The Mail Box

[Z]

The moments tick away as my time here nears a close. Frustration, restlessness builds as I wait in self imposed isolation if only for everyone's benefit but then again, also for yours truly so it seems. I have always viewed this place as one huge comfort zone that threatens to draw me back to what was and what cannot be. I still answer to a higher calling, an irresistible force. I just pray I have handled myself responsibly for I can only give so much - you cannot give what you do not have - and I aim to have much. Ah, the ramblings of a convoluted mind.

Edited September 14, 2004 by Z

[Wyld]

 

strange, but im both scared and steady at the same time.

i know that so much will change.

so much will become undone by events of the past days...

but ... this much i know for sure.

i have never been more than ready to face life as it is now...

i have so much courage in my heart that i know...

i can look life in the eye and take what it dishes out to me.

 

i have to be strong. i will be strong.

 

even if i have to be strong by myself.

 

we both deserve nothing less.

 

it will be good for you and me dearest one...

 

i promise.

 

:heart: :heart:

Edited September 14, 2004 by WyldChik

[Icee_1]

What is it with me that draws me to the wrong men, or draws the wrong men to me?

 

What is it with me that pushes him away, and makes me withdraw into myself?

 

I do not understand, nor do I pretend to; no one else seems to understand as well.

 

Is this what is meant to be?

 

For whatever it's worth, I believe I will get through this, and when I do, I will be stronger, better, and more self-assured. Not the mouse of a person that I am now.

 

I believe that You will see me through, no matter what, and that You will not take me to it, if You don't think I can get through it.

[summersky07]

for u....

 

 

Its not the pale moon that excites me

That thrills and delights me, oh no

Its just the nearness of you

 

It isnt your sweet conversation

That brings this sensation, oh no

Its just the nearness of you

 

When youre in my arms and I feel you so close to me

All my wildest dreams come true

 

I need no soft lights to enchant me

If youll only grant me the right

To hold you ever so tight

And to feel in the night the nearness of you

[Grimace]

when i rise up from bed, i miss the crumpld sheets, i miss the smell of your aftershave..i miss your arms...oh gawd.......i miss it!!!

[Icee_1]

Questions for you:

 

Am I strong enough to do this, that what you think I should do?

 

Do I love him enough to see him through this, or should I love myself and leave him be?

 

What do you think will become of me, when everything else comes to pass? Will I become the person you thought me to be, or will I just fade into nothingness, a mere shadow of myself, as I conform to what he wants me to be?

 

Do you think love is still possible for me despite my hardened heart? Despite the experiences I've been through? Will there be someone there for me after all this is through?

 

Do you believe in me enough to think that these things I can do? For myself, for my good? But what of the greater good, the one that will be best for all concerned? Does that necessarily mean what is good for me, will be good for all else?

 

What is it that I want from you; what is it that I expect? I do not and cannot presume too much, for you are your own person, and you have made up your mind.

 

I am losing myself, my friend, and I don't know what to do.

 

But hopefully you will still believe in me and this belief (and our faith in God) may see me through.

 

Icee

[freakish]

friend,

 

sometimes we have to be brought down to our knees to know the person we really are..

we have to hit rock bottom to make our self whole again..

sometimes, we just need to hold on to that hope to make it through.

[Ladyrocker]

U read this... this is for YOU!!!

-----------------------------------------------

 

On a dark lonely night

All alone, sitting inside

You came along in my mind

Reminds me of the little time

 

Those sweet thoughts

... can make me smile

Those fruitfull talks

... can speak to my heart

Those funny memories

... can ease my boredom

But, Those days of your absence

... can make me cry

 

I guess...

Im just missing you...

[Wyld]

in the depths of despair.

alone.

 

i almost let go.

i tried not to.

 

still alone.

as usual.

 

ever.

constant.

 

alone.

still.

 

if i fade into nothingness.

will anyone ever notice.

 

alone.

always.

 

sent a cry out to you

it went unheeded.

 

inspite of your promise.

you were not there.

 

alone.

forever.

 

:cry:

 

i could have vanished earlier and no one would have known...

Edited September 15, 2004 by WyldChik

[Ladyrocker]

Fly me to the hills

Show me the real pictures,

... of the beauty of nature

Let us be the first one,

... to greet the sun as it rises

And Let me be with you,

... as you watch the suns goes down

Let the moonlight shines

... during the night

And As we lay down on the grass

Let us watch the stars

... that sparkles above

[Leslie Garcia]

Honey,

 

I've cried .. though i didn't want to .. i did ... i've been rejected again .. by you ... i did not want to invade your privacy .. im keeping my promise .. i wanted so much to know you ... but then my efforts are rejected .. i was shown out of your door .. it hurts so deep i don't know what to think .. i've accepted the fact you don't want me in your life .. yeah i remember im just a friend nothing else .. a friend indeed you can count on ... just a friend .. how can i forget so silly of me ... yeah you've introduced me as a friend no more than that .. i was just a nobody you can be proud of .. if i can just teach this foolish heart to stop beating ... make my mind forget ... i should've retreated to my shell .. wrap my heart with ice .. no feelings .. it could be easier for me to go on .. yeah why didn't i thought of that .. i'll just ignore the pain everything ... discard all the wartmth and be stone cold .. it's me before you came ... maybe i can just go back to my old self .. unfeeling .. and cold ...

 

M

[Zerreit]

I can't take it anymore. You have to realize I am a different person! I am sorry to disappoint you but I am not you! I will never be like you! I don't think I want to be like you! I will never be good enough! You never appreciate what I do. You've hurt me very deep this time. I don't think I can live with what you've said to me. I'm sorry to say this but I hate you!

 

:cry: :cry: :cry:

Edited September 16, 2004 by Zerreit

[Wyld]

resolution

 

i always have managed

to pull myself out

from the pits and depths

from the blackness and fear.

 

and i have done so yet again.

life is a challenge.

ill face it.

as i always have.

 

alone or not.

i will.

and come out...

smiling.

 

[Ladyrocker]

SOMEONE WHO NEVER LET GO

 

If you see me walking the road with someone else

It's not because I like his company

Its because you're not brave enough to walk

beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time

Its not because he pleases me

Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new

Its not because I love him

Its because you're not there to catch me if I

fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere

I too don't know where the road is going

Are we gonna cross each other's path

Or just completely turn around?

Will we just let go of what we had

Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him

Its you I want to walk with

Don't let me talk of him

Its you I want to talk with

Don't let me fall for him

Its you I want to fall in love with.

[roxysnonie]

 

it saddens me that you feel like what you feel, what you have in mind is a noble gesture, but nobility is not the real world. people who love you, care for you depend on you is...

 

please think about them, think about how they'll need you more in due time. the disadvantage of what you're considering is too great to ignore, and in the end it will surmise to a really bad decision onn your part, and it would reflect on us as well because we let you...but we wont.

 

please change your mind, for everyone's sake and your's as well.

 

you are too valuable to sacrifice.

[gen_g]

the waiting is irritatingly accepting at the moment...the information is aastounding and swelling inside my brain....the work..more or less the same....the senses lingering....being....sealing the reality within......

[in_style]

dear you,

 

i guess this is the time when we have to say goodbye.

i'm not apt to discuss it either as it will only bring in more emotions.

you will always be remembered and the time spent will be treasured.

will always wish you the best. take care.

 

-xtn-

[Icee_1]

My friends,

 

I am sorry for having failed you, and myself, again. I know you believe me to be strong and a survivor, and I believed the same of myself too. But now circumstances have shown that I am not so. I have stayed within my comfort zone, and refused to up and go. I have given up the fight for what is rightfully mine, yet I am playing it safe by staying where there is no tomorrow, unable to face the unknowns of today.

 

Since I have met you guys, my life has changed. You have made me rethink things and challenge what life has to offer me. Although I cannot fully accept what occurs around me, I will trek my own path and make my own happpiness, with or without my cross. Perhaps it is not yet meant to be for me to be absolutely happy. Or perhaps I can make the most of this situation, and be happy trying out whatever is available out there.

 

Hopefully though, whatever my choice may be, you guys will still be there to see me through.

 

For this, I thank you.

 

Icee

[Zerreit]

Only one thing comes into my mind right now. Pablo Neruda's Tonight I Write The Saddest Lines. I don't know why but it's in my mind.....

[Leslie Garcia]

Honey,

 

Im hurt by the way things are going between us ... it hurts me so much when you push me out of your life ... i shouldn't be but then how can heart forget the pain ... my mind can just ignore it but deep inside im numb with pain ... im asking myself should i give up and just let go? my mind says yes but my heart says no ... do i really deserved to be treated the way your treating me now ... is this the price i have to pay for letting you in my life? ... Im slowly retreating to my old self ... cold as stone ...unfeeling ... so i can't hurt anybody and myself ... so i won't find myself crying at night and feeling hurt ... don't worry im still here ... a friend you can count on ... just reach out im here ... and when the day comes you are willing to let me in your life without the if's and what's i hope it's not too late ... i maybe back to the person i was before you came ...

 

M

Edited September 19, 2004 by Leslie Garcia

[Grimace]

i miss you Z... yun lang!

[Guest cool_k@reem]

byers...peeps nice knowing you

 

 

 

:mtc:

[Zerreit]

My dearest friend,

 

I still feel bad that you had to leave for the U.S. I miss the times we had here. I miss everything about you. The silly things we do. The laughter we both shared. Me dissing your boys, you dissing mine.

 

I have to admit I was angry at you when you left a couple of months ago. I never told you though. I felt it was selfish of me to be angry at you. I felt like you left me alone here. I sometimes cried myself to sleep. I just felt really angry at you. You were my best friend, you were the closest thing I had as a sister, and you left. You told me you were coming back but you're not coming back.

 

There were times when I just ignored your emails and your text messages. I placed you on ignore on my ym. I just didn't want to talk to you anymore. But I guess I couldn't stay away from you. You're my dearest friend and I miss you a lot!

 

I now am wishing, more than ever, that you are still here in Manila. Now that you know what I am currently going through. You're the only one who knows. I was so happy to talk to you again the other week! I honestly thought I was going insane! I guess I'd be in a much better emotional and mental state with you here. We always supported each other. We always cheered each other. Now I am groping blindly through everything here, and I am scared to death. I really am. I need you now more than ever.

 

You told me you're coming home soon. Well, you better be home soon because I need you here. You're the only person who can keep me sane.

 

Your friend forever,

L

Edited September 20, 2004 by Zerreit

[tio_pot]

..,

 

ok lang ba?

 

j

[moonflower]

I let down my guard with you last night and this afternoon like I have never done before. I feel stripped, barenaked. You have seen my very soul for I have shown it to you. I have made you feel what I really am when I am in abandon and surrender. I was just letting the feeling and the sensation wash over me. That I do not regret. I wanted to do it. I would be willing to do it again....over and over with you. I hope it will be better. I hope I would be more ready and sure, emotionally as well, for if and when it would really come.