The Mail Box

[Mayella]

M,

 

i see you're as confused as i am. i thought you'd give up on us so easily but then you surprised me a while ago with your honesty. this is definitely not going to be easy as i hoped it would be. i'm just sorry for all the mess i made.

 

L

Edited May 21, 2004 by mayella76

[irshes]

Moderator's Note: Deleted per poster's request.

Edited May 3, 2004 by Macy

[Wyld]

 

C

 

totally unexpected. totally unprepared.

you caught me off guard yet again.

 

i had given you up. i decided you didnt want what we had.

i gave up on all unanswered questions.

 

i moved on.

 

and you came back.

 

my hands went clammy, my pulse raced.

i cried.

 

all the worries and hurts came back.

all the questions resurfaced.

 

why? what for? when?

 

you said you will answer them in time. you said you still wanted US.

 

why am i all unsettled?

why am i all askew?

 

is it because i still want us too?

 

i dont know.

 

i dont know anything. not at this time.

 

i only know im lost all over again.

 

 

-K

Edited May 3, 2004 by WyldChik

[bods1000]

Y

 

It feels like a thousand sandstorms pass through my throat whenever I don't talk with you - my whole being feels parched whenever I don't hear your voice....take care, sweetie....I've wrapped my love around you the whole day that I was thinking of you....

 

N

[Switlass]

A,

 

Do not make the same mistakes your friend did.

I am no push over nor a softie to bend to your demands.

 

I am not a thing to command,

nor am I a delicate flower that will wilt away and die at the first sign of defeat

 

You will understand me.

 

Or the future we so long for will never come to be.

 

N

Edited May 3, 2004 by swit_lass

[freelicker]

I have tried to live my life right.

 

I have always tried to do what's right.

 

I have tried so hard to be good.

 

So why do I have a life like this,

 

so much pain and suffering

so much tears and frustrations.

[jershey]

be honest...

 

..this will be my last words...never again u will hear something about us anymore....

 

it wud be better if u just tell me that u dont want me and u dont love me anymore...than to make excuses that are unbelievable..

 

it wud be much easier for me to accept things...coz i know the truth...

 

ive been there....i know how it feels to hurt some1 hu loves u...

 

but it wud be better to tell it straight to their faces ...for them to stop holding on....for them to give up....

 

as ive said..this is the saddest part of my life....

 

i just dont know how to start again...uve been a part of my life for almost 1.5 months...

 

and i dont knw how to live without u....i just cant....but then....its over.....wala na akong loves.....

Edited May 7, 2004 by jershey

[Zerreit]

Ich hoffe, daß sie erhalten, diesen meinen freund zu lesen.

 

Ich dachte nie, daß der tag, den ich Sie aus am flughafen fallenließ, das letzte mal ist ich sie während einer sehr sehr langen zeit sehen werde. Ich wünsche, daß ich besagt mehr als "Sie haben könnte mach's gut!" Ich vermisse sie. Sachen sind nicht dieselben hier mehr. Sie sehen, daß alles sich heraus für das beste dreht. Und möglicherweise ist dieses für das beste. Sie haben mehr gelegenheiten dort als, was wir hier haben. Ich hoffe zu sehen, daß sie wieder eines tages und bis dahin wir beide sind bessere personen willen (und verdünner auch, ich hoffe). Nehmenobacht von selbst. Wenn sie mich benötigen, sie wissen, wo man mich erreicht. Das ganzes beste zu ihnen.

 

Zerreit

[Zerreit]

El Abolita Más Querido,

 

Espero que usted esté en un lugar mejor ahora. Estoy a punto de hacer posiblemente uno de las decisiones más grandes de mi vida. La esperanza segura y usted me dirigiría. Ahora le necesito más que siempre.

 

Le falto y te amo.

 

Su Nieta,

L

Edited May 4, 2004 by Zerreit

[bods1000]

Y

 

it's like a psychological Chinese water torture whenever you're away.

loneliness preys on my feeble mind; longing shreds away at my insides.

you know I ain't too proud to beg for your presence.

and way too dumb to be impatient for your return.

but much too deep will be my happiness

the moment i put my arms around you again.

 

N

[Wyld]

 

c --

 

im still adrift.

im trying to stay sane.

im trying to hold on.

 

please come back

before i let go

all over again.

 

i might not decide to

hang on again

after this time...

 

-k

[bods1000]

Y

 

Talking with you on a mobile phone is more than just listening to a voice being transported across miles through a modern contraption. It is a soft buss on my cheek. It is a wind chime tinkling on a doorstep. It is a rose petal glistening with dew. It is a Strad going on a soft passage. It is more than anything else I can imagine. It's love playing around in my heart.

 

N

[Mayella]

dear B,

 

i was really looking forward to seeing you again yesterday but due to certain circumstances, it wasn't possible. i miss you terribly. the days seem longer, as i wait for the next chance to be with you again.

 

L

Edited May 21, 2004 by mayella76

[Zerreit]

Mein Liebstes,

 

Sie können nie ein lächeln auf mein gesicht setzen nicht. Aber heute, sie setzten ein grinsen auf mein gesicht. Ich denke nicht, daß es überhaupt gegangen wird. Ich hatte einen so-so tag, bis sie benannten. Ich werde durch diesen anruf überrascht und berührt. Zu wissen ist wirklich nett, daß sie an mich auch denken. Ich hoffe, daß sie immer okay sind. Ich bete immer zu ihrer sicherheit. Und ja, es ist immer unsere. Mach's gutbaby.

 

Ihr immer,

Zerreit

Edited May 6, 2004 by Zerreit

[MA]

Baby,

 

I'm sorry I hurt you. I guess, all this time, I never really realized how much you love me. Until last night. It's been nine months and you've given me everything you can possibly give...even when your hands are tied...and I can't forgive myself for being so self-absorbed and selfish.

 

I was cruel, unforgiveably so. And now, I want to make things right. I promise to make the pain I've caused you go away...and it will, baby. Just have a little more faith in me.

 

 

I love you like I've never loved any man before. And you must know I always will.

 

 

 

Yours faithfully.

 

 

V

[irshes]

You would've been 35 today.

A year ago, we spent it together. You flew all the way here to be with me. Now I celebrate it by sending you my love and prayers. I cannot offer you flowers, for thousands of miles separate me and what is left of your physical body. Still, I can feel you, always beside me.

You may be gone, but not forever. Our love still lives. The "gumamela" you gave me still blooms, beautiful and bloody red.

Happy birthday, baby.

 

T.

[irshes]

You told me a simple "You make me happy" would suffice.

Well, you do. Thank you.

 

T.

[Thomas_Durnst]

Bizman!!! its been awhile but still I survived hollla back 0918937****. Its been a year and my topic is still hot!!!

 

I edited out the mobile number, you may want to PM Bizman your number instead. Thanks. -Lipstick-

Edited May 10, 2004 by Lipstick

[Wyld]

c...

 

we had a conversation today.

we actually did.

and i could not help but smile like a fool after.

it was tentative. it was different.

 

i missed those talks we had

when words and thoughts flowed

when it was all effortless

when we knew.

 

i think we still know.

but weve both been scarred

by that thing called the past.

it will take time.

 

but we got that goin for us.

we have time. lots of it.

i think we are on track.

im glad we are ...

 

-k

[LovenFaith]

my loving nanay,

 

Wished I could turn back time wherein I'm still a little child you carry in your arms...

Things I didn't get until now, I'm grown up but still craving for your touch...

Wished it will still be possible that you can hear me say how much I love you...

coz I think I never did it when you were still here beside me...

 

Why do you need to close your eyes so soon...???

Leaving me all alone...

You closed your eyes that soon...

So now I'm short of hugs under the moon.......???????

 

I f you were only here beside me...

I wouldn't be lost in this crazy world...

Maybe I'm a better person that you've dreamed me to be...

But I made so many mistakes...

Think even you could never take it,

Unless maybe you hear what I wanna say

Coz I know you're the only person who could understand me...

For my happiness is yours too, and nothing you can't give for me to have it so...

 

 

What could i say but "sorry" for the lost time that i should have told you how much you mean to me...

Never did i recall i thank thee for all the unconditional love you gave to me...

Nights that you're sleepless when I'm sick...

Denied your convinience so that I could have things that I've WISHED...

 

 

I missed you... I wanna tell you in every given chances I have now...!!!

Suffering for the reality that why is it just now...???

Have lots of chances before but seems I don't even noticed it.

Now, I have every word to tell you...but how could you hear me say...???

 

Wished it's not yet too late to tell you all I wanna say...

I love you...sorry if I didn't love you the same...

I miss you...wished I could see your face up there in heaven...

I'm sorry for all the mistakes I did, I know it dishonored you...

...and for all the sorrow I gave you when I decided to left you...!!!

 

If ever you see a baby there that looks exactly like me...

I want you to know that she's my baby...

Never had the chance to tell her what I feel...

Because like you she left me in pain...!

Her name would be intended to be after yours ...

but Allan doesn't want me to be hurted whenever I recall you...

But I wanna tell you still...her name is Judy Almira

 

You knew Aj, right...? his cute voice when he cry makes you smile...

Giving him a warm bath every morning light...

And a lullaby as he closes his eyes...

He even has a sister that you haven't had the chance to meet...

The name's Alanis Jelle, who has a face of you in gay...

Smart & jolly like me, as you can see me when I was her age...

 

And of course, Allan.......

I know you loved him as you did I am...

But I'm so sorry to tell we didn't make it....

Maybe we're not really meant for each other...

But i did give my best to be like you...

Do everything & anything for us to make it better...

...but still it didn't worked out...the way it should be...!

 

And now I have somebody...

Wishing you could see me that I'm happy...

For he loves me that much

But still I'm craving for your touch....

 

How could I wished there's a line there in heaven...

So that I can call you whenever I feel to...

But since It's impossible to happen,

I'll just be here keep on wishing...

...that someday, may you hear me say...

...I love you & thanks a lot for everything.......!!!!!!!

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...THANK YOU VERY MUCH PO.......!!!!!!!

[LostCommand]

Musings at the Towers

 

Another chapter opens in this wandering nomad's life. Another city, another office. Another mission to complete for this far-flung, specialised outfit whose employ I chose to join near a decade ago. How many cities, towns, and intensifying missions has it been since? Three? Five, perhaps?

 

I have lost count. How many more?

 

I stand on the lonely higher levels of these magnificent twin towers. Below, the whole city, shiny and shabby sections alike, are under my sightless gaze. I turn inwards...

 

In my quiet mind a line from the Lord of the Rings unfolds, regarding Aragorn the future King Elessar's early life: "He fought under many banners, and won renown under many names. He knew the enemy, and all his ways"

 

Would that it would be so simple, that we know that we are to someday encounter a monstrous foe and his minions, and therefore all of our efforts and direction must be towards besting this penultimate challenge. After this is accomplished, we can then live contentedly in some mountain retreat, getting on with our lives and enjoying decent lays.

 

But no, instead we face a faceless enemy. We face rather a shadow or a stain of enemies over the whole country. We face numberless little blood-sucking orcs embedded in all levels of society, without a single leader, whom should he be slain, will scatter the whole filthy brood. Going about breaking their necks one by one will take too many years to endure, with the few allies we have. What are the rules to follow then?

 

A British general once told his soldiers that one of the best rules to obtain a win is to simply keep murdering the other side with as few losses to yourself as possible. No rocket science to it, just plain and simple planning and trickery, este, tactics. The enemy, after all, is probably about as unsure as you are anyway. So play on that, and play on that first.

 

In such a situation of a dispersed but non-united forces of corruption and backwardism, the best thing to do is to concentrate the attention of the enemy on yourself, so they come out of their hidey holes and solidify into a mass of bugs that you can see. Once they have so concentrated as to be easily visible, then murdering them becomes more efficient (of course you will need some helping hands in the thirsty work of stabbing and cutting) and way way faster. Then do it again, once more presenting a visible target for them to try to milk and despoil. And so on. The old suck-them-out-then-hammer-them trick, plain and simple. Gen. Montgomery would love this.

 

So here I am, training under many banners and fighting under many names. Playing it straight and by the rules. Going up fair and square, perhaps a local leader or businessman someday, establishing a secure bulwark in some town or province somewhere. Still playing it straight..

 

All the while secretly itching and preparing for a fight against the first (big time) orc-born SOB who will not play straight. Meanwhile gathering friends, fellow thinkers, connections, hitmen, and maintaining a personal skill in guns and leadership. Dreaming of nabbing that SOB and other such SOBs, using an iron pipe on them until they die (may take several hours, need to rest in-between beating sessions, your arms go weary after a while). Waiting for the ecstatic feeling of dumping the bruise-mushy body somewhere, with a written taunt to his ilk, written on the skin with a electric drill for a pen. Then denying any involvement, laying the blame on "enemies he may have made in his life" or even the NPA. Maintaining my respectable, family man image...

 

It is a war, and there are no rules, except, maybe, never to get caught nor to be under suspicion. It is a black and white war in our country now, and who says only the other side can use force, guns, deception, propaganda, intelligence services, electronics, connections, silent poisons, and hidden murder? It is a war, plain and simple, and I intend to get rich running my businesses straight and fair, while preparing to deal with the unfair ones secretly and bloodily.

 

How I long to start the killing sprees again! The bad ones have not been dying fast enough recently.

 

So now, we are in training, mission after mission, overseas at that. I should be happy, for I am learning how to properly run a straight business at the hands of masters. At the same time, I need to keep in touch with the "alternative side of the law", for I will need them in about a decade more. Therefore I must start developing better relations with them this early. Perhaps give them a mission or two right now...

 

The dark forces and black magic, these are not the monopoly of the devil alone. We are not angels, after all, who can not touch the demon magic. We are men, stuck in the middle, who can touch both sorts of magic, and live.

 

Perhaps, slowly, our numbers will increase, and all this religious, prayer rally bullshit "for peace" will cease, and we can get down to the business of killing and taking down orcs, so that we can get on with our lives and lays. Lets face the music and draw our demon swords; all of us born humans were given at least one such sword at birth, and not just a pair of angel wings. Let's use BOTH types of gifts, and maybe this will be a better country for all.

 

We need more people with every intention of succeeding in business and profession fairly and squarely, every preparation to coolly ambush and murder the orcs attracted to all that glitter, and every eagerness to get started.

 

I do not know how many missions more I will undergo, before I get to the thick of the fight and get my chance at orc stabbing. For comfort, I turn to the words of my late Jesuit teacher, who said that we are all "...works under construction". We merely work hard for the dreams that were put into our hearts, and trust that, at the end, the final result will be for the best.

 

k*ll them all!!

 

LC

[Mayella]

B,

 

it pains me so much to have to hear those words from time to time. the sad truth is, you can never be mine alone and i can never be totally yours as well. i don't know anymore if this is even worth our time since the future seems so bleak.

 

L

Edited May 21, 2004 by mayella76

[wjc-934]

jean,

 

galit ako sayo!!

 

ayaw momg ituwid ang takbo ng buhay mo!!!

ayokong mag reply sa mga txt mo!!

basta!! galit ako sayo!!

[Mayella]

From Friend to Lover

 

Gazing into a starlit sky

my mind wanders to a time not so long ago.

A time of beauty

yet a time of sadness.

As two strangers met

unaware of the love they would know.

 

At first the words were those of friendship.

Perhaps wanting more but in fear their feelings were maintained

With each talk the feelings became more intense.

Then words of passion were exchanged.

 

Now, unable to hold back their desires.

The truth was finally known.

Through friendship

an undying love had grown.

 

As one told the other of their desires

the intensity grew.

They wanted to be together

but could not

for fear of the lives they then knew.

 

The fears of past loves gone wrong

placed doubt where faith should have been.

As a love of intense desire was cast aside

into what could have been.

 

As time passed

fear became the predicator

Thus, love became part of that fear

Leaving sadness where beauty was once

turning happiness into tears.

 

The same undying love

still lives in the hearts

of these two lovers

Both emerged in a world of uncertainties

never proving their love to one another.

 

This cannot be their fate.

Can this story not have a happy ending?

Where the past and all doubts are cast aside.

Then at last their beautiful love shall be ascending.

 

Perhaps,

he shall say the words she has longed to hear

Then, together

they could conquer all doubt and fear.

 

In knowing he cares

she shall put her faith in the love she has for him.

Therefore,

all else shall diminish

as the wonder of their eternal love transcends.

 

Thus, all does not seem to be as dismal

as I was first comprehending.

True love shall prevail

when all else fails

leaving love and happiness as their elated ending.

Edited May 21, 2004 by mayella76

[Chito]

To my father,

 

I have nothing else to ask, and nothing else to say to you.

 

Let's keep it that way, ok?

 

=====Chito