I'm ready this time

I know that I'm no longer undecided

Don't wanna be, a fool wondering what might have been

I've searched everywhere, and nothing compares

When we've got love to guide us

I'm ready to go, coz I wanna know what might have been

I'm wondering what might have been

We're gonna find what might have been

Oh I wanna know what might have been

 

i still want to know... but i cannot find out by myself.

 

maybe this should just be one of the things that....

 

will always be a "might have been."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

i love this song!!!!

[KristinLavransdatr]

yesterday was one of the better days i had in weeks. meeting with staff was enlightening and encouraging. and that with JDF was promising. i got a "great job" note from the prez. sum it all up, i couldn't complain.

 

6:30. i was at the FM parking lot. as usual. from work. saw this crosswind. damn! why each time i see a crosswind i remember you. and crosswinds are all over the place. damn isuzu marketing. oh, nothing against the isuzu salesforce. but shhhh!t

 

and one of those golds blocked this bend. a man walked towards it. you.

 

i would have come up to you, but no. i already made a choice. as you said, my choice. always my choice.

 

yesterday, an old friend told me pointblank how difficult it is to deal with me. first time i heard that. and from someone i have been in relationship with for the past 10 years. those years when he was unavailable while i was. those years when i was unavailable and he was. those years when we were both available. but decided not. now, we're again both available. and he still finds it difficult to deal with me. too smart. too pretty. and pretends not to know it. he said. damn difficult to deal with a blind man, alright.

 

to you both: it is not my choice to be tough. it is my way of life. so let me live. as i let you go. i don't need you to change me. i am me without you. i am me just for me.

[Lipstick]

Leave if you must, leave if you desire so. But how could you leave without even saying goodbye.

 

You have no idea, no idea.

 

I could've, I would've. I did. And I would've and could've all over again. But it is not my decision to make anymore.

 

I could not be as cruel as you would be to me. So go .... there will be no more words. No more words.

 

Do not look back, I do not want your pity when you see my tears.

 

-L-

[missmanners]

there is a frog in my throat and i want you to help me take it out.

 

except that it was also you who put it there. so i don't think you'll be much help.

 

i do think i understand now, though. it's funny what you can dig up if you know which questions to ask. in retrospect, i don't think i should have. but there is a peace and calm that comes with knowing. that it's not me. that it's you. that it's her.

 

so i'm going to leave this to be resolved by the universe and not care whether it is to my benefit or not.

 

croak.

Edited June 15, 2005 by missmanners

[Wyld]

hey you.

 

yep. you.

 

you are such a wuss.

 

and i thought you had chutzpah.

 

tsk.

 

<_<

Edited June 15, 2005 by Wyld

[Batabatuta™]

Dear Diary,

 

As always, I do not know where I'm heading

I lost the appreciation for beautiful things

I keep lying to myself

I keep regretting myself

I am losing my will

I am losing my faith

I am losing my self

I am wasting my life

 

and the irony of it all

is that I can't do anything about it......

I let things happen before my eyes

and regret it after it has transpired

Call me soft

call me weak

call me dumbfounded

But this is my life

I am the sacrifice.....

[batibut]

B,

 

You looked amazing! How long has it been? God! I remember NYC in 96! I would walk from manhattan to central park in the freezing cold hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Then the horrible news came while we were waiting for Romy's bus from Newark. Johanna told me everything, although Romy admitted she found out just before she boarded the plane in Seattle. And then, so many things happened in between now and then. Its been 8, almost 9, years...damn! Well, people say I look like her. I say, why have a look alike when you can have the real thing? I hope it lasts this time around. You really deserve to be happy. Congratulations! I think I'm still harboring some feelings here... heheh :hypocritesmiley:

 

Bats

[batibut]

I,

 

I texted you today...you didn't answer. why not? i've been having dreams of you lately. strange. well, i miss you. can you believe that? hahah..feeling! oh and i finally got a copy of the new CD. haven't gotten around to listening to it. i'm still trying to capture the essence of the first one. great songs! sad thing, i don't think there will be many who'll appreciate them the way they deserve. but tell me, wheres mine? wishful thinking on my part... anyway, hope you're well. was hoping to bump into you in embassy...but its strange when i see you in manila. bora na lang again... October? Its a date! heheh

 

Bats

[kazekitsumi]

Ei, I never thought I'd see the day that you'd become such a grown man. You make me proud.

[kazekitsumi]

Look what the cat dragged in! I love the makeover, it looks good on you and it suits you. Don't worry, I will be here. Lock and load.

[Switlass]

hey,

 

I'm just here. Anytime you feel like talking, anytime you need to rant, anytime you need to be held and anytime you need a hug.

 

me.

[limpbwisit]

hi...

 

i just want you to know that i'm not going to drown in my own tears...

 

me

[LB]

helleour,

 

yeah, i know we have a minuscule past. but, it doesn't matter now. as everybody knows, i am with him. it is serious.

Edited June 16, 2005 by lovelybabe

[Wyld]

hi d.

 

im still shell shocked. im still reeling from the hurt.

its amazing how you have become so much a part of my day -- now that you are NOT in it anymore it feels as if i have this big void. a whole chunk of time that used to be exclusively yours is now ... empty.

 

i have not stopped kicking myself in the ass for that stupid question. and all the stupid things i did after that stupid question. you said in our last talk you were the bad guy... i still say it was my eff-ing fault.

 

i dont want to hope. i dont want to count on the future. but there is that quixotic part of me that keeps on dreaming. hoping. wanting.

 

well, i can dream, cant i?

 

take care. i hope that in the round of endless faces, mindless bodies and meaningless trysts, you remember there is one person in this big world waiting for you, hoping you would come back home.

 

take care of you d.

 

-b

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

Everything's going smoothly... I hope it would last, at least, in our lifetime. if not, i'll still hook you up in the next and, as you said, third life.

 

Whatever you do, whatever you wont do

Whatever you say, whatever you wont say

 

i still *bleep* you

 

 

enough na, :*

RJ

[batibut]

I! Napaginipan na naman kita! 4 straight ka na ha! Kinukulam mo ba ko?

Edited June 17, 2005 by batibut

[Wyld]

dearest d...

 

i cant help it.

i still yearn.

i still want.

i still hope.

 

give me a quick bop on the head please.

 

what hurts even more is

you dont seem to

miss what was.

 

sigh.

 

-b

Edited June 17, 2005 by Wyld

[curian]

i hope you're doing okay. as for me, everyday is a rehash of yesterday, a vicious cycle i do not have the strength nor the will to break. yet there is a measure of comfort in this monotomy, it reminds me so much of security that i only felt in your embrace, perverted as it may be. do not wail, for as i am now nothing but a shadow of who i was, i assure you, beloved that i would rise above this, to be better than before and to move on to "greener" pastures.

 

i am a phoenix...

 

watch my rebirth

 

-G

[batibut]

I,

 

I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I'm a pathetic idiot. You don't have to tell me, I know that! I'll have better control. Sorry.

 

B

[batibut]

Thats it! Kinukulam mo ba ko talaga? Napaginipan na naman kita!!! Ano ba?!?!?! Natatakot na ko ha, serious!

[missmanners]

"cuz i'm not here to be around

and be that girl that you forget about

cuz all i want is just to be a song

that you can feel longer than just right now

so come on baby let me be the girl

that you can count on to rock your world

and then you'll see there's so much than curves

and then you'll see that you and me belong"

 

heard this song last night. not that i haven't heard it before. in fact, i've heard it a million times (like every song on our playlist). but it never got my attention before. it isn't particularly catchy. nor is it witty. nor is it deep. but it got to me last night. and it's been ringing in my head all day.

 

do you think if the circumstances we met in were more.. uh.. normal, you would see me differently? do you think if you weren't so... uhm... distracted right now, you would consider being distracted by me? do you think if things were just different and not like this, you would consider a cup of coffee with me? or a movie? or a dinner? or the future?

 

this is what i hate with if-onlys. they're pointless. and they hurt. and you can't do anything about them. i don't even want you to answer these questions. although i do have a morbid curiosity to satiate, i know that your answers will only make me feel worse.

 

so let me just say this: i am glad we met. because if only for that short time we spent, you made me believe in the possibility that i can like someone again. you made me believe again. and that, more than anything, is something i'm really happy about.

 

thank you.

[missmanners]

btw. i don't need to tell you this but i will.

 

it's your loss.

 

[Flamingbullet®]

nay,

 

i miss you....

 

niño

[Lipstick]

My Life,

 

Happy Father's Day. I remember how we would always laugh whenever I greeted you each year on the day the world would celebrate it because Australia would celebrate it some different day. I also remember how I would say that you deserve to be greeted twice in a year because you are such a good man, such a good father.

 

I've told you many times before and I want to tell you again -- I couldn't have chosen a better man to be the father of our girls. Because of you I realized that parenthood isn't about DNA, it's about the love and care you willingly give a child, it's the responsibility you willingly take over a child's life. Someday when Sabrina is older, she will understand it too. You are the only father she has ever known.

 

The girls miss you everyday just like I do. Sabrina was just telling me tonight how she misses you picking her up from school and that now she has moved to a school closer to home that it would be so nice and easier for you to walk her everyday. She was so proud of you darling, she was so proud to show you off to everyone, she was so proud to call you Daddy.

 

Nicole misses the good cop too. She was telling me yesterday how she missed your convys, how you were always interested in her hobbies, in her music. She also told me that you were more a father to her than her biological father ever was and that she was sorry for resisting the idea of you in our lives years ago. She regrets never calling you "dad."

 

I don't know what good I might have done in some previous life to deserve a man like you but I thank the universe for the gift of you. And I thank you for loving my girls as if they were your own. Thank you for wanting to give them a future. Thank you for making them part of your dreams.

 

Happy Father's Day Bidong. We love you. Know that your presence is greatly missed.

 

-L-

[Z]

K,

 

I found myself reminiscing about the past the other day, what was, cherished sans the unpleasantries courtesy of my chosen perspective (and selective amnesia). How long has it been, 9 years? I did try to reach out with the hopes of salvaging the friendship but then this bridge has been broken, forsaken. Sad really though I do not rue the fact. In my sanguine thoughts I hope you have since become unstuck as I saw it (L as well if you would believe - who else would've prodded me?). Wishing you the best from a distance.

 

E