The Mail Box

[roxysnonie]

 

Sometimes, when I'm alone and lost

in thought, and all the world seems

to far away, you come to me as if in a dream,

filling my soul with the warmth of

your prescence. And I smile knowing that

though we cannot be together now, wer'e

always close in thought.

 

[LB]

i don't love you anymore.

 

i never lied.

 

i did.

 

bye.

[session_kid]

I used to believe that first love never dies. Now I know different.

 

You have been a good friend, although at times, I must admit that I doubt your intentions. You were never that close to me as a friend (you weren’t one of those people whom I ran to when the rest of the world seems to be going against me) and I really can’t tell what you’re like and who you really are – especially now, that we have only seen each other after a very long time. I never really knew you – never really knew you then, and then you've grown and became a new person - I don’t know you still.

 

You loved me, you didn't love me. You love me, you don't love me.

 

I have been confused for the longest time, thought about it countless times, and I wanted to end it, though I may never have the answers to my questions. I thought that I just got to stop thinking about it and let go. No more questions, so no more answers to seek.

 

What can I say? I prayed for it and I got the answer.

 

So now, it comes to this…

I've grown tired of loving you. After all these years, my heart being like a switch - turning on and off - I've given up. (It's not "I'm giving up" - I've already given up on you.) Before I knew it, I lost my love for you. It used to be that though I felt tired of you, I still felt even a bit of care. Now it's different. I just don't care anymore.

 

When we last saw each other, I sensed loneliness in you. Maybe it's because you can't seem to reach your dreams - and I felt sympathy and care, and I wanted to be with you to help you through it. I thought you've got me again. I felt like I love you again. But it was short-lived.

 

It may sound sad, but I feel happy. Relieved. I no longer have to carry this burden in my heart - from missing you, from loving you. I didn't need a closure to move on. All the questions I had before, they're gone now. Gone though unanswered. But I don't care, because I feel for you no more. This gives me one of the best feelings of relief in this life. :cool: The love that has bothered me for years has been lifted off my heart.

 

I can't say that I already feel numb of love. I know I can love somebody else... it can be any guy but you.

 

Wow. I'm so happy. Elated. I never thought this would come. I didn't think I'd get over you. But I did. I'm so over you now. And I really feel so happy knowing that I have moved on. It took years, it took soo long, but I don't care now. What's important is - I'm free of you. :cool:

 

At any rate, thank you for being a good friend to me. I wish you happiness and may you achieve what you have always dreamed of. (Except, if you are dreaming of having me. Ha! )

[Barenaked-NoMre]

To my friends here and elsewhere,

 

It gives me comfort that you care and wish the best for me. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

 

The waiting has been LONG and tough ... but well worth it. ;-)

 

Good things *do* happen to people who wait.

 

Have just been to ANXIOUS, BITTER and ANGRY at the world.

 

I know what's important is to be grateful ... ;-)

 

Thank you!

 

A

[KristinLavransdatr]

you know what makes things sadder than they are? proximity.

 

i have suffered four years being away by several timezones from the one to whom i have entrusted my being. and i can't start to explain how painful it was, how i cried when i see him reduced to a mere computer monitor. and i'd feel the flat surface of the screen, instead of his warm, smooth skin. and countless were the times i'd do anything just so i could fly to him. but then, where i was concerned, only dreams could grow wings.

 

and i thought that was the most difficult part of being me. until...

 

every day, we take the same path home. except that we go the opposite ends. every day, we take the same stretch of road. our eyes gaze at the same horizon. we breathe the same square kilometer of air.

and i can easily run to you and not lose oxygen.

 

but i am over waiting. with him i've waited for the distance to close. with you i've waited until i lose interest. which didn't happen. so i quit.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

CPO,

 

I am missing you.

 

I am no longer of interest to you ... I gather. That saddens me deeply!

 

So far, I cant say I've met anyone I can replace the dent you've made in my life. They cant replace the nice, decent, kind, sweet and generous man I've CUM to know. :-(

 

If you only knew ...

 

A

[missmanners]

i wish you would just talk to me...

 

if you have something to tell me, why not just give me call? it's not like you don't know five million ways to reach me... or ten million ways to force me to listen...

 

why tell other people and not me? why have these people tell it to me and not follow through with it?

 

given that maybe you didn't know these people told me... but the fact remains.

 

i wish you'd just tell me.

Edited March 11, 2005 by missmanners

[Guest simply_miss]

Thanks for loving me

Thanks for the all the care

 

I wish you true happiness

I wish too that you'll find the right one for you

 

Take care always....my pillow friend

[sweetpsyche]

God, if you do exist.

Just give me a minute

so i can breathe...

[roxysnonie]

regardless...

 

of what has or will happen,

 

of what you'll become,

 

of what others have made you,

 

of all the cruel world have done to you

 

ill be here.

 

 

for the person i knew one summer,

 

privileged to see her true self,

 

honored to hear what her thoughts are...past, present, future

 

felt what she really feels

 

ill be here.

 

 

a promise is a promise.

 

 

 

(even if it takes 50 first dates!)

[batibut]

I didn't know, just didn't realize. It hit me like a ton of bricks and was left breathless.

 

I didn't mean to...

 

Could you really blame me? You're one of the nicest people I know. You tell me everything, well, almost every thing. You didn't know it would happen, maybe you should have known. I should have known. It was inevitable.

 

For now, just let me be. I just need to deal with this. Perhaps, someday I can look at you again and feel only fondness. Hear your voice on the phone without my heart skipping a beat. It will happen. I will regain my equilibrium and we will go back to the way we were.

Edited March 14, 2005 by batibut

[macx98]

share ko lang, almost a year ago...

 

April 17, 2004

 

Around one o’ clock in the afternoon...

 

Dear diary,

 

I’m totally confused right now. It’s been more than eight hours(???) since I last sent my text to Apple and I have been waiting for her reply since then.

 

Hindi ko alam kung anong ibig sabihin ng silence niya—is this goodbye, I feel the same way, or whatever.. I really don’t know. I couldn’t sleep—and every waking hour I spent in bed alone feels like a piece of my heart is slowly been torn away (while I’m still attatched to it).

 

Did she just fell asleep or did she choose to ignore responding to my message? Either way this seems to be the longest wait of my life. There I was clutching my cellphone in one hand, anticipating the sweet reciept of Apple’s text message while dreading the worst thing that could result from that reply.

 

My dilemma of sorts started a few hours just after the clock struck midnight earlier today, and I was chatting with my friend Apple through my cell. Normal kwentuhan lang naman between friends. I get to ask about her day and she ask me how was mine. I really consider her a close friend whom I am able to trust with my thoughts and feelings.

 

Apple and I don’t really do kind of thing regularly, most of the time we’re both busy kasi. She’s graduating this year and I’m a part-time employee, full-time student in my own school.

 

We even haven’t seen each other in a long, long while. Pero sobrang okay kami kung mag-usap, parehong open. We always had this connection between us, which I don’t really know how to explain in the first place.

 

I don’t know if this bond of familiarity between us is any way the reason why Apple decided to make a wise-aleck remark about my personality. Hindi naman ako naasar during that time, but I felt her comment was a little below the belt.

 

I told her about this, and she was a little confused about my reaction, but was apologetic.

 

Me: Why does it always hurt when stuff like that comes from people that u care about?

 

Apple: ...Me? You care about me?

 

Of course I care about you! My fingers totally tapped like crazy as I texted away my reply. Oh man! There’s so much I needed to say to her, so much to explain... but like to fool and coward I was, I didn’t. Buzz. There came Apple’s answer, to which I read:

 

Apple: ...I said I’m really sorry, wrong choice of words nga, eh. If you really know how much you mean to me. If you only knew how much I was never the same person the first time I met you...

 

I suddenly felt cold and unsure. Apple’s last message seems unable to register in my brain.

 

Here I lounging around in a sofa in the middle of the night, reading a message from my girl bestfriend who seemed to have spilled the beans on her true feelings for me.

 

I remember the silence of night creeping on me while I wait for someone to offer an idea what my reply should be. I’m no expert at this kind of things. I’ve always wonder why it’s so easy to dispense advise to other people, when it’s so hard to come up with advise that can help my own troubles.

 

My watch read quarter past 1 in the morning around that time, and I was totally alone—except for Apple, who’s probably waiting for my reaction to her sudden revelation.

 

I was unsure of how minutes has passed since I started staring at my phone’s display. I knew I had to give out a reply right away, or she might wrongly consider my silence as me insensitive to the feelings she had revealed. Worst, she might regard it as silent rejection of a very sincere, well-kept emotion.

 

So I totally have no choice but to resort to honesty, and tell her what I feel, too.

 

Me: I feel the same way too about you, Apple. You had me at hello.

 

I couldn’t find the right words to express my feelings at that time. I wanted to tell her how she had a place in my heart since the first time we met. I wanted to tell her that the passing months we spent chatting online, talking and reading e-mails has brought her closer to my heart. I also wanted to tell her how unsure I was of myself, and how I can’t seem to recover from the the pains of previous failed relationships that I tend to naturally shy away from starting a new one.

 

But all my cellphone’s text could allow is 150 characters, and my load’s a lot less than that same number in pesos. (Honestly, I would have run to the nearest round the clock convenience store just to exend my text/minutes... )

 

Thank God for Jerry Maguire for that one line.

 

It’s about 3 o’ clock in the afternoon right now. Yup, that long... I know I could choose to call her, or even send her a message again. But what should I tell her? Would she even accept the call? I’m afraid to confess that I’m more fearful about confronting the ugly truth of another rejection than the welcome relief of finally knowing how she took my last message positively.

 

And to think it has been an uneventful morning so far until up to this time.

 

I’ve spent the whole day playing in my head the exchange of text messages that happened during the wee hours of Saturday morning. It didn’t help I’ve got my phone in my hand and I can’t stop reading her last messages in my inbox. The lines “If you really know how much you mean to me...” and “I was never the same person the first time I met you...” kept playing over... and over... and over in my head.

 

How long does a guy have to wait to know a girl acknowledges his feeling of affection for her?

 

But all I could do is wonder and wait with great anxiety over her next reply.

 

~End of Entry April 2004~

 

(Signed) macx98

Thank you for the wonderful year you have given me my love.

Edited March 13, 2005 by macx98

[Wyld]

 

Loss...

 

for Benjamin

 

How can I explain how I feel right now? I feel as if a part of me has been wrenched out, leaving me alone and bereft.

 

I had you... all this time. You were always with me, everywhere I went. You were the first person I spoke to as I woke up, the last person I whispered good night to as I drifted off to dreamland. I had so much I wanted to tell you, so much I wanted to show you. I wanted to see you, watch you, feel you, love you.

 

Then, quite unexpectedly, I had you. In my arms, before my very eyes. I felt you. I was overwhelmed.

 

But just as quickly, you were taken away from me.

 

I know you are better off now where you are... I just wish we had more time together.

 

You know I will always love you. You will always keep me company, in my heart, where it matters.

 

Thank you for choosing me, for blessing my life with your presence, albeit for a moment.

 

I love you Benjamin.

[moonflower]

happy birthday, my dear.

[roxysnonie]

 

sigh...have i got some words to say.

 

later...