How Would U Know If He/she Is Cheating?

[MikeyArrovo]

pag ibang pangalan nabanggit nya pag naglovemaking kami

[• Jiraiya-san]

gut feel ... siguro pag lagi na lang siya nagagalit sayo without any reason at all.

[Gambler_m]

why is it that most answers here are based on emotion not rational

[CharlesOngSy]

By reading the signs of the times.

[display name]

check her FB Wall.

 

kidding aside, may mga indicators naman.

 

like for an instance, she suddenly stopped enjoying the things you do together and the time you usually spend together decreases alarmingly.....

 

 

Specific examples:

 

kapag naglalakad kayo at nakasalubong nyo ang mga friends nya, then pinakilala ka nya as "kaibigan lang."

 

kapag nanunuod kayo ng sine, dati pareho kayong nasa balcony, then all of a sudden gusto nya dun ka sa deluxe..

 

kapag bigla ka nyang tawaging "Honey".... kahit na heart ang tawagan nyo.

 

kapag text sya ng text tuwing magkasama kayo.... tapos sa kumpare mo pumapasok ang mga messages.

[jgc813]

You would know coz normally girls are honest

 

Frankly speaking, I really don't know if girls are normally honest as you ascertain. I don't know if there is any scientific study ever conducted regarding the innate honesty of either of the genders, and if there is really a marked difference between the two. Please educate me.

 

Having said that, I'd like to make a note regarding honesty and its correlation to cheating.

 

I'm sure, everyone has lied some time or another. However, I believe there is a difference between lying and lying. To distinguish further, may I use the terms defensive lying and premeditated lying. And, may I also give attention to my operative definition of the term lying. To me, it is when you say something that is exactly opposite of what is in your mind.

 

While lying is lying, I still think there may be gradations of one's fault depending on the situation, and depending on the motive.

 

I'd like to believe, all of us lie defensively once in a while. This happens when we are put in the spot, and when we want to "cover up our tracks," or defend/support someone close to us. For me, it's a human trait, and while I do consider it a fault (or sin) to lie, I believe defensive lying could, somehow, be justifiable.

 

On the other hand, premeditated lying is something different. It is planned and determined. Usually, premeditated liars have a hidden motive or agenda, and that is to way-lay someone, or obtain something by means of deceit.

 

There is also the habitual liar. When premeditation and habit join forces, then, lying becomes a pathological condition. A pathological liar is either sick, or outright evil.

 

How would you know if your bf/gf is cheating? I'd say, you can't early in the game. BUT, if your SO is a habitual liar, I'd say BEWARE. S/he has the propensity of cheating on you. A habitual defensive liar is also something to be wary about.

 

My ex was a frequent liar. They were small insignificant lies. But I wondered "why the hell does she need to lie to me?" on several occasions.

 

An example:

 

Me: Has your mother sent you your allowances already?

 

Her: Not yet. Mommy said she's short and will pass on sending for this week. (Her mother worked abroad.)

 

Later, I found out her mother DID SEND her her allowance. Why did she need to lie to me in that regard? Her allowance does not affect the state of our relationship. Whether or not her mother sent her, I'd still treat her, and give her an amount as I usually do. My question was totally a very innocent question.

 

Here's another example:

 

Me: (on the phone) Where are you now?

 

She: I'm in (name of the mall). [in the background, I could hear a dog barking.]

 

She sounded like she was in someone's house. There are no barking dogs in a mall, specifically, in the mall where she said she was in. As I know, there isn't even any pet shop in that mall, and I know pets are not even allowed in that mall.

 

My list can go on and on. I have caught her lying to me countless times. During those moments, I have kept asking myself why did she have to lie in situations that were non bearing to us? In time, I had started to doubt her sincerity even if she was, in truth, very sweet and caring.

 

I could have been lacking in the fact that I have never confronted her in those occasions. I feigned innocence, and I just gave her the benefit of doubt that she truthful.

 

When she left for the middle east, we promised each other to keep in touch frequently. I kept my part of the bargain. After about 3 months, she started to change. And then, she started giving a lot of 'excuses' and seemingly understandable reasons. But because I knew she was a habitual liar, I started my own investigation. True enough, I found out she was already cheating on me. And, may I say, she was cheating big time (she was sleeping with her another guy), and lying straight through her teeth denying everything point blank.

 

A Caveat: be wary of habitual liars!

Edited February 24, 2012 by jgc813

[bin]

pag may binago ng sa mga gingawa nyo routine..

[Observer08]

Frankly speaking, I really don't know if girls are normally honest as you ascertain. I don't know if there is any scientific study ever conducted regarding the innate honesty of either of the genders, and if there is really a marked difference between the two. Please educate me.

 

Having said that, I'd like to make a note regarding honesty and its correlation to cheating.

 

I'm sure, everyone has lied some time or another. However, I believe there is a difference between lying and lying. To distinguish further, may I use the terms defensive lying and premeditated lying. And, may I also give attention to my operative definition of the term lying. To me, it is when you say something that is exactly opposite of what is in your mind.

 

While lying is lying, I still think there may be gradations of one's fault depending on the situation, and depending on the motive.

 

I'd like to believe, all of us lie defensively once in a while. This happens when we are put in the spot, and when we want to "cover up our tracks," or defend/support someone close to us. For me, it's a human trait, and while I do consider it a fault (or sin) to lie, I believe defensive lying could, somehow, be justifiable.

 

On the other hand, premeditated lying is something different. It is planned and determined. Usually, premeditated liars have a hidden motive or agenda, and that is to way-lay someone, or obtain something by means of deceit.

 

There is also the habitual liar. When premeditation and habit join forces, then, lying becomes a pathological condition. A pathological liar is either sick, or outright evil.

 

How would you know if your bf/gf is cheating? I'd say, you can't early in the game. BUT, if your SO is a habitual liar, I'd say BEWARE. S/he has the propensity of cheating on you. A habitual defensive liar is also something to be wary about.

 

My ex was a frequent liar. They were small insignificant lies. But I wondered "why the hell does she need to lie to me?" on several occasions.

 

An example:

 

Me: Has your mother sent you your allowances already?

 

Her: Not yet. Mommy said she's short and will pass on sending for this week. (Her mother worked abroad.)

 

Later, I found out her mother DID SEND her her allowance. Why did she need to lie to me in that regard? Her allowance does not affect the state of our relationship. Whether or not her mother sent her, I'd still treat her, and give her an amount as I usually do. My question was totally a very innocent question.

 

Here's another example:

 

Me: (on the phone) Where are you now?

 

She: I'm in (name of the mall). [in the background, I could hear a dog barking.]

 

She sounded like she was in someone's house. There are no barking dogs in a mall, specifically, in the mall where she said she was in. As I know, there isn't even any pet shop in that mall, and I know pets are not even allowed in that mall.

 

My list can go on and on. I have caught her lying to me countless times. During those moments, I have kept asking myself why did she have to lie in situations that were non bearing to us? In time, I had started to doubt her sincerity even if she was, in truth, very sweet and caring.

 

I could have been lacking in the fact that I have never confronted her in those occasions. I feigned innocence, and I just gave her the benefit of doubt that she truthful.

 

When she left for the middle east, we promised each other to keep in touch frequently. I kept my part of the bargain. After about 3 months, she started to change. And then, she started giving a lot of 'excuses' and seemingly understandable reasons. But because I knew she was a habitual liar, I started my own investigation. True enough, I found out she was already cheating on me. And, may I say, she was cheating big time (she was sleeping with her another guy), and lying straight through her teeth denying everything point blank.

 

A Caveat: be wary of habitual liars!

 

Quite a nice read. Thanks for this!

 

My contribution: when she says "he's just a friend" countless of times instead of "I know you're uncomfortable seeing him around me but he's really harmless to our relationship, to reassure you then I'll try my best to avoid him from now on."

 

Too late for me though, I should have realized that by using the first line above - it meant that it was the beginning of the end of our 7-year relationship. She should have just broken it up with me before entertaining such foolish thoughts as taking that guy seriously. Guess, she really just wanted the "bad boy experience" that a lot of women are attracted to.

 

I had a hard time accepting that, I love her very much but I reached my breaking point with that revelation and I had to tell her that I would be lying if I'd say I would not jump at the chance to get back together... it's just more important for me that she takes her life more seriously and going our separate ways would be the most logical thing to do.

 

I wanted that lesson to be my greatest contribution to her life... I simply had to say goodbye. I do wish her all the best that this world has to offer.

[jgc813]

Quite a nice read. Thanks for this!

 

My contribution: when she says "he's just a friend" countless of times instead of "I know you're uncomfortable seeing him around me but he's really harmless to our relationship, to reassure you then I'll try my best to avoid him from now on."

 

Too late for me though, I should have realized that by using the first line above - it meant that it was the beginning of the end of our 7-year relationship. She should have just broken it up with me before entertaining such foolish thoughts as taking that guy seriously. Guess, she really just wanted the "bad boy experience" that a lot of women are attracted to.

 

I had a hard time accepting that, I love her very much but I reached my breaking point with that revelation and I had to tell her that I would be lying if I'd say I would not jump at the chance to get back together... it's just more important for me that she takes her life more seriously and going our separate ways would be the most logical thing to do.

 

I wanted that lesson to be my greatest contribution to her life... I simply had to say goodbye. I do wish her all the best that this world has to offer.

 

This is another example of a premeditated lie, which really irks me to the max. The nerve of your ex telling you straight to your face "he's just a friend" when she was already having him as a possible substitute, or -- who knows? -- already sleeping with him. Such a lie smacks of a face so brazen. (Pardon my pun. I know you still love your ex.)

 

Which makes me doubt Saint Peter 5858's previous post, i.e., "you would know coz girls normally are honest." Probably. But I do know that some girls could lie big time more than any guy could. These women could really be scheming.

 

 

 

 

[CharlesOngSy]

Behavior nya

[bill_262003]

First of all, I wouldn't like to be a hypocrite and say that I haven't done any hanky panky behind the back of my wife. I have committed some "extra" curricular activities behind her back. Going to SPAKOLS, getting PSPs and at one point even a FUBU.

 

So back to the topic, how would you know if he/she is cheating on you? It would take a lot of observation. Observe her pattern, her habits, she have the time/oppurtunity to cheat on you? Another way to know is just by stumbling into it.

 

In my case someone squealed on her. At first I did not believe it (I never met the person who squealed on her, only texted me and eventually e-mailed me). Thus, I actually was ignoring the person. But after the texts, I was beginning to be more observant.

 

First of all, she has the time to cheat on me. She is a full time housewife and spends most of her time in the malls shopping. So she has like 6-7 hours of free time spent on the mall/outside. One thing I noticed though is that she doesn't seem to be spending anything on lunch or breakfast regularly every Thursdays for the past few months. Since she supposedly spends her time in the mall, that is what I monitored: Her bills, her ATM withdrawals, and credit card spendings.

 

So I tried calling the the person who squealed on her. But no luck. Eventually, the same person texted me again, but using a different number. I asked for any proof. He sent an e-mail with pictures of my wife in various states of undress and fully naked. No picture of the guy, nor of any actual sexual act. Just naked pictures of her, but it was enough to convince me.

 

I never confronted my wife even after the "evidences" I have.

 

But because I was affected, she eventually noticed that something was wrong. And she talked to me, and that's when I confronted her. She had an explanation for everything. She does not eat on certain days (Diet daw according to her). She claimed, the pictures where pictures from before our marriage (which I doubt). And she said the picture was taken by an old friend (that I don't even know). I know all of her ex-bfs so it was very convenient (explanation) that it had to be a friend I don't know. She admitted to having sex with that old friend but that was a long time ago daw.

 

I have known she was very active sexually before we met. What bothers me is this, she has told me all of her history and so have I (of all our past sexual encounters) a few months before we got married. That was suppose to be so that there would be no skeletons in the closet. This guy was never ever mentioned. She told me that she didn't want me to judge her if she told me everything months before our marriage, because she has slept with a few guys that she had only dated a couple of times. I also knew she dated a lot and had a lot of suitors before. Actually, this didn't come as a surprise to me, because we already has sex on our third date. So I knew how liberal she was.

 

She did assure me, that that was the past and she is not seing anyone since we got married. I still have my doubts on her. But accepted her explanation for what it is. I do think she knows that I wasn't convinced with her explanation.

 

Ever since I confronted her she has been very attentive to my needs and has even been diligently texting me where she is regularly. She has lessened her mall time during weekdays. I have also said to myself, that who am I to judge her when I too am going to SPAs.

 

Here is what I do believe happend. She did cheat on me (maybe she wanted to relive the days when she was still single). How many times she cheated on me, I will never know and that is already irrelevant. I think the guy squealed on her because she irked him or maybe the guy wanted to go further in their relationship. Then once she was caught, she stopped. She got her priorities straight and stopped.

 

What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day.

 

This incident happened almost a year already and it seems we have worked things out already.

 

What I learned from this is that a relationship needs a lot of work everyday. Even if things seem to be going ok, you still need to strive everyday to make things work. But only do so if both of you work at your relationship. If only one is working at it, then the relationship is bound to fail.

[jgc813]

So back to the topic, how would you know if he/she is cheating on you? It would take a lot of observation. Observe her pattern, her habits, she have the time/oppurtunity to cheat on you? Another way to know is just by stumbling into it.

 

It takes a lot of observation... yes, I agree. You really have to observe well, and that entails a lot of time and effort. My only comment to this is that it is very taxing and stressful for the observer. Observing carefully can cause sleeplessness and may even affect your daily routine. You start to observe because you have started to doubt. And when you start to doubt, you are no longer at peace.

 

In my case someone squealed on her. At first I did not believe it (I never met the person who squealed on her, only texted me and eventually e-mailed me). Thus, I actually was ignoring the person. But after the texts, I was beginning to be more observant.

 

First of all, she has the time to cheat on me. She is a full time housewife and spends most of her time in the malls shopping. So she has like 6-7 hours of free time spent on the mall/outside. One thing I noticed though is that she doesn't seem to be spending anything on lunch or breakfast regularly every Thursdays for the past few months. Since she supposedly spends her time in the mall, that is what I monitored: Her bills, her ATM withdrawals, and credit card spendings.

 

So I tried calling the the person who squealed on her. But no luck. Eventually, the same person texted me again, but using a different number. I asked for any proof. He sent an e-mail with pictures of my wife in various states of undress and fully naked. No picture of the guy, nor of any actual sexual act. Just naked pictures of her, but it was enough to convince me.

 

This whistleblower is a "he???" And you do not know each other? What do you think his motive might be that he was squealing on your wife? And how did he secure the naked pictures of your wife? My first thought was that "couldn't he be your wife's lover?"

 

I never confronted my wife even after the "evidences" I have.

 

It's difficult to confront someone you have a doubt on, especially when you don't have proofs. It creates a tension between the two of you.

 

But because I was affected, she eventually noticed that something was wrong. And she talked to me, and that's when I confronted her. She had an explanation for everything. She does not eat on certain days (Diet daw according to her). She claimed, the pictures where pictures from before our marriage (which I doubt). And she said the picture was taken by an old friend (that I don't even know). I know all of her ex-bfs so it was very convenient (explanation) that it had to be a friend I don't know. She admitted to having sex with that old friend but that was a long time ago daw.

 

I'm not saying your wife is cheating on you. What I'd like to point out is that cheaters have always very good alibis, and explanations for everything and anything.

 

I have known she was very active sexually before we met. What bothers me is this, she has told me all of her history and so have I (of all our past sexual encounters) a few months before we got married. That was suppose to be so that there would be no skeletons in the closet. This guy was never ever mentioned. She told me that she didn't want me to judge her if she told me everything months before our marriage, because she has slept with a few guys that she had only dated a couple of times. I also knew she dated a lot and had a lot of suitors before. Actually, this didn't come as a surprise to me, because we already has sex on our third date. So I knew how liberal she was.

 

I posted somewhere that I have very strong reservations for women who (1) have had several failed relationships, and (2) have had several sexual partners, more so if the sexual encounters were casual. That means, sex came easy in the past, and it could come easy in the future as well. I'm not too sure if promising that everything will stop after marriage will really be so. The converse could also be true, i.e., my points referring to the male.

 

She did assure me, that that was the past and she is not seing anyone since we got married. I still have my doubts on her. But accepted her explanation for what it is. I do think she knows that I wasn't convinced with her explanation.

 

I can understand your situation.

 

Ever since I confronted her she has been very attentive to my needs and has even been diligently texting me where she is regularly. She has lessened her mall time during weekdays. I have also said to myself, that who am I to judge her when I too am going to SPAs.

 

Here is what I do believe happend. She did cheat on me (maybe she wanted to relive the days when she was still single). How many times she cheated on me, I will never know and that is already irrelevant. I think the guy squealed on her because she irked him or maybe the guy wanted to go further in their relationship. Then once she was caught, she stopped. She got her priorities straight and stopped.

 

What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day.

 

This incident happened almost a year already and it seems we have worked things out already.

 

Bro... this should be a lesson to you also. Since you have been affected by this event, you, too, should be sensitive to your partner. Invert your situation, and one of your other partners squeal on you... how would you think she would feel?

 

Remember the golden rule. "Do not do unto others what you wouldn't want done to you."

 

What I learned from this is that a relationship needs a lot of work everyday. Even if things seem to be going ok, you still need to strive everyday to make things work. But only do so if both of you work at your relationship. If only one is working at it, then the relationship is bound to fail.

 

Well said! I could not have stated it any better.

Edited March 14, 2012 by jgc813

[iRapedSatan]

You'll find it out for sure.

[rachelleferrariz]

kpag hnd n xa gumgawa ng way para mkipagcommunicate xau

[von_vader]

its really difficult to say lalo na pag experience na ung girl or guy sa multiple relationships, compared to those na 1st time magka bf or gf..

[rockchic]

What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day.

^^^

This is true, I picked up some interesting quote there. Thank you for sharing. It's very rare for men to actually live in the present especially in the case of the cheating woman. At least you've chosen to move on and not dwell on it.

 

In my case, I always know when he's cheating. Evidence presents itself.

[SaintPeter5858]

If she's magalitin

[hottie22]

sweetness less

[U.P. AdMU2008]

The truth will come out.

[BrightestStar]

Usually from her own words.

[chrispt21]

There will be signs such as: He/she acts differently, does not tell you he loves you anymore, does not kiss or hug you goodbye. If he/she does kiss, it is on the forehead & the hug is barely there. Has a hard time looking at you or talking to you. Comes home a lot later than he usually did & has no explanation. It makes no sense like suddenly hanging out with someone he never even got along with before.

[BrightestStar]

You must keenly observe your partner just in case.

[U.P. AdMU2008]

It's like smoke, it will come out.

[chrispt21]

Days without showering at home, but your partner seems to have showered.

[BrightestStar]

Hmmmm... she will eventually tell it.