The Mail Box

[a_ngel]

M,

 

like a sly fox you waited your chance and planned your attack

and like a stupid schmuck I fell into your trap

Now all I could think of are your kisses, your eyes...

HOw would I know what's really happening, Im not used to this anymore.

Maybe I should just step aside and smile, maybe I shouldn't trust you

My heart is lays flat, vulnerable...

 

please get me out of here before i continue to fall

 

 

M

[muffy69]

P,

 

Nope, I haven't gotten tired of you. Nope, I haven't forgotten you. Nope, I haven't thought of ignoring you. I just had a lousy week at work and have been fighting a bout of bronchitis for days now. I called in sick today and went to my primary care physician to get antibiotics because gulping Sudafed tablets nor downing almost 1 and 1/2 bottles of Robitussin aren't helping me ease this terrible nose and chest congestion. If you call me right now, you probably would just waste your money because you wouldn't be able to understand my "ngongo" voice due to this darn congestion. Aaargh!

 

I apologize if you thought I misunderstood what you misunderstood. I don't want to go into details again but I'll just bury the hatchet and forget about where I buried it so I wouldn't be able to dig it up again if the mood strikes. Being a veteran of pen pal writing and now cyber-friendship with the dawn of the internet, I've learned the hard way not to dwell on hurtful words to preserve my self-esteem as well as the other party's self-esteem. (I wonder what my prof in Psychology would say about me now.)

 

So you like me. For some weird, unfathomable and unexplainable reason, I do like you too. Now wipe that stupid grin (again, your grin is stupid not you so don't think I'm insulting you) off your face and read on if you can still stomach this cyber-ramblings that are automatically and uncontrollably pouring out of my fingertips to be absorbed by the keyboard and sent via cyber-osmosis to you. Ahihihi. What the heck am I talking about about? My Critical Writing prof would probably rise from her grave and kick herself out of the coffin just to slap me for writing some pseudo-intellectual gobbledygook nonsense. Ahihihi.

 

Anyway, do I have anything to report to you during my cyber-absence from your inbox? What can I say except that I'VE BEEN ALONE SINCE FRIDAY AND WILL BE ALONE UNTIL X-MAS EVE. (Now, why am I shouting? Ahihihi. I think the meds I just took have a narcotic effect and I'm really high right now. ) All my relatives from the cities of Pinole, Vallejo, Stockton, Whittier and here in Hercules left last Friday for a 7-day cruise to the Caribbean and Puerto Rico. I didn't go for numerous reasons: (1) my boss won't let me since there are already two people going on vacation this week; (2) I have no more moolah for a vacation since I spent most of it last May in the Phils; (3) I don't like to go on vacations with my family. No kidding.

 

And may I repeat what I said a few paragraphs above. For some unfathomable and unexplainable reason, I do like you too. I think the fact that you're the most different of the ones who've befriended me is one thing that makes me spend writing a very rare kilometric epistle. Befriending you and learning about you through e-mail are unique experiences for me. Because if I were still my former stiff self (way back in college), I probably would be wary of people like you and wouldn't care about understanding what makes you tick. Being a teacher opened my mind to welcome different kinds of students and to seek out the needy, the ignored, the average, the problematic and the strange. Hmm...did I say unfathomable and unexplainable reason? I think I've just given you the reasons. Ahihihi.

 

I could end with "keep the faith," or "keep it real" but that wouldn't be too original. So let me just end with this ...

 

It is I .. no one to get excited about,

 

A

[dianne]

hey! its been so long since i made you a literary piece

well i made one again and here it goes...

 

when i was a little a girl i dreamed of having a father

for the only male person i see is my grandpa

and even thought he's my father so i call him papa.

as i grew up i learned of the fact

that he is also a papa to many child like me.

he marries another mama not my mom.

and so i failed.

 

so when i became adult i dreamed of a guy

who's going to be a good papa who'll never

leave a helpless little child.

then you came and have given me a child

he's still there beside my little girl.

finally i realized my dream.

[Wyld]

 

Who I Am Hates Who Ive Been

 

 

I watched the proverbial sunrise

coming up over the Pacific and

you might think I'm losing my mind,

but I will shy away from the specifics...

 

'cause I don't want you to know where I am

'cause then you'll see my heart

in the saddest state it's ever been.

 

This is no place to try and live my life.

 

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said

that it's the very moment that

I wish that I could take back.

 

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to try and never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

 

I talk to absolutely no one.

Couldn't keep to myself enough.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun

to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

 

I heard the reverberating footsteps

sinking up to the beating of my heart,

and I was positive that unless I got myself together,

I would watch me fall apart.

 

And I can’t let that happen again

‘cause then you’ll see my heart

in the saddest state it’s ever been.

 

This is no place to try and live my life.

 

Who I am hates who I've been

and who I am won’t take the second chance you gave me.

Who I am hates who I’ve been

‘cause who I’ve been only ever made me...

 

So sorry for the person I became.

So sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I’m ready to try and never become that way again

‘cause who I am hates who I’ve been.

Who I am hates who I’ve been.

 

Damn.

Edited December 21, 2005 by Wyld

[Red``]

Hey,

 

The day you left me, I didn't know what to do, I just knew one day I will be missing you, for you to take our love and not give it another thought. For my last letter I will write I just want to say goodnight and good luck because you know deep down I am the woman for you, but like you always said if we are meant to be we will be.

 

Red``

[Wyld]

 

2 days to Christmas

 

Sweetest one...

 

Yes, I still dare call you that because that has remained unchanged. You still are the sweetest thing that has happened to me.

 

Its almost Christmas. I hope things are well. I hope that things are working out the way you had intended them to. Honestly, you know what I am hoping for. You know the deepest wish I hide in the darkest place I know of. I shall not speak of that... I will only wish good things for you. All joy, all happiness, all fulfillment.

 

They say love is the sincere desire for the good of the one beloved. If that is so, then I must really love you... because inspite of what my heart wants, inspite of all my brattiest instincts, I gave way. I gave you what you wanted. At the expense of my happiness.

 

I have never been this selfless before, perhaps because I have never truly loved this way before.

 

You are, you will remain to be my sweetest one.

 

For now, for always.

 

I miss you.

 

May your Christmas be filled with love and joy. May your New Year be blessed and plentiful.

 

-Nina

 

[Barenaked-NoMre]

I,

 

The last time we met ... just confirmed that the "sizzle has fizzled".

 

It just wasnt like it was before. We were un-comforable ... scrambling for things to say to break the silence.

 

It's been over anyway ... for a long time, hasnt it?

 

I was just too stupid or stubborn to admit and let go.

 

It's now 2006 ... time to go our seperate ways and find NEW friends.

 

Good luck ... with that and work.

 

A

Edited January 1, 2006 by barenaked

[Wyld]

 

Its strange how a single lilac envelope can have so much power that it has unhinged me.

 

Over the past weeks, since that day when I got that fateful message, I have slowly but surely gotten to a point of balance. It was a fragile balance, admittedly, but it let me live my days in relative sanity. It let me smile again, it let me laugh sometimes. It helped me get through Thanksgiving and Christmas. It helped me live.

 

I had no plans of checking the mailbox outside the house last night – it was late, it was cold, I needed to get to bed….but there was almost this push, this urge to go out, inspite the lateness of the hour, to get the mail. When I opened the mailbox, there was this lone lilac envelope waiting for me there. My heart skipped a bit and a floodgate of memories opened.

 

I read, I wept, I remembered.

 

I got unhinged.

 

You are the only one who can put me back together again.

Edited December 27, 2005 by Wyld

[Guest simply_miss]

N,

 

suprisingly...am starting to miss you...

am starting to look for you or look forward of seeing you

i thought, i wouldn't feel anything at all....

 

tsk...tsk...

 

E

[missmanners]

i don't know how to tell you there's no room in my life for you.

 

so maybe i just won't.

[KristinLavransdatr]

i once promised myself i won't fall for a poet. for some are fools. some unfaithful. some forgetful. of promises. and most don't stay and leave you awed, and later hurting wondering what it was that hit you, what it was that you lost.

 

but why shun away from poets? at least they leave you with something when all is over. you sleep with their metaphors, make bookmarks of their villanelles.

 

ordinary men leave you with nothing but ordinariness. ordinary pain, below average longing, mediocre goodbyes, and uncreative silences.

 

i'd rather have a poet hurt me. the god of words. the weaver of magic. the master of cliches.

[ryski]

No need to hurry...

 

I have you...

 

I am here...

 

I am...

[in_style]

i guess at the end of it, i was hoping and expecting that you

will keep your end of the bargain. that's how i value your

word. but it seems it's water under the bridge. how unfortunate,

since it was you who said that friendship ranks more than

anything.

 

i dont want to hope anymore. i've thought about it many times

and it still ends up with 'do nothing'. i suppose that's how is

should be. honestly, i am disappointed with you. i expected

more from someone like you.

 

oh well... i dont think i will carry the burden after all.

have a good life... or whatever is left of it!

[Barenaked-NoMre]

C.L.

 

Hoping I c you before you leave ...

 

It'll be too LONG a wait until you CUM back.

 

Thanks for your "gift". ;-)

 

I should PERSONALLY show you my appreciation.

 

A

[Wyld]

Askew.

Adrift.

Confused.

Wondering.

 

All that because I read that much beloved name.

 

All that because of you.