The Mail Box

[LostCommand]

In a few days, it will be the death anniverysary of my grandfather, who died three years ago. I was with him when he slipped away so suddenly. I wrote this shortly after, for he was as a father to me.

 

 

 

Grandfather Sotero

 

It is midnight atop Dalton Pass, North Luzon, a lonely place familiar to my grandfather and me. Covered in clouds, I stop to rest and weep. I am driving my grandfather home to his family.

 

He had come from a proud and powerful background, reduced by fate and his grandmother’s incessant gambling to going to public school in slippers. But he never accepted being merely another has-been, to contentedly live on what life offered. He worked his way through college at pre-war Manila, accepting a job as a humble clerk in a bagoong factory, and endured the scorn of his classmates at the smell that clung to his uniform every day. He survived the Japanese firing squads at Liberation by playing dead amongst the shattered and dismembered corpses that littered Tondo.

 

He knew that inside he carried the makings of something great. After finishing college, he went to work for a big paper mill, then quit it to put up his very own accounting firm, the first of his businesses, when everybody else was content to work for the big companies. He won the hand of a beautiful and landed lady, and clawed his way back up the world with unrelenting hard work and his trademark quick intelligence.

 

He saw the same quick intelligence in me, his eldest grandchild, and stood back as I, then a gangly teenager, held the reins of his hard fought farm business for the first time, letting me take my cuts and lumps, making me feel out my own strength the hard way, on my own, letting me realize how strongly his blood ran in me.

 

In my teen years he would send me on important errands far away, alone, knowing that life, knowing only too well that life is a harsh teacher, that I should understand that, and that I should taste blood and lose my innocence early in the game. Under his tutelage I would lead and organize scores of our barefoot tenants and farmworkers on our properties during summers and weekends, then deal with fellow politicians, landowners, and their retarded goons in the evenings, and still earn my degree in Engineering at UP Diliman on schooldays. Meanwhile, some of my classmates would worry about their lack of dates.

 

I left our big farm and headed for Manila yesterday, at sundown. I drove all night, under the full moon and the cloudless, star laced evening skies of North Luzon, steady tears streaming in my eyes. I would not let some faceless, nameless nobody drive my grandfather's body back to Manila. I myself, your favored grandson, now grown strong in my own right, would drive you home, Lolo, on my own, personally. All these years you had borne me, now, on your death, I bear your coffin home, a last favor, a final gesture.

 

Good God, my Lolo, I can not even start to repay your many many kindnesses to me! When I was so small and helpless you took me into your own big house, knowing you could give me far more than what my father’s simple family could provide, the family where I was left behind after my father was killed and myself orphaned. And then you taught me all the arts you knew, what subtle secrets of life you had come to know over your many years. You led by example, by your sheer hard work, your firm direction, your iron spirit, and by your way of treating people in exactly the manner they deserved.

 

In the very same ways, I lead men even now.

 

And you never took it easy, nor took things for granted, not past your 55th birthday, not past your 65th year, not even past your 75th year, but on to 86 full years, working and leading and changing your corner of this world until the very day of your sudden death, stricken down almost literally with your boots on. You went so much further than fate ever intended for a poor boy who went to school in slippers.

 

In the very same way, I too shall go far.

 

But I hurt so much, Lolo! In your last few hours, before you dropped off to the final sleep, as I helped carry you into the hospital after your accident, a worried grandson cradling his wounded grandfather, you looked into my eyes and asked me to be patient with you! That, in your old age, I should repay your kindness! But you did not give me the honour of having a long time to repay you, Lolo, did you? Did you?! Was that all, a few hours of watching over you while you rested, all you wanted for your many, many kindnesses? Is that all!? How cruel, how unfair, and my tears wet these pages...

 

Up here in Dalton Pass, thousands of feet up the December night sky, the chill at the middle of the cold season is pitiless, and the frigid air completely kills off whatever minute warmth survived my desperate grief. I stop my truck and weep and and stagger about this remote mountain pass, in agony from within and without. This heartbreak can not be endured, and yet there is no escape.

 

I remember telling you, just last month, that if I, dealt a hand of cards far better than what fate dealt you in your youth, were to achieve any less than what you did, there would be no excuse, and I would be disappointed with myself. And you gave me your rare laugh! And so I realize now, in my torture and agony, that before it was too late, I had managed to promise you the one promise that mattered to you, the one way I could truly repay your gifts and kindnesses, and that is to not waste them.

 

They will not be wasted.

 

I touch your coffin under the covers, recheck the securing ropes, climb up my battered but trusty four wheel drive machine, and roar down Dalton Pass with you, my grandfather, for the last time. I have stopped at this lonely pass many times in my 28 years of being your grandson. Now, for the first time, I feel truly, deeply alone. Manila is still five moonlit hours away, and for me, every hurting hour shall be yet another lifetime.

 

 

Felix Villaflor IV

[Alex_Corvis]

to my dearest,

 

I love the way you speak your mind,

but still manage to always be kind.

I love the way you listen so well

without making judgments, you truly excel!

I love the way you listen with your heart,

and always give advice that is smart.

I love the way you treasure our friendship,

and grasp it tightly with a firm grip.

Don't ever let go, because I don't know what I would do

because you have helped me in all we've been through

in the dark.

A hand to lift me when I fall.

A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day,

A guiding light should I start to stray.

A wealth of experiences to enrich my day,

I love you, hope you believe me too.

[sinnerman]

How Soon Is Now - the Smiths

 

I am the son

and the heir

of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and heir

of nothing in particular

 

You shut your mouth

how can you say

I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved

just like everybody else does

 

I am the son

and the heir

of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and the heir

of nothing in particular

 

You shut your mouth

how can you say

I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved

just like everybody else does

 

There's a club if you'd like to go

you could meet somebody who really loves you

so you go, and you stand on your own

and you leave on your own

and you go home, and you cry

and you want to die

 

When you say it's gonna happen "now"

well, when exactly do you mean?

see I've already waited too long

and all my hope is gone

 

You shut your mouth

how can you say

I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved

just like everybody else does

 

to the one I was not able to know

[sinnerman]

Beautiful, you’re beautiful, as beautiful as the sun

Wonderful, you’re wonderful, as wonderful as they come

And I can’t help but feel attached

To the feelings I can’t even match

With my face pressed up to the glass, wanting you

Beautiful, you’re beautiful, as beautiful as the sky

Wonderful, it’s wonderful, to know that you’re just like i

And I’m sure you know me well, as I’m sure you don’t

But you just can’t tell

Who’ll you love and who you won’t

And I love you, as you love me

So let the clouds roll by your face

We’ll let the world spin on to another place

We’ll climb the tallest tree above it all

To look down on you and me and them

And I’m sure you know me well, as I’m sure you don’t

But you just can’t tell, who you’ll love and who you won’t

Don’t let your life wrap up around you

Don’t forget to call, whenever

I’ll be here just waiting for you

I’ll be under your stars forever

Neither here nor there just right beside you

I’ll be under the stairs forever

Neither here nor there just right beside you

 

 

to the gorgeous girl beside me at the party :heart:

[forbidden]

Now

it's slowly dawning

on me that you

saw me appear then you

told your heart

to beat slower

so that's what

I get for being

who I am

 

suddenly tasteless

in your mouth

i'm like the gum

that suddenly becomes

tedious

as the sweet fades

and the chewing begins

 

so spit me out

why don't you

what can I do?

 

in the end

i'm just the thing

that keeps you busy

until

I become

that stuff that

just annoys the hell

out of you

when I stick

to your

fuc**ng

shoe

[sinnerman]

Smashing-Pumpkins's Lyrics - Disarm Lyrics

 

 

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh, the years burn

 

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What’s a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

Disarm you with a smile

And leave you like they left me here

To wither in denial

The bitterness of one who’s left alone

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

 

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What’s a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

 

all I can offer is a smile for now to you girl

[litoz888]

Franz Liszt (1811-86) was a Hungarian-born child prodigy who grew up to become one of the most influential composers of the 19th century.

By the age of six he was displaying exceptional musical ability. He gave his first concert at the age of 9, and by 11 had published his first piano piece and performed in Vienna before some of Europe's most eminent musicians. He had two great loves in his life, Comtesse Marie d'Agoult, and later Princess Carolyne Sayn-Wittgenstein. A man of strong religious feeling, passion, and intelligence he ended his life as a cleric in minor orders, dying at 74 at Bayreuth in Bavaria.

 

December 1834

 

Marie! Marie!

 

Oh let me repeat that name a hundred times,

a thousand times over;

for three days now it has lived within me, oppressed me,

set me afire.

I am not writing to you, no, I am close beside you.

I see you,

I hear you...

Eternity in your arms...Heaven, hell,

all is within you and even more than all...

Oh! Leave me free to rave in my delirium.

Mean, cautious, narrow reality is no longer enough for me.

We must live out lives to the full,

our loves, our sorrow...!

Oh! you believe me capable of

self-sacrifice, chastity, temperance

and piety, do you not?

But let no more be said of this...

it is for you to question, to draw conclusions,

to save me as you see fit.

Let me be mad, senseless

since you can do nothing, nothing

at all for me.

It is good for me to speak to you now.

This is to be! To be!!!

[sweetpsyche]

Forbidden,

hi there. nice to see u back hehe

mmmm i wonder.....

to whom that letter is intended for? hehe..

 

seeyah around

 

sweetp

Edited January 7, 2004 by sweetpsyche

[sweetpsyche]

manunulat,

 

nabasa ko lahat ng istorya mo..

lalong tumaas paghanga ko sayo

nakita ko mga litrato...

ang ganda talaga ng ngiti mo...

nakita ko masaya ka..

natuwa namn ako para sayo.

kakaiba ka talaga..

kaya lang ang sakit..

kasama mo yung mahal mo...

maraming beses nang naitanong sa akin

maraming beses ko na ring tinanong ang sarili ko

ano nga ba ang gusto ko sa lalaki.. ang lagi kong sagot

hindi ko alam... ngayon sa tingin ko.. alam ko na..

apat na titik lang pala ang kailangn - IKAW.

makilala mo kaya ako?

mahalin mo din kaya ako?

 

nagbabasa

[Guest the_eight_of_orbs]

8,

 

why the songs?

do you know that i can relate sa lahat ng songs na yan???

 

hmmm.... you can read minds no? you can read my mind!!!

 

or same boat lang tayo... hmmm

 

yan na namang boat na iyan eh.

because i am madly, foolishly in-love with a wonderful person and i can't bear the sorrow of losing him... it's such a bitter-sweet situation... i never will regret getting myself into it.

 

I love, therefore I AM

[irshes]

Good for you, 8

 

LC.. I weep with you.

[lord_rochester]

8,

 

good for you. the year started nice pala for some of us.

[shrike]

to LEIA

 

maybe its intuition

something you just don't question

like in your eyes, i see my future in an instant

and it goes i think i found my best friend

 

i know that i might sound a little crazy

but i believe

 

i knew i loved you before i met you

i think i've dreamt of you every night

i knew i loved you before i met you

i've been waiting for you all my life

 

there's just no rhyme or reason

only a sense of completion

in your eyes i see the missing pieces

i think i've found my way home

 

i know that i might sound a little crazy

but i believe

 

i knew i loved you before i met you

i think i've dreamt of you every night

i knew i loved you before i met you

i've been waiting for you all my life

 

--- savage garden

 

JEDI KNIGHT

[shrike]

to LEIA

I'll be your dream, i'll be your wish, i'll be your fantasy

i'll be your hope, i'll be your love, be evrytin' that you need

i love you more w/ every breath

truly madly deeply do

i will be stronger and be faithful coz i'm counting

on a new beginning, a reason for living

a deeper meaning ... yeah

 

i wanna stand with you on the mountain

i wanna bathe with you in the sea

i wanna lay like this forever

until the sky falls down on me

 

and when the stars are shining brightly on the velvet sky

i'd make a wish unto heaven and make me want to cry

the tears of joy for all those pressures and uncertainty

they are surrounded by the protection of the highest powers

in lonely hours when tears go down on you

 

i wanna stand with you on the mountain

i wanna bathe with you in the sea

i wanna lay like this forever

until the sky falls down on me

 

oh can you see it baby

don't have to close your eyes

coz i'm standin' right before you

all that i need is you !

 

-- savage garden

 

JEDI KNIGHT

[Guest kizmet]

Dear Maam 8,

ok lang po. in fact i love that song too.. heck i love the movie hehe

 

Kizmet, i miss u too sis...

tagal mo nawala ah hehe..

 

sweetp

yah.. something happened ....

 

but anyway... i'm back!

[sophia]

Fly me to the moon

and let me play among the stars

let me see what spring is like

on Jupiter and Mars

 

in other words

hold my hand

in other words

darling, kiss me

 

Fill my heart with song

and let me sing forever more

you are all I long for

all I worship and adore

 

in other words

please be true

in other words

I love you

 

Fill my heart with song

and let me sing forever more

you are all I long for

all I worship and adore

 

in other words

please be true

in other words

I love you

 

Edited January 7, 2004 by inosente_ako

[diskette]

my prince,

 

you are my all-purpose guy. when i wake up and start to think, there is morbid dread of what's to come, and life has become increasingly common, i am taken over by this image of you. because you are appropriate for every passing minute. i cannot look at anything without searching my memory for your arm. so i can pull you closer. yes, my dear, i am impoverished when you're not in my thoughts. yes, it torments me not to read your beautiful words. please do not disappear. not ever somewhere where i cannot follow your footsteps. or all my hours and awakenings are sorrowful.

 

i don't know how to live, to continue to move in one straight line, when you're not around to make my heart glow. i shall be scarred. resisting the flow, unable to ever be appeased. i shall be incapable of ever being happy again. denying my spirit and right to life.

 

so dear prince, even when your feet take you in directions unnecessary for my function, when you find yourself deprive of heart, please be kind and not show arctic indifference. do not seize back your affection because it will only measure the intensity of my pain.

 

 

your princess diskette

Edited January 9, 2004 by diskette

[bettinasophia]

J,

 

Things didnt work out between us because thats what you wanted. You had it your way and you left. The damn stupid thing about it is that you promised so many times that you would never leave me. I hate you for breaking your promise, for making me look like a fool, for hurting me in so many ways you'll never understand. Most of all, i hate you because i STILL love you.

[449239]

CAN LOVE EXIST…?

 

Can love exist without holding your hands or putting my arm on your shoulder?

 

Can love exist without embracing each other and kiss you on your forehead?

 

Can love exist without kissing each other but only say “Good morning,” “Good night,” “How are you” or “What’s up,” and “Are you fine / OK”?

 

Can love exist with someone you shared most of your life even your innermost desire, your plans in life and your family?

 

Can love exist without sex, without those actions that might provoke of doing it?

 

Can love exist without saying “I love you” but you can see it in actions, the ways I care for you, and the ways I used to put into actions the meaning of love as far as I know the meaning of love?

 

I believe that love can exist without these actions even the word itself that we want to say it everyday. I believe that such love can exist in such a way that people can express them as far as the meaning of love is concern. Maybe I am afraid to say those words but later on will have a hard time putting into actions. For me, it is much better to put it into actions and let them label it as love or whatever what comes up on their mind. There are many kinds of love but the highest form of love is that when you give or show your love to someone, that you don’t want something in return. And if you love a certain person you should know him/her first not that by saying “I love you” and after this “I am going to know you more.” It’s like when you love your God Almighty, you must read His words in the Bible because that’s His story. And so with the one that you love, you must know him/her well before saying those very precious words. And we must learn from our past experiences that it will not happen again. Time is gold, life’s too short and a waste of time if you spend your entire life to a wrong person.

 

 

FROM THE DEEPEST THOUGHTS OF:

449239 – Every man dies, not every man really lives.

- When you paint a dragon, you paint his skin; it’s difficult to paint the bones. When you know a man, you know his face, but not his heart.

[litoz888]

The novels of F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940) perfectly captured the spirit of the 1920s. His best-known novel, The Great Gatsby, made him an instant success and subjected both Fitzgerald and his wife, Zelda, to intense publicity. Much of that attention was negative, dwelling on Fitzgerald's battles with alcohol and Zelda's mental breakdown. It is evident in this letter, written just before their marriage, the extent of their devotion to each other.

 

 

Spring 1919

 

Sweetheart,

 

Please, please don't be so depressed -- We'll be married soon, and then these lonesome nights will be over forever -- and until we are, I am loving, loving every tiny minute of the day and night -- Maybe you won't understand this, but sometimes when I miss you most, it's hardest to write -- and you always know when I make myself -- Just the ache of it all -- and I can't tell you. If we were together, you'd feel how strong it is -- you're so sweet when you're melancholy. I love your sad tenderness -- when I've hurt you -- That's one of the reasons I could never be sorry for our quarrels -- and they bothered you so -- Those dear, dear little fusses, when I always tried so hard to make you kiss and forget --

 

Scott -- there's nothing in all the world I want but you -- and your precious love -- All the material things are nothing. I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence -- because you'd soon love me less -- and less -- and I'd do anything -- anything -- to keep your heart for my own -- I don't want to live -- I want to love first, and live incidentally -- Why don't you feel that I'm waiting -- I'll come to you, Lover, when you're ready -- Don't don't ever think of the things you can't give me -- You've trusted me with the dearest heart of all -- and it's so damn much more than anybody else in all the world has ever had --

 

How can you think deliberately of life without me -- If you should die -- O Darling -- darling Scott -- It'd be like going blind. I know I would, too, -- I'd have no purpose in life -- just a pretty -- decoration. Don't you think I was made for you? I feel like you had me ordered -- and I was delivered to you -- to be worn -- I want you to wear me, like a watch -- charm or a button hole boquet -- to the world. And then, when we're alone, I want to help -- to know that you can't do anything without me.

[Z]

Dear C,

 

After all these months I chance upon you again. Why is it that thoughts of you surface in my already near perfect world? Obviously its an answer I wasn't all too willing to admit - that I had hurt myself so. I do not rue the fact I have loved so deep but my choice, my price to keep. I do not hate or loathe you the fact since I truly am to blame - who else can make me happy? I thank you for what has been shared, the lessons to remember, for having cared. Wishing you the best.

 

Love,

 

Z

[Z]

Dear D

 

Watch your hands move in circles

Is this your fate, an all too familiar cycle?

Not the first nor the second to hold

But a third, its quickened pace be unburdened

 

So much to rue, willfully clueless to the truth

Seemingly bound to your place, heart hanging on a vitual precipice

Winds that wail, goading you to be bold

Just embrace your roots, a hearth of warmth, melt the cold

 

Where to stand, where to go, harken your soul

Who am I, what do I see, do I dare show?

Masks to beguile, sheltered and free

Whatever side you place, always I feel the one true face

 

Fret not the overcast sky, the pouring rain

Relish the scenery as paths clear, guide ever so near

Just one request, a thought, a word away

A prayer whispered, heart sincere

 

08-01-2004

[pag_ibig]

to you,

 

i am confused.

[lord_rochester]

to you,

 

i am confused.

sis. so am i.

 

i was so sure of myself today.

 

now i'm not so sure. was it just a game? or is it the real thing?

 

i am confused. maybe more confused than you.

[lustfulbitch]

completely all alone

with no one

to hold, no one to give my love

all alone

with no one to share my life. no one

to offer myself tp.

selfless.

yet all alone.

all the time i have

alll the love i can give

with no one to receive

cold are my nits

gloomy are my days

everywhere i turn

i see couples, groups

but im all alone

no to run and talk to

earth and wind are my friends

rain and thunder are my brothers

fire and water are my lovers

i am totally alone

desperately needing

to cling to someone, but

wanting to be with anybody

but alone as it used to be

lonely and alone