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Thomas Durnst

By Thomas Durnst
in Art and Literature

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Chito
Chito

To no one in particular,   My life actually got better when I stopped attending the group EBs.   When your entire social life revolves around a singular group, it has a way making you block out everyt

Guest Riveria
Guest Riveria

LU   Everything you've said today, I agreed with it, it's been like listening to my own thoughts so I can't let you leave. And if you're horribly embarrassed by this then I don't care because it's the

Guns of the Patriots
Guns of the Patriots

K,   Thanks for the morning surprise, a very warm surprise.   Luv ya.   Your favorite agent

LostCommand Newbie

LostCommand

Posted
Posted (edited)

Perhaps it is time for me to release that remaining boat.

 

Long years ago, on this day, my cousins’ birthday, we had so nearly gotten together. Had we married we would have been the dream team made unstoppable, I with the Leftists, you with the Rightists, I with Operations, you with Finance, and none to counter this combined us.

 

But it was not to be.

 

You later said in your notes that you would want to give me the chance at a happy marriage, and that I should therefore move on. Perhaps I would agree.

 

But I would have you know that it will be to some extent social responsibilities that will drive me to accept a match now, if ever I do. As the last of my line, and all that means. I have accepted long ago that if not with you, then I would marry for duty as much as I would for companionship, and would carry all the responsibilities of such a practical relationship with a realistic, hardy soul. But marry for heart, for love? You I loved the hardest and longest has left me. My years and decades may bring with them some wisdom, but no answer to heartbreak.

 

You also wrote in your later notes about children. How I had so secretly wished we were given ours, in the time we were together. For age is also catching up with me, and I do feel the ticking clock, though I kept that worry a secret from you too. I would treasure kids. If I am ever denied children, it will take me until the afterlife to understand why that was so.

 

Yet even in that next life, still I will not be with them. And such eternal loneliness would be truly complete.

 

The material challenges of providing well and equally for all of my children, whether with some politically/practically matched wife-to-be or with one I truly love, or both, would be a challenge, though not at all insurmountable. But I agree with you that if my fatherhood experiences are limited to regularly dropping off loads of money into a bank account, then that would be grossly unfair to myself and my daughter. My daughter is not my daughter unless I have had a hand in raising her, and I do not mean only the baby care, but also (especially) the school age when she asks the questions, and then I would teach her to ask the right questions, and when she finds answers, and then I would guide her to define the right answers. You are also correct that privacy will be difficult for me, especially since I will be living a public life eventually. Though it will not be impossible - if and when I should acquire ever more authority, secrecy will be one of them.

 

What mortal power harbors no secrets anyway? You and I know many secrets behind the thrones.

 

However, time is passing fast for me, and therefore, I must come to grips with the reality that left to my own devices, there are ever diminishing chances of laying the groundwork of career and still leave enough years for a tall, fair, bright-eyed brown-haired red-lipped big-nosed daughter who would have enough natural gifts that would have her shape society long before society would have a chance to shape her.

 

So, I must go ahead and release this last boat. Soon, I will await a cold clear winter night exactly like this very evening, when the winds blow strong and frigid and the moon round and perfect and silver. And I will write you that, at last, I have scribbled down my dreams, her name, our plans, and what might have been, and folded the parchment into a small boat. And will wander down that magical silver river nearby, right before where she thunders over that creaky ancient dam, and put the boat in her cold blue waters, to drift away to some unknown sea, gone for all time from me.

 

Perhaps, like that beautiful full moon tonight, neither does my daughter belong to this world.

 

LC

Edited by LostCommand
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Intuition Newbie

Intuition

Posted
Posted

dear empty void,

 

i am writing to you now because i really have no one to talk to ... i am just wondering, do we deserve to have our hearts broken just because we are not as thin and attractive as we should be?

 

a lot of things flashback in my mind ... you know, like i met P, and we were so good together... we did everything together, we had private jokes, my family loved her, it was with P that i felt like what it was to have someone you can share your life with, and your family accepting it at the same time. Sadly, P and i wasnt meant to be ... since P only saw me as a friend. oh i remember how my heart broke that day, when she told me with tears in her eyes that she couldnt really do anything, and that i was just a friend.

 

i also remember E... oh, me and E had such great times together... we did everything a bf-gf does, especially the things in bed... and it was with her that i experienced waking up to someone you love for the first time. i bought her breakfast, and served it on a tray while she was still sleeping in our bed. oh how beautiful that morning was ... but E had a bf, and she couldnt be with me because i was chinese. she hated chinese guys...

 

so now i met K ... she really is a great gal ... we have yet to meet in flesh, since we are one of those "online relationships." and i dont understand why she can leave me hanging for the whole day without a text of any sort. i mean, when your long distance bf goes all the way to see you, i dont think youd be as busy as not being able to text "i am busy" ... there is no job in the world that can stop you if you really want to talk to the person. at least that is how i see it. that is not how she sees it... and i feel like im just a fallback, or something for her to spend her free time on.

 

this letter really makes no sense, but just know that i am very sad right now... and i am just really frustrated because i am alone now, and i am not gifted enough to even turn my sadness into art.

 

she texted me "you are like a nagging wife" ... do you blame me? i came all the way from point A, rode an airplane to go to point B, to see her... i expected a "come to the office, i will see you for 5 seconds but i have to work" ... or a "im busy, but i will see you no matter what happens." instead i got silence and vague texts like "im in a meeting" ... what kind of meeting starts at 3pm and ends at 12md, where you have no 5 minutes break in between?

 

i am not very coherent right now... dear void ... nothing. i do not know what to say and what to feel at this point. i will probably take an airplane back home tomorrow.

 

 

-intuition

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Lexiiiii Rookie

Lexiiiii

Posted
Posted (edited)

Dito na lang kita susulatan,

 

 

So sino ngayon ang hindi mapagpatol? And I thought you weren't going to defend yourself? What was that novel all about?

 

If I were as bad as you think I am, edi sana noon palang inaway na kita after what I found out. Ipinahiya na sana kita with all the PM's that you sent me. And the world will know what kind of a person you are.

 

Nanahimik ako after all the bad things I heard that you said about me. NANAHIMIK AKO.

And until now hindi kita susumbatan tungkol dun. But next time, don't make other people look stupid just to cover up your mistakes. Hindi pogi points yun!

 

You're the male version of CLINGY and NAGGER and POSSESSIVE!

 

 

ANNE

Edited by babyanne
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LostCommand Newbie

LostCommand

Posted
Posted

(1/4)

 

Tatang Tinio,

 

In my ears I hear again the grind and clash of heavy gears from under floor, the chest reverberating thunder of pounding heavy truck pistons from under hood, the pitched-blade, military-grade KKK turbo wailing, hair-raising, clean through the muffling mountain fog, the mixed scents of fragrant fresh-lit cigarettes and cold day-old bread, you and me taking turns at the big-rig's wheel, young boss and old assistant equally, hundreds of kilometers blasting heedless by, Nikon F3 and .45 ball clattering together in our common truck locker...

 

The wind and dreams told me that not all is well with you, 'Tang Tinio. The email yesterday merely confirmed thus. The years flew, and so very fast.

 

More than two decades ago, you attended at my initial forgings, when the primal metal was first extracted from the raw ore, heated angry red then intensely forged in the anvils of the family business deep in the northern mountains. School summer vacation after summer vacation, year after teenage year, 700 dusty kilometers to the nearest family relation, and during those pre-cellphone days at that; no mama, no papa, no Uncle Sam, the creaking cracks were beaten flush, until eventually the hard hammers rang out that distinctive crystal twang of finished forgings.

 

You were also there, 'Tang Tinio, a few summers later, when the government was there too and sought to control this landlord in residence somehow thriving in a Red area. We could not k*ll them that time, 'Tang Tinio, our gang was so few, and so we waited until the soldiers left, and then beat to disfigurement the unarmed follow-up "hearts and minds" government aid workers instead, men and women alike. Then we distributed their goods in the Red's name to deflect the blame.

 

And so I realised that very moment that the government cannot be armed AND everywhere at once, but keeps trying

to, thus spreading itself very thin. And therein lies one of their most exploitable of weak points.

 

And therein we visited death, death upon our enemies...

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ADAM Newbie

ADAM

Posted
Posted

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth

With eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth

The morning I fled, she left a note and it read:

"Someday, you will be loved"

 

You will be loved

You will be loved like you never have known

And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams

Just a series of blurs like I never occured

But someday, you will be loved

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LostCommand Newbie

LostCommand

Posted
Posted (edited)

(2/4)

 

And you were there too, 'Tang Tinio, when later on the mental metal was further honed and at the hardest possible schools and the hardest possible courses available in this country. And then afterwards ground extra sharp amongst the cunning and quick minds at the biggest multinational in our history.

 

You were always there, 'Tang Tinio. You have served my family long, in your humble station, first as a devoted driver, then aide, then as senior attendant. And in serving us, you have served also the people, and far more so than that ilk that is paid our tax money, our blood money, but serves this fukking government's interests instead. Wherever I may swing my blade these days, know that several long inches of the cutting edge was of your personal imprimatur. Serve the people. Slay the government.

 

Death to our enemies.

 

But, the wind and dreams told me that not all is well, 'Tang Tinio. Now you are old and taken ill. And my doctor says, unlikely to recover. And I cannot help you much. Time and distance were, as ever, my bitter foes.

 

So this Christmas, let me personally press into your palm 15,000 cash, in those crisp, pretty old-fashioned pretty purple bills, just you and me in my old ancestral house, no others near. True, this amount is nothing, but we are talking about what I can do today and here and now, and not tomorrow nor yesterday; what are those but abstract concepts where one is always moving too late or else moving too blindly. True, this amount is mere token beside your services, but I would have you know that I still hold myself pledged to your people. I am not released; Death to our enemies.

 

As ever, even in those truck driving days of old, I know you always mean to ask me next: So where are we going from here, sir? What is the next step?

 

And time on earth runs short for you, and I owe you some reply. So let me reply now and explain how we will keep visiting death, death upon our enemies...

Edited by LostCommand
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SweetJane Newbie

SweetJane

Posted
Posted

u..

 

 

 

 

even u blabbed about so many things that you consider great like ur achievement with ur sexual experiences and magnet..Ur still a shallow empty guy!

 

 

Ur just trying to convince urself living the life to the fullest by means of this...

 

 

You can never stop time ,Dear..

 

 

nakakasawa lang pakinggan ang at pag tuturo kaakibat corruption mo sa ibang tao!

 

 

 

the ugly part...Ur not facing reality!

 

 

 

Ur OLD!

 

 

 

 

Ur missing a lot of things by not living Life Simply....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Guest Serenity12

Guest Serenity12

Posted
Posted

I saw the event today and wondered if you were in town. I hope things are better for you now, after several months. I respect the silence and will always be here for you in case you need a friend.

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