Would You Go After Someone Who is Taken?

[Joie]

Been there.

 

It never really ends well though.

 

See - the knowledge that he cheated on his current partner for you leads to the fear that he will cheat on you for someone else as well.

 

Vicious cycle.

[driftingman]

would i go after someone who is taken.....

 

i would say almost always. if the early bird gets the worm - it does not mean that bird that wakes up later can not steal it away.

 

if someone was in the right place and at the right time and made his claim before me - should not mean that he can now ease up and take everything for granted. you can not take your job for granted. you can not take anything else for granted. then why should it be like that for relationships.

 

i would give him run for his money, as i would never hold back. no matter whether she is married or in a relationship. what could be more fair than some good honest competition.

 

also the best would get taken the first. and if you want the best - would you not have to go after the ones that are taken already?

[Joie]

would i go after someone who is taken.....

 

i would say almost always. if the early bird gets the worm - it does not mean that bird that wakes up later can not steal it away.

 

if someone was in the right place and at the right time and made his claim before me - should not mean that he can now ease up and take everything for granted. you can not take your job for granted. you can not take anything else for granted. then why should it be like that for relationships.

 

i would give him run for his money, as i would never hold back. no matter whether she is married or in a relationship. what could be more fair than some good honest competition.

 

also the best would get taken the first. and if you want the best - would you not have to go after the ones that are taken already?

 

You have a point. Many relationships have gone the way of the dodo because one or both parties took the relationship for granted.

 

It goes back to the point that - the courtship should not end when you become a couple. In fact, it should not end at all.

However because people get so caught up in the mundane details of life, they forget this.

 

But this begs the question -- until when is someone fair game? Whats the cut off point? Does the competition end when the other party is married or is that a detail that can be easily swept under the rug?

 

Just thinking out loud.

[maldita_overload]

most of the time, i never really take into consideration my current prospect's (for the lack of a better term) status. the thing is, if you guys are gonna click, then you'll click, present status is irrelevant...

 

however, there is always that question of the "relationship" lasting... as the status of both parties affect that....

Edited November 11, 2006 by maldita_overload

[driftingman]

You have a point. Many relationships have gone the way of the dodo because one or both parties took the relationship for granted.

 

It goes back to the point that - the courtship should not end when you become a couple. In fact, it should not end at all.

However because people get so caught up in the mundane details of life, they forget this.

 

But this begs the question -- until when is someone fair game? Whats the cut off point? Does the competition end when the other party is married or is that a detail that can be easily swept under the rug?

 

Just thinking out loud.

 

thanks joie,

 

cut off points - i am really not convinced that there ought to be such thing.

 

if i am a husband or a wife taking my spouse for granted then it is no less worse than the before getting married stage. and quite frankly, having an accepted cut of point just means that you have crossed the finish line and can now relax.

 

i think that every husband and every wife should always be worried about losing his/her spouse as the competition should bring the best out of us. and perhaps more caring and loving couples. won't you agree?

[Joie]

thanks joie,

 

cut off points - i am really not convinced that there ought to be such thing.

 

if i am a husband or a wife taking my spouse for granted then it is no less worse than the before getting married stage. and quite frankly, having an accepted cut of point just means that you have crossed the finish line and can now relax.

 

i think that every husband and every wife should always be worried about losing his/her spouse as the competition should bring the best out of us. and perhaps more caring and loving couples. won't you agree?

 

 

I see your point quite quite clearly and I agree with you -- being married does not mean you can just take anything for granted. This goes for both men and women. We should always be on our toes.

 

But of course, as in any issue as touchy as this... another question pops up in my mind.

 

Sometimes, relationships are at that "taken for granted" stage... but they are not totally hopeless yet.

 

When someone moves in on a person in this stage, I think it sort of takes away any chance that the current relationship might still work. Thats my worry -- what if I "encouraged" someone who was in a relationship like this?

 

Wouldnt it rebound on me big time in terms of Karma?

 

Again, im just thinking out loud here...

[Larry]

as long as he/she is not married (or you were not aware that he/she is married i.e. they led you on that they were single.)

 

then everything's fair game

 

like one of my friends always say....why should I care if her man doesn't take care of her?

 

but as for married peeps....not touching any of that, most men will k*ll because of that and that is never good.

[driftingman]

I see your point quite quite clearly and I agree with you -- being married does not mean you can just take anything for granted. This goes for both men and women. We should always be on our toes.

 

But of course, as in any issue as touchy as this... another question pops up in my mind.

 

Sometimes, relationships are at that "taken for granted" stage... but they are not totally hopeless yet.

 

When someone moves in on a person in this stage, I think it sort of takes away any chance that the current relationship might still work. Thats my worry -- what if I "encouraged" someone who was in a relationship like this?

 

Wouldnt it rebound on me big time in terms of Karma?

 

Again, im just thinking out loud here...

 

very interesting point - and I would have to agree with you that if it is not beyond hope then it should be allowed to rebound.

 

but my predicament here is that who should make that judgement? you the outsider who is making a move? or the "taken person"? unless you are very close to the couple - you can never fully judge that if there is hope or not. so should not move in assuming that you would be told - if u are not welcome? after all it is not a hostile take over....

[mj.payne]

it depends on the girl, if she is really worth it, yes i will

[Joie]

very interesting point - and I would have to agree with you that if it is not beyond hope then it should be allowed to rebound.

 

but my predicament here is that who should make that judgement? you the outsider who is making a move? or the "taken person"? unless you are very close to the couple - you can never fully judge that if there is hope or not. so should not move in assuming that you would be told - if u are not welcome? after all it is not a hostile take over....

 

 

I think it is something that only the people in the relationship itself will be able to gauge.

 

That is, if they do not get blinded by the "intensity" of their feelings for each other.

 

More often than not ... emotions get in the way of logical thinking and this leads to a lot of heartache in the end.

 

But youre right, its such a gray area and difficult to understand.

[driftingman]

I think it is something that only the people in the relationship itself will be able to gauge.

 

That is, if they do not get blinded by the "intensity" of their feelings for each other.

 

More often than not ... emotions get in the way of logical thinking and this leads to a lot of heartache in the end.

 

But youre right, its such a gray area and difficult to understand.

 

very eloquently stated! perhaps at this point you would like to summarize our discussion and distilsome conclusions?

[Joie]

very eloquently stated! perhaps at this point you would like to summarize our discussion and distilsome conclusions?

 

 

You know what, I wouldnt want to do that at this time since im sure there will be more insights to be posted?

 

But what ive been mulling over is this...

 

If you go after someone who is taken, and get that person in a relationship with you... whats the assurance that he/she wont fall for the next person that makes a play for him/her?

 

I know that there are almost always no assurances but ... isnt that a precedent setting thing?

[Manticore]

What happens the moment a person is "taken"?

Will they be "off limits" or am I mistaken?

When is a lover considered fair game?

Doesn't it end once you share the same name?

It does make us question about institutions

Marriage, going steady, and society's illusions

Seeking order in chaos is a human concern

In the course of history, you'd have thought we'd have learned

Then again, too much order can make us stagnate

We take things for granted, until it's too late

I suppose checks-and-balances are put into place

Third parties help keep us alert, as always

If you're not careful, an unfaithful mate leaves

It's 'cuz you don't own them, is what they believe

Rely not so much on any agreement

Because nothing in life is ever permanent

[driftingman]

You know what, I wouldnt want to do that at this time since im sure there will be more insights to be posted?

 

But what ive been mulling over is this...

 

If you go after someone who is taken, and get that person in a relationship with you... whats the assurance that he/she wont fall for the next person that makes a play for him/her?

 

I know that there are almost always no assurances but ... isnt that a precedent setting thing?

 

 

that is true. he/she can as easily move out as he/she can move into a relationship.

 

i suppose that it is all about staying on your toes. like the american football i suppose - if you have the possession then you only have it until you can ward off everyone else who is after the ball.

 

you just also can not take it for granted!

[spongebobby]

Would I go for someone who's taken?

 

I used to believe that honor dictates that I don't, but time has softened that stance. There is a difference between the truly committed and the lackadaisically taken.

 

The former remains sacred. The latter may be begging for freedom.

[Larry]

spongebob is wise beyond his years and idiotic looks

 

I know that there are almost always no assurances but ... isnt that a precedent setting thing?

 

why should you care if it's gonna happen again. If you're so worried about the what might happen, or it might be a sign of things to come or what not. I don't think that is the right mind set to be in a relationship.

 

true there might be a chance of that person doing it again, but should it matter? Being in love is all about being in the moment (note that I'm saying "in-love" and not real love, there's a difference) if you care too much about the bad, then it will probably not work.

 

It's always about the journey, never the destination.

Edited November 14, 2006 by Larry

[Joie]

There is a difference between the truly committed and the lackadaisically taken.

 

I like this. Thank you for clearing that up in my stubborn head.

[Joie]

spongebob is wise beyond his years and idiotic looks

why should you care if it's gonna happen again. If you're so worried about the what might happen, or it might be a sign of things to come or what not. I don't think that is the right mind set to be in a relationship.

 

true there might be a chance of that person doing it again, but should it matter? Being in love is all about being in the moment (note that I'm saying "in-love" and not real love, there's a difference) if you care too much about the bad, then it will probably not work.

 

It's always about the journey, never the destination.

 

 

Because im obsessive compulsive and it is in my nature to worry.

 

However im slowly seeing the light and realizing that I am making myself miserable beyond misery with all this thinking.

 

There is hope for me yet....I will answer this question again in a few days...

[Larry]

my sig is so right for you

[johnnydrama]

Judging from experience, the risk is worth it, but one has to sacrifice being second priority in her schedule.

 

I'm seeing a woman who's four years older than me, with three teenage kids to boot (she's not married to the father of the kids, but they still live together). I don't regret the awkwardness of not being able to see her on a regular basis (especially when it means wanting to visit her at home, which given her situation is definitely out of the question), but we always find ways to keep the flame burning (and boy does she know....'nuff said).

 

I guess it must be the thrill of obtaining forbidden fruit that keeps us involved in such pasaway behaviour.

[jettison_last]

as a personal rule, i never hit on another guy's girl. then again . . .

[<< xtc >>]

naaah, there are plenty of them girls free out there ...

[sexythang]

not really..why would i settle for less?

[Manticore]

Would I go for someone who's taken?

 

I used to believe that honor dictates that I don't, but time has softened that stance. There is a difference between the truly committed and the lackadaisically taken.

 

The former remains sacred. The latter may be begging for freedom.

I suppose that this is the order of things

When someone decides to be true to feelings

One can't afford to let society dictate

What to do with relationships doomed to ill fate

Mistakes, after all, need rectifying

Failure to do so is self-denying

It's all in pursuit of true happiness

Life's short, so don't settle for anything less

[pill_crasher]

why not that's not a big deal!!!