The Mail Box

[Leira]

didn't get much sleep last night...

why? cant stop you from running in my mind

i wondered where you are... what you're doing

whether you're fine or not....

do your arms still get numb ( i hope not anymore)

oh well... i miss you...

dont ask me why.. i just do...

 

[mwah]

dearie,

 

why are you lurking around?

if you want to ask something about your sweetie, ask me now or else you'll read more of those later...

sometimes love ain't just enough, you know.

Edited October 22, 2007 by mwah

[LostCommand]

Part of my difficulty in studying was that every time them great professors scratch some new ideas and concepts on the whiteboards, sparks fly from my head and set fire upon that heap of tinder that is my imagination. I realise just how many of my old political and business gut instincts were quite correct after all, and all of the sudden I seemingly have answers to getting everything except world peace and free beer.

 

The problem is I get so caught up in that smoke of fresh ideas that I miss some of the lessons while I frantically scribble on the margins of my notes and cover a special tickler (like what I used to carry at work) with page after page of scrawls and exclamation points. Any one of those one line scrawls could easily be elaborated into an essay pages in length.

 

I can only hope that there is fire underneath all that smoke.

 

yours forever

 

LC

[Wyld]

 

i was going to let it pass that you had to ask me that question.

however, the more i thought about it, the more i realized.

in all our interaction, albeit short and quite recent,

i had never given you reason to doubt my sincerity.

 

after much thought, yes,

it IS offensive to me that you had to ask.

 

much saddened,

 

w.

[chipmaker]

hoy gorgeous!

 

nagulat naman ako dun sa friendster mo!!

 

congratulations! :*

 

so, looks like postponed na naman ang coffee date natin? nyahahaha!!

 

add mo ko, chat tayo minsan.

[mwah]

Our paths may not cross again until the universe decides that the moment is right.

Until then...

[Leira]

having mixed emotions now

are you just one of them??

i hope not...

i hope i'm wrong...

would just be silent for awhile..

dont wana go back....

im done with that...

[naked_angel]

you,

 

time traveling again?

just remember that you have a hand to hold, a garden to return to and me, waiting for you.

 

ayos pa rin...

 

 

love always,

 

me

[chipmaker]

hey.

 

they call it blind dates.

 

but what comes to my mind is a sweet fruit with white hair.

 

Edited October 24, 2007 by chipmaker

[chiquezee]

Its the time of the year when I feel like shunning the sun and hide myself in the cave of anonymity where no one can touch me and come near me.

 

Its the time of the year when I usually call you for a much needed confiding and just let myself be myself for a brief un-perverted moment. No one knows the real me and my absurd ideals, and big ideas, and foolish dreams, but you. With you I can just go on and on and on and you simply sit back and listen to me, interrupting with a but a word of encouragement, an exclamation of disbelief, or even a curt rebuke, or sometimes, an expression of disapproval with an exasperated sigh and an exaggerated raising of eyebrows. But you let me be myself and talk non-stop.

 

You paid attention to me when I spoke of my major plans and even took time out to study the blueprints and time table. You let your accountant study my financial plans and praised me for a clean book. You appreciated me and supported me like you were a part of the whole structure.

 

You were the one who pushed me to make the step of faith to initiate the journey to where I am destined to go. And you were very proud when you saw that I was finally conquering the undiscovered terrains.

 

You were sympathetic when I narrated about F and his ordeals and understood me when I no longer wanted to be part of that enterprise.

 

You gave me time and you listened to me.

 

It is during those rare long talks in your very serene office, watching the flowing water in the make shift garden, where time is no-when, that I have revealed, in almost a whisper, what I dared not share with others, for fear of my life. And you listened intently and gave me very sensible advise, applying my situation to your corporate scenarios, sharing with me your extensive genius coming from the wisdom of years, experience of different worlds, and graying hair... After all, you are not ignorant of these things, being a man of prominence and esteem. You did not become who you are by a whim. You did not get to where you are without facing the challenges, you said. And you were expecting the same from me.

 

The secrets overtook me but I did not call you. And I feared letting you in on the matter, for I know you would come to my protection, like you did years ago. I felt I could handle it and I made sure I did. I feared letting you know of the developments because I promised you around this time last year, during an emergency call, that I will leave the halls and grant myself the freedom to finally do what I want and had to; and gain what I must and should. But I am still here, sir. I failed you. I failed myself. But I am doing my best to fulfill what must be carried out, for a greater cause. For a greater glory.

 

Now, I brave this storm dictated by duty even as I struggle to release myself from such responsibilities.

 

After a sleepless night of turbulent decision-making, I decided on when the fated day will be.

 

I know what I will finally do will injure the system. But I have to, maybe for selfish gains, but for a purpose nonetheless.

 

I will hand my papers in a matter of days, sir. I know the pillar will crumble.

 

I want to call you but I stop myself. I know you will be pleased when you find out about this. But not yet. There is still one more thing I have to do. When that is accomplished, maybe then I will call your secretary for an appointment.

 

But right now, I struggle with the desire to just simply let it be and hide myself in the darkness of the caves.

 

Truly, we fight the bloodiest battle with ourselves everyday. We have to decide to win against ourselves every time.

 

I am tired, yet I keep on.

 

Victory is not for the fainthearted. I will win this.

 

 

 

-C

[chiquezee]

Please.

 

Not in front of me.

 

I will no longer pinpoint which. You know.

 

You're not slow as not to understand who and what I am referring to.

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

- C

[naked_angel]

un amigo dijo

 

silencio. distancia entre los dos. cada vez mayor. los silencios que antes nos unían, esos instantes incómodos que se convirtieron más tarde en momentos cómplices, preludio de estallidos de pasión, ahora nos separan. hace mucho tiempo que hemos dejado de hablar. pero no con palabras, si no con miradas, con gestos, con caricias... con besos. algo que ya conocía. ella vuelve a cambiar, y con ese cambio se vuelven a repetir experiencias ya vividas.

me doy cuenta de que este es verdad...

[chipmaker]

dear ms. lewis hamilton,

 

we're raising your insurance for the calendar 2008. you're proving too much of a risk for our company.

 

 

your friendly state farm agent

[LostCommand]

Perhaps it is time for me to release that remaining boat.

 

Long years ago, on this day, my cousins’ birthday, we had so nearly gotten together. Had we married we would have been the dream team made unstoppable, I on the left, you on the right, and none living now to withstand us combined.

 

But it was not to be.

 

You later said in your notes that you would now want to give me the chance at a happy marriage, and that I could therefore move on. Perhaps I would agree.

 

But I would have you know that it will be to some extent basic social responsibilities that will drive me to accept a match, if ever. I am the last of my line, and all that means. I have accepted long ago that after you, I would marry for duty as much as I would for companionship, and would therefore carry all the responsibilities of that practical relationship with a realistic soul. But marry for heart, for love? The woman I loved hardest and longest has left me. My years and decades may bring with them wisdom, or some wisdom at the least, but they do not shield me a whit from heartbreak.

 

You also wrote in your later notes about children. How I had so secretly wished we were given ours, in the time we were together. For age is also catching up with me, and I do feel the ticking clock, though I kept that worry a secret from you too. I would treasure kids. If there would be a stronger and more personal reason for me to later on get married and to stay married, it is because of the irreplaceable children which that union could produce.

 

If I am ever denied my children, it will take me until the next life to understand why that was so, and even in that next life, still I will not have them.

 

And such eternal loneliness would be truly complete.

 

The material challenges of providing well and equally for all of my children, whether with some politically matched wife-to-be or with one I truly love, or both, would be tough, though not at all insurmountable. But I agree with you that if my fatherhood experiences are limited to regularly dropping off loads of money in a bank account, then that would be grossly unfair to myself and my daughter. My daughter is not my daughter unless I have had a hand in raising her, and I do not mean only the baby care, but also (especially) the school age when she asks the questions, and then I would teach her to ask the right questions, and when she finds the answers, and then I would teach her to find the right answers. You are also correct that secrecy will be difficult for me, especially since I will be living a public life in 20 years or so. Though it will not be impossible - if and when I should acquire ever more authority, secrecy will be one of them.

 

What sort of mortal power is it that hides no secret anyway?

 

However, time is passing fast for me, and therefore, I must now come to grips with the reality that left to my own devices, there are ever diminishing chances of my laying the necessary groundwork of matchmaking and also of high career, and still leave enough years for a tall, fair, bright-eyed brown-haired red-lipped big-nosed daughter who would have such natural gifts that would have her shape society long before society would have a chance to shape her.

 

So, I must go ahead and release this last boat. Soon, I will await a cold clear winter night exactly like this very evening, when the winds blow strong and frigid and the moon round and perfect and silver. And I will write you that, at last, I have scribbled down my dreams, her name, our plans, and what might have been, and folded that precious parchment into a small boat. And then I will wander by that magical nearby river, right before where she thunders down that creaky ancient dam, and put the boat in her cold blue waters, to drift away to some unknown sea, gone for all time from me.

 

Perhaps, like that beautiful full moon tonight, neither does my daughter belong to this world.

 

LC

[naked_angel]

happy birthday, evil one!

 

everything's lousy now but there's always hope and the happy thoughts

whoever said this too shall pass, was right all along...

 

cheers!