The Mail Box

[KristinLavransdatr]

i just want to tell you where i find myself today:

 

i am here in the emptiness of your un-embrace.

 

i am cold in the company of your absence.

 

i sulk in a corner crowded with your once-touched's.

 

i am here fighting for normalcy.

 

i am here waiting.

 

i am here.

 

i am.

[LB]

why don't you come back today

 

your tight hug is haunting me

 

would you believe i forgot

 

the reason we drifted apart

 

it must be very petty

 

just as i told you in the beggining

 

usually, i make senseless decisions

 

and used to letting go easily

 

though, i never did regret

 

most of the after-us life was fun

 

yet, all i can see now is your eyes

 

when asking for that kiss

 

damn it, i miss you badly...

Edited February 11, 2005 by lovelybabe

[black cat]

Dear Y,

 

I told you I hated you for coming into my life. And I hate you for even wanting me to be your friend despite everything I've said and done. I hate you for seemingly not to feel anything bad against me. I hate you because you don't hate me at all.

 

But you know what, I really missed you. I wish I could just say yes everytime you'd ask me to see you.. but I really can't.

 

I'm sorry for everything. Sorry, for not even having the guts to tell you goodbye personally. I wish I could have hugged you one last time.

 

Your fool,

 

BC

[LB]

it is my fault, always been me and my erratic way of thinking. i

 

hoped that you could bend and mold me into a better person. but i am just like this, stubborn in nature.

 

i wanted to fight for us, but i can't. i was never born to war with emotions. my survival is to accept and

 

experience the world's wonders. besides, life is for us to know people and not to get stuck with

 

someone who would just make us feel terrible. that is why i had to walk away. no goodbyes honey, just

 

silence.

Edited February 15, 2005 by lovelybabe

[Icee_1]

Dear you,

 

I miss being with you. I miss talking with you. I miss having you around. Funny thing is life has to be this way, I guess. Life is getting to be boring though, totally boring.

 

M

[LovenFaith]

my dearest honey peter :heart: ,

 

thanks for being the driving force of my life...

believe it or not, i only find happiness when i knew you...

alas that we lost our baby...but someday soon she'll be back on us

again...

I'm looking forward to our promise to each other of growing old together...

playing with our lovely grandchildren in our wonderful home sweet home in

tagaytay...

i'm so sorry if oftentimes i'm hurting you of my stubborness...i didn't mean it,honestly...

promise i'll try my very best to be the better person you've ever wanted me to be...

and i assure you that no matter what, i'll be by your side 'til my last breath count...

thank you very much for taking care of me...

i love you and i always will.......!!!!!!! :* :heart:

 

your sweet baby jessie :heart:

[Clinks]

This was a letter not sent. I hope this reaches her, one way or the other....

 

 

Hi,

 

I still love you…..

 

There are times in my day that I just stop and think about you. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, something I saw, heard, smelled may have triggered it. Basta bigla na lang akong tatahihimik, titingin sa malayo, parang wala akong ginagawa, kahit busy ako. Kahit may GF ako iniintay kita. Iniintay ko na sabihin mo sa kin na wala na kayo. Iniintay ko na sabihin mo sa kin na: “Wala na kami, break na kami.”. Anim na taon, everytime na makikita kita, makakasalubong kita, tinatanong ko, kinakamusta ko kayo. Kahit sa mga ka batch natin, common friends natin, tinatanong ko kung kayo pa. Akala nila siguro nakikibalita lang ako or what, di lang nila alam, at kung alam man nila hindi sila maniniwala na after 6 years, iniintay pa kita….

 

 

At tumawag ka na nga…..

 

Wala akong tulog nun. Bigla kang tumawag, sinabi mo wala na kayo. Nagulat ako, di ko alam naramdaman ko pero parang nagising at red alert buong katawan ko. “Wala na kami. I want to have dinner with you.”. Nagulantang ako. Nagulo mundo ko. Nataranta ako. We set up a dinner, at nagkasakit ako. Hindi ko sinabi pero since may lakad ka na alam ko na mas importante kaysa sa dinner na hinintay ko for 6 years eh sabi ko postpone na natin. Bigla ka di na tumawag, din a nag text. Araw araw tinext kita, tinawagan kahit ni reject mo. Mali ako pero di ko matiis….hanggang sa nag reply ka at sinabi mo na hurting ka pa…na wag ako mag assume na galit ka sa kin. Bakit naman ako mag aasume na galit ka sa akin? Porket ba na all caps yung text mo at pasigaw ang words mag aassume ako? Mula non hanggang ngayon di ka na nag text or call or kahit YM message wala…..

 

 

Isang linggo na akong ganito, walang sigurado. I don’t know what will happen to me, to us. I don’t even know if you will even speak to me. Pero sa ngayon, hindi ko ma shove yung idea na I will lose you again, for the second time. It eats me every f*cking day. I will be destroyed, yet again., like before. Sana lang you’ll give me another chance…sana di ako biguin ng theory ko na mahal ako ni Lord at ibibigay nya sa kin yung opportunity na yun uli. The mere shot is a big miracle na, I am not asking him to give you to me, I just want a shot. I don’t know what will happen for the next couple of weeks, but I will end this letter how I started it…..

 

 

I still love you……

[chienneamore]

akala ko for keeps ka, akoy sawi, ginamit mo lang ako!!!

doormat lang ang katapat ko, ako ako ako.

 

sana hindi na kita nakilala

sana hindi na nasilayan ng aking mata ang iyong mukha.

sana tao ka.

mali ako..hindi pala totoong wala kang puso,

 

wala kang kaluluwa!

[KristinLavransdatr]

PAUL,

 

who would have thought i'd fall for you? we didn't speak the same language. though we both speak english, our accents are a world apart. you liked kimchi. i preferred anything but kimchi.

 

you were like a girl when you were in love. you'd walk miles to deny time of its power, to defy the present reality of where i was to where you stood. oh how you'd rather brave the unkown than wait for the uncertain. "of me not being there and you just waiting, dying til you see my face again." i have not heard a more beautiful poem than that. and you couldn't even compose a rhyme! and you didn't even know what a rhyme is!

 

you might not have known the phrase, but oft times, i saw how i literally took your breath away. i needed only look at you and your face would break into a smile, the most beautiful i've ever seen. i needed only touch your hand, and for a while i had your soul.

 

i have not been loved that way since i have been loved by you, almost three years ago.

 

where are you? is xiamen just a place in china or an eternity of neverland?

 

yoon-ji

[gen_g]

seeing through the rose colored lenses of time...the commonality of reaching out and making an understanding with another is key...but it sets you apart from the rest. at times it keeps u sane or ur alone iwth yourself, your thoughts, your world.in the end the world is what u make it and its up to u to make up your own......................

[agate]

lot lot balot,

 

That night i caught you with him, destroyed who i was. I forgot all the things that i knew, all the feeling thats i have and i forgot who i am. My whole world froze. I was unsure...damn i was unsure... for the first time I was unsure!!! I tried to show strength but my tears fell. I tried to runaway but I stayed to show you i was there. I tried to scream but i became meek. I tried to hate but damn I still loved you. I tried to shut-up but I asked you Who?

 

I went away in pain. Took that longest bus ride of my life. It was a cold painful ride. I did not cry. I bled. After the ride was a long walk. I just needed it. I just needed the time, the pain to my body, the heat of the sun. I wanted to die. I still exist.

 

You have your own baby lotlot now. I wish she were mine but thats just wishful thinking... All i wanted to say is f**k him for taking you away and thank you... thank you for all that was

 

damn dan

[LB]

 

i am still thinking about what i said. is it too strong for you? would you not understand? are you going to describe it as abrupt? you know that when i decide it is final. i don't take back what i disposed (cruel word... sorry, i cannot think of another as of the moment) of. it is so not me. when we broke up a long time ago, i told you getting back together is a miracle. "cool-off" is a non-existent phase for me.

 

when we parted, i had no courage to use the past tense. recently, i told you i '"loved" you. yes, it is almost gone now. last time i checked, i am moving on to greener pastures from the hell (oops... being a little harsh again) that you left. i did not cry then. i am not proud of being that strong.

 

honestly, i am becoming numb. this is not good, but it would be better for me to stay this way than take all the shits in this life sensitively. being numb, makes me think rationally. just like the day, i realized that you are making a fool out of the intelligent me (sorry for the arrogance, maybe i am still a bit mad). i told myself i am not your girl friend anymore for i do not feel the same.

 

you changed me in a way. in the start of the relationship, i became a romantic individual which i am definitely not. i involved you even in the teeny-weeny decision i had to make. i considered living this life with you even if we would be passing through the needle's hole. my unretentive memory remembered almost all the important dates in our history and in yours.

 

at the end, i am at the state of tabularasa. maybe indifferent is more appropriate and visual. i don't know what i am looking for now, such a clean piece (hehehe.... or so i thought). i try to avoid thinking about you. although sometimes i could relate things, people and even dates to you. this is not exclusive to you, same as to my other exs.

 

its valentines day, i hate it. maybe because i am still mad at you. don't worry i would soon forget. you know that i used to plan my life. when i said "yes" to you, it was the 14th of a month. i was excited because when this day comes we would be celebrating for two reasons. another thing i learned, don't plan to avoid disappointment.

 

at the end of this undelivered mail, i want to say that you were a strong driving force in my life and i am glad to have known you.

 

note: this is the first and last time i would use the red font

another note: this is the reason why i did not greet back with happy valentines day to anybody

Edited February 15, 2005 by lovelybabe

[nouse4aname]

After all these years... I still think of you..

[LostCommand]

Valentine's day note:

Desk - covered with documents to be read, approved, edited, or discarded

Stomach - screaming hungry already, should have done lunch

Money - Ok so far

Masterplan - on track, though delayed

Heart - in place; stone cold dead

 

Do we need to set a day apart just to remember and celebrate Love? If we are so in need of reminding, then perhaps its because love is not the most critical of matters for us. Otherwise we would have celebrations such as Breathing day and Eating/Drinking day, and Solved Problems day.

 

But no, we do not have those sorts of day. We do not need to be reminded of things truly necessary, for these we do everyday, after all.

 

Therefore for the true Lovers, the setting aside of Valentine's day is but a painful sign of humanity's need to be reminded of Love; it is apparently not a daily matter for most!

 

Those who truly understand the importance of Love, would understand the sheer futility of setting aside a special day to remind us of it, when every day should be spent in awareness of it...

 

...and all its forms, spoken, done, implied, to family, to relations, to allies, to friends, to FBs, to friends who take you to their beds, to sweethearts, to pets, and to our country.

 

LC

[smaug]

L,

 

ituloy mo ang drama, indi mo nako makikita.

 

P

[fire_and_ice_girl]

You came unexpectedly, from a time and place I least expected. I don't know how I should react.

Are you really like that? Could we make things work? Should I risk it?

 

Somehow words aren't enough to express what I feel and think... My minds in a jumble and my heart's confused...

 

Hope tomorrow things will be clearer, that I could sift the complexities.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

To the One ...

 

I thought someone I'd been dating sembled you ... he treated me well and with respect.

 

I guess you're still out there.

 

On the day of Hearts ... I had another one of my close calls. My second in this lifetime.

 

May we both live long enough to cross each other's path, love and be.

 

I only hope that's why I'm still here ... for you.

 

Loving you already,

 

A

[KristinLavransdatr]

To the One ...

 

I thought someone I'd been dating sembled you ... he treated me well and with respect.

 

I guess you're still out there.

 

On the day of Hearts ... I had another one of my close calls.  My second in this lifetime.

 

May we both live long enough to cross each other's path, love and be.

 

I only hope that's why I'm still here ... for you.

 

Loving you already,

 

A

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

goodness gracious! haven't seen you write this well!

 

fact is, i haven't read anything this good at this thread! so pretense-less.

[gen_g]

freedom----is in the mind---if u limit urself in thought then u limit urself in act...........had to realize that today....

[LostCommand]

fact is, i haven't read anything this good at this thread! so pretense-less.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

...unlike other regular posters here, including one who goes by the handle KristinLavrandstar?

 

BN,

 

The most powerful writers are those that can bridge the gap between the soul of the writer and those of his readers. Often, these writers slash out their words while their wounds from battling Life are yet fresh and bleeding. For only with such bloody ink can words be written that will echo and re-echo in the human spirit...

 

...as have the words in your short post.

 

Of course, others can take a formal course in a good college, learn the techniques and skill of the masters, and with enough effort and native intelligence, create a semblance of creative writing, perfect in its technical detail. With enough practice, this sort of acquired writing skill is quite effective, entertaining and amusing the readers, at least for the moment.

 

But for those who have been raped by Life (and sometimes, have raped Life back even!), they do not need to fake the excitement and emotion dripping from their words. They write of ecstatic pleasure, of divine visions, of hellish dreams, of agony, of joy, of the world and all its machinations, of Life unmasked and bare...

 

...while the virgins write of their own little life and their own little heartbreaks. That is, until Life takes them, rapes them, and gives them a few more hard f*ck sessions for good measure.

 

And then their (creative) juices finally flow for real,

 

For ordinary lives lead to only ordinary writing

 

LC

[Icee_1]

Been burned again, in trusting someone who I thought was a friend.

 

Why don't I ever learn? Why do I give that trust so freely to people who have not earned it yet? Am I naive or am I plain stupid in doing so?

 

Perhaps.

 

But just because one person betrayed my trust, does not mean, for me at least, that I should not trust other people. After all, how many friends have I trusted, only to be later betrayed by them? Of the many to whom I gave my trust, only a handful have betrayed me.

 

The odds are still in favor of trusting the people who come to me as friends.

 

Stupid? Perhaps. Maybe I will never learn.

[LB]

hindi ko na kayo mahal dahil wala na akong nararamdaman.kung meron man talo ito ng aking ulirat.ipagpatuloy lang ang ganito para maka-alis na sa langhiyang ere.di na kailangan ng pasisisi sa lahat nang naganap sapagkat ang mga ito markado na.di ko na rin sinusubukang limutin dahil imposibleng mawala ang memorya.salamat sa inyong panahon at atensyon.itigil na sana ang paalaman,mas mahirap kase.basta't harapin nalang naten ang panibago at kanya-kanyang mundo.wag nang mag-alala at mangamusta.tama ng lahat ng sa ngayon.may buhay pa naman.mas maayos din malamang ang bukas.

[moonflower]

you don't scare me now. u probably thought it was funny...those threats you gave me you psycho! step down a bit from the podium, will ya? stop manipulating people to get what u want.

[agate]

wow as in wow... hmmmm this thread as a book??? hmmmmmmmmmmm

[KristinLavransdatr]

...unlike other regular posters here, including one who goes by the handle KristinLavrandstar?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

yes, including the one who goes by the handle KristinLavransdatr. (and it's not "KristinLavrandstar")

 

i am no longer amazed by the things i write. once they're out of me, they're gone. i don't linger and reread them and tell myself, oh, my dear! but you're such a gifted soul!

 

but i am moved by those whose effort in writing does not come from years of practice and hundreds of books read at the library, on a bus, at the park.

 

i am moved by those whose words allow me to create my own meaning. like at some point when i seemed to have forgotten how to put words together and there was this person pushing her pen so i could read what i couldn't write.

Edited February 19, 2005 by KristinLavransdatr