KristinLavransdatr

Dear Lord,

I do wonder what you must be thinking of me now. I ask and you give. Yet I get dazed by the grandeur of your gift. I always think they are too much for me. And in my ignorance, I turn away from it, only to regret my action afterwards.

Please, forgive me for my ingratitude. I will ask no more of what I cannot take. But please, do guide me as I rebuild what I destroyed.

Amen.

Y

this is an undelivered mail. and this may not reach you because one, you don't go to this part of the site, and two, you may not have friends who go to this part of the site.

i apologize because your insensitive joke has caught me at the time when i could spit fire and venom on any hapless individual who would dare cross my path.

i know that this is an adult site. and i'm tempted to define for you what "adult" means because i think it has escaped you. adult is not only about sex. adult is not only about saying what you mean anytime you want to anyone anywhere. in fact, that last is not adult - it is childish and uneducated.

oh, yes. i am aware men and women can get easy lays here. but in my 6 months of being a member, i realized, you could get more than that -- even here.

at mtc you can commune with intellectuals. you need only be one yourself. or they'd eat you alive. you can't pretend. they'll smell you. you can't be an airhead, they'll burst you.

but you don't have to be intelligent to be a little sensitive, a little considerate. unless of course, if you're a dickhead. in which case, you belong to an assh*le.

what did i tell you about yesterday? today is another day. today makes your wories of 24 hours ago things of the past.

did you end up in the evening news last night? did you die? were you annihilated? no.

did your hurt lead you to numbness?

or the opposite? aren't you happier now? doesn't the morrow look more promising today? don't the clothes fit perfectly again? your hair, the most beautiful?

you needed yesterday's darkness to see fireflies in the night. you needed the tears to buy back the smile you pawned for a second's madness.

do you still breathe? does it still hurt? do you still await for the one who has given you up for something you're not?

you are not done buying things for yourself. but this time you don't use currencies. you spend your life by living or wasting one day out of it.

buy joy by living your life, one day at a time.

you are going to make it through this day. this day will pass too, like other days. it may be longer this time, but it will end because the sun has to set later, and the late night news has to broadcast.

chances are your situation isn't that bad for you to end up in the evening news. it is just pain. it is just the inability to breathe properly without tears. it is just voices in your head asking questions to which you have no answers. it is just you hurting now. and when this day is over, we will know if the hurt will turn to numbness, or...

today will be over. take refuge on that truth.

today is a great day among so many.

i thank you for my resolve to settle my conflict with my father. now, we're talking. still, i will not understand why he has to do the things he does...

feeling so wonderously great i bought a dozen donuts for my group...

beautiful, beautiful day!

i have only one minor glitch...

but by and large, things are pretty fine.

started reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

still sick.

and too much heat inside.

Sony

Undset, Sigrid

Dear,

it sure is a mystery how two people meet and know exactly that they will meet again and again...not by chance this time, but by force. that which draws you to me -- even when our hands don't touch, nor our eyes lock...

now i know what the cliche "you take my breath away" means and feels. because that's exactly what you do to me. who ever said those words first, must have uttered them without thoughts to creativity. because they are so exact, so precise.

but there's another thing you do to me: you defy my signature...

Y

R (2.0) is about 900K; V (1.6) is 780K; S (1.6) is 718K. V has 2 airbags, S has only 1.

difference between V and S is purely accessories. a friend of mine just bought a V variant. she's used to her gallant and now she finds mazda 3 quite heavy to drive. shift from a 2.0 to 1.6 does it. but by and large, she says mazda 3 is ok ...for city driving (that is).

Dear God:

Somehere i have never been, thousands of people have perished and a million lost their homes. And while a lot of people were busy with firecrakers and parties, a great majority couldn't even have the will to look at the future. We are supposed to be our brothers' keepers but where there should be care, lies only indifference.

And i wonder, how many of those who died were able to hold the hands of those they loved, apologize to those they've wronged? This is not your usual statistics, counting those who did and those who didn't. This is my learning, this is my lesson.

And i may just also be gone soon, but i pray that before that happens, i'll be able to give love to those i love, apologies to those i've wronged.

I also pray that you keep those who survived hopeful, and those who left to be forever in your embrace.

Amen.

Y

Never go to unchartered territories when you're not prepared to get pissed, disappointed and bored.

Thank you to all the wonderful people of MTC whom i've met and shared some great times with.

Barenaked - for forcing me to join MTC. :cool:, for the good words, for pointing out my stupidity, for telling me to hold on

Smaug - for oftenly saying hi to me in your posts

Eraser_Butt - for inviting me to join the first Bicol EB and the ExSems' (which i failed to attend, not by choice, but by consequence)

Lady_Dhen - for being such a devil-may-care bicolana, worthy of admiration

AE - for the sweet admiration (where are you now, by the way? you know we could still be friends)

R. Kincaid - for the tea in the shelter of the sequenced skies, for the silences that spoke a thousand meanings

Roxysnonie - for the thread that started it all

You - for saying "yes" to my "no's", for laboring hard to make yourself less than what you really are so i could be more than what i really am

an old, old friend used to call me a cock tease.

now, he is surprised that i couldn't even pick up a pick-up line. work has dulled me. of course, he is right again.

lunch: yoshinoya's beef bowl

Lunch: La-La Fish Cracker (na may sawsawan suka & bawang)

i'm going junk!!

11:29 AM

We Are the World (USA for Africa)

Clairol

Dear God,

Please, forgive me if despite the season, i still work like it's my day 1 at the job. Please, forgive me for having attended only one "Simbang Gabi."

Please, forgive me for not shedding off my adult clothes to be a child again this Christmas.

And i pray that more children will have a happy Christmas if adults couldn't care less about the season.

Y

Dearest,

i have been allowed entry into your world. i have to tell you, it was way beyond my expectations. i had to stop just inside the door, that space between going in and turning back. it was a long time standing there. you're just too much, too much above me. there was a need to retract my steps. and for a second i hesitated. and a minute before i made the decision to turn back, you took my hand and led me in.

and i know i will be yours in a while. until i am owned by myself again...

KL

the day is less demanding than yeterday. yesterday was hell, well...almost.