A Complicated Relationship

[StoicVampire]

I don't know if this is complicated or am I just complicating things. I was attracted to this OJT of ours in our company. Age gap? 7 years. Sweet and sociable girl. At first just the usual infatuation with a girl. That's it. The problem was I still had communication with my ex. This OJT of ours is close to me. I don't know if she has interest in me too and I didn't bother to ask. Me and my ex were quarreling over text cause I thought she was trying to make up with me and this OJT is showing some kind of affection during those times. I was so confused back then and logic came out of the window. I had my ex over the phone treating me some kind of crap and I have someone beside me showing affection (baka malambing lang talaga). Then I decided to take a risk. Nagtapat ako sa OJT namin. She was surprised regarding my revelation and fell silent. Days, weeks passed by. Medyo ilang and I decided to just take everything through letter. Ayoko namang guluhin yung training niya and for me, I want her to finish what she was intended to do. But I also don't want to hide what I am feeling for her cause that's what I felt. She's still aloof from me. I understand cause maybe because of our superior-subordinate relationship. I also don't want to take advantage that I'm her mentor at isisingit ko yung panliligaw during business hours. Di yata maganda yun. I sent multiple letters to her telling my intentions and no reply came. Weeks, months passed and still no response, just smiles and glances. I wanted badly to talk to her personally so I decided to give a present for us to have a communication. I gave her a phone and she sent it back to me together with a letter telling me that she won't give me a chance whatsoever cause she's not feeling the same way. Kung pwede friends na lang daw. Sa akin ok lang but I think she's not being reasonable by leading me to a false hope which lasted for months. (Was it a false hope?) I stopped courting her. But she's showing affections again. What the heck? What should I do?

[complicated8]

Look at how she treats other guys and not just you. What you interpret as affection may just be normal for her.

[TanglewoodBoy]

I don't know if this is complicated or am I just complicating things. I was attracted to this OJT of ours in our company. Age gap? 7 years. Sweet and sociable girl. At first just the usual infatuation with a girl. That's it. The problem was I still had communication with my ex. This OJT of ours is close to me. I don't know if she has interest in me too and I didn't bother to ask. Me and my ex were quarreling over text cause I thought she was trying to make up with me and this OJT is showing some kind of affection during those times. I was so confused back then and logic came out of the window. I had my ex over the phone treating me some kind of crap and I have someone beside me showing affection (baka malambing lang talaga). Then I decided to take a risk. Nagtapat ako sa OJT namin. She was surprised regarding my revelation and fell silent. Days, weeks passed by. Medyo ilang and I decided to just take everything through letter. Ayoko namang guluhin yung training niya and for me, I want her to finish what she was intended to do. But I also don't want to hide what I am feeling for her cause that's what I felt. She's still aloof from me. I understand cause maybe because of our superior-subordinate relationship. I also don't want to take advantage that I'm her mentor at isisingit ko yung panliligaw during business hours. Di yata maganda yun. I sent multiple letters to her telling my intentions and no reply came. Weeks, months passed and still no response, just smiles and glances. I wanted badly to talk to her personally so I decided to give a present for us to have a communication. I gave her a phone and she sent it back to me together with a letter telling me that she won't give me a chance whatsoever cause she's not feeling the same way. Kung pwede friends na lang daw. Sa akin ok lang but I think she's not being reasonable by leading me to a false hope which lasted for months. (Was it a false hope?) I stopped courting her. But she's showing affections again. What the heck? What should I do?

 

maybe that's just her personality bro, or maybe she's just "malambing" because like what you said, trainee lang siya so, she's just adjusting to her surroundings and like what you also posted, subordinate mo siya....

 

sometimes, we misinterpret the things we have, happened to me a lot of times also...but it's good that she admitted na wala siyang feelings sayo, if i were you, that is already that..

 

good luck bro!!!

[paupau]

maybe that's just her personality bro, or maybe she's just "malambing" because like what you said, trainee lang siya so, she's just adjusting to her surroundings and like what you also posted, subordinate mo siya....

 

sometimes, we misinterpret the things we have, happened to me a lot of times also...but it's good that she admitted na wala siyang feelings sayo, if i were you, that is already that..

 

good luck bro!!!

 

agree ako dito. some girls are just malambing by nature. sa lahat malambing sila kaya madalas namimisinterpret. nakaencounter na ko nito, and bro, ang sakit sa ulo.

[cocoy0]

Minsan those things make the relationship exciting.

[omegared]

I don't know if this is complicated or am I just complicating things. I was attracted to this OJT of ours in our company. Age gap? 7 years. Sweet and sociable girl. At first just the usual infatuation with a girl. That's it. The problem was I still had communication with my ex. This OJT of ours is close to me. I don't know if she has interest in me too and I didn't bother to ask. Me and my ex were quarreling over text cause I thought she was trying to make up with me and this OJT is showing some kind of affection during those times. I was so confused back then and logic came out of the window. I had my ex over the phone treating me some kind of crap and I have someone beside me showing affection (baka malambing lang talaga). Then I decided to take a risk. Nagtapat ako sa OJT namin. She was surprised regarding my revelation and fell silent. Days, weeks passed by. Medyo ilang and I decided to just take everything through letter. Ayoko namang guluhin yung training niya and for me, I want her to finish what she was intended to do. But I also don't want to hide what I am feeling for her cause that's what I felt. She's still aloof from me. I understand cause maybe because of our superior-subordinate relationship. I also don't want to take advantage that I'm her mentor at isisingit ko yung panliligaw during business hours. Di yata maganda yun. I sent multiple letters to her telling my intentions and no reply came. Weeks, months passed and still no response, just smiles and glances. I wanted badly to talk to her personally so I decided to give a present for us to have a communication. I gave her a phone and she sent it back to me together with a letter telling me that she won't give me a chance whatsoever cause she's not feeling the same way. Kung pwede friends na lang daw. Sa akin ok lang but I think she's not being reasonable by leading me to a false hope which lasted for months. (Was it a false hope?) I stopped courting her. But she's showing affections again. What the heck? What should I do?

 

Mahirap talgang tanggapin ang rejection, leave her alone, yun ang sabi nya eh. Matatapos din OJT nya and hopefully pag di mo na nakakasama palagi eh makalimutan mo na rin yan. Ayusin mo na lag yung problema mo sa ex mo kung gusto mo pa sya kung hindi there's no point talking to her as well. Kapag sinabi sa iyo na gusto ka lang nya maging kaibigan, nagiging polite lang siya sa iyo. Nag OJT sya kaya kahit bad trip sya at di ka nya type, kailangan ka niyang pakisamahan, try mo pag hindi na sya dyan nag train dyan and you will see what she really feels. For the meantime, keep ignoring her "affection", baka nagpapantasya ka lang. Sorry kung medyo prangka sagot ko, no other way to put it.

[jons11]

Mahirap talgang tanggapin ang rejection, leave her alone, yun ang sabi nya eh. Matatapos din OJT nya and hopefully pag di mo na nakakasama palagi eh makalimutan mo na rin yan. Ayusin mo na lag yung problema mo sa ex mo kung gusto mo pa sya kung hindi there's no point talking to her as well. Kapag sinabi sa iyo na gusto ka lang nya maging kaibigan, nagiging polite lang siya sa iyo. Nag OJT sya kaya kahit bad trip sya at di ka nya type, kailangan ka niyang pakisamahan, try mo pag hindi na sya dyan nag train dyan and you will see what she really feels. For the meantime, keep ignoring her "affection", baka nagpapantasya ka lang. Sorry kung medyo prangka sagot ko, no other way to put it.

 

I agree with this. Plenty of fish in the sea. I know you can't help how you feel pero it's pointless to go all out in a war that's lost even before it started. This affects her too and she IS trying to be professional about it. Don't make it any harder than it already is. Kung friends, friends lang. Sabi nga ni Joey de Venecia: "Back off!"

[StoicVampire]

Mahirap talgang tanggapin ang rejection, leave her alone, yun ang sabi nya eh. Matatapos din OJT nya and hopefully pag di mo na nakakasama palagi eh makalimutan mo na rin yan. Ayusin mo na lag yung problema mo sa ex mo kung gusto mo pa sya kung hindi there's no point talking to her as well. Kapag sinabi sa iyo na gusto ka lang nya maging kaibigan, nagiging polite lang siya sa iyo. Nag OJT sya kaya kahit bad trip sya at di ka nya type, kailangan ka niyang pakisamahan, try mo pag hindi na sya dyan nag train dyan and you will see what she really feels. For the meantime, keep ignoring her "affection", baka nagpapantasya ka lang. Sorry kung medyo prangka sagot ko, no other way to put it.

 

It's ok bro. Point taken. Nakalimutan ko lang i-post eh. Everything was an illusion. Sinabi na rin sa kin minsan ng bestfriend ko na magkaiba ng priorities ang nag-aaral at nagtatrabaho na. Well at least may natutunan naman. Hehe! Thanks for the advices!

Edited November 7, 2010 by StoicVampire

[StoicVampire]

agree ako dito. some girls are just malambing by nature. sa lahat malambing sila kaya madalas namimisinterpret. nakaencounter na ko nito, and bro, ang sakit sa ulo.

ho

 

You're right bro. Ang sakit sa ulo! Buti na lang hands full ako lagi sa trabaho dahil kung hindi matagal na akong baliw. Hehe!

[TanglewoodBoy]

when my marriage ended, i do had complicated relationships after that....

 

the first one was we are both on the rebound so it's bound to fall, she does love her ex bf so much.....i was just looking for some company as well...

 

the second one was i didn't truly loved her but she was so nice so that's why i took her along for the ride...

 

the third one, due to certain circumstances, the relationship is not yet ripe...

 

the fourth one, was just a one night stand, wahahahahaha

 

the last one, i truly loved that lady, but again, due to certain circumstances the relationship is bound to end sooner or later....

 

 

maybe karma is rearing it's ugly head on me this time......haha

[robsalvador]

Relationships are always complicated.. If they weren't, it would be boring..

[jgc813]

when my marriage ended, i do had complicated relationships after that....

 

the first one was we are both on the rebound so it's bound to fall, she does love her ex bf so much.....i was just looking for some company as well...

 

the second one was i didn't truly loved her but she was so nice so that's why i took her along for the ride...

 

the third one, due to certain circumstances, the relationship is not yet ripe...

 

the fourth one, was just a one night stand, wahahahahaha

 

the last one, i truly loved that lady, but again, due to certain circumstances the relationship is bound to end sooner or later....

 

 

maybe karma is rearing it's ugly head on me this time......haha

 

Maybe karma... maybe... but there's also another point-of-view which, I feel, is a more plausible explanation.

 

In the good book, there's this adage: "love thy neighbor as thy self."

 

Very often, we focus on the "thy neighbor." We have forgotten about THY SELF.

 

Look at the whole sentence. How should we love our neighbor? The loving of thy neighbor should be the same as the loving of self.

 

In short, it is important to LOVE THY SELF. If we do not know how to love ourselves, we will never know how to love our neighbor.

 

What's my point? I feel, complicated relationships happen because we ourselves are in a "complicated situation." There's no stability in our life. Hence, we seek out ways and means to stabilize ourselves, to pacify ourselves, to fulfill ourselves, etc...

 

And we think, the solution is outside of us. But it doesn't happen. Why? Because there's no foundation in us. We are not stable, we are not at peace, we are not fulfilled.

 

I really think that when we come from a major break-up, or from an immediate troubled experience, we shouldn't try to look for a solution outside of us. Maybe, the first thing to do is to "allow the dust to settle." Then, we can see more clearly.

 

Only when there's some form of stability, that's the time to move slowly outside. When the complications in our own lives have found the resolution, it will only be then our relationships outside will be stable.

[TanglewoodBoy]

Maybe karma... maybe... but there's also another point-of-view which, I feel, is a more plausible explanation.

 

In the good book, there's this adage: "love thy neighbor as thy self."

 

Very often, we focus on the "thy neighbor." We have forgotten about THY SELF.

 

Look at the whole sentence. How should we love our neighbor? The loving of thy neighbor should be the same as the loving of self.

 

In short, it is important to LOVE THY SELF. If we do not know how to love ourselves, we will never know how to love our neighbor.

 

What's my point? I feel, complicated relationships happen because we ourselves are in a "complicated situation." There's no stability in our life. Hence, we seek out ways and means to stabilize ourselves, to pacify ourselves, to fulfill ourselves, etc...

 

And we think, the solution is outside of us. But it doesn't happen. Why? Because there's no foundation in us. We are not stable, we are not at peace, we are not fulfilled.

 

I really think that when we come from a major break-up, or from an immediate troubled experience, we shouldn't try to look for a solution outside of us. Maybe, the first thing to do is to "allow the dust to settle." Then, we can see more clearly.

 

Only when there's some form of stability, that's the time to move slowly outside. When the complications in our own lives have found the resolution, it will only be then our relationships outside will be stable.

 

 

yeah bro, in those relationships, i still have some issues yet that i feel the need to resolve siguro kaya nagka ganun but it doesn't mean i loved them less.....siguro, in a right frame of mind, mas tumagal sana kami....but i do think i tried hard....so, maybe the next time, i would try harder as they say....

 

 

thanks for the inputs sir!!

[lomex32]

TWB, when we all got married that is when our life became complicated

and when it ended it get more more more more ..... aaaahhhh

 

when my marriage ended, i do had complicated relationships after that....

[TanglewoodBoy]

TWB, when we all got married that is when our life became complicated

and when it ended it get more more more more ..... aaaahhhh

 

yeah bro,. cheers to that...hahahaahah

 

 

marriage will always have it's ups and downs, it's how you deal with the downs that counts.....hahaha