mala_chinita Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I had to post this question that with your help, I may be able to clear the situation I am into right now. I am inlove with my boyfriend and I think i am still inlove with him even if i am sort of currently seing somebody right now. Actually, he's a friend. So, initially when he invited me over for a couple of beers, I thought it was harmless. Ever since though, people thought that we have something going on between us. But of course, these "tuksuhan" didn't really mattered or bothered me at all as my guy friend is already married. Besides, i knew all of his "side trips" relationships. And I'm really inlove and happy with my bf. One night that he told me that he loved me. He told me though that he didnt want to take me away from my bf as he has nothing to offer. What he meant by that... if you know what i mean.. he has a family and all. With all might, i tried to fight it off. Until in one of our usual couple of beer sessions, we ended up in bed. We knew what we got ourselvs into and we agreed how to deal with it. Frustrating thing is that, I had no regrets... And that's what's starting to bother me. I know in my heart that I love my boyfriend as I could not see myself having a family other than him. So I had to ask myself a question, CAN YOU REALLY LOVE WITHOUT REALLY LOVING? My friend thought my question was funny as i was scrutinizing love against love. Simplified though, CAN SOMEONE LOVE TWO PERSON at the SAME TIME? Help. :heart: Quote Link to comment
Lipstick Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 The duplicity of emotions is insiduous indeed. But it is possible. We love on different levels and for different reasons. Different people fulfill us in different ways. I would liken it to loving your children. If you have more than one child then you would know what I am saying. The heart, I have discovered, has plenty to give. However, unlike loving your offsprings, it is unnatural (tho not impossible) to be in love with more than one person --- to be really really in love. You will love one more over the other. And there will come a time that you will have to choose. No man or woman would like to share that most coveted space in our hearts with another person. Think well dear and once you have, make the wise choice. It may not necessarily be the right choice but it will be the most salient one. I wish you heaps of luck. It is a difficult situation to be in. But then again nothing worth having comes without sacrifices. Quote Link to comment
julia Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 i'll try not to judge, or to even relate to your situation. yet i can't help not to think about the "fairness" of the circumstances. having a relationship with your married friend is easier because you have your boyfriend and he has his family. and i now realize the truth in what lipstick has posted. love is a feeling that we can extend to more than one person. but life taught me to be careful of giving something as precious as love freely... what of regrets, and guilt, or just plain disappointment for choosing the wrong person in the end? love is a pure and simple emotion, easily to recognize and accept. it's who we give it to that makes it such a complex feeling. i feel for you... the best of luck to you girl Quote Link to comment
zencalix Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 I had to post this question that with your help, I may be able to clear the situation I am into right now. I am inlove with my boyfriend and I think i am still inlove with him even if i am sort of currently seing somebody right now. Actually, he's a friend. So, initially when he invited me over for a couple of beers, I thought it was harmless. Ever since though, people thought that we have something going on between us. But of course, these "tuksuhan" didn't really mattered or bothered me at all as my guy friend is already married. Besides, i knew all of his "side trips" relationships. And I'm really inlove and happy with my bf. One night that he told me that he loved me. He told me though that he didnt want to take me away from my bf as he has nothing to offer. What he meant by that... if you know what i mean.. he has a family and all. With all might, i tried to fight it off. Until in one of our usual couple of beer sessions, we ended up in bed. We knew what we got ourselvs into and we agreed how to deal with it. Frustrating thing is that, I had no regrets... And that's what's starting to bother me. I know in my heart that I love my boyfriend as I could not see myself having a family other than him. So I had to ask myself a question, CAN YOU REALLY LOVE WITHOUT REALLY LOVING? My friend thought my question was funny as i was scrutinizing love against love. Simplified though, CAN SOMEONE LOVE TWO PERSON at the SAME TIME? Help. :heart:<{POST_SNAPBACK}> hmmm... hirap naman ng situation mo sis... alam mo, in the end you have to make a choice... paganahin mo na lang utak mo... there IS only 1 choice actually... i hope alam mo yun... Quote Link to comment
spongebobby Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 The duplicity of emotions is insiduous indeed. But it is possible. We love on different levels and for different reasons. Different people fulfill us in different ways. I would liken it to loving your children. If you have more than one child then you would know what I am saying. The heart, I have discovered, has plenty to give. However, unlike loving your offsprings, it is unnatural (tho not impossible) to be in love with more than one person --- to be really really in love. You will love one more over the other. And there will come a time that you will have to choose. No man or woman would like to share that most coveted space in our hearts with another person. Think well dear and once you have, make the wise choice. It may not necessarily be the right choice but it will be the most salient one. I wish you heaps of luck. It is a difficult situation to be in. But then again nothing worth having comes without sacrifices. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Brilliant response, as always. Can you be my personal shrink? Love may be infinite, but our capacity to love is not. One is either in love, or thinks he is in love. So my answer to the topic starter is: No. It's not possible to love two persons at the same time. And no, I don't think you love either your bf or your married friend. Love aint true if it only takes two bottles of beer to harm it. Quote Link to comment
zencalix Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 The duplicity of emotions is insiduous indeed. But it is possible. We love on different levels and for different reasons. Different people fulfill us in different ways. I would liken it to loving your children. If you have more than one child then you would know what I am saying. The heart, I have discovered, has plenty to give. However, unlike loving your offsprings, it is unnatural (tho not impossible) to be in love with more than one person --- to be really really in love. You will love one more over the other. And there will come a time that you will have to choose. No man or woman would like to share that most coveted space in our hearts with another person. Think well dear and once you have, make the wise choice. It may not necessarily be the right choice but it will be the most salient one. I wish you heaps of luck. It is a difficult situation to be in. But then again nothing worth having comes without sacrifices. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Brilliant response, as always. Can you be my personal shrink? Love may be infinite, but our capacity to love is not. One is either in love, or thinks he is in love. So my answer to the topic starter is: No. It's not possible to love two persons at the same time. And no, I don't think you love either your bf or your married friend. Love aint true if it only takes two bottles of beer to harm it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> i second d motion pareng sponge... pa set din ako ng theraphy session with lips! actually, i think there is something seriously wrong with my head! hahaha pero pare, you made me think... sis, di mo nga siguro love yung BF mo or your married lover... hmmmmm... Quote Link to comment
Wyld Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 (edited) My two cents... Love is steadfast and true. When you love... it withstands tests and trials. It is constant. It does not fade... it does not doubt. In the end, there can only be ONE. I think you have serious doubts about both men. If you were truly, totally in love with your bf then the sex with the married friend would not have happened at all. On the other hand, I would attribute your seeming "love" for your married friend to an after effect of your physical relationship. Admittedly, we women tend to "romanticize" a lot of things, sex included. Call it an infatuation, or attraction if you want to name it. That is a pretty strong feeling, but that certainly is not love. If I were you, I would take a long hard look at your current situation... and make some really tough choices. I think you owe it not only to your bf...but to yourself as well to find out exactly what you want... Once you look into yourself with all honesty and candor, I am sure you will find out what that exactly is. Take it from there. Only you alone can answer your questions, really. Edited July 3, 2005 by Wyld Quote Link to comment
zencalix Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 My two cents... Love is steadfast and true. When you love... it withstands tests and trials. It is constant. It does not fade... it does not doubt. In the end, there can only be ONE. I think you have serious doubts about both men. If you were truly, totally in love with your bf then the sex with the married friend would not have happened at all. On the other hand, I would attribute your seeming "love" for your married friend to an after effect of your physical relationship. Admittedly, we women tend to "romanticize" a lot of things, sex included. Call it an infatuation, or attraction if you want to name it. But that certainly is not love. If I were you, I would take a long hard look at your current situation... and make some really tough choices. I think you owe it not only to your bf...but to yourself as well to find out exactly what you want... Once you look into yourself with all honesty and candor, I am sure you will find out what that exactly is. Take it from there. Only you alone can answer your questions, really. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> galeng galeng mo crushie!!! second d motion ulit ako sa sinabi mo.... Quote Link to comment
best_X_girlfriend Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 (edited) "if you're going to chase two rabbits, you'll lose both" Edited July 3, 2005 by best_X_girlfriend Quote Link to comment
Lipstick Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 and i now realize the truth in what lipstick has posted. love is a feeling that we can extend to more than one person. but life taught me to be careful of giving something as precious as love freely... what of regrets, and guilt, or just plain disappointment for choosing the wrong person in the end? love is a pure and simple emotion, easily to recognize and accept. it's who we give it to that makes it such a complex feeling. i feel for you... the best of luck to you girl <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I agree that we should choose carefully and not give out love freely as it would undermine the true worth of our love. Only we can give our love value. But sometimes, in Blaise Pascal's words, "The heart has it's own reasons which reason cannot comprehend." Quite tricky isn't it? Brilliant response, as always. Can you be my personal shrink? Love may be infinite, but our capacity to love is not. One is either in love, or thinks he is in love. So my answer to the topic starter is: No. It's not possible to love two persons at the same time. And no, I don't think you love either your bf or your married friend. Love aint true if it only takes two bottles of beer to harm it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Thank you AcquiescentOne, you are always very generous with your compliments. I'd love to get into your head but am afraid of what I might find. But hey, I'd cross the street for 5bucks! Bring it on! Agree with you on the beer analogy totally! When two bottles of beer harm love then I believe someone is spelling love incorrectly. It is also a 4 letter word that starts with the letter L but it probably should be spelled this way ... L - U - S - T. i second d motion pareng sponge... pa set din ako ng theraphy session with lips! actually, i think there is something seriously wrong with my head! hahaha <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Zen! You are still lucid so I doubt if there is something wrong with your head. Haha but if you will pay me 5bucks then let's start psychoanalyzing baby! Not to make light of mala_chinita's predicament but like the song goes .... This is a song I've been singing for a long time.It's like an old friend.But, you know, I think it,it's only recently that I discovered what it's really about." You've got to give a little, take a little,and let your poor heart break a little.That's the story of, that's the glory of love. You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,until the clouds roll by a little.That's the story of, that's the glory of love. As long as there's the two of us,we've got the world and all it's charms.And when the world is through with us,we've got each other's arms. You've got to win a little, lose a little,yes, and always have the blues a little.That's the story of, that's the glory of love.That's the story of, that's the glory of love. You cannot have everything and in this case you cannot have both men. More than one would be ostentatious. Choose wisely sweetheart Quote Link to comment
missmanners Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 everyone's made their point. allow me to make mine. for your first question: i believe that yes, it is possible to love without really loving. the decision to love sometimes doesn't necessitate a follow-through. sometimes it doesn't need to be strengthened (or lessened) by action. sometimes it just is. and that's all there is to it. for your second question: yes, i also believe that it is possible to love two people at once. just not in the same intensity or for the same purpose. you say you love your boyfriend and cannot imagine a future with anyone else. but this love affair with your friend has muddled your thoughts and keeps you from staying on track. you have to remember that whenever a person has sex with another, it changes things. especially among friends. why don't you take some time out to think about what YOU want? stay away from your friend and explain you need distance from your boyfriend for a while. to think. be honest with yourself. ask yourself the hard questions. whatever you decide, though, you can only pick one of these men. you cannot have your cake and eat it, too. it just won't work. good luck. :flowers: Quote Link to comment
Jay123456 Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 have been asking myself that question? and still searching for an answer. Quote Link to comment
Pink_Popsicle Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 I think there are various degrees of love -- we love various people at various degrees of intensity. Having said that, I also believe that we can only love one person in a romantic way at one time. Anyone else whom we think we "love" while "in love" with another would just be an extraneous variable (sorry,cant think of a better term...)... Just make a choice, Ms. malachinita. Think really really hard and decide what you want. Be fair to all concerned. But I think, you really must choose one. Quote Link to comment
mala_chinita Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I appreciate sharing your take in the situation that I am into right now... I really do... Im crying right now. And I feel like a piece of s**t for allowing things to happen. I knew genuine and straight forward answers such as the ones you posted here is WHAT I NEEDED for me to realize the mess I just created. However, I dont think I am in a situation right now and I dont think I'll be where I am actually chosing between my boyfriend and my married friend. I know who I want and can't live without. That is my boyfriend. Spongebobby, what you posted hit me. First it was in a way an anwer to my question (love may be infinite, but our capacity is not). But I dont think it was the couple of beers po that made me do it with him. It was there kasi all along and we both ignored it. For years, we genuinely showed our "special concern", for each other until we can't hide it anymore. The beers might have lowered our inhibititions and made us admitt whatever it was all this time. And just today, after that night, we we're together again with friends and without alcohol... We were OK about it and in fact continued to show affection / concern like we used to. Except that we are open and honest this time... I may sound spiritual or religious, but I humbly and sincerely ask for your prayers. I want to work it out with my boyfriend. I could afford to lose my married friend but not my guy. I have been trying very hard to correct the mistake i did. And one friend is a witness to all that. I just dont know the fix for my heart that i may be worthy of the love of my boyfriend. Quote Link to comment
Lipstick Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I may sound spiritual or religious, but I humbly and sincerely ask for your prayers. I want to work it out with my boyfriend. I could afford to lose my married friend but not my guy. I have been trying very hard to correct the mistake i did. And one friend is a witness to all that. I just dont know the fix for my heart that i may be worthy of the love of my boyfriend.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Cry dear, it is good for the soul. Always remember you are worthy of love and you can decide today to be worthy of his love too. You have my prayers. Walk in sunshine always. :* Quote Link to comment
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