The Mail Box

[chiquezee]

c -

 

When I saw you when I did, I couldn't help but regret that things can't be more than what it is. And all the warning bells sounded like a hollow toll that screams of tidal waves at the cave's mouth. The thing is, it is okay for you to take it to a higher level. I am tempted. Thats where the complication starts. Its knowing I have the liberty to indulge, and I am capable, and you want to -- but I have more sense that that. My senses, however, may be overpowered by my hypothalamus.

 

Its wonderful to know that we feel the same for each other, like you said, "mutual". But at the end of it all, I'll be left holding the bag. I wouldn't want that, but that's what my reality will be if I do let it go beyond what I initially planned.

 

Like I told you, I'd love to but it wont be a smart move because I like you too much. But dang you know I'd love to... because it's not all about sex.. its how we converse, how we kid each other, how our thoughts flow... how we share what has happened in the day.. about people close to us... the willingness to meet our closests friends and make them click together... the touches, the kisses that need not lead to sex. Its the sensitivity... is that care?

 

That's why I should not focus on you, lest I drown. So from hereforth, you are no longer one and only... and I have to tell you, I was just with somebody as wonderful. Knowing myself, two is better than one. Better for both of you. For the three of us. After all, we have no intentions of complicating matters. Not you, not the other, definitely not me.

 

- c

 

 

things change quickly dont they?

[Viola]

I am happy. So far you have been the perfect partner, the perfect boyfriend. I couldn't ask for a more perfect boyfriend. We even talked about that scary 'M' word and i didn't flinch. I could see myself being married to you. I can see myself as your wife. I am happy. Perfectly happy...

 

but why can't i stop thinking about HIM?

[simon b]

u p d h a r m a d o w n

 

2b pencil

smooth paper

great ideas

 

but i keep staring at the windows

looking for you

and your answer

[simon b]

where on earth are you?

[Mobius Stripper]

Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.

[X]

Does it matter if I do love you still

Can't even move on with my own free will

Doesn't matter how many of beers I gulp down

They can't remove from my face such frown

 

I know, I know, you don't love me anymore

Don't you think that's why I've shown you the door?

No matter, you know that I still feel for you

You are such a bitch if you think it ain't true

 

For crying out loud, baby can't you see

I'd rather be alone than not to be with thee

Yeah I know, my rhymes are starting to suck

but didn't you tell me I was your greatest f u c k?

 

I don't care, my heart beats still for you

Don't give a damn no more, still you haven't a clue

That glitch on my phone, hell I won't believe

That's the last thing on my mind to retrieve

 

So go, go on, get on with your life

I hope you enjoy being someone else's wife

I'll just be here, I'll just be who I am

whatever you do, I just don't give a damn...

[iwalkalone]

Hoy Mayapot! tama na yang kaka random thoughts...baka matuluyan ka! itulog mo na yan!

[preacher]

L,

 

I miss our conversations.

Owing to the fact that our business has gotten the better of our schedules.

Still, I need those shoulders right about now.

Other's may see this as something to go somewhere else.

I'm just glad there's someone out there with the same wavelength.

Right now I'm in it real deep.

Knee high, head first in crap.

 

Where are you?

 

 

J

[Dr_PepPeR]

I hope I'm doing what is best for you. In a few days I will try to clear up what it is between us, that is, if you don't avoid the topic. I can live with this but it's still awkward. We can do this by trial and error but it will take a few spats to end up with a mutually satisfactory modus vivendi.

[naked_angel]

dear one year too late,

 

your psuedo relationship is just that. pseudo. almost but not quite.

 

what if you get too attached? what if you eventually fall in love? you can't even ask him to commit because you're not in a relationship. and worse, you don't even know where you stand in his life. and when the goodbye has finally been said, will the pain be pseudo as well? i know it's better than nothing at all but if you think about it, you can stop settling with this pseudo relationship and wait for the real thing.

 

but then again who am i to tell you this?

 

in laughter and tears,

 

-k

[missmanners]

i saw a picture of you four years ago and couldn't believe it. where did that girl go? the one who had all these dreams? the one who had all these plans? the one who just had to snap her fingers and found not one, not two but three, sometimes four and more at her beck and call? what happened to that girl that said she was going to take over the world? what happened to all her grand dreams? where did the control go?

 

i wish i had the answers for you. god knows you need them now.

[lemon]

you,

 

i uttered the words "ti mo" much too often when i was younger. to me it explained everything i've done that were compellingly too right to me and seemingly too wrong for those around me. and, man, was i consistent! i said it again and again even if it meant the whip, a foregone dinner or both. at one time it even meant an additional foregone meal in the morning and i would've starved myself to death saying that over and over.

 

thru time, i rarely got to use the phrase. maybe because i eventually never gave a hoot at what others would say or simply because those around me knew they couldn't stop me anyway if i really felt strongly about things. :lol: the funny thing is, i have never really heard it used on me and i never thought i'd live to see the day it will be used on me... and you did.

 

for that i sometimes ask myself which is it? you didn't really give a damn or it's something you'd say anyway no matter what i'd say. i guess its not really my place to know. afterall, there's that phrase to say everything that needs to be said.

 

in hind sight, i did suggest it to you when you were making my list so i guess i did use it first. looking back to that, my motives and explanation would have been what it had always been to me when i was younger and i guess i would still starve myself to death saying that over and over.

 

ti mo.

 

[gr82d8]

Dear Snoopy,

 

 

Matagal na kitang kasama, sa hirap at ginhawa.

 

Iwanan man ako ng iba, ikaw andyan lang.

 

Nagbabantay, laging nakatingin.

 

Pag kailangan ko ng kausap nakikinig ka.

 

Wala kang reklamo, walang hinihingi.

 

Lahat alam mo, di na ako mahihiyang magsalita.

 

Kadiri ka na, di na kita mahawakan.

 

Mukha ka nang trapo, pinanglinis ng basurahan.

 

Pumayag ka na sana, papaliguan kita.

 

Dahan dahan lang, para di ka masira.

 

 

 

 

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f374/gr82d8/snoopy.jpg

[gr82d8]

Dear cause of psychological impotence,

 

 

I must say you chose well. I picked up our son and went to our used to be bedroom to get some of his clothes. I was surprised to see a sony 6.1 system set-up there. Ah, the perks of hooking up with someone with alot of cash to burn. Too bad the center channel is sitting on top of the tiny 14" tv that I bought with my christmas bonus a couple of years ago. It now looks more pathetic since the speaker is as wide as the tv. Keep on mentioning how ugly it looks so that he gets you a new tv as well. Also saw a tall stack of shoe boxes there, it probably feels good without someone nagging you about spending too much on useless stuff huh? Is that why you were unhappy when we were together? I hope not... I still respect you for who you are, or were. If I was in the same situation I'd probably enjoy myself as well. Yeah I sound bitter, I probably am. Let me know when he gets you a plasma so I can have my tv back.

[naked_angel]

thank you for last night.

 

i am now a firm believer that diplomacy really works

even to a couple as weird as us. you do not stop talking and i, on the other hand, just won't listen.

but we somehow manage to meet halfway. and somewhere in between all our laughs, long talks, stupid fights, and all our jokes, we've gotten to know ourselves and each other better. enough to build a relationship. enough to keep the faith. and i know no matter how many walk outs and evil moments, we'll still have the same 7 words.

 

and yes i will. oh you know i will

[smaug]

am i far too complex for you to understand? too "small time" for you to underestimate?

 

 

 

do you know me?

 

 

 

judging me by my choice of wardrobe and appearrance?

 

the way i walk, the way i talk? too loud and arrogant dor you?

 

 

 

contradictions, inconsistencies on my actions,rituals(??????) and beliefs?

 

do you know the concept of time?

 

the changes, the nothing last forever stuff?

 

 

 

 

Lots of observation, even to the point of analyzing me, what did you found out?

 

 

choice of clothes(galit ka ke spongebob?) and hobbies

 

ano? peter pan syndrome borderlined on dorkism?

 

 

 

on my publicized introspection,

 

ano? 1st class assh*le ba?

 

 

 

nalito kana?

 

ngayon ka lang naka encounter ng hybrid na geek at maton

 

 

 

instead of wondering, labeling me, accussing me of being a liar, lets be friends.

 

Labas tayo. date? sure. but that would be assuming. pakilala kita sa tropa.

 

sama kita sa mga lakad namin. mas makikilala mo ko sa mga kaibigan ko.

 

 

Lagi mo naman ako napapansin eh. malamang, Me gusto ka sakin, heheh...

[simon b]

happy orange!

 

that was unexpected

out of the blue

from you

 

 

my day is complete

[iwalkalone]

May 9 2006

Dear family and friends,

It was 20 years ago ( on May 9, 1986) that I met my soulmate on a blind date at ____Beach in____. It was fate that our home during the year of married life was a small cottage in that same neighborhood.

Maya ( not her real name) had been gone for more than two months but i find it quite hard filling the void that her parting left. I was not prepared to lose her. I terribly miss her sweet smile and loving hugs and kisses. She gave me so much of herself and yet demanded very little in return. I realized now how interwoven our lives have become that it was quite impossible to find an activity that will not remind me of her.

And it seems that our lives stood at a stand still since Sep 14,2005, when she was admitted to the ______. I was really looking forward to a better 2006, having started and ended the past year with Maya in a hospital. I was quite hopeful that we will come out of this ordeal like we did in 1990 when she survived that 4.5 months of comma. And instead of being discouraged by her extended stay at the____. I took it as a sign that God still has plans for us. We just had to show a little more persistence and faith. Unfortunately, it was a different ending this time.

As I chose to witness every little procedure they did on her, those memories had been haunting me. I often get flashbacks of the pain she had to endure. It pained me to let go when I saw her getting tired and not responding to the medications but I do not wish to lengthen her suffering. Surely, she did not deserve what she went through.

With a final burst of energy, Maya surprised everyone when she came out of that final comma and was weaned off from the respirator during the last few weeks of her life. I became hopeful that we will win the battle once more. It was during those weeks when she was lucid that I was able to tell her the overwhelming support we got from family and friends during her hospitalization. I wish I was able to record the sweetest smile and appreciative expressive eyes for everyone to see as I was recalling each visit, phone call, mass and greeting cards, prayers and financial support.

I, too, am humbled with all your prayers and support up until her wake and burial. The list will be quite long for me to mention but you will know who you are. I feel honored by friends from U.S. who unselfishly found time in their scheadule to visit Maya in the hospital and brought us "pasalubongs". I am aware how preacious and limited your vacation time is. I was also quite touched by the gesture of a couple of my college buddies, who along with their families kept us company on Christmas Eve. In spite of the depressing environment at the hospital, that enabled me to experience the true spirit of christmas. To all of you who tirelessly offered encouragement and shared our grief, I will eternally be greatful.

And to my soulmate, my beloved wife...I will never cease loving you...until we meet again.

Edited October 28, 2006 by iwalkalone

[Demetrio_Supsoptite]

Bok,

 

Magdala ka ng pinat bater dito sa susunod na uwi mo. Wag mo munang ibenta yung relos na niregalo ng tiyuhin mo na nagseaman at baka makadilhensya pa ako ng pera. Medyo inaawitan ni kapitan is ate mo eh, kahit dalawang libo lang isang gabi. Sabi ko ibebenta ko na lang ang kalabaw kesa ganun. Nabalitaan ko sa dati mong kasama sa eskuwelahan na sumali ka daw sa LFS at madalas daw na namumundok kayo? Anong klaseng organisasyon ba yan? Mag-ingat ka sana at marami nang mga NPA na naglipana ngayon. Mabuti na lang at limandaan pa rin ang tuition fee mo diyan sa PUP.

 

Nagmamahal,

 

Tatang

[LostCommand]

It has been a great privilege serving with you, boys and girls. Whatever the outcome of the long 2-3 month wait, whilst our work is judged and the wheels of decision grind exceeding fine, I must say, I have not fought this intensely since perhaps my Pisay days. Although, damn, that MBA would have been helpful just about now, I guess I have not lost "it", yet.

 

Boys and girsl, we were not gifted with as much talent and training, nor experience, as the other, much older engineering teams. But whatever skills and talents we had, we worked to 150 percent, and beat everybody else in both strategy and in detail. The records show this. Above everybody else, we knew exactly what results were needed, we knew just we could get these in the time given us (well, only just about), we had that one pure, almost sublime, flash of insight on how to best go about the job, and we had 90 days of intense single minded focus.

 

We now return our equipment, our design computers, machines, specialised software, and top-secret design guides; our various tools, to their custodians. We return all these tools, these swords, notched and battle-scratched and completely used up, a few with tips broken off and left embedded in enemy skulls during those final close-in encounters, the questions and challenges flying thick and fast. For that is the only correct way to use skills, to use gifts. - completely. We held nothing back, fukced them with everything we've got, fukced with them up to the balls; there is simply no other way. For us, no burying of talents under the bowl. As my old buddy used to say, ibaon hangang bayag.

 

And whatever else we could not get by brilliance and honest hard work, we got by force, if not by force, then by surprise, if not by surprise, then by timing and subterfuge, and if not by even that, then by bluff and white lies. Scanty scruples stopped us not.

 

"All is fair, in love and war"

 

All is spent, in love and war.

 

Except for that little matter of the 1.5 billion pesos left unspent in our team design budget - this Ilocano engineer laughs; the icing on the cake.

 

Tatay, if all goes well, 1Q next year I would sign the blueprints with your own name and initials. You were my poor and struggling grandma's youngest, brightest child, and last surviving son, and was that rare best-and-brightest combination of UP class valedictorian and charismatic class president both; you were already a natural writer and obviously a born leader and editor-in-chief, who scholared at UP and did exactly that, and to be something more besides; an engineer for his developing country, but who was not given enough time.

 

So now, this engineering work is for you.

 

For 32 years ago, it was the black heart of martial law, and somewhere in those remote, military-oppressed hunger-stalked rural hinterlands, it was sunset, shadows and loneliness, and the air was thick all around with the wailing of the wounded, the deafening crackle of scores of M-16's at full auto, belt-fed M-60 red and yellow tracers slicing the air, that mindless whizzing of burning M-203 grenade shrapnel everywhere, and your command was outnumbered 2 to 1, your gun-arm savagely ripped and wounded, and still you stood up, firing that notorious, k*ll-notched baby M-16 from the other arm, and screaming, led your comrades in one final bloodsoaked charge, the best and the brightest, fearing no darkness.

 

14 close-range gaping gunshot wounds, and no surrender.

 

My grandma could not speak for months; tears like the rain, the prayers, prayers, prayers, for her last remaining son, every one unanswered; such heartbreak.

 

So now, this k*ll is for you, both.

 

More will follow. I am not done killing, repeatedly, as much as it may take to sate me.

 

LC

[naked_angel]

oist,

 

i missed you.

yes i did. you don't believe me no?

 

-k

[simon b]

its monday

and raining

 

 

melancholic blue...

[preacher]

CL

 

For once I'm at a loss for words.

Having you sit right in front of me last friday was intoxicating.

Even with the hint of cigarettes, your scent still drove me to fits.

I know you felt it. It was tugging at my pants to get out....

One of these days....... what a conquer you will be.....

 

sin cerely

 

the demon inside of J

[stillframe]

to my EX:

 

sorry ha. sorry for leaving you without a reason.. or at least, close, to a valid reason..

you see, im still in love with my first girlfriend that time..

and i would do anything, to be with her again..

kaya nung ngkaroon ako ng chance, i grabbed it at our relationship's expense..

im awfully sorry..

 

from once ur jerk..

[lemon]

you,

 

this actually violates the very rule we agreed on some two nights back but how else can i return the rebate?

 

it's never perfect. given our circumstances, it's actually insane but we keep coming back to it, building (and sometimes re-building) the structures brick by brick despite power outages, typhoons and meteor showers. many more to come, i suppose, and like we've always said... bring it on, baby!

 

lame rebate? nah, it's just the wrappings... how does no. 17 sound?

 

good morning, dear.