The Mail Box

[chiquezee]

A (PRE-VALENTINE) LOVE LETTER - First of 3 parts

 

 

My dearly beloved,

 

For some time, I barred you from entering my thoughts. Lately though, I have been allowing myself to think about you. About how you are, where you may be, what you could be pre-occupied with...I did not want to believe I would have a chance to be with you. I lost hope. But like I said, I have often been thinking about you, again. I’m thinking of you right now. (It must be the moon… yeah, I blame it on the full moon, and Norah Jones.)

 

For several weeks now, I have been shamelessly locking myself up in my quarters, where not a soul can hear my plea, and in the darkness whisper my supplications, with an utmost desire in my heart that the seraphim will bring it with them when they enter into the Holy of holies.

 

I cannot even miss you. For I do not know you. What I know is I desire for you, to be with you and hold you, and hear you and feel you... to finally know you.

 

I wonder about the trials that you may be going through and if you have somebody to talk to, to unburden your heavy yoke, if you have one. I’m wondering if you could be in the company of those who will be able to understand you. That is very important.

 

What are your passions? I wish to know them.

What are your visions? I wish to share them.

What are fears? I wish to be with you when you face them.

What makes you laugh?

What makes you cry?

What moves your heart?

 

There are times when I'd let my mind wander off to a sphere where no one can reach, for I know I shall find you there. Until now, though, you haven't made your presence felt. But I keep going back, filled with anticipation that I might catch a glimpse of you, perhaps even a silhouette of what you are and who you may be.

 

There are times when I drown in the sweetness of a gentle cuddle, and then I wonder if that could be you with me. I have woken up several times from a loving caress on my face, and a sincere gaze of tenderness, and a profession of how beautiful and angelic my countenance is with the golden rays sprinkling pixie dusts over me, then I wonder if that could be you speaking. Alas, many men have come and gone, I have yet to know you.

 

Nobody can substitute for you, even for a while.

 

Ironically though, I have not really tried to search for you, somewhat trusting on fate and destiny to bring us together... Though I also know that to make sure you stay, once you enter my life, will entail some effort on my part.

 

That is why there are times when I wonder if I made a mistake of letting you go, not knowing you were already with me… And if I did, if I could ever repair the damage and bring you back. There are times when I wonder if we have crossed paths, and we just didn’t know it. But often, I just whisper up and ask that you walk by and decide to stay and never leave anymore.

 

When that happens, if that happens, I shall be very, very happy.

 

I have been introduced and have myself met several men of good standing, with profound thoughts to share, with gorgeous faces and fine manners. Sons of ambassadors, mostly. Sons of public officials, or themselves public officials, lawyers, doctors, engineers, businessmen, other professionals. Men who move in the same worlds as I do. Obviously, none of them were you. Or perhaps, you just have not made yourself known yet.

 

When I do finally know you, I shall make sure that you will be very, very happy with me.

 

I am looking forward to the feeling of being comforted by the thought that we are both safe, together.

 

I know you will be perfect in your imperfection. Beautifully flawed.

 

It may take a long while before I chance upon you, or you chance upon me, or when we will be aware that we two belong together, whichever, we’ll find each other. And when we do, it will be a beautiful day.

 

I will make love to you sweetly, intensely, heart and soul, no less. My body against yours, flesh on flesh, skin to skin, sweat mixing, juices exchanging, lips locked, in tight embrace. We wouldn’t know where the other begins and the other ends, it will just be a perfect synchrony of two bodies in rhythm, made for each other, in the ultimate act of sincere and genuine expression of love.

 

One day, at the best of times, I shall find you, you shall find me. I will love you, you will love me. Then things will be well from then on.

 

While that hasn’t happened yet, I am here,

preparing myself to love you,

waiting to be yours,

and you to be mine,

 

Sincerely,

C.

 

 

p.s.

When you find me, make yourself known and don't let me go, ok?

[Wyld]

Dear Mr. Tobi.

 

You really should keep a tighter watch on your daughter.

 

She needs more help than you thought she does.

 

Seriously.

 

-W

[LostCommand]

In a flash, before I log out and resume the old chatter of design, the thought strikes me:

 

We are combatants in some of the same wars. Our relative rankings are perhaps of lesser importance. However, our true leanings and fighting loyalties are.

 

And I know not yours.

 

Therefore, these contacts must remain at all times totally deniable. No traces, no signs, no transfer of knowledge and information. No hard evidence ever.

 

Thus the world I live within.

[chiquezee]

A (PRE-VALENTINE) LOVE LETTER - Second of 3 parts

 

 

My dearly beloved,

 

I know for sure, as I yearn for someone to talk to, that you have not yet come. The emptiness is more pronounced as I go through the week. So much has happened and I instinctively look beside me, like I used to, to exhale my rancid thought, and share a good laugh that usually means things will be fine. But, you are not yet there. Not here with me, nor even far.

 

I shall wait, though not search, for I know, one day, you will look at me and I'd know. It will take a long while, for good finds like you are hard to spot. While I wait, I'll just go on about my day, continue imploring for divine intervention with the issues that you face, and keep on writing, and hoping.

 

But I am feeling a bit confident that I shall know when I have found you, although maybe not on the onset of meeting. I may have met you already, for all I know. And you may be one of the plenty that I exchange sms with, or talk to whether briefly or lengthily, on the phone, or face-to-face.

 

If I may be romantic about it, I'd know it as soon as we intertwine our hands, and our fingers automatically place themselves comfortably alongside each other, locking us in a touch that will signify more than just two hands holding. And I need not explain, for you'd understand the subtleties.

 

I know I'd know. Just in case I fail to see though, don't go wasting time trying to send mixed signals. Let me know.

 

 

 

While that hasn’t happened yet, I am here,

preparing myself to love you,

waiting to be yours,

and you to be mine,

 

Sincerely,

C.

[missmanners]

i am ready for you.

 

yes, i am battle-scarred and battle-weary. but my soul is at peace... and, now more than ever, i am ready to give and to receive. i've always known the desires of my heart... although i did try my hardest to hide them for a long time, always thinking that i should be ashamed of them, that i should not even think to ask for them. but now the truth has been revealed to me... that i am not the one at fault, that i should not be the one who hangs her head in shame... that there is nothing wrong with that deep desire to love and be loved.... to be found captivating... to be found so immensely beautiful..

 

i am ready for you now. you who, unlike so many others, is not afraid of failure... you who is not afraid to admit that they don't know, who isn't too proud to ask for help... but also knows that he has a naturally-given strength... that it is in his position to protect, to provide, to be the one i'll lean on... to be the one who will endeavor to deserve me everyday... to be the one who will not break promises... who will respect and remember words said and see them to their rightful end... to be the one who won't have to resort to lying or trickery to keep me rapt and astonished... to be the one who will hold my hand proudly, lovingly...

 

i am ready for you now. i don't know who you are, if you're already in my life or if i am fated to meet you yet... i don't know when and where we will discover each other... or how... but i want you to know i am ready. and i am not afraid. and i am not embittered about my past. i am hopeful for the happiness you'll bring, for the laughter we'll share, even for the burdens i know we'll have to carry... for the happy ending we both deserve. i am ready for you, my love. there is space in my life for you. and i can't wait to hold your hand and finally be home.

[LostCommand]

Waiting, just before the break of dawn, watching.

 

What we cannot get by strength, we will get by perfect timing. If not by timing, then by our usual luck. If not by luck, then by sheer deceit.

 

We are beaten only when we admit it so.

 

This for you. At the start of the day, awaiting action, at the break of dawn, full moon still in the sky.

 

Wherever you are, this for you.

 

 

 

I want somebody to share

Share the rest of my life

Share my innermost thoughts

Know my intimate details

Someone who'll stand by my side

And give me support

And in return

She'll get my support

She will listen to me

When I want to speak

About the world we live in

And life in general

Though my views may be wrong

They may even be perverted

She'll hear me out

And won't easily be converted

To my way of thinking

In fact she'll often disagree

But at the end of it all

She will understand me

 

I want somebody who cares

For me passionately

With every thought

And with every breath

Someone who'll help me see things

In a different light

All the things I detest

I will almost like

I don't want to be tied

To anyone's strings

I'm carefully trying to stay clear

Out of those things

But when I'm asleep

I want somebody

Who will put their arms around me

And kiss me tenderly

 

- Depeche Mode

[KristinLavransdatr]

i am tempted to uncover you, read you from page to page, run my fingers through yours words - those expressions of regret, of love, of loyalty, of power, of unkind sexuality.

 

and roll them on my tongue, smell them sweat that stained the sheets, stare into the noodle soup of your poetry. spicy not too much, silly less than love.

 

but you're just a temptation, and i am not yet your complete eve.

[StoneRhino]

Sometimes,

 

I fear for your sanity. And mine.

If these were truly what lurks in the heart of men. (And women as well.)

They say 1 out of 5 people is borderline insane. Think of 5 of your friends. Are they normal, or just acting normal?

Who knows? Who knows what will happen next?

 

The Shadow Knows

(Can't resist. I just saw it on Cinemax) :evil:

[willow_boy]

"Masuwerte kami sa inyo. 'Ni minsan ay hindi niyo kami binigyan ng problema."

 

Thanks for the compliment. I love you guys but I wish I could tell you the price I had to pay, the things about me that I had to give up, the loves I gave up or never pursued, the university that accepted me but I had to forego just to please you guys.

 

How I wish that your minds were more open to what I really wanted, open to the things I believed in when I was growing up. How I wished that I felt free at home to talk these things through with you. Wished that you didn't give me that "papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako" bullshit I heard quite a number of times simply because we didn't go down the same road in life.

 

I blame myself too for falling hook, line, and sinker for that other Pinoy bullshit that was deeply carved into my brain; the one about the woe that comes to a person who disrespects one's elders. Took me way too many years to realize that disobedience does not necessarily translate to disrespect.

 

I'm telling you right now that things will be much different with my kids. They're very intelligent and both show wisdom beyond their years. I admire the fact that they feel free to voice their thoughts at such an early age. We will certainly keep things that way. Let me say again: Things will be very different. The Spanish Inquisition's over.

[bluegreen717]

JG,

 

The Adventures of Captain Underpants may not exactly be The Prince , but we had such rollicking fun I figured it would be a good idea to show you that there are, too, funny characters apart from James Trotter.

 

And a break from the flash cards.

 

I'm sorry if you feel I'm pushing too hard, but the reality is, no one else wants you to succeed as much as I do.

 

Soon enough, you'll realize that.

 

M

[bluegreen717]

RR,

 

I really, really, really want to join. The prospects are exciting...my present clients are small potatoes compared to yours.

 

But early on, I detected that I'm presently far too senior for the position. And it seems that you cannot even match what I am currently receiving. (Industry-wise, I'm overpaid. But there's a gaping difference between real and nominal terms where I'm coming from.)

 

You see, only my true north matters. So here I stay. *Sigh*

 

We can still do business, though. :flowers:

 

 

Cheers,

 

LCM

[missmanners]

you looked at me with kindness and gentleness... the kind i hadn't seen in a while. for a split-second, i toyed with the idea of a future with you. one that seemed secure and happy and unlike any present i've known thus far. but that split-second couldn't last longer than that... and i was thrust back to my seat and reality almost with a thud. we had spoken about romance and connections and mental stimulation. i felt it then. you had given me a look that expressed interest and i fought off the urge to dream again. because it's always, always when i dream that i get in trouble.

 

so i left you there, still talking to our hosts in the hallway. i boarded the elevator alone and rushed to my car, wanting to avoid an awkward goodbye with you. besides, i really would not have known what to say. i never know what to say to any man nowadays. i've been feeling ill-equipped and not sparkling enough to hold anyone's attention. but i was afraid that even if i had been as boring as i thought, you were interested anyway. and if that suspicion was confirmed... sigh. i don't know.

 

but while driving away, i did feel the distinct pang of regret. that maybe i should have stayed to at least say goodbye. to at least see if i was right. to see if maybe the future i had dreamt could become more than a dream. but i sped away and stepped on the gas pedal harder. not really wanting answers. not really wanting anything. and really, strangely not wanting to see you again.

Edited February 5, 2007 by missmanners

[chipmaker]

i miss you so much dad.

 

i had so many plans.

 

i was going to bring along that photo album. and visit the same places you stayed in. walk on the same ground you walked on. two q generations. same place. 30-something years apart. would have been something, huh?

 

and now it's not going to happen.

 

i feel so f#&king depressed.

[chipmaker]

ailen... listen to this... this is so US!

 

COLLIDE

 

 

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

Yeah

 

I'm open, you're closed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide

 

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

 

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to ryhme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find

You and I collide

 

You finally find

You and I collide

You finally find

You and I collide

[chiquezee]

A (PRE-VALENTINE) LOVE LETTER - Last of 3 parts

 

 

My dearly beloved,

 

I woke up before five this morning, with not even four hours of sleep. Chilling under the sheets, curled up in a sea of soft pillows, head throbbing, throat dry, I realized one thing. The first thing on my mind is you. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt an emptiness that I am sure only you can fill. You of unknown identity to me.

 

Shall I be lonely longer? Probably not, for before the year ushers in a new dimension to my life, I shall abandon the forlorn disposition. And whether or not the dawn brings me pangs of yearning, of longing, of needing, I will suspend the vulnerability.

 

For the meantime, what should I say to hasten your coming? Perhaps nothing, for everything comes at their appointed time. And you, at the most beautiful moment that I shall burn oil lamps for, constantly, until I see your sillhouette approach me and I feel you definitely, and I see you face to face and know that it is you, finally.

 

But darling, sweetheart, honey, baby, dearest beloved of mine, the wilderness is long and without any bloom of rose, and if I may borrow Elizabeth Browning's heart, the capacity for happiness, like a black gaping hole, before this silver flooding. I can go on and on, but I tell you that should you open my heart, you shall see that I desire for your presence to fill the void.

 

You fill my mind. Constantly.

 

I shall not go on describing you, for I will take you however you are, for to even reach that point of unconditional acceptance, I would have already seen from the twinkle in your eyes and the fire that you will ignite in my soul; I would have already heard in the tone of your voice in every conversation we have; I would have already felt the sincerity of your touch, whenever we kiss; that there can be no one else who my heart shall beat for unabashedly, faithfully, sincerely, ever so completely.

 

What I can say, beloved, is when you walk in my life and make yourself known, and I feel in my heart, and know in my mind that there is no room for question, I will stand by you and beside you.

 

I will support you and enrich your life.

I will not be perfect but I will remain true.

I will never cease to listen, and not just hear.

I will hold you and hold you dear.

I will trust as much as you can trust.

Everything that I am, I will be.

What have you to gain, perhaps none but me;

But which must suffice, for my love shall grow

from day to day, through what's high and low.

 

I want to be more than your wish, more than a fantasy. More than a part of your journals and musings. I want to be real to you, as you will be to me.

 

I look forward to that day, though it may take a while. For the meantime, I shall preoccupy myself with duties and fulfillment of calling.

 

Entirely, sweetheart, I will love you. Everything else goes with the utter profession of affection.

 

 

 

While that hasn’t happened yet, I am here,

preparing myself to love you,

waiting to be yours,

and you to be mine,

 

Sincerely, tenderly,

C.