The Mail Box

[gerryandrada]

...i do understand binaries...

[poppinfresh2k5]

was it me?

[chiquezee]

At this point of despair, seeing my dreams vanish one by one through every flip of the 21 pages of discourse that may be laughable to experts in the field, I feel my mind has betrayed me. And even as I force myself to absorb the review of all thirty-six months of hard-earned Unos and attempt a repeat of my usual feat, I feel my mind is betraying me all the more.

 

I fear I may not make it. It crushes me.

 

I am not all heart, but right now, my mind has succumb to its heaviness. I am not exaggerating, dearest, when I say that I feel as if my chest is collapsing on my already beaten-up heart. It is as if a 30-pound ball of iron is hooked to its artery. It is difficult to breathe. No tear falls anymore. Such is the sadness I am over-powered with. My feet and hands are numb and I feel like I am again in a freezing dark cube without any opening. I cannot even hum a tune. When will you come to rescue me from the harshness of yesterday that lingers to this very moment?

 

When will you come to protect me? When will you walk in to finally, finally shield me from the whip of betrayal? I have been fighting on my own. Unnecessarily, too. But I do make mistakes, and here I am now, bloody, with head bowed. The price I have to pay.

 

I am tired being strong. There are moments I wish I could just crash into you and admit my weakness, trusting you will not judge me. I know you will take care of me. You will not betray me. Do not betray me. But dearest, where are you?

 

My mind is spinning, my heart is aching. I feel the pain physically. I never thought I would feel this kind of pain again. It has been years... I failed to protect myself.

 

I pray, dearest, do not deceive me like my mind has deceived me. Like my heart has failed me.

 

I need you especially in moments like these. For I know you will not leave me at the time I have need of your support and assurance. I know you will listen to me as I pour my heart out, and not cut me or bruise me in my moment of weakness and vulnerability. You will not leave me out in the cold, alone, when I need someone beside me. I do not ask much from you, save that you hold my hand at times like these and not push me aside like a stranger you have no regard for.

 

Find me... Find me soon, please, even as I search for you.

 

Embrace me and give me warmth, for the night is cold and the sun has made no promise of shining the next day.

 

As I lay my head to sleep tonight, so will my heart fold-up to slumber. It shall not be roused from its chamber until you wake it with your kiss of hope. Until then, every beat shall grow faint, and every thump will wane in solitude. If you never come, then it will become dry and shriveled til it is no more.

 

 

 

- C

[0kulas0]

tuwing pumupunta ka dito sa bahay nakikipaglasingan ka lang sakin at tinatakot mo ako palibhasa alam mong takot ako sa multo. pucha, nde mo na naman ako patutulugin.... tsk

[Mobius Stripper]

To all bombers,

 

Bombing & all forms of violence, especially that takes lives & limbs, is bad & can never be justified. However, if you really can't help yourselves, I can't stop you. The LEs should be better at the job than I. Just consider this if it's revenge you're after.

 

Please do not pick as your targets malls. public transport & other areas where those who hang around are innocent civilians who have nothing to do with social injustice & are actually victims of it. Pick instead places where the guilty parties about their oppressive business.

 

Do the Philippines a favor. Please do not add to the already countless victims among which your loved ones are included. Instead, reduce the number of the oppressors. The more corrupt & oppressive they are, the better they should be as targets.

 

Da Pilipino Pipol

Edited November 14, 2007 by Mobius Stripper

[mwah]

I know it's tough when you need to be strong for everybody else.

It sucks to hope when your training tells you to give up hope.

It's hard to be the person that has to weigh every option and make those inevitable decisions.

 

Cry, bargain. You know we can be weak as we need to be.

Sometimes we do need to slow down or take a rest.

 

Yes, we're supposed to save lives but it's time to hand over that chart to the only Healer capable of turning things around.

[iwalkalone]

it's been a long while now since i started to feel that no matter what i do..won't matter.

It's sad...the kind of sadness that silences the soul.

[iwalkalone]

Letse ka! Hayup ka! Pinagsawaan mo lang ako! Minahal pa naman kita!

KALBO! TABATSOY! TSE!! HANGGANG DECEMBER PA YUNG SA APARTMENT!

BIGYAN MO KO NG TRABAHO HINAYUPAK KA!

KUNDI DAHIL SAYO NAKAKABILI PA SANA AKO NG MGA PC CDs!

ULANGYAH KAAAAHHH!!!

MAGSISISI KA! AYOKO NG MAHALIN KA!!! WALA KANG WENTAAAHHH!!! AAAAAHHH!!!

KUNG MAYAMAN LANG AKO IPAPA SALVAGE KITAAAHHH!!! KUNG MAY PISON LANG AKO SASAGASAAN KITAAAAHHH!!!

KALBOOOH! KALBO! MASAMANG TAOOOOOO!!!!

AT PAG NAMATAY AKO DAHIL SA KAKA LAKLAK KO NG EMPIE DAHIL SAYO TANDAAN MO MUMULTUHIN KITAAAH!!!

HAHATAKIN KO PAA MO! KAKALADKARIN KITA HANGGANG SA INODORO AT DUN NA KITA I_FU_FLUSHHH!!!

KALBOOOH!!!!

Edited November 15, 2007 by iwalkalone

[chipmaker]

psst.

 

sana nandito ka.

 

anlamig eh. kelangan ko kayakap.

 

 

mishu mishu!

 

[sha79]

I seriously don't know how I would have survived for another year without you. I don't remember exactly how our lives intersected, but I thank my lucky stars that they have. You cheered me on when I have been up, made me smile when I have been down, and you is always there to remind me that I will be OK..

[iwalkalone]

how could you be so insensitive? how could you? how could you do this to me? how could you...? how could you?....

how could you?!....Oh God!...

[iwalkalone]

Please buy your food sa kanto..i'm really not...i'm kinda useless right now..i am sorry.

Forgive me. you really better learn how to look after yourselves..i'm sorry.

[iwalkalone]

And you! you are a fake! you are an obvious player and still you.. deny! ? you're even worse than him...why? you thiink i'm easy? well, think again.

[iwalkalone]

And I hate you..for the rest of my life..I hate you

ask God for forgiveness ( if there is one)

And I hate you! I hate you so much..........!

live! knowing that I hate you!

Edited November 16, 2007 by iwalkalone

[munchiehoneycake]

hey, you!

thank you! :flowers:

[chiquezee]

16 November

 

There used to be a patch of grass breaking out stubbornly from the cracks of the concrete pavement, near the gate by the lamp post. Today, I was surprised to see that they were meticulous enough to spread white cement over it for an impeccable, tough, uniformed look. That saddened me, on top of everything else that has been making me sad for the past weeks.

 

Lucky you, you will have acres of sprawling, never ending green pastures that will serve as your carpet, protecting your soft delicate feet, when you take that leap of faith to conquer your new horizon. You will have more than enough of bejeweled greeneries, and I will be left with the cold concrete.

 

Seeing the wild grass removed from my view reminded me of what I am losing soon. You will be going, I know. You have to go. It's not like I will never see you nor hear from you again; and its not like blood relations diminish from distances, but still, the ache of not having you around for a tete-a-tete when we feel like it is breaking my already beaten-up heart. Ilan lang ba naman tayong magkakapatid, babawasan pa ng distansya ng isa... But then, the time will inevitably come when I myself will go and take on my own challenges. Unlike you, though, I have plans of returning to establish the legacy that was so foreign to us, and bring it right here where I plan to have and nurture my kids. While that has not happened yet, your going is unmercifully bitter. Maybe for selfish reasons, but bitter nonetheless.

 

(In another instance, I may look at this from another perspective, but at this point, I am simply consumed by loneliness and my heart continues to ache, though I try to muster the best defense that I could. If only I could bravely tell you what I have been through, and again is going through...)

 

You will no longer be a phone call away. There will be no more late night calls like the one days ago when I sobbed my pain through the lines after a brief hello... Who will be there to listen to me cry and be understanding enough not to force a word out of me? Who will be kind enough not to ask questions when all I need was to know someone was at the other line while I weep? You understand that misery loves company and you unselfishly give of your time to make sure I get that company. Even if I say not a word.

 

I wish, just for this moment before you leave, that I could be not myself and start opening up to you. I have always been the ultra-secretive one among us, like mama would point out, and for the life of me, I could never unburden to any of you. I envy you when you would grab a mug, pour yourself freshly brewed coffee, and sit by the table where mama is and just tell her what you're going through. I have difficulty doing that. I've made it a point to think that my troubles are my responsibility alone. And so here I am, going through my heartaches alone. If only I can really talk to you before you go, then perhaps that will make the bond stronger.

 

I have never admitted the influence you had on me, stubborn as I am, standing on my arrogant claim that no one has been convincing enough to make me yield my beliefs, or alter my convictions, or influence my actions. I have been reliant on our upbringing and sense of pride and honor, and often times, became too rigid with following the rules and standards I set for myself. But yes, you have influenced me more than I realized.

 

When we were kids, I used to defend you from those who would bully you because you were so soft and gentle, having been brought up like the princess that you felt you were then. But as we were getting older and life became harsh for me, and you became tougher with the circumstances, you would sit down by my bed to comb my hair with your fingers, saying nothing. And like the other day, you would just listen to me sob, and stay with me til you think I am better. By myself, I denied the tears, pretending to be strong and hard and tough; but with you beside me, crying was easy.

 

I will never forget when you rushed from your class to where I was, and in your tender age of 12, ordered everybody around to make sure I was brought to the hospital immediately. That stuck in my mind, and from then on, the role reversed. You started to protect me, and even mama, when the harshness of politics stripped peace and comfort away from us.

 

Even then, I denied any form of weakness, including admitting your influence on me. Or that I needed anybody. I was my father's daughter. Tough. Unconquerable. Cruel, even, to those who would hurt us. But deep inside, I'm the little girl whose childhood was snatched away from her by the bitter realities of life. You would know. You were the only one who'd bother finding out what was wrong when I'd be burying myself deep in books and studies, instead of going out like regular, happy, worry-free children used to do. But you never did get an answer from me except for a cheerful smile that was my ultimate defense from those who'd dare cross the line and reach out. I feared you will not understand. Until now, I have the same foolish fears.

 

Now, if only I could tell you that I do need somebody who would understand my pain, or my loneliness. It is selfishness, I know, to want you around because I need you. But when have I admitted to needing anybody at any time? Whole heartedly? Now that I am realizing that, you will be going away.

 

Maybe, just maybe, before you go, I can be a little more not myself by being true to my real self and tell you that yes, I have been through so much in life without any of you ever knowing. And no, I cannot handle it alone. That yes, I have failed miserably in keeping up a fortress on my own and that I want you to know that I appreciate your love and kindness through the years, standing by me, knowing that I cannot bear it single-handedly, though I remained stubborn in my own deception of strength.

 

I also want you to know that I will always be here for you, though far away. I will fly over if I have to, and you can be assured that everything else fall second when it comes to preserving and protecting this family.

 

The grass will forever be hidden under the tough cement, but somewhere deep in the earth's richness, the root remains, and once unearthed, will flourish once again.

 

You will never leave my heart. Family, always.

 

 

 

- I.P.

[chiquezee]

AL,

 

I am about to undertake the final steps to liberation. It took a while, but I am nearing the finish line. One more thing I have to accomplish and then I shall set up an appointment with your secretary.

 

 

 

I am giving up my Isaacs, I'm sure you'll be glad to know. It is out of obedience, mind you, than sacrifice.

 

 

 

December 10, upon my arrival from the snows.

Wait for me. I shall narrate to you my victories.

 

 

 

 

- C

[rebel_biatch]

Dear God,

 

why am i always in pain? why do i have to experience all these sufferings? i just want to be happy... all i wanted is to be loved... to be successful... to be healthy... but why can't i have even one of those? i loved someone, tired to change just to please him, but i think it wasn't enough for him. i finished college and followed my parents to finish a course that i don't like, and yet here i am.. a jobless peasant. a registered nurse but unhealthy... trying to find a job to finance my medications and therapies, but still failed. i know i commited a lot of sins... fooled a lot of people.. and now that im changing for the best, why am i still in greater pain? i know you want me to be strong.. but how? i haven't finished a battle yet here comes another one. you sent me a soldier to be with me all the way. offering all the help he can give, but why did he left? leaving me as if i was all my fault.. all i want is honesty, since he demanded me to be honest with him too... am i being fooled again? am i experiencing my karma? Lord, i give up. i surrender everything to you. if tomorow comes without me, please tell all my loved ones that i'm sorry and i love them all.. let it be done Lord.. let it be your way, and not mine.

 

 

----rebeliza grace

[dixiechiq]

I miss you bei.. Somehow, I hope you miss me too. I know we don't talk anymore. And what we had meant so much.. I don't know what happend with you and me being friends. But i hope you are happy. Please be happy. I'm still inlove with you.

[chipmaker]

it may seem nothing to you but yes, i still remember that night when you led me around metrowalk, looking for dvd's which we never bought.

 

:flowers:

 

see you when i visit manila, okay?

[dixiechiq]

i remember that night as you hugged me in yer couch.. if only i wasn't so caught up with all the dramas in my life, i would've stayed.

 

see you when you get here too

[chipmaker]

If you still bother to read what I say, then hear this:

 

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.

I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.

For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,

Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

 

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

 

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?

(I'm not okay)

I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means

(I'm not okay)

To be a joke and look, another line without a hook

I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

 

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

 

Forget about the dirty looks

The photographs your boyfriend took

You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

 

I'm okay

I'm okay!

I'm okay, now

(I'm okay, now)

 

But you really need to listen to me

Because I'm telling you the truth

I mean this, I'm okay!

(Trust Me)

 

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

Well, I'm not okay

I'm not o-f#&king-kay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

(Okay)

 

It's been ten years and we still hold grudges against each other. Both sides reaching out yet we never connect on a level that leaves us both on at least a neutral plane. Instead, we end up saying things we never mean, or hold back words that really express what we want to say. We both live different lives, both of us trying to escape the places which held so many memories. Now we find ourselves so much farther away. But are we more separate now than before? Dont you realize it takes so little to bring it all back?

 

In a couple of days more, it will be November 28 again. If that date still rings a bell to you, then reach out to me. But leave the harsh words out this time. Maybe then we can move on, separate ways but no longer in pain.

[chipmaker]

uulitin ko lang.

 

You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

 

klaro?

 

[chipmaker]

embed this in your friendster page:

 

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<param name="allowScriptAccess" value="never" /><br />

<param name="allowNetworking" value="internal" /><br />

<param name="movie" value="http://media.imeem.com/m/OXPssHWkCB" /><br />

</object>

 

you'll feel a lot better afterwards, i promise.

 

[dixiechiq]

Hi! it's been a while since i last saw ur pretty smile.. We were hugging and kissing then and i just said you make me feel so happy. happy is even an understatement. we have shared alot for the past few weeks and im thankful that i met you.. i hope we can keep this... whatever we have... we both know it's weirdly sweet and annoyingly heart touching... whatever. just please... stay?