The Mail Box

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

am not feeling well.

 

dont know why...

 

but you could do something about it.

 

just hold me close to your body.

 

put your hands around me.

 

stroke your fingers and feel my hair.

 

let me sleep on your lap

 

then i'll feel so much better.

 

 

C, you're my only medicine...

 

 

RJ

[missmanners]

so work was kind of hectic today. manic monday. and i had one too many cuppacoffees and maybe more cigarettes than i'd dare admit. so am a bit worried since this lifestyle ain't altogether sound. although i did go to the clinic earlier before pilates class and i had my blood pressure and blood sugar tested and the nurse said i was healthy. but i suppose it's J's rubbing off on me that's to blame for the worry. hypochondriac. so yeah. and i went out to dinner with N and S (did i ever mention them?) and, of course, J. i mean, my day won't be complete without the rudimentary coffee and ciggie with J. you, me and two bucks. yeah. i love that line. so i'm kind of proud i didn't eat. i kind of just sat there and listened.

 

oh. and did you hear? kris aquino's getting married. hahaha. just thought to bring it up, in case you didn't hear. i was laughing with my assistant earlier about it. and she asked me, ma'am, kayo kaya? kelan? and that question made me want to just smoke some more.

 

speaking of random, don't you just love random acts of kindness?

 

could be me but time's been moving a bit faster these days now that i'm not thinking too much anymore... well, i AM still my overanalytical self but because i've got a few things ironed out, the object of my thoughts has been less conflicting, i suppose. so, yeah. and i dunno. could be me as well but i find that many of my disillusionments are unraveling themselves. so i kinda see clearer now... but not. because as soon as some things fixed themselves, other problems take their place. and they're not really problems... just... uh.. minor predicaments. inconvenient when idle. sort of. and it's funny, isn't it, how surprises just pop out of nowhere. now i was never a big fan of them. i don't like unpredictability. but i think my mind might be changed now. although if on the outside these things that have come up should make me smile, there's always that evil inner voice that wants to ruin everything with questions and doubts. like maybe this isn't for real. that maybe it's not what it seems. that maybe i don't deserve it. and i dunno. i still vascillate between trusting myself and self-doubt... because after all, without these behavioral patterns, who would i be?

 

and so these rains are a bummer, huh? but not really cos i love it that it's not hot anymore and i'm not cranky anymore. everyone i work with is pretty happy about it too. cos i don't bite their heads off anymore. oh and something happened earlier that was funny. what was it again. hahaha. i'll remember later. you know my fingers can barely catch up with my brain. and yeah it's a bit odd that this burst of cranial activity happens when i don't need it. hahahaha. but then, a lot of things "burst" when you don't need them yet. hahahaha. but that was never a problem, was it?

 

i wanted to talk about this girl i've been having trouble with actually. a client i work for. the friend. but i don't really want to waste my time bitching. hahahahahaha. not that anything i've written here is any more valuable. but see i know it's ok. cos you won't mind, would you?

 

so i kinda just wanted to drop you a line without really knowing what to say. i figured you'd get it. but then again, that's why i didn't send it.

Edited June 6, 2005 by missmanners

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

ano bang problema mo?

 

nakakafrustrate ka na.

 

ang hilig mong magtago.

 

ako pa yung pinakahuling taong lalapitan mo.

 

di mo man lang naisip yung pag-aalala ko sayo pag nawawala ka.

 

wala ka ng inisip kungdi sarili mo

 

sarili mong drama.

 

wala pa rin sayo na 2 na tayo dito.

 

ayaw mo pa rin akong isama sa drama ng buhay mo.

 

 

 

RJ

Edited June 9, 2005 by best_X_girlfriend

[Wyld]

 

hey kai...

 

a big whatever goes out to you.

 

just chill. if thats how it is thats how it is.

 

<_<

 

-nina

Edited June 7, 2005 by Wyld

[KristinLavransdatr]

the other night a friend gave me some news about you. i thought it would make me feel better. well, it did. after all these months i have regarded you as someone so up there. now, i realize you're so ordinary. nothing gives me more pleasure than realizations.

 

that you commit huge mistakes that somehow can be considered acts of stupidity. that you misjudge people, you having been exposed to individuals with less or no capability to judge wisely. that you turn your back on old friends for the new ones who give you feel-good companionship.

 

sigh.

 

oh, well. i hope you find a new job.

Edited June 7, 2005 by KristinLavransdatr

[curian]

hi P,

 

just read your text last night and i don't really know what to do. you want us back together but im not so sure. i know that a lot of things have been causing you stress and it still hurts when you let me go because of that. i know that you can't and won't fight for me when push comes to shove... i still love you but i don't know if i want you back... maybe i don't...

 

Curian

[Wyld]

im gettin all confused again.

scary that it has progressed this much.

scarier that it might end at the drop of a pin.

 

im all askew.

i need to put me to right.

now.

 

[fastriser]

join me

 

i'm waitinhg for godot

[turi_guilliano]

hey, thanks for the nice words... il make sure ill tell kim and the girls you said hi... and hows ur baby pala? im sure jonas will make a good dad... and by the way... u promised me id b one of baby c's ninongs... how come i never got an invite... some promise... sheessh..you always bail out on your promises... whats new...

[a_ngel]

to u,

 

am sorry, I know this is awfully slow, even for me

but I really dont wanna thread that road again

 

i cant promise anything so please dont wait for me

 

me

[sweetpsyche]

miss na kita....

[wjc-934]

Para sa kanya...

 

 

kagabi ako ay muli nanamang napahikbi at muling dumaloy sa aking mga

 

mata ang luhang nagpapahayag ng panghihinayang at pagsisisi, mga sakit

at hapdi na pilit kong kinikimkim sa likuran ng aking dibdib at

 

kinukubli sa bawat ngiti at halakhak na aking ginagawa. akala ko ay

 

tapos na ang lahat. animoy wala ng hapding nadaram ngunit ako ay

 

nagkamali. ang sugat ay di pala gayong kadaling gumaling at kung

 

maghilom man, isang alaala pa rin ang mananatiling nakaukit sa aking puso.

 

nais ko sanang magbangon sa pagkarapa mula sa isang bigong pag-ibig

ngunit ito ay hindi gayong kadali. pilit kong itinutuon ang aking isip

 

sa ibang bagay ngunit walang makasagip sa akin sa pagkalunod.

hindi ko na mawari ang dapat gawin upang siya'y mawala sa aking isipan

 

at upang ang mga damdaming nadarama ay tuluyang mawala na sa aking

 

puso ngunit walang nangyayari.

 

hanggang ngayon, batid ko parin na pangalan pa rin nya ang sinisigaw

 

ng aking puso at siya pa rin ang aking hinahanap, gustohin ko mang

 

muling lumakad ngunit ang nakaraan ay patuloy na pumipigil sa akin.

Itong alaala ng kahapon na muling nagbabalik sa akin ng lungkot at

 

ligaya. ang kanyang malalambing at mapanuyong tinig, ang bawat salita

 

at simpleng pagsabi at pagpapadama na ako ay kanyang mahal ay

 

nakapagpapapayapa sa aking damdamin at nakakapagtikom sa aking mga

 

labi at ang kanyang yakap at halik na nagpaparamdam sa akin na ako ay

 

nabubuhay.

 

hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon siya makapangyarihan at magpasa

 

hanggang ngayon kahit ako ay kanya nang pinalaya ay tuloy pa rin ako

 

sa pananatili at pagbibigay ng sarili ko bilang kanyang kaibigan.

napakasakit man ng aking nadarama, batid kong siya ay iniibig pa.

batid ko mang may mahal na siyang iba at hindi na ako mahalaga para sa

 

kanya, patuloy akong magmamahal sa kanya. ang bawat patak ng luha,

 

hikbi at panaghoy ay makapagpapatunay na mahal na mahl ko siya higit

 

pa sa aking buhay.

 

marahil ako nga ay sakim, ngunit para sa akin pagdating sa pag-ibig ay

 

walang kasakiman. siguro ay tanga lang ako dahil umaasa parin ako na

 

magbabalik ang kanyang pagmamahal sa akin kahit walang kasiguruhan

mananatili pa rin dito sa aking puso ang kanyang larawan, tinig, halik

 

at mga yakap na nagbibigay sigla sa aking buhay. ang bawat alaala ay

 

patuloy na nakaipon sa aking damdamin at walang tigil na nagpapaluha

 

sa aking puso.

 

dito sa puso ko ay tanging siya lamang at ang lahat sa kanya pa rin

 

iaalay. dalangin ko lamang sa dyos na mahalin nya ulit ako at kung

 

hindi na nya kayang ipagkaloob ang pag-ibig na aking inaantay ay

bagong pag-ibig nawa ang magbago sa lahat ng nadarama ng puso kong ito..

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

i guess, all i can do now is wait.

 

wait til you realize that im sincere and true

 

wait til you say that you love me too...

 

 

you cant blame me if i get threatened by the girls surrounding you

 

cuz i still dont know what iam to you

 

if only you would word the things that iam wanting you to say

 

forever in your folds i will stay

 

 

dang, if you only knew how great the feelings i have for you inside

 

if you only knew how willing iam to change just to keep you

 

but, lest, all i can do is just wait

 

wait 'til you realize iam for you

 

 

still waiting,

RJ

[best_X_girlfriend]

C,

 

for all the things that I sarcastically said

 

for all the deadly words that came out of my mouth

 

for all the demands I radically command

 

I’m sorry…

 

 

I was just trying to make you love me

 

But I guess, I just have to settle with what you can give

 

C, I just love you…

 

I hope I can hear those words from you soon

 

And if that time will ever come, I hope you’d mean it.

 

 

 

I am resilient.

You’re the only thing that could bend me…

 

 

RJ

[Lipstick]

join me

 

i'm waitinhg for godot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Funny, I have been thinking of Godot, too, the last 2 weeks. Lamenting and waiting.