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Writings of the Heart


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Thank you.

 

From the moment that I got myself into this big, big mess you were there, cheering and putting me in good spirit. I appreciate that more than you think I did. You save me from myself and that's something that I would be grateful for for the rest of my life. Despite of what you did, I will always remember you with a smile and a little tug in my heart. You will always be that someone that made me fall down laughing when everything around me is falling. That person that made me forget those people that used to mean a lot. That person that made me want to be at my best.

 

I hope you'll be happy now with your friends and with the knowledge that you can be the person that you want to be here and there. Nothing can stifle you, no one can curb what you want to say or do.

 

I just want to say i'm sorry for being this person that I am right now. I am your dilemma waiting to happen. I feel remorseful because I'm not the person who can give and share it all. Not even you. I'm selfishness personified and you're my adversary. My exact opposite.

 

This is not a goodbye to everything that we've gone through. Well, maybe just for now. Hello is just around the corner. Who knows maybe, in that narrow corridor of friendship we'll see each other again. We'll be different persons by then and again, maybe we'll make it through.

 

You know how i feel.

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My excuse of a love letter (this is really for you)

 

 

 

 

Escape; yes escape a very damn hard thing to do. At first I thought that it was an easy thing to do, but when I was there it was then that I realized that it was hard. Not calling or sending an SMS was the key so I won’t endure the pain that I feel whenever I see you, when all that I am is a big brother to you. I will admit, although that is what you feel about me, I still am happy because that is what keeps me inside you, but as a human being who cannot get content with what is given, I gave in. So there goes escape.

 

I was wondering what it would be like when my faith in relationships is returned?

 

Well now enough of my ramblings and onto my babblings.

 

I was a romantic when I was young, but something ugly happened and the young romantic died and in his place a jaded young man emerged, that ugly thing was growing up too fast. I believed in every single love quote and saying about love, but as mentioned earlier those beliefs were buried with the romantic that died.

 

Now jaded, love is but a hallucination that distracts and offers no refuge for me, as I believe right now. The only thing with the word love that means something to me is unrequited love. Sounds mighty deep, indeed it is and may I add freaking painful, I guess I should know about it because that is what is driving me to write this piece.

 

Being jaded had its ups, but then again it has its downside which makes one a negative psycho, who in defense always say that it is being practical. I’m getting out of the topic here, so let us end my psycho-analysis of my mind lest I really get out of hand and go berserk.

 

So there, a short description of what my mind is going through, a short word to describe it is turmoil; my half-baked brain is in turmoil, and I would go bonkers if I don’t say this to you.

 

Really I’m telling you, after that unexpected meeting I’m having sleepless nights again all because old feelings that I kept locked are flooding right back, and I don’t have the slightest idea on how to tell you about them.

 

I read something in the internet that said, “Damn if you do, damn if you don’t.” well I think I’d be damned with whatever I do so why not go and just do it eh?

 

Single by my own choice, that was my front, because of being jaded that was the more practical approach that offers me happiness but no other option. Now I’m eating my words.

 

I’m not being pretentious when I say that the young romantic is revolting and gives innuendos of love being sweeter the second time around. I guess you’re laughing now because you know me as the type of guy who doesn’t get mushy easily, and would keep things more to himself than tell people about it. But hey, I’m human just like you, and I forgot that I was and thought as a machine for a long time in my life. Well now, I’m here again trying to be human, and feeling a strong human emotion that gets stronger as it is suppressed. Maybe it used the suppression to fuel it, now it is ablaze and the only thing that will stop it is to tell you about it.

 

I’m a schmuck, I can’t promise you anything big and I’m not the perfect guy, not the sweetest of the lot, not the popular jock, not the handsome dude, not the richest man, and not the coolest star, but I know that I could fake it to make you content.

 

Maybe now you can see where this is leading to.

 

I saw a shooting star last night while driving home from the drugstore and, I was just wondering what if we started all over again? I was wondering how wonderful life would be (well that would be in my case, for I know not what you are thinking) with you. I was hoping that you would be the one who would be the answer to my question in the beginning.

 

But all I can do right now is muse in my thoughts, and say all of this to you nothing more.

 

Rewind back in time, the time when I asked to hold your hand for you to feel my love for you. Still remember that time? Find it corny today?

 

If you are laughing now that you’ve remembered it, I guess it is only fair to laugh about it. It was a very old line of teenagers to tell their sweets of their undying love. But now again I am asking to hold that very same hand, to hold mine and accompany me as I hope to earn the owner’s love.

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Guest biancaanne

Yang, I realized that there will be no other man who could make me commit again except for you. There are others who make me feel this semblance of love, I will admit that. But they don't know me as much as you do. Not even my exes know what you know about me.

 

I'm tired of dancing with little boys, wanna-be-men, and "intellectuals'. I'll play their game, but only because I'm seeing them as part of the journey I have to take alone. I feel like I am really never "with" them. They are never and will never be with me anyway. I'm only fair game to them, a trophy to add to their shelf of conquests. Or at least that's what they think. I have yet to find someone as honest and true to oneself as you are.

 

I'm falling hopelessly in love with you, even in your absence. As always, you are in the right place to ignore my rants and show of affection to you. It keeps me in check. But somehow, my mind, heart and my hands draws me to write this letter here in this place we have met. My soul draws me to find a way to admit to myself (and the rest of this mad world that is aware of my existence) that I am in love with my soul twin.

 

I really am beyond caring if you would retreat further into the shadows because you chance to read this missive. I'm beyond wanting and needing reciprocation anymore. I think that the other men I have met have made me a weird combination of emo-numb (there, I used the word I hate most). What matters to me now is that I know what I need in my life, and still would be able to live without it.

 

All I need now is you and only you. Whether you like it or not, I need you. I love you. And it is because I have finally admitted to myself that I do love you, that I am summoning all the gods, goddesses, demons, and angels, saints, and sinners, to aid in my life without this great love being reciprocated.

 

The next man who will fall in love with me will sure have a hard time. He has to be better than you are. And that, bes, is a herculean endeavor for him to take on.

 

I wish you love, happiness, and success. I am sorry but I cannot be just your friend anymore. I have marred our friendship and I may not be able to do justice to my role as your best friend.

 

Your call...Yin

Edited by biancaanne
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of love and friendship

 

love borne out of friendship is probably one of the most natural and wonderful evolutions of the human experience. it is built on a firmly rooted starting point to explore yet another level of trust and understanding between two people who have outgrown the comforts of a constant companion, the vexations of a disquieting rift and the delights of a shared achievement.

 

the change almost always catches everyone by surprise. in some instance, it comes when one denies the genuine pride over the other's accomplishments. in others, it comes when you try to choke up that urge to kiss the other in a moment of tenderness. still it comes in other forms of embarrassing circumstances and when someone so much as picks up the hint of a glitter in our eyes, it takes us a few moments to recover before we dismiss the charge vehemently. at that instant, we debate within ourselves the truth of that realization and when we finally come to accept the reality of that emotion---mutually, of course---we shall have reached the full circle of that transformation.

 

mind you, it does not get any easier from that point on, it even appears to wan off in the absence of adoring gestures that normally come with ritual courtship. knowing the one you love from the standpoint of friendship deprives you of the pretense of romance and you tend to nudge each other on the side on those occasions of mushy intimacy, the honesty is simply too raw and the empathy need not be spoken. but with all the inhibitions dispensed, you are left with nothing but the bare essence of your beloved and the significance by which you have shifted the focus of your life and aspirations towards her.

 

-----

 

like i said, honey, i did not write it to flatter you. as you can see, it is not even addressed to you. :hypocritesmiley:

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Guest biancaanne

Yang, your conscience won't lead you to where you should go. It would be your heart and your soul that would let you be true to yourself. Remember that one time when you said that I was your bes because I was true to myself? Then maybe whatever happened to you that made you feel guilty is just a reflection of who you really are. I would have wanted to be there to be your sounding board, but again, it will always be your call if you would want to reach out to me again. I find comfort in knowing that you're my ally in Mafia Wars, Superhero Alliance, Streetcar Racer and Vampire Wars (LOL!). :lol: Dang! You even beat me to the ranks!. Miss you, bes...Yin

Edited by biancaanne
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Guest Riveria

Sir,

 

Everyday seems like a blessing since I've met you. I feel so lucky and honored to have such a talented, handsome and intelligent guy. Thank you for sharing your life with me. It is a truly wonderful gift.

 

Ma'am

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Like petals it'll wilt and fall to ground

 

the fears that engulf me, to misery I got bound

 

tears unexplained, distress unrestrained

 

soul getting tired, weary of the plight..

 

Like petals it'll wilt and fall to the ground

 

for the mighty warrior's feet to pound

 

til it crumbles down to pieces undefined

 

till nothing's left of the monstrosity's pride

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Mang Asyong,

 

Sa gitna ng mahahalagang bagay na dapat kong harapin, ninais kong sagutin ng karampat na kasulatan ang diwa mong punong-puno ng laman.

 

Ang nilalaman ng iyong puso na inilapat mo sa bawat titik at pinakamalilim na salita na maaring mamutawi mula sa iyo ay halos narinig at nabasa ko na.

Batid kong marami pang pagsubok ang darating, mga pagtutunggaling maaring magsimula sa atin. 'Sing dami ng tamis na ating malalasap sa patuloy na paghanap ng payak na kasiyahan. Ang mga pangyayaring wangis man natin o hindi ay patuloy nating yayakapin sa mga susunod pang panahon at sa bawat araw, nasa 'kong puspusin ka ng aking pag-ibig. Huwag mangamba sa mga kabiguan at pagkakamaling ating magigisnan. Sa aking pagninilay, nais kong isipin na ikaw ang bituin sa gitna ng kadiliman. Wala nang hihigit pa sa wagas at tunay na kasunduan.

 

Dalisayahin nawa tayo ng tuwa at luha ng paglalakbay.

 

:* :)

 

 

Nagmamahal,

Aling Mary

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