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The Mail Box


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Dear Mom,

 

This is the first letter I’ve ever written you in over a decade. Come to think of it, haven’t written anything in ages. Perhaps it’s because I’m so overwhelmed with the goings-on in my life that I could hardly find time for anything personal. And when I do, either I’d get paralized by the fear of opening a pandora’s box of emotions I know would be difficult to deal with.

 

Let’s start with something simple. I miss you. I know that you wanted me, among other things, to be independent. And I remember being the confident young man eager to step out of your shadow and ready take on the world by my lonesome. Yet, now that I have my own life away from you, not a day passes by without me thinking of you and wishing you were here. Life, indeed, is full of ironies.

 

I long for the warmth of your embrace. I long for the time when, as a child, you would hold me and I would fall asleep in your arms knowing that no harm could ever come to me. I long for the sound of your voice. I remember the many conversations we had that seemed to go on and on. I would talk to you about anything. You would listen and give advice. You had wisdom and oftentimes, you would be right. More than a parent, you were my best friend. Celebrating my most trivial accomplishments. Sharing my deepest of sorrows.

 

So many things have happened that I wish I could share with you. My life has turned out pretty well. You probably would have been proud of me! My son has your smile and takes after our side of the family. That is to say, he’s good-looking! Once in a while, he would ask about you and I’d show him a picture of you that is still in my wallet. I would tell him how great a mother you were to me and remind him always that he has a grandma who always prays for him.

 

I have taken care of my siblings. Don’t worry. As you have wanted, I have remained the big brother that they know they can always count on. Leading them and being strong for them the way I think you would have done if you were here. This is a heavy task that I have to bear and there are times when I’d regret taking it on especially in times of grief when I, too, need to be consoled. I always do the consoling.

 

Have you seen dad again? And Miggy? They left just a few months apart from each other. You know very well that I’d give up everything I have just for them to be with me even just a little longer. Especially Miggy who’s like a son to me. But there’s really nothing I could give that would make him stay. I guess, you need company. Sometimes, I would find a bit of refuge listening to songs and memories that bring me back to the time when he wasn’t yet part of our lives. Only to realize that life has never been more joyful as it was after he became part of it! I think about him all the time. Please send my regards to him and dad.

 

Yesterday, we went to Plaridel. The cradle of my childhood. We passed by the old house where you grew up and where I myself spent countless summer days. It is now home to people I don’t really know. Still, I saw images of you waving me goodbye just like the last time that I saw you. Somehow, I am torn in my affinity to this place. This is where our roots are and this is the birthplace of thoughts that will linger in my mind forever. Yet, the generations of people I still know are almost all gone. And I despair that the only reason for me to keep coming back is to visit you, dad, and Miggy. To see your names written on an epitaph. There...in your grave.

 

I light a candle for you every night.

 

Your loving son,

 

Magaling

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you know what...

il let you go on deluding yourself.

 

il also let you go on thinkin what you wanna think,

cause u know what... i dont really care.

 

you were an error in judgment.

one by one things are comin out.

 

things u denied.

or made a joke out of.

 

such a flagrant liar you are.

twisted tongue and honeyed lies.

 

user and abuser.

thief and absconder.

 

be gone.

 

-k

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Guest cool_k@reem

another lousy poem

 

it hurts deep inside

that I have to abondon my lovely home

which is MTC

to walk alone for a mean time

to reflect on myself

and what happened before

this sudden turn in my life

hoping it would do good for me

coz i know deep inside

that what I'll be letting go

would be a big part of me :cry:

and hoping that I would get my closure

when I move on

I guess this would be the last of my lousy poems

until the day I bid farewell MTC :(

more power! :mtc:

 

Vissions of Sunset

 

Oh Yeah

Lived all my days trying to embrace

Life with my heart by all the beauty

I feel and create it spins and moves

Flows at my pace telling its story

From the tear running down my face

 

[Chorus:]

Visions of a sunset just appear when

I close my eyes

Takes me closer to heaven when the

Flute starts to fly

And the violin cries

 

Confusion leaves while peace

Orchestrates runs through my

Veins and in other seekers it

Penetrates my reason why

The big city air smells so

Sweet takes me through journeys

In time from my youth to as

Far as I can see

 

[Chorus ]

 

It's all I need in my life

It's all I need and no one

Can take your place by my side

You're all inside of me

 

[Chorus ]

 

We'll free from all sorrow

Like the wind blows from the sky

Takes me closer to

Heaven when the

Flute starts to fly

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friend of my :heart:

 

i dont know if you will get to read this.

but i hope you do.

im sorry does not begin to describe

what i want to tell you.

 

i just hope that the friendship we have (i refuse to say had)

will make you reconsider.

 

i shall miss you. heck, i already miss you.

 

and inspite of the seeming inadequacy of these words...

i say them yet again...

 

i am sorry.

 

-k

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