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The Mail Box


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old man,

 

it was great to see you again today. it's been what? more than two months since we've last seen each other? you look good. the eyebags are still there, and it seems there are more whites than grays in your hair now, but the aura! looks like the weight of two planets have been lifted off from your shoulders.

 

things have changed since you've left. a lot. everybody's touting their buzzwords. process. change. indicators. the six of us, your grandchildren, have been silent witnesses to the organizational carnage. this will pass, i say to my peers. this will pass. old man, you've taught us well. i will never forget what you taught us. keep your head low, but make sure you can still see what's going on.

 

it's already 1:03 in the morning. a couple of more hours until we begin how we'll plan to bring our paths together again. i look forward to breakfast with you later, and more to our trip to china next week.

 

like i've told you before, even before this carnage happened, my loyalty rests with you.

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Para sa yo.

 

Dalawang kahon ng tsokolate. Natatanging alaala na minsan, sumagi ka sa aking buhay.

Di ko makuhang buksan ang kahon. Di ko makuhang pilasin ang magandang balot.

Di ko makuhang kagatin, lasapin, namnamin.

Katakataka yan... dahil alam naman ng lahat na di maaring lumipas ang araw na di nadadantayan ng tsokolate ang aking mga labi.

 

Bakit nga kaya hanggang ngayon ay nasa magandang supot pa din ang mga tsokolateng bigay mo.

Bakit kaya nakapanghihinayang buksan ... di ko magawa.

Di kaya dahil alam kong maaring iyon na ang huling alaala mo sa akin.

Di kaya dahil alam kong ...

 

Ewan.

Hindi ko na alam ano ang alam ko.

Sana bago humulas ang tsokolate, bago mawala ang tamis...

Sana makuha ko syang kagatin, lasapin, namnamin.

 

Sana.

 

-Ako pa din.

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last night i decided to walk to work. it's not a long walk. but it's not the easiest one. there's an uphill that turned out harder than it looks... and of course, the traffic which spewed pollution in all directions. i had felt i needed to walk. i've been feeling i need to walk a lot nowadays. instead of being burdened by my reliance on my car, now i feel like i can move about without it. i don't know where this motivation is coming from. or maybe it's just my restlessness metamorphosing?

 

maybe it's escape. a futile one. i tried to escape but i can't. i've cleaned out my house, my car. rearranged everything i could. formed new habits. let go of the ones that were too painful. even made new friends. took up a hobby. anything, everything. but it continues to hurt.

 

the hurt doesn't even come from the betrayal anymore. it comes from the loss.

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Nanahimik na ako, ano ba naman out of no where, para kang mushroom na bigla na lang ulit susulpot pagkatapos ng 2 dekada. Madami nang nagbago sa atin, may anak ka na walang asawa, hiwalay naman ako hano ba nangyari?! Anak ng pitong kuba naman, ang sarap ng walang iniisip na personal masaya na ako at puro trabaho na lang naiisip ko tapos eto ka ngayon nangangamusta at sinasabi mong hiniwalayan mo tatay ng anak mo?! Eh hindi ko naman alam in the first place na nag kaanak ka na pala! Tapos tatanungin mo ako if i ever married ade oo alangan namang intayin kita eh bigla ka na lang nawala at nde na nagparamdam tapos babalik ka after all these years?!

 

Masaya na ako, alam ko maganda ka pa rin, kahit ilang viagra pa ibigay mo sa kin nde na ata ako maaakit sayo tulad ng dati dahil nagsawa na ako sa totoo lang. Ewan ko its hard to get a hard on lately even if the view's so hot it drives 20 year olds wild and galloping with their penises at hand. Pardon my french

 

Hay! ayokong sumigaw ayokong matawa at nag text ka sana talaga nde ka na nagparamdam, dahil ikaw na rin minsan nagsabi sa kin, "I got no reason para magparamdam sayo." Bullshit ka tapos eto ka nagpaparamdam?! Manigas kang mag starbucks mag isa mo, tapos ko na at nakuha ko na ung planner ko kaya neknek mo!

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the former president of my university has just paid me a visit. asking to learn from me. how cool can that be! it was amazingly surreal. he at MY office.

 

he asked me about my professors in college and he told me bits and pieces about them. that my favorite teacher was his technical and speech writer (as he was not a good writer). that professor Y, one of my teachers, was responsible in making him unpopular in the university. etc. etc. oh, man!

 

that he is proud of me. that i've come this far. oh, man!

 

and i was starstruck. such brilliance and intelligence!

 

i was humbled that he asked questions, questions that are as basic as my daily chore. and he listened like a child learning things for the first time.

 

nothing can be better than this. not even sex.

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Litte Miss NutCase:

 

Its funny where a few clicks of a mouse button can bring me. And the wonders it can help me discover.

 

So. Youre still taking potshots at me huh? LOL, girl between you and me, with a straight face, I can tell you who does not have her head screwed on straight.

 

Gollybanana, if I were to recount each and every false story you ever told people about you and your life... it would make a pretty sad telenovela. If I were to recount each time you said you were gonna off yourself... or each time you told a lie that was so blatant it was laughable, id be recounting between now and Easter (of next year). I know stuff about you that you wont ever imagine I knew.

 

So if I were you, id be very careful. Very very careful. Im not pissed... yet. Pray it stays that way.

 

-W

 

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that i'm the queen bitch of the universe is flattering. thanks, m--! but save old movie lines to lower grade hags of the cosmos.

 

and yes, my self-worth is worth me. if your hate is my worth to you, so be it. you are not as worthless as you think you are. look, i even spare a few moments to look your way, lest you die without my donut-centavo attention.

 

how do you express ecstasy? i don't know. but this is how i express mine: thoughtless sentences, poor english, bad and uncreative, pathetically cliche'd expressions in paragraphs i disowned the moment i read them the next time.

 

happiness thinks not. envy eats ones stomach. with bloodshot eyes behind green monster's eyeballs. and your sockets kiss the ground because your ass defies or is beyond any form of kissing.

 

and oh, why don't you just eat my shorts?

Edited by KristinLavransdatr
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hmmm. my words seem to have affected an unintended and unexpected subject. this warrants an apology.

 

dear princess fiona,

 

i'm sorry i should've known you're far beyond compare. yes you are fat. yes you are green. during daytime, though you're a treat to be seen.

 

what's that--i should've thought of donkey? you're mean. no, definitely not. am not calling anyone an arse.

 

and i'm really sorry. you with the gift of true love deserves better. you chose your hubby over charming, remember? and please give my regards to shrek. tell him that he should give the krabby patties a try. it may even help you have kids. the world is not green enough, you know.

 

all the best,

spongie

 

ps when will you join nickstudio? jimmy neutron is such a dork--he won't lend me his proton blaster!

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i don't apologize for all that's happening well this way. i don't apologize for shamelessly saying it so. i believe i deserve to call spade a spade, ass as ass. you shameful, ungrateful imperfection, you! be thankful that you breathe - still. i am. and when i am given more than fresh air, i get ecstatic and tell, nay shout to the world about it. bad english or not.

 

your life must have been a lonely routine of minutes and hours and days. that you've forgotten to see both the beautiful and the ugly. the ugly that makes the beautiful one great reason to celebrate. and how do you celebrate it? do you lie? do you just keep it to yourself? thinking -- oh, people, might think badly of me... i should...ah...shut up.

 

no, you don't keep it to yourself. you splash drainage water on other people's parade. because your life lately has been nowhere but under a cloud, covered in dust. tsk!

Edited by KristinLavransdatr
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D, (Summer of '87)

 

Crazy,

I'm crazy for feeling so lonely

I'm crazy,

Crazy for feeling so blue.

I knew

You'd love me as long as you wanted

And then someday

You'd leave me for somebody new.

 

Worry,

Why do I let myself worry?

Wond'ring,

What in the world did I do?

Crazy

For thinking that my love could hold you

I'm crazy for trying

And crazy for crying

And I'm crazy for loving you.

 

Crazy

For thinking that my love could hold you;

I'm crazy for trying

And crazy for crying

And I'm crazy for loving you.

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