The Mail Box

[simon b]

undelivered letters

words that can hurt but never hurled

 

no address

no name

[Z]

Dear S,

 

Yes we'll still be friends no matter what. I'm just sad to see you this way, in this particular space. So much ado about nothing yet even if I told you this in your face, in the most loving manner, I seriously doubt it will sink in especially at the rate you're going. Its funny how much truth I get out of you when you're 'upset'. Just don't go off on me sometime in the future when I remind you that I did tell you so. (Drama queen is an apt description).

 

Love,

 

E

Edited June 9, 2006 by Z

[SamanthaJones]

....i'm still in denial....havent accepted the fact that she's gone..for good. She was mother,a sister and dear friend to me.Our relationship wasn that smooth sailing..we had are our share of ups and downs..but i loved her. I knew that she cared for me like her own daughter.. and when i go pregnant i knew how it broke it her heart.There were times when we were not in speaking terms but when we were ok, it was one of the happiest episodes of my life.

 

She has been fighting the Big C for almost 7 years. She endured the pain of going thru chemotherapy . There were times when depression would get the best of her because i know how she wanted to stay alive for my brother and her kids, my niece who's now 15 years old and her daughter who has become my bestfriend and the sister that i never had. I have gotten used to seeing her staying in hospital for a few weeks. Last year, when i was stll pregnant with my 2nd kid, me and ivy would go there and stay with them. We were virtually living in one of the private rooms of St. Lukes. But i didnt mind. I know that she was happy that we were all together. Even before she was admitted a few weeks before, i knew that she would be back.But before she left she told me that her doctor already gave her only a few months to live. I know that day would come. That news never came as a surprised to me.I ran out of words. I suddenly didnt know the words to say to comfort her.I've already witness what cancer can do. i saw what it did to my mom. I knew deep inside though that the thought of death hounded her, made her even more depressed.She wanted to live. We even celebrated her last birthday last may 31. I even brough ivan with us even though i know that kids are not allowed in the hospital. i managed to sneek him up just so that we could be with her. I even took her picture using my phone when she blew the candles on her cake. Until now i havent deleted that picture. I promised her that i will be back by friday...

 

But that stormy friday night, i was with my officemates drinking the day away since it was payday.I completely forgot my promise. Me and ivy were supposd to do some shopping in sm when my brother texted me asking me if we were still out, i said yes and asked why. He replied "hinahanap ka ng ate virgie mo". I didnt hesitate for a moment. We rushed to the hospital.Call it intuition, but i knew something didnt felt right. When i got there, she asked me to hugged her. She said "pinatawag kita, yakapin mo ako, bukas wala na ako. natiis ako ng anak ko, kaya pinatawag kita". I told her "wag ka nga mag isip ng ganyan ano ka ba?wag ka iiyak." . I didnt want to hear those words. I thought she was having another bout of depression. I was wrong. Her doctor visited her, told her if she wanted to be hooked up to a respirator. She declined. She was in too much pain. She had already given up the fight. She even thanked her doctor and also gave her a big hug. I left the room for an hour or two, to get some fresh air. I can't stand too see her.I cant let her see me cry.I wanted to show her that i'll be strong for her.She didnt want me to leave her side. She wanted me stay beside her. I told her i'll be back.When i came back, i thought everythng would be ok. I thought she'd already settled down.But after a few hours, her condition started deteriorating. She found it difficult to breathe. Her body is not capable of taking in oxygen. Carbon Dioxide is slowly building up in her system. Then her daughter arrive. Tears were starting to fall down my cheeks. All of us in the room, we already crying. I thought, not now please, dont take her away yet. We still have so much things to do.There was no oxygen going to her brain, she already having a stroke attack. I left the room, the nurse called stat and everybody was rushing to her room...i was outside...didnt know what to do... i tried to call my friends.. i wanted to talk to somebody. it hurt. big time... then there she was lying peacefully in her bed. She was still breathing but she was already brain dead.we witness her breathe her last breath. we saw how her heartbeat slowly fade...

 

... until now i may seem ok but i havent come to terms yet of losing her. i grieved her loss. i feel for my brother, my niece, her other daughter.i'm trying to move on. she was the closest thing that i had for a mother. i'm missing her..will continue too...i will keep my promise. i will look after your family. i loved you ate virgie....

Edited June 10, 2006 by SamanthaJones

[Barenaked-NoMre]

CL,

 

As soon as I received that SMS from you ... I knew what you wanted.

 

Good thing I was your 1st choice ... or was I? ;-P

 

Anyway, despite the "BOOTY call" ... was SO good to CUM together with you again!

 

You're one of the few guys I would drop what I'm doing to MEAT up with you.

 

Cors ... "tried and tested" ... "satisfaction guaranteed"! ;-)

 

Til next time, baby! Mmmwah ...

 

A

[bluegreen717]

We are but two soldiers, wounded and tired. Seeking respite, solace, refuge, validation, perhaps some affection. Our battles differ, but to be on each other's side is a source of strength, at least for one of us. Never knowing when this will end, and how.

 

As always, take care.

[KristinLavransdatr]

what do you feel when women throw themselves at your feet? always at your beck and call?

 

what do you feel when these women confess their willingness to be your doormat?

 

what do you feel knowing you're their only good option?

 

what do you feel? or do you feel at all?

 

don't you feel that your dick is overused by women who had no other choice but you who chose to be their savior? their sure good lay? the man who will treat them as if they're the most desirable creature on earth?

 

male prostitution, is that the free game now?

 

what have desire and free use of flesh done to sensitivity? to self-respect? to decency?

 

what has the world of work done to men who are supposed to be thinking individuals on one hand but a merciless piece of meat on the other?

 

who asked for higher order of women to come and claim these gallant warriors from the muck of lowliness?

 

no, thanks. and i hate to repeat O, but i agree with her saying that you can tell the kind of man one is based on the women he's with. and vice versa.

Edited June 14, 2006 by KristinLavransdatr

[chipmaker]

see... sometimes, you need to listen too.

Edited June 14, 2006 by chipmaker

[Wyld]

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, "The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance."

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

 

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

 

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

 

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

 

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all.

 

In the distance someone is singing.

 

In the distance

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

 

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

 

Another's.

 

She will be another's.

 

Like my kisses before.

Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

 

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

 

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for her

 

a little neruda just before fade out....

[LostCommand]

I never meant to hurt you. Other maybe, many many others I could hurt with the same ease I knead words, metals, and men.

 

But not you.

 

For I believe in the aristocracy of the bright ones brave enough to make use their full brilliance. And I know it when I meet a peer, so few and so far between.

 

Take what you need,

 

LC

[LostCommand]

To answer you,

 

Desire, like drugs, takes (at least) two parties to tango. In either case, the pusher and the pushee are equally guilty.

 

One can not exist independently of the other.

 

One cannot judge the other.

 

To paraphrase Raul Manglapus, if sin is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it. I suggest you do the same. And don't knock it till you've tried it.

 

For unlike drugs, desire can make us better people, after a hit. The writer in you knows that too,

 

cheers!

 

LC

[KristinLavransdatr]

i know what it is.

 

it is the first to be conquered and the last to be freed.

 

it is the endless longing for something/someone you can never have.

 

so you paint its picture, hoping for a replicate, believing it is also the real thing, praying one day it and its picture will be one and the same.

 

desire is the first to be conquered and the last to be freed. on the other hand, and may i quote some creature: the only way to be freed from temptation is to succumb to it.

 

i have always succumbed to temptation but never to desire. you ought to know the difference. you are brilliant. so says your copyright.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

S,

 

Thank you for calling me again ... it means a lot that you're there as a friend.

 

You tell it to me straight. I need that.

 

See you soon!

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Y,

 

Your friendship means so much to me ...

 

Thanks for defending me when needed. ;-)

 

I know what I do to myself ... hurts you. Will try to be kinder to my soul ...

 

No one else but me ...

 

You're a wonderful friend and one tough cookie! ;-)

 

Let's show the world what we're made of.

 

A

[~ecCentric~]

bkt ganun? d ko maintindihan kung bkt hanggang ngaun d mo pa rn maunawaan? pagmamahal na binibigay ko sau pinagdududahan mo pa.. ano pa ba ang gusto mong patunayan ko sau? lahat naman ginawa ko para maramdaman mo kung gano ka kaimportante sa kn.. bkt lagi na lng ako ang masama? pag may sinabi ako, lagi n lng mali.. ganun ba kababa ang tingin mo sa kn? ang pagmamahal na cnsabi mo asan na? d ko alam kung bakit tau nagkaganito.. ginawa ko lahat ng alam kong paraan para manatili ka sa kn pero walang nangyari. ako pa rn ang lumabas na masama.. ang hirap.. d ko alam kung pano magsisimulang muli. lagi kang nasa tabi ko pag kailangan kita at ganun dn ako sau. pano ko ngaun ccmulan ang umaga ng d kita kasama? pano ko tatapusin ang gabi ng d kita nayayakap? lahat ng luha ko ay nababaliwala dahil lamang sa isang malisyosong akala.. tiwala.. un ang wala sau.. sana matauhan ka na at bumalik sa kn. alam mong andto lang ako at inaantay ka.. mamahalin kita kahit d mo ko mahalin..

[LostCommand]

The mere fulfillment of one's desires for love and affection...are no longer enough for me. About 8 years ago I had nearly succumbed to such sweet temptations, my goodness, that half-breed chick had very nearly hooked, landed, and gutted me.

 

However, teetering at the edge back then, I realised that I was in reality already enslaved to a jealous Mistress, who will in all likelihood keep me until I am old and all squeezed out, and leave me lonely and wandering in the winter years of my life.

 

Let the others worry about their desires and temptations - that is their fate, so human and so predictable. I envy them and their simple worries.

 

I accept my complex and solitary fate. In the meanwhile, I take care of my friends, some more than others, I take care of my family (at least those younger than me), I let my lady friends burn holes in my heart, some larger than others, such as that fierce lady I dreamt about in my drunken naked stupor early this morning.

 

Desire, temptation, love even, are not enough fate for me,

 

Leave such fate for the others - for it pre-occupies them already,

 

LC

Edited June 17, 2006 by LostCommand

[Wyld]

i am afraid.

 

i fear.

i worry.

i fret.

 

i know that i should not.

i know i should keep the faith.

i know i should be strong.

 

things conspire against us.

people try to pull us apart.

people try to get between us.

 

i fear.

i worry.

i fret.

 

give me strength.

give me courage.

give me faith.

 

stand by me.

hold my hand.

keep my spirits up.

 

love me.

as i love you.

forever.

 

please take away my fear.

 

this is for you.

you who hold my heart. im trying. really trying.

but i worry. its like two steps forward, 20 steps back.

its like each thing i say,

every single thing i have done in the past haunts us.

im unsure what to do.

help me not to falter.

please.

Edited June 18, 2006 by Wyld

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Daddy & Lolo!

 

Happy Father's Day!

 

Although, you're both no longer with us physically ... the happy, fond and treasured memories are with us.

 

We miss you.

 

We love you.

 

Thank you!

 

Be our angels up there ... guiding us towards what's better for us.

 

A

[sweetie]

di ko maintindihan..

 

bat di mo sinabi?

 

importante ba ko sa yo? o bale wla lang?

 

bat kailangan mangyari un?

 

di ko alam kung asan ka..

 

di ko alam kung san ka hahanapin..

 

naiinis ako..

 

nagtatampo ako..

 

magusap naman tayo..

 

uwi ka na..

 

pao!

 

:cry:

[Barenaked-NoMre]

To ALL the MEN who dont have the balls to show up during the EBs,

 

You're FULL of crap. Wasting our time ...

 

May karma get to you.

 

You're text message(s) explaining why you cant make it ... I already know the deal. I wasnt born yesterday.

 

We can see past all that ...

 

Your loss ... not ours.

 

We're better off ... not meeting you.

[smaug]

k

 

bakit kaw pinili ko, e mas mahal ko sya?

 

paengot

[LostCommand]

F,

 

It is not me. Prove it,

 

It is not me. I have done my part, so you must do yours too.

 

It is not me, four thousand kilometers away, it is simply not me, mi amiga.

 

You give me too much credit,

 

cheers!

 

C

[daggerlady]

dear an,

i still love you and i'm missing you so bad.

thoughts of you keep haunting me.

i've never been happy as i was when we're still together.

i regret i chose to stay away from you.

i'm such a coward.

if only i could turn back time, then i would take all the risks of loving you.

i'd never go far away from you.

i need you in my life but i understand the situation is different now.

i could only hope that someday we can be together again.

my love for you will always stay... just as the memories.

i wish you happiness.

[sweetie]

u should have been back by now..

 

but still.. ur no where to be found..

 

ANO BA TALAGA?!

 

please don't make me feel this way..

 

nahihiharapan na ko..

 

kung anu ano na pumapasok sa isip ko..

 

now don't speak of DESERTION..

 

u don't know what it means..

 

u don't know how it feels to be LEFT ALONE without a word..

 

if there's a problem..

 

talk to me..

 

wala naman iwanan sa ere..

 

<_<

[gr82d8]

Sleepless nights

Restless days

Pondering why we went astray

 

I have my shortcomings

I have my mistakes

I just wish it's not too late

 

I can change for you

I promise you that

I'll always love you and that's a fact

 

I feel emptiness inside

I don't want you to see me weep

You might think that I am weak

 

Please don't be afraid

To take a chance with me

Forever yours I will be

 

Please give me a chance

To show my worth

It will be like my rebirth

 

I love you with all my heart

I love you with all my soul

Winning you back is my goal

 

S, I never sent you this because I saw how happy you were without me in your life. I wanted to let you have peace and joy as you felt when we began our relationship. I have been meeting new people, making new acquaintances and doing things I had not dreamed of ever doing. Perhaps I still love you, I definately still care. But If you ask me back I'd say no way. I gave you a chance and you declined, I told you then when I decide on something I'll stay by it till the end. I wish you hapiness though, I wish you luck. Though you may never read this, it's my final goodbye. 9 months of self deprivation has taught me alot of things about myself. I am stronger than I was when we were together, and perhaps more self confident. Thanks for the 8 years of being a family. I now consider myself free. adieu

 

-R

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Thanks for lunch ... this is LONG overdue.

 

You do live up to your handle. ;-)

 

Hope you find what you're looking for.

 

I'm here as a friend. K?

 

A