The Mail Box

[LB]

thank you :cry:

 

i am a freaking idiot

[Wyld]

Bumps along the way.

Minor irritants.

Small disturbances.

All these fade away.

When I hear you.

When I feel you.

 

Always.

[wjc-934]

Minsan... hindi ako naka Maskara

 

Matagal tagal na rin akong ganito, mahigit isang buwan na, naka-maskara, pilit nagpapanggap dahil sa mundong alam kong hindi ako maiintindihan. Lagi akong masaya, nakangiti na lang sa kung sinong anino ang dumaan… iyan ay kung may nakakakita nga sa akin. Magaling nga siguro akong umarte. Isipin mo, sa tagal ng pagpapanggap ko, walang ni isa man lang ang naghinalang marahil sa mga sandali ng aking pag-iisa ay umiiyak din ako.

 

Bilib nga sila sa akin, paano, iniwanan na daw ako at niloko, nakatawa pa rin. Minsan, may nagtanong pa nga kung paano daw makalimot. Tinawanan ko lang, parang napaka-obvious ng sagot. Pero sa totoo, tinawanan ko dahil ako mismo, hindi ko alam. May ilan nang humanga sa 'kin, buti pa daw ako, nakakapag-move-on na. Kung nakikita lang sananila ako sa mga minsang sandaling ako lang mag-isa.

 

Medyo Matagal na rin akong ganito, minsan nga nakaka-manhid na. Sige, bato nyo lang lahat sa akin! Na pinagpalit mo ako sa isang seaman na may asawa at anak na… Na mas binigyan ka nya ng time kaysa sakin… Na wala na ako sa buhay mo habang ikaw pa rin ang nagpapatakbo ng mundo ko.

 

Nakakainis isipin, ano? Kaya nga iniiwasan ko na lang isipin. Unti-unti, iniipon ko na lang ang lahat ng mga pabirong pintas nila sa pagiging tanga ko dahil iniisip pa rin kita. Nakakatawa nga, dun lang ako lumalaban kapag ikaw na ang iniinsulto nila. Sa lahat, yun ang hindi ko nakakayang tiisin. Laitin na nila ako’t pagtawanan, huwag lang ikaw ang mabastos (ganyan kalaki ang halaga mo sa akin, kahit na ba binasura mo na ako’t pinagtabuyan.) Kaya nga tuwing gabi na lamang, kung kelan mga munting hinga na lang ang naririnig ko, kung kelan wala ng makakapansin sa akin, doon ko hinuhubad ang maskara ko at umiiyak.

 

Hindi ko nga ba alam. Basta sa mga sandaling iyon, doon lamang ako sumasaya ng lubusan. Yakap ang unan na bigay mo pa sa akin, pilit kong binabalikan ang mga panahong nagkasama tayo. Iyong mga araw na magkatabi tayong wala nang sinasabi, basta magkatabi na lang (di ba masaya na tayo nun?) Sa ganoon lang, ramdam kong mahal mo ako.

 

Sa bawat patak ng luha, bumabalik ang mga simpleng tawanan, lambingan, at lahat ng mga kakornihang bagay na ginagawa natin dati. Sa bawat hikbi, pilit kong inaalala ang mga salitang sinabi mo sa 'kin. Sabi mo pa nga, hindi ka titigil sa pagmamahal sa akin. Alam mo, hanggang ngayon, sa bawat hikbi at patak ng luha ko, naininwala pa rin ako dun. At sa dahan-dahang pag-alis ng malay ko, dahan-dahan ko ding binubulong ang mga salitang gusto ko sanang iparinig sa iyo sa dalawang linggong hindi tayo nagkita bago mo kinalimutan ang tatlong taong pinagsamahan natin.

 

Matagal na akong ganito, gusto ko nang makawala, nakakamanhid na eh. Pero paano nga ba kita malilimutan kung kahit saan man ako matingin, nakikita pa rin kita. Wala na akong nakausap na kaibigan natin dati na hindi ako tinatanong kung kumusta ka na. Paano nga ba kita makakalimutan kung larawan mo pa rin ang nakalagay sa wallet ko? Kung messages mo pa rin ang nasa outbox ko? Kung gamit ko pa rin ang tasang regalo mo sa akin, ang tuwalya, ang mga panyo, ang unan ko? Ang Tazmanian Puzzle? Paano nga ba kita malilimutan kung araw-araw na lang kitang sinusulatan sa mga papel na sinusunog ko rin kinabukasan?

 

Minsan naisip ko kung nasaktan ka rin ba sa mga nangyari, kung umiiyak ka rin ba tulad ng pag-iyak ko, kung kahit paminsan-minsan man lang ay nadadalaw ko din ang isipan mo.

 

Medyo Matagal na nga akong ganito, umiiyak sa likod ng aking maskara, panay ang hiling na sana’y mahal mo pa rin ako, pilit na kumakapit sa mga alaalang iniwan mo. Pero gusto ko na ring makawala, naaawa na rin ako sa sarili ko kung minsan. Nakakamanhid na.

 

Ilang beses ko na nga bang pinangako sa sarili kong kakalimutan kadahil sa hirap at sakit na pinadama mo sa akin. Pero marahil, sa mga sandaling nag-iisa na lamang ako, kailangan ko lang talagang hubarin ang maskara, lumuha, at sumulat ng mga linyang tulad nito…

[Guest simply_miss]

...just wanting to post this song

 

BUKAS NA LANG KITA MAMAHALIN

 

Kay hirap palang umibig

Sa di tamang panahon

Kung bakit ngayon ko lang natagpuan

Ang isang katulad mo

Sana noon pa kita nakilala

Sana noon palang

Na ang puso ay malaya pang magmahal

 

Bukas na lang kita mamahalin

Sabay sa paglaya

Ng ating mga puso

Bukas na lang kita

Mamahalin...

 

Kay hirap palang umibig

Sa di tamang panahon

Kung bakit ngayon ko lang natagpuan

Ang isang katulad mo

Sana noon pa kita nakilala

Sana noon palang

Na ang puso ay malaya pang magmahal

 

Bukas na lang kita...

Bukas na lang kita...

Mamahalin...

 

 

....bukas na lang, kung handa ka na.....sana andito pa ako nun

Edited July 27, 2005 by simply_miss

[Wyld]

Thank you for the patience that you have been showing me lately... I know im not the easiest to get along with yet... you seem to know just how to settle me down.

 

Thank you for taking precious time to make sure we keep our communciation lines open - inspite of work and busy schedules. It gets harder and harder to stop talking each night but... we still manage. I hope we reach that point where we dont have to stop speaking at night anymore... because we have begun to start and end each day beside each other.

 

Thank you for being you. No other words can describe just how happy I am that we are in each others lives now.

 

For always.

 

[black cat]

truth be told, i miss you.  weird no? not as if you're in any significant way a part of my daily routine. basta i just do.  maybe i'll see you saturday, maybe i won't. either way i'll still miss you, so....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Anong weird dun sis? Eh di ba default mode mo yun? Hahaha! (mang-asar ba )

 

Para di OT:

 

For you,

 

I have so many questions in my mind.. I wish I could rationalize once more just like what I usually do and have them all answered but my mind just went blank (parang nag-reformat eh ).

 

Suddenly, I feel I am lost and I'm in a total darkness. I don't wanna move... I don't wanna move coz I'm afraid that I might trip into something that might hurt me.. I'm afraid that if I walk on blindly, I might fall in a deep pit and never find my way out.

 

I am just so afraid... I know crying wont get me anywhere but it's all I could do.. I feel more safe by doing just that.

 

Now, how can you help me?

[Wyld]

 

Sweetest one...

 

I hope you liked the song. It was strange that I had that very song in my playlist... Strange but meant to be I think...

 

Keep it in your mp3 player always... to remind you of our story... and how happy I am to be in this with you.

 

Words are never enough.

 

Always.

 

Edited July 28, 2005 by Wyld

[missmanners]

all the cheesiness in the world seems to not be sufficient to describe everything that's been going on lately.

 

all i know is you make me happy.

 

:*

[Mike Chester]

Dear son ...

 

The day that you see me old and I am already not have patience, try to understand me …

 

If I get dirty when eating… if I can not dress… have patience. Remember the hours I spent teaching it to you.

 

If, when I speak to you, I repeat the same things thousand and one times… do not interrupt me… listen to me.

When you were small, I had to read to you thousand and one times the same story until you get to sleep…

 

When I do not want to have a shower, neither shame me nor scold me…

Remember when I had to chase you with thousand excuses I invented, in order that you wanted to bath…

 

When you see my ignorance on new technologies… give me the necessary time and not look at me with your mocking smile…I taught you how to do so many things… to eat good, to dress well… to confront life…

 

When at some moment I lose the memory or the thread of our conversation… let me have the necessary time to remember… and if I cannot do it, do not become nervous… as the most important thing is not my conversation but surely to be with you and to have you listening to me

 

If ever I do not want to eat, do not force me. I know well when I need to and when not.

 

When my tired legs do not allow me walk...… give me your hand… the same way I did when you gave your first steps.

 

And when someday I say to you that I do not want to live any more… that I want to die… do not get angry… some day you will understand…

 

Try to understand that my age is not lived but survived.

 

Some day you will discover that, despite my mistakes, I always wanted the best thing for you and that I tried to prepare the way for you..

 

You must not feel sad, angry or impotent for seeing me near you. You must be next to me, try to understand me and to help me as I did it when you started living.

 

Help me to walk… help me to end my way with love and patience. I will pay you by a smile and by the immense love I have had always for you.

 

I love you son…

 

 

Your father

[Guest simply_miss]

To you buddy,

 

 

All these teardrops

Every one that falls

There's a wonderful memory

That I will always recall.

 

The love I thought you felt

That I lacked for so long

Now you've taken it away

Why did it have to go wrong?

 

You brought me out of that shell

That I was trapped in for so long

I truly thought I had it all

Life now was like a love song.

 

You put that sparkle back in my eye

You filled my heart with love

You made me smile again

You were truly a gift from above.

 

If you only knew

How you shattered my heart

Tears would fall from your eyes

And they'd never stop.

 

I'm now back in that shell

Where I lived for so long

Living in seclusion

Where it seems I belong.

 

Just remember when you see a raindrop

Automatically, think of me

Because these teardrops

You gave me, I hope you see.

Edited July 29, 2005 by simply_miss

[KristinLavransdatr]

mh,

 

do not address me in the third person pronoun when i'm within earshot. doing so shows weakness. doing so highlights cowardice.

 

i've nothing to apologize. if my rank is several steps above yours, i won't say mea culpa. i earned it. to be my equal, please, earn yours.

 

i don't require that you address me with a salutation other than the second person pronoun "you." better yet address me using my name. no miss. no madam. i give you this privilege because, as i speak, i still consider you as a friend. take that. otherwise, call me as my position dictates.

 

j.e.w.e.l.

Edited July 29, 2005 by KristinLavransdatr

[batibut]

its been 2 days. i waited. i'm still waiting. nothing... i called my bestfriend after we parted. well she made fun of my silliness as always. but she got kilig too! that has never happened before. she never gets kilig for me. she even put it on friendster, for posterity? heheh been listening to dinner at six and much has been said. yes i'm on drama mode. so can you get off your hot ass and decide na...

Edited July 29, 2005 by batibut

[bubuy]

u don't have to worry about anything.. it wasn't in any way related to you.. you didnt do anything wrong..

 

i was just thinking some things over.. and trying very hard to analyze things.. to make a decision.. that is fair for you.. coz i feel that what we're getting into isn't at all fair to you.. i don't want you tied up to me.. i feel like i'm holding back your life.. you can't do things or go somewhere without worrying what will i think.. and i don't want you to feel that way.. i want you to enjoy your life to the fullest, without you thinking or worrying what i have to say..

 

i want you to be freed from that burden.. pls don't hate me.. i didnt play you.. everything i said was real, from my heart.. that's why im saying this the same way, from my heart.. this wasn't an easy decision for me, but i guess the circumstances didn't give me any other choice..

 

i just hope that when i come home.. we can still come up to each other with a smile on our face and say i have the best time of my mtc life with you and no one else.. :cry:

Edited July 30, 2005 by bubuy

[Wyld]

Saturdays are a drag.

Sundays are a bore.

I have come to hate weekends

Because that means we are apart.

 

I would much rather sleep

It takes too much of an effort to do much

I just want to drag the hours

Til the weekend is done.

 

Mondays are a blessing.

It means I can come home.

Safe in your arms I can nestle

In the light of your love I can bask.

 

The week holds much promise

Because you spend each day with me

Till the time comes when we are together

This will have to be enough for me.

 

I cant wait til Monday.

The weekend is a drag.

Time stops when youre not around

And it flies when you are.

 

I hate weekends.

[moonflower]

 

guzman,

 

 

prayers are somehow answered with a yes, after all...

 

that very early morning when you asked me out..

 

we've spent time before... but its all in the workplace or in the guise of officemates and buddies in the workplace... and i thought u forgot when you had to leave but it turned out you remember so well. the words and the gesture says you remember... and im so thankful.

 

 

briones