The Mail Box

[SamanthaJones]

You may sometimes wonder why I suddenly become aloof, cold or indifferent towards you. There are times when I don’t even bother to ask you how you are or even reply to a text message that you’ve sent. Or why all of a sudden I’m mad at you.

 

I don’t want to treat you that way my good friend. But there are times when I feel that I have to do it not because I want to but I have to. We’ve known each other for like months now. You were such a good friend to me. And I value that a lot. I guess a lot more than you could ever imagine.

 

You knew I fell for you. The saddest part was you weren’t there to catch me fall. You know I gave up somebody else for you. And there goes my heart again, bruised and hurting. It never occurred to me that I would fall for you. But it happened. And I couldn’t stop myself for doing so. I was hurt. For days or weeks I think, I was really mad at you. I couldn’t stand to see you or be with you in the same room. I wanted to get away from everything. I wanted to get back at you. Make you feel the pain that I felt that time. But I just can’t. And then slowly I tried to accept the fact that you’ll never ever be mine. I started to see you again. And I put into mind that I will never allow such a thing to happen again. I’ll always be on guard. Or so I thought.

 

And then something happened. You ask me that same question again. You got me confused. You know what my answer to that question. I made sure that you knew. But still you had to ask me.

 

Why do you have to treat me this way? I don’t want to think that you’re playing with my feelings or that you’re just using me. I don’t know if you’re just too insensitive to feel what I feel for you. I hate myself for allowing these things to happen. And I guess I’ll never ever be good enough for you. If I cut all of our means of communication, you know why by now, I’m thru with you. I can’t go on as your sex object. I can’t do it anymore. If I do, it’s either I lose respect for you or for myself.

[Icee_1]

Hello again, my friend.

 

There are many things I'd like to tell you right now. So many things have happened since we last spoke. Seems like life passes me by like a blur, so I don't understand everything that's happening to me and around me. Weird, isn't it?

 

I didn't think that I would be encountering people like those that have been checking up on me, and saying the most hurtful things. I don't mean to hurt anyone, and I've tried not too, but it seems that no matter what I do, there are people who do things that hurt other people, regardless of whether they meant to or not. It's sad because I try not to step on other's people's toes as I search for my happiness, but it seems that some people would just not want me to be happy for one reason or another.

 

Well, whatever works for them, then so be it. As for me, all I want is to be happy, and I am trekking the path that I feel will lead me down the road to my happiness.

 

I hope you are doing well, and that you are happy with the goings-on in your life. Take care of yourself.

 

Icee

[Leslie Garcia]

Honey,

 

I was so devastated with the news ... but knowing myself i know i can handle this ... thank you for listening though i know you were sick .. you are still there for me ... i still don't have a regular job at the moment but im praying to get one soon ... i don't want to be a burden to anybody specially you ... my kid would adjust somehow .. he is a smart kid he understood ... get well soon and take care ...

 

M

[Aaaa100000]

"The Room" by Joshua Harris

 

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

 

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

 

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

 

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

 

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

 

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

 

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

 

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

 

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

 

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

 

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

 

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

 

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

 

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

 

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

 

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

 

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

 

 

 

[Ladyrocker]

It's late in the evening till the dawn

It is YOU I get along

Sharing things and thoughts

Thanks YOU came coz Im all alone

 

That time I close my eyes

I saw a picture of a man and a woman

Walking hand in hand

Building dreams under the sun

Capturing moments of love

Witnessed by wonderful creation of GOD

As I open up my eyes

I wish dreams are for real

And the picture I've seen

Would be YOU and ME!!!

 

[Ladyrocker]

Peter Pipper climb up high

Ease the boredom he has inside

Dreams are formed while he's on top

Resplendent sun he loves alot

Ordeal in life vanish for a while

[bods1000]

Y

 

The slightest hint of a quiver in your voice turns me to jelly.

The welling of tears in your eyes I feel though we are miles away.

Your voice was an epiphany, your words like sacred texts.

But I still don't know how to feel, how to react,

With the vacuum you sometimes create and which I cannot decipher.

But these words still spill out...

I still love you, sweetie.....

 

N

[Wyld]

i cannot name you

for to name you

is to drive a nail into my heart

a heart im trying to save...

 

i can only say

that sometimes

what you do

wounds me to the quick

 

for each and every act

clearly shows

that you do not care.

that i am nothing.

 

in the grand scheme of things

i am probably

an afterthought...

an aside.

 

i should move on

and spare my heart and soul

the torture.

i cant.

 

but i will.

in time.

i value me too highly

to stay.

 

 

 

Edited September 28, 2004 by WyldChik

[Icee_1]

Hey M,

 

Thanks for being there for me.

 

I know I am not the best person to be with at times, but I hope you could be patient with me as I go through the motions of my life. You said you are a patient person, and that patience will probably be tested through and through as we get to know each other and become friends.

 

Thanks again.

 

Icee

[KristinLavransdatr]

drareg,

 

it's nice to see you again.

God knows i needed a hug yesterday.

and you just came right on time.

i promise not to delete your number again.

i love you, old pal.

 

nitsirk

[tio_pot]

g,

 

di ko talaga maintindihan...

 

 

jb

[bigger_boi]

mahal,

 

mahal na mahal kita

[Wyld]

 

ei tiger are you back?

welcome back!

post away!

i missed you bunches! :*

[icewulf]

Is It Just Me?

(The Icewulf thinks out loud)

-=icewulf=-

 

Is it just me?

 

Is it just me?

Or can they just not see.

Everything is bright as day.

Easy for me to read as I may.

 

Is it just me?

Is this really all they can be?

I give them benefit of the doubt.

Or should I just let it all out?

 

Is it just me?

But is this their concept of "we"?

Please tell me this is not it.

I'll give you time. I'mll wait and sit.

 

Is is just me?

Or can they just not set things free.

Leave it be, let it flow.

Are you afraid true colors might show?

 

Is it just me?

Or is there a conspiracy?

It saddens me things have to be this way.

Please don't wait for me to jump into the fray.

 

Is it just me?

Come on, tell me.

Or have you forgotten your creed?

Your consciences you do not heed.

 

Is it just me?

[Wyld]

ang bulong sa kin ng hangin

tama na.

 

tigilan na.

isuko na.

 

ang sagot ko.

malapit na.

 

[SamanthaJones]

There we go again, back to where we were before. For a moment, I thought that I’ve successfully broken down the huge barrier that was between us. But I was wrong. I know how hard it is to forget the past; I’ve been thru that same situation before. And God knows how hard it was to forget somebody whom you’ve given almost your whole life to. The pain of being alone and being betrayed lingered in my soul and that it took me nearly three 3 years before I was able to finally let go. It shattered my whole life. He was the center of my life and when I lost him he took a big part of me with him. I didn’t know how it was to be without him. But then I had to move on. or else I’ll always stay bitter and hateful of the world .and besides the beauty that he let behind was enough for me to continue to keep on with the fight with life. Slowly, with the help of some friends, I started to gain back the confidence that I once had. I met other people who believed in me. And then I fell in love again. But maybe I was really not that lucky with love. I still got hurt. But this time I was more in control of my emotions. I am not the same girl that I used to be.

 

Then you came along, and everything changed. I knew you back then. You told me about your past. For a while, I thought I could understand you. That I can help you forget the bitter memories of the past. But no matter how hard I try to get thru your soul. I simply can’t because you’re always there in that small little cave of emotions that you yourself made. Probably, what I had to offer wasn’t enough for you. Or probably you weren’t just ready. You never really tried. And that what saddens me. I never really had the chance to take you out of that cave. I wish I could have done something for you. I don’t want you to stay in that kind of situation. And now, we lead 2 different lives now. I don’t think I could ever look into you sweet cute eyes again. Things have changed. As for now, I’ll continue to be the way I was before.

[roxysnonie]

 

for i while i thought, ive heard it all,

from the smallest sounding gadget

to huge rock concert systems all

and i thought it would be so loud

ear shattering to hear such,

and boy was i was dead wrong...

 

the sound of silence is much more ear shaterring

than a jumbo jet flying

the absence of your voice, you laughter, there is no denying

it is far more deafening than anything

that sweet little banter, was something to long for

sigh! i hope someday to hear you some more...

Edited September 29, 2004 by roxysnonie

[sweetmind14]

dear baby muffin,

 

My love for you will never end.

 

love,

munchkin

[Guest LovingSouL]

**T**

 

now that there is a closure, i am better...i am stronger.

i will finally say goodbye...no more looking back

 

but, remember that i will always be a friend

when you need one...

 

 

goodbye to you....to the memories....to the one true love....

 

 

 

***I**

[tio_pot]

Nang,

 

Naguguluhan ako. Ano ba talaga? Tayo na ba?

Nandito lang ako...

 

Nong

[ukyo_batusai]

I have seen you from a far. Noticed you in the coffee shop. I thought to myself: What a perfect creature this be.

[gen_g]

are we dead inside that the numbness is instantly recognized by the mind before the physicality? retarding the loss and saving what sanity i have left is excrutiating my soul.....................hmmmmm

[bods1000]

Y

 

Your voice in its calmness was like an anchor

Steadying up my wind-swept nerves.

I cannot imagine how you sounded so cool,

With what you went through, with what you are going through now.

I thought I was the steady one,

But you seem to know how to blow it over.

I love you, sweetie..

I wish I could be with you always

But I know you could rough it out.

And from you I gain strength.

 

N

[cee]

I yearn for those who

 

still believe in life's truths

 

of honesty

 

of sincerity

 

of compassion

 

and of true friendship.

 

but most of all.

 

I long to know those few people who

 

really know what love is

 

and how to be a loving person.

 

I long for a place where people can

 

get together and talk to one another

 

about the things that matter,

 

like being friends and caring about

 

the dreams that we all believe in.

 

I long for a time when

 

friendship and love are important

 

and the best part of our lives.

[freakish]

do you still wonder?

do you still ask the silly question?

what good will it do to you?

just blow that torch,

it is best to live in the present

than wallow in the past.