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The Mail Box


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dear mom,

 

i love you. no matter what, you'll always be the greatest mom for me and i wouldn't exchange you for anyone else. i'm happy we are friends but sometimes, i wish you could refrain comparing yourself with me. i will never be as expressive or touchy as you are, but it doesn't mean my emotions are not as deeply felt as yours. and please, be quiet in the morning. i couldn't blame you, all through my high school and college, we lived in different houses. but two a year is enough for you to know that i don't like talking in the morning and i like it to be really quiet with only the beat of my heart to listen to...

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DBJ,

 

I hate you. not really. but that's what i feel right now.

you have taken me for granted.. then.

and now you wanna come back.

 

i have been patient to you. very patient.

i gave you a year-long chance. is that not enough?

 

you have tormented me. mentally. emotionally.

and now you're begging me to accept your sorry.

 

i wanna flush my bad memories of you down the toilet.

 

but i'll leave the good ones behind.

 

friendship. that's all i can offer you.

 

happy hearts' day.

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twice i asked to be freed. twice i said i can't do this anymore. twice i looked down, my eyes on the ground where you stood.

 

twice you asked why. twice you said why not. twice you stooped to catch my eyes.

 

twice you made me change my mind, not because i am naturally fickle-minded, a stereotype of my gender.

 

twice you made me smile when i shouldn't, when i mustn't.

 

twice you bent my will to the direction that led to yours. twice i didn't mind.

 

twice i was the happiest, when i thought it wasn't possible.

 

twice.

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Dear God,

 

I know I haven't been the good and obedient daughter that I should be. I haven't been one for the longest time. I am very sorry for having failed you time and again. I am sorry for the sorrow that I have brought You.

 

Yet in the darkest and most painful hours of my life, and in the happiest and most beautiful ones, You have been there for me. For this I thank You. Despite all my shortcomings and failures, You have lifted me up, dusted me off and set me on the path again and again.

 

I know I am naive and trusting. But this is only because I believe that people are innately good and wonderful human beings. I believe that if I relate with someone in good faith, that person will similarly relate with me in good faith. Isn't that how You taught me to relate to people? Isn't that what You expect? And although many people have advised me to be wary of people, I choose to believe that the person who I will be dealing with and relating to next is a reflection of You; that's why I choose to trust and believe in that person, whomsoever he or she may be.

 

I know I do not deserve most of the blessings that You have bestowed upon me and my family. I have done some bad things in my life, some things of which I am not proud. Yet the blessings do not stop coming. Although my life is not perfect, it has not been that bad either. I know I have it better than some people. And life continues to get better. This is because of Your blessings and Your love and care, and because of the people You have surrounded me with.

 

Thank You for my wonderful family. Although we haven't always seen eye to eye on lots of things, they have been with me through life's ups and downs. They have not lacked in telling me off whenever I do things that are not right, yet they have been supportive of me whenever, wherever.

 

Thank You for my loving parents. Although I have made them cry a lot, and it is only I who have made them cry this much, they have now accepted me for who I am and the decisions that I have made. I know they do not deserve the sadness I have brought into their lives with some of the decisions I have made, yet they have expressed that they will love me and support me no matter what.

 

Thank You for my beloved babies. Although I know I am not the best mom in the whole wide world, they have accepted me and loved me, despite my shortcomings, despite everything. I will try to be a better parent to them, no matter what it takes, for I wish and pray that at the end of my life, one thing I could be proud of is that I was the best mom I could ever be.

 

Thank You for my great friends. I could never, ever find friends better than the ones You have chosen to bestow upon me. Some of these people I have had early on; yet some I am just gathering now. These friends have accepted me for me, and are willing to see me through the rest of the travails I will go through. I will return their favor in kind, and will see them through the storms that their respective lives may bring.

 

Thank You for the men and women who have come into my life at one time or another, who I cannot consider friends. They have taught me lessons in life that are invaluable, and that I can use as building blocks for a future with the person You have set out for me. I may have regretted meeting or interacting with some of them, but the lessons I have learned from these meetings or interactions I should not regret nor forget.

 

Thank You for my life, for my loved ones, for the ones who love me, for the blessings, for the learning experiences, for the love and the care, for everything You have chosen me fit to come upon and to come into. I hope I do not fail You once again as I set my life to right this time around.

 

Your loving daughter,

 

M

Edited by Icee_1
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sinubukan kitang mahalin pero hindi umubra.

 

pasensiya na sa mga oras na naaksaya.

 

naramdaman ko ang pagmamahal mo.

 

pero hindi ko kayang ibigay ang katimbang nito.

 

hindi naman patas kung ganon.

 

baliw lang siguro ako.

 

malamang malungkot ka ngayon.

 

pero wag ka mag-alala hindi naman ako kawalan.

 

dahil ako'y palutang-lutang na basura.

Edited by lovelybabe
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