The Mail Box

[LoveSpell]

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you. I just want one day to go by where I'm not pretending I'm happy!

[LostCommand]

4 Nov,

 

I am so used to dealing and maneuvering effectively from a position of one or of several strengths. I am unaware of what to do if I am in no such position. This November, I will find out what it is to deal from a position of mendicancy.

 

Noblesse oblige and all. Your position, relative to mine; you as one who has long ago paid her dues in full, mine as one who seeks the dream team yet again.

 

LC

[caramelkisses]

Z,

 

I can't believe that I'm still confused about my feelings for you, when it's really quite obvious how you feel about me. I wish I could just erase you from my memories, turn back the clock to the time before we met -- a cliche, I know -- anything to rid myself of this feeling that I get whenever I see you out with someone new, or when I hear that you've been sending her love notes or calling her before you go to bed. I used to be your last call of the day, remember? I used to be your last everything of the day. Now I'm reduced to writing you letters that you will probably never read, or, should you chance upon this site and this post, of all the posts of all the the members of all the threads on this site -- remember that movie? -- you will probably assume that it was meant for someone else, not you.

 

But that is the beauty of this site, and the very reason that I joined it in the first place. It affords me a certain semblance of anonymity, a false feeling of security that whatever I say here, even if I figuratively howl at the top of my lungs, no one will know who I am. I am merely another poster in a sea of nameless and mostly faceless posters. I have been reduced to a sequence of ones and zeros and pinpoints of light, but here I have the space to say anything I want.

 

What is the point of all this rambling? Only this: I miss you. I miss you, and I'm jealous of everything and everyone that is in your life. Jealous as hell. I wish I was still there with you.

 

There, I've said it. Break out the balloons and call out the band. I guess I *am* human, after all.

 

This is me howling in the wilderness, Z. This is me telling you what I should have told you long ago, if you read between the lines.

 

As T. S. Eliot once said, "These are private words addressed to you in public."

 

I wish you the best, Z. Yes, despite the jealousy. You know that things were never easy between us. Why should this be any different?

 

Be well, Z.

CK

[iwalkalone]

Sa mga katomaan ko kagabe...maraming maraming salamat po at naiuwi nyo ko kay manang!....kung di po dahil sa inyo....malamang na shoot nanaman ako sa imburnal. Salamat po. At isa pa pala...potek ka bat mo ko kinunan ng piktyur nung ginising nyo ko? :boo: ulangya kang babaita ka...burahin mo yan...di ako maganda jan I'm sure! hahaha! sa inyong dalawa...ambigat ko ba? bwahahaha! di bale nakarami naman kayo ng kiss eh, mwehehehe! :upside: Labyu Pwends! :*

 

nga pala ang ganda ng place mo friend :cool: ....pero talaga alam mo...palagay ko zombie na yung mga isda mo sa aquarium

Edited November 5, 2006 by iwalkalone

[naked_angel]

ace,

 

just remember

you're the one thing

i can't get enough of

so i'll tell you something

this is ...

 

6:47 am with the royal philarmonic orchestra

and almost 10 hours of sleep

crazy?

 

me

[iwalkalone]

don't...please don't be so nice to me....it's not good for someone like me.

[simon b]

sheeeeet....

 

10 san mig lights

after 36 hours of working non stop

almost side swiped a bmw

 

i get home alive

in one piece

breathing

barely but breathing

 

i'll see you all tomorrow

for now the bowl is waiting for my embrace...

[iwalkalone]

virtual...must everything remain virtual between us now? you and me... separated by distance....time....fear...love. I know....we'll never see each other again...i know...i am sure. It's not just you....it's me...i fear you...i fear the possibilities.

Your face...the moments....they are all that remains.... they make me feel...somehow.... i am thankful...i l have loved.

[simon b]

im so sorry

if i seem not to care

 

no replies

no txtbaks

not going

not helping

not looking

not giving

not talking

no more jokes

and late night hafchangs

 

im so sorry

if i seem not to care

 

 

 

'cause i dont

[bluegreen717]

No guns were drawn, or was it your admission of defeat your ultimate weapon?

 

Did I let you off easy? My mission was of peace, of resolution. I dare not underestimate you, but I, too, would find it too draining to figure out a way to outsmart me.

 

Me, the one who gave you everything.

 

Me, the one who asked for nothing in return, but respect.

 

Me, the good wife.

 

I do not know if you are as much of a loser as you made me see you, knowing how proud you are of yourself in your little circle. Are you aware, now, that the world is bigger than you had imagined? Or, are you content in your small, secure space, with your adoring audience of one, she that would not know of Machiavelli, Kant, Salinger, chaebol, the conspiracy against developing countries?

 

Of course, you have found your equal.

 

I am too wary, not of the lies men tell, but of the words which they do not speak. I may have been able to read you like a book, but that was years ago.

 

My guard is still up. I can only assume that what little you have, you will guard with your life.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

CL,

 

Hope I'll be one of the CHOSEN few you'll contact when you CUM home! ;-p

 

WET-ing for you ... you KNOW that, based on my SMS to you. ;-)

 

Mmmmwah!

 

A

[iwalkalone]

In the first place....you can't give something which you don't have in you. But then again.... atleast you tried..... and I didn't. I guess i was just never really that hard working.....unlike you.; you spared all efforts... unlike me. All I did for you was write you love songs and poems....and cry....and...cry...and cry some more. Sigh..... it's true... in the end....everything else amounts to nothing....really.

[simon b]

para sa yo to...

 

ewan ko kung bakit bigla na lang kitang naalala

ininom ko na at tinapon ang iyong alaala

 

kasabay ng sinangag at itlog

naisip ko kung bakit ka nauntog

at nagising

sa pagkakahimbing

 

nakita mo ako

unang una sa umaga

 

hindi pala ako guwapo

wala kasi ang pustiso ko

[iwalkalone]

as you wish...so be it.

[simon b]

o

 

kala mo mabait ako

kala mo wala akong sablay

 

ayaw mo lang tingnan,

o di mo talaga makita?

 

minsan gago din ako

never ko naman itong tinago

 

basta wag ka lalapit

wag na wag kang didikit

 

baka...

 

kasi...

ano...

yung...

 

wala.

[iwalkalone]

Do you have the slightest idea about how much I fear you? That...I panic at the very thought of being near you again? That...I die a little just thinking of gazing into your sad eyes again? That... I quiver when i imagine the day that your skin would brush against mine once more?

Do you know why? It's because after you suddenly walked out on me...I realized how easily you could hurt me.

Edited November 9, 2006 by iwalkalone

[iwalkalone]

sige...kung ayaw mo ko bigyan ng pera diwag...huhuhu...kala mo....di mo alam...ayoko talaga ng parang namamalimos...nahihiya talaga ako...huhuhu....kinakapalan kona nga lang fez ko eh...huhuhu

[iwalkalone]

Hindi talaga ako bagay makipagkaibigan sayo

Sosyal ka...jologs ako

Iba mundo mo...iba mundo ko

Normal ka ...ako otistic

manic deppressive at may pagka psychotic

Tigilan na kaya natin tong kalokohan na to

Nasasaktan kase ako

Ang pagkikilala natin...

isipin na lang nating...wala lang.

Wala naman talagang pupuntahan to

Kahit kaibigan

malabo tayo....

 

 

kaso...hahanap hanapin kita sigurado...

[chiquezee]

Dear G,

 

Its been quite a while since I alloted time to sit down with you and discuss things that matter most. I have been preoccupied, busy, stressed out, indisposed, whathaveyou.. but i know it's not an excuse.

 

I am sorry for bringing you to that state of mind, that which you think is confusing and unnecessary.

 

Since here we are, might as well begin the tattle...

 

I am obviously at a loss for words. I don't know exactly what to say. If only you knew what you wanted to tell me then things will be easier.

 

I still cannot find you....

You're still hiding from the pain.

I think you have numbed yourself and it doesnt help.

 

 

Draw out, kiddo.

 

- c -

[iwalkalone]

So sorry...i have to keep my distance from all of you...i just cannot ...must not...bring down these walls...

don't feel bad cause you won't like what's hiding inside anyway...it's better this way...

but I'm not as cold as I seem to be...believe me....and hey, you are okay

If it were a perfect world...I swear we'll be having good times by now :flowers:

[LostCommand]

I want to take you to Burgos lighthouse, extreme edge of North Luzon, winds blowing 24/7 across the Babuyan Straight, blue Pacific on the east, gray South China sea on the west, coral cliffs plunging to beachless sea ceaseless waves crashing and spouting white foam meters high. Cut glass searchlight revolving lonely upon the hill, riveted iron structure, and spanish masonry base; long a part of family lore and history, her tall defiance screams back at fate.

 

I want to take you to Paris, go up the Eiffel once again, and look westward; the smell of autumun, your scent on my coat.

 

LC

Edited November 12, 2006 by LostCommand

[LostCommand]

I was the operations manager of that department 7 years ago. 120 million Peso annual operating expenses. 2+ million pesos signed off every Friday, my (then) 26 year old hand on all the checks and approvals for this MNC. Now you proudly tell me you were able to cut the opex down to just 90+ million Pesos. And you know what, I know how exactly you did it too - you deferred the regular preventive maintenance cycles.

 

The next guy who will handle that will have an expensive overhaul job to fix all the wear and tear that you could have avoided, probably needing and added 100 million pesos in capex for 2007 and 2008 alone. But you will be gone by then, and you would already have boasted in your resume by how many millions you had slashed from the operating costs, you shorty guy you.

 

You only made one mistake - you told me. By this time tomorrow, you would have followed up my tip to "check on the 1999 records for further supporting data", and you would have seen my name. Yes, Mr B, you were not the youngest ever to run that key facility; I was, and younger by 4 years too. Take that bit off your resume.

 

You made only one mistake - you told me. I will tell the guy who succeeds you to preserve certain key data that will damn you - so as to make sure ghosts of this former job that you botched will haunt your succeeding jobs for years to come. You will take more boasts out of your resume too, in due time. Pity that "achievement" was the centerpiece of of your 15 years of service. And your dreams of expatriation, which was your reason for your call to me? Not in this Seven Sisters Oil MNC, at least whilst I am around. Why, I just met your present MD over lunch last Friday, and I distinctly remember saying nothing at all pleasant about you. You just made an enemy in the right place, with that one call to me. It is such a small world

 

tsk tsk tsk sigh, another one bites the dust. To destroy is so easy, to create is so difficult.

 

LC

[RPinay]

To my dearest ER,

 

The Unknown Slice of Pizza

 

Carefully, most carefully

Taking pains not to hurry

Adding some hot sauce, perhaps

To spice it up a little

Or some ketchup perhaps.

And for the sweet tooth,

Some pickles.

And always with much cheese,

And with soda it goes

Down with ease.

But always with much care

For the palate it might burn

‘Cause it might be too spicy,

Or it might be too sweet,

But not to taste it, they say,

Is to waste it.

So please?

 

R

 

It's a shame you wanted a thinner crust

[iwalkalone]

Are you for real? I'm still apprehensive...don't know where to start...confused. Never did learn to trust i guess. Mom sez promises are made to be broken....but that if a promise has been made it should be kept no matter what. I'm not sure which one made sense...was never sure even til now. Oh please asure and reassure me...again and again.... Now that things are clearing up a bit...i think..but not so.....oh f#&k! why do i still feel this way =\

[chiquezee]

Tell me, C, are you out to prove me wrong? And perhaps show me that I have met my match? That this time I cannot read minds, and no, not even the language of your gestures? That I have not triumphed yet, like I thought I have, and that I am still under the clutches of your enigma, and bound by the nature of my Eve?

 

Nah. Au contraire, I think you are making sure you are within the level of my stance because you found yourself captive. And so I will not see the obvious, you would like to make me think that the tables are turned.

 

I think I read you well but I see now that you are matching sword with sword. You're playing my game even before I played yours. Nasty. But I am ready.

 

How many did I say it was going to be? Let me count now... 15 ... 18... 34... Yes, a supposed thirty-four. But 22, I will be there. We shall see...

 

It's actually funny how you are starting to sound like I do with the north to south swaying of tides. Cute. I appreciate that.

 

Play ball, dearie. But I heard you loud and clear. You obviously cannot but "will try" so that when you no longer can "you will call me to come...". Hah! You have a plan! Nice one.

 

We'll see... we'll see.....

 

After all, I know you'll give in before I do. You already did.

 

-C