How Important Is The Sexual History Of Your Partner?

[j]

While this may sound crazy but I would have married a porn star or a very experienced guy if I wasn't the goodie type back then. I won't ask for every single detail as long as he's not sick with STD.

simple and direct to the point!

Edited January 13, 2016 by j

[j]

 

That was the physiological part. The psychological aspect was different. She was a hopeless romantic, and was a self-professed "madaling-ma-inlove" kind of a person. Because of that, she easily fell in love after she left the country. After less than three months, nasa kandungan na siya ng iba!

couldnt agree more. seems the physiological part is pretty simple. mas complicated psychologically.

[j]

 

Yah. But there are only a few who will agree.

oo nga. but it's really better to be direct to the point di ba?

in the end, you will want it to work for you. mahirap yun complicated eh.

[t3sla]

Ano view nyo dito?

 

What if nalaman mo yung super sweet caring and maganda mo na nililigawan may history ng one night stand? twice? Pero way back pa after sya gaguhin nung first boyrfriend nya, Iba to pero personally, I know a friend na super na turn off dun sa girl na gustong gusto nya dahil nalaman nya na may history ng one night stand si girl while in a relationship.

 

Thoughts? Does it really matter?

[jgc813]

Ano view nyo dito?

 

What if nalaman mo yung super sweet caring and maganda mo na nililigawan may history ng one night stand? twice? Pero way back pa after sya gaguhin nung first boyrfriend nya, Iba to pero personally, I know a friend na super na turn off dun sa girl na gustong gusto nya dahil nalaman nya na may history ng one night stand si girl while in a relationship.

 

Thoughts? Does it really matter?

 

I have elaborated on this in my last post. For me, the history of sexual encounters is really important. A history of one night stands, especially, point out some things.

 

1. S/he is an easy lay. Di ba? Eh kung madaling maalok sa kama, anong tawag mo niyan?

2. S/he has a psychological problem. The incessant need for unbridled sex could be a sign of a need something deeper than just the external act of copulating.

3. Unless that need or problem is resolved, what would prevent him/her from continuing doing one night stands when s/he is in a relationship?

 

Again, my ex is a perfect example. She had a history of relationships and sexual encounters. However, in the one year plus of our being together, she appeared to have reformed. She didn't fool around (that's as far as I know), she stopped all her vices (smoking and even excessive drinking), and she even altered her way of dressing (she liked dressing skimpily). Without me insisting on her changing her habits, she voluntarily did so just because she wanted to please me. (Perfect, di ba?)

 

She became a good girl. She was malambing and caring, and became, in that year, an honest-to-goodness wife material.

 

It was good until she left for her two-year overseas contract. I told her we shall discuss serious plans after she comes back. (I had wanted those two years be a testing period for us.) We have been in touch almost every day, thanks to technology. From my side, I knew there was nothing lacking because I maintained constant communication, not to mention, I kept sending her stuff she had wanted and craved for from the Philippines.

 

But when one is defective (for lack of a better term), the uncorrected/unresolved defect will always manifest itself. She returned to her old ways. She started drinking and smoking again. Her manner of dressing returned to her former ways. In less than three months, I had discovered she was already seeing and sleeping with another guy. And I feigned ignorance all along. I continued until six months, pretending not to know. In all those times, she kept up with her lies and denials.

 

Is she the rule, or an exception to the rule? The rule, meaning, her history of sexual relationships proved her trending behavior.

 

I believed she was more of the former.

Edited January 14, 2016 by jgc813

[t3sla]

 

I have elaborated on this in my last post. For me, the history of sexual encounters is really important. A history of one night stands, especially, point out some things.

 

1. S/he is an easy lay. Di ba? Eh kung madaling maalok sa kama, anong tawag mo niyan?

2. S/he has a psychological problem. The incessant need for unbridled sex could be a sign of a need something deeper than just the external act of copulating.

3. Unless that need or problem is resolved, what would prevent him/her from continuing doing one night stands when s/he is in a relationship?

 

Again, my ex is a perfect example. She had a history of relationships and sexual encounters. However, in the one year plus of our being together, she appeared to have reformed. She didn't fool around (that's as far as I know), she stopped all her vices (smoking and even excessive drinking), and she even altered her way of dressing (she liked dressing skimpily). Without me insisting on her changing her habits, she voluntarily did so just because she wanted to please me. (Perfect, di ba?)

 

She became a good girl. She was malambing and caring, and was, in that year, became an honest-to-goodness wife material.

 

That was good until she left for her two-year overseas contract. I told her we shall discuss serious plans after she comes back. (I had wanted those two years be a testing period for us.) We have been in touch almost every day, thanks to technology. From my side, I knew there was nothing lacking because I maintained constant communication, not to mention, I kept sending her stuff she had wanted and craved for from the Philippines.

 

But when one is defective (for lack of a better term), the uncorrected/unresolved defect will always manifest. She returned to her old ways. She started drinking and smoking again. Her manner of dressing returned to her former ways. In less than three months, I had discovered she was already seeing and sleeping with another guy. And I feigned ignorance all along. I continued until six months, pretending not to know. In all those times, she kept up with her lies and denials.

 

Is she the rule, or an exception to the rule? The rule, meaning, her history of sexual relationships proved her trending behavior.

I believed she was more of the former

 

I see. So you're saying na a person's sexual history or past behavior might be used as an indicator for the future. May chance naman magbago talaga ang mga tao diba?

[Cap™]

well, change is constant but should we really reason out her history more than the underpinnings of the LDR? Even a one-man woman would have sex with a guy she gets comfortable with if she felt the urge to do so

[jgc813]

 

I have elaborated on this in my last post. For me, the history of sexual encounters is really important. A history of one night stands, especially, point out some things.

 

1. S/he is an easy lay. Di ba? Eh kung madaling maalok sa kama, anong tawag mo niyan?

2. S/he has a psychological problem. The incessant need for unbridled sex could be a sign of a need something deeper than just the external act of copulating.

3. Unless that need or problem is resolved, what would prevent him/her from continuing doing one night stands when s/he is in a relationship?

 

Again, my ex is a perfect example. She had a history of relationships and sexual encounters. However, in the one year plus of our being together, she appeared to have reformed. She didn't fool around (that's as far as I know), she stopped all her vices (smoking and even excessive drinking), and she even altered her way of dressing (she liked dressing skimpily). Without me insisting on her changing her habits, she voluntarily did so just because she wanted to please me. (Perfect, di ba?)

 

She became a good girl. She was malambing and caring, and became, in that year, an honest-to-goodness wife material.

 

It was good until she left for her two-year overseas contract. I told her we shall discuss serious plans after she comes back. (I had wanted those two years be a testing period for us.) We have been in touch almost every day, thanks to technology. From my side, I knew there was nothing lacking because I maintained constant communication, not to mention, I kept sending her stuff she had wanted and craved for from the Philippines.

 

But when one is defective (for lack of a better term), the uncorrected/unresolved defect will always manifest itself. She returned to her old ways. She started drinking and smoking again. Her manner of dressing returned to her former ways. In less than three months, I had discovered she was already seeing and sleeping with another guy. And I feigned ignorance all along. I continued until six months, pretending not to know. In all those times, she kept up with her lies and denials.

 

Is she the rule, or an exception to the rule? The rule, meaning, her history of sexual relationships proved her trending behavior.

 

I believed she was more of the former.

 

 

I see. So you're saying na a person's sexual history or past behavior might be used as an indicator for the future. May chance naman magbago talaga ang mga tao diba?

 

I did not mean MIGHT BE USED. My post expounds more on the SHOULD BE USED. Based on past behavior, you can easily project saan papunta ang tao.

 

May chance ba magbago ang tao? Syempre, may chance. BUT, you will be going against the grain or the current, especially, if the underlying psychological problem is not resolved. All our actions have an underlying psychological root. That's how behavioralists see each person.

 

Can spiritual change a person? Yes, of course. Why not? I am not also discounting the fact that people have made 180-degree roundabout in their lives. Again, what are the odds?

 

When you get into a relationship with a sex addict or maniac, don't think you are the miracle worker that will change him/her. If it happens because of your influence, good for you. Again, what are the odds? It is going to be a steep uphill trek.

 

Let me go back to my recent ex. We have been together 15 months. Like I said, she really made an astounding turnaround. Even her own mother was surprised. She herself became interested in me, and wanted even "to rush" us settling down kasi nga, sa wakas, meron nakapagpatino sa kanyang anak.

 

It was nice to behold then. I could have patted myself on my back and declared I was a new messiah. But being a believer in Freud's theory of personality, I didn't want to rejoice and celebrate just as yet. I told her to go on with her 2-year contract abroad, and let's consider our physical separation as a test for the both of us.

 

If I had some shortcomings, or even cheated on her, I would understand why she would give up on me. But I know I didn't. I invested so much in keeping in touch, even supplied her with the gadgets so that we can always be in touch. I kept on sending her stuff on a monthly basis to let her know I was dead serious about her. I even made sure I kept her two kids always provided for. (See... may dalawang anak na siya galing sa dalawang lalake!) Notwithstanding, it didn't take more than 3 months for her to find someone else. The "itch" (pardon the pun) never left her.

 

Was I surprised? Yes, I was. But my knowledge and belief took hold of the better part of me. I held off anything serious until after the agreed 2-year period of testing. I gave her all the chances to change. Unfortunately, she was (is) a damaged product.

[j]

 

I see. So you're saying na a person's sexual history or past behavior might be used as an indicator for the future. May chance naman magbago talaga ang mga tao diba?

I think it should be up to you? how you want to weigh the situation.

 

that's what i'm seeing from this thread so far.

 

what hasn't been discussed is if you take into account other factors. like correlating it with other observed behaviors.

it would be difficult to have everything hinge on one instance or one aspect.

[j]

 

May chance ba magbago ang tao? Syempre, may chance. BUT, you will be going against the grain or the current, especially, if the underlying psychological problem is not resolved. All our actions have an underlying psychological root. That's how behavioralists see each person.

 

Can spiritual change a person? Yes, of course. Why not? I am not also discounting the fact that people have made 180-degree roundabout in their lives. Again, what are the odds?

 

When you get into a relationship with a sex addict or maniac, don't think you are the miracle worker that will change him/her. If it happens because of your influence, good for you. Again, what are the odds? It is going to be a steep uphill trek.

 

that's a great point.

 

the chances of change increase if the person with the issues are able to address the root cause.

[j]

well, change is constant but should we really reason out her history more than the underpinnings of the LDR? Even a one-man woman would have sex with a guy she gets comfortable with if she felt the urge to do so

good point. considering another factor -- in this case the situation itself.

[j]

But being a believer in Freud's theory of personality

 

malamang sabihin ni freud, yun need for sex ng ex is that she never resolved her penis envy and feels the need to collect as much as possible

[westell]

There might also be an underlying cause of that as well--the constant sexual cravings--as it can be a manifestation of having some kind of psychological disorder.

 

I'm not a mental health professional and I may be wrong.

[j]

There might also be an underlying cause of that as well--the constant sexual cravings--as it can be a manifestation of having some kind of psychological disorder.

 

I'm not a mental health professional and I may be wrong.

i guess we can agree to consider it? it is better than ruling it out.

you're saying it's a symptom? like a fever?

[marlonsky]

kung kilala mo a bit of info ay ok lang kung i disclose nya sayo pero if hookup lang eh better be safe than sorry

[westell]

i guess we can agree to consider it? it is better than ruling it out.

you're saying it's a symptom? like a fever?

No, not like a disease. A disorder. A disease is more physiological, a disorder suggests some kind of chemical imbalance.

 

A hypomanic phase following a bout of depression for people suffering from Bipolar Disorder exhibits sexual hyperactivity and, if worse, absence of inhibitions.

 

So, there.

[crocxxx]

Ano view nyo dito?

 

What if nalaman mo yung super sweet caring and maganda mo na nililigawan may history ng one night stand? twice? Pero way back pa after sya gaguhin nung first boyrfriend nya, Iba to pero personally, I know a friend na super na turn off dun sa girl na gustong gusto nya dahil nalaman nya na may history ng one night stand si girl while in a relationship.

 

Thoughts? Does it really matter?

+1

I have elaborated on this in my last post. For me, the history of sexual encounters is really important. A history of one night stands, especially, point out some things.

 

1. S/he is an easy lay. Di ba? Eh kung madaling maalok sa kama, anong tawag mo niyan?

2. S/he has a psychological problem. The incessant need for unbridled sex could be a sign of a need something deeper than just the external act of copulating.

3. Unless that need or problem is resolved, what would prevent him/her from continuing doing one night stands when s/he is in a relationship?

 

Again, my ex is a perfect example. She had a history of relationships and sexual encounters. However, in the one year plus of our being together, she appeared to have reformed. She didn't fool around (that's as far as I know), she stopped all her vices (smoking and even excessive drinking), and she even altered her way of dressing (she liked dressing skimpily). Without me insisting on her changing her habits, she voluntarily did so just because she wanted to please me. (Perfect, di ba?)

 

She became a good girl. She was malambing and caring, and became, in that year, an honest-to-goodness wife material.

 

It was good until she left for her two-year overseas contract. I told her we shall discuss serious plans after she comes back. (I had wanted those two years be a testing period for us.) We have been in touch almost every day, thanks to technology. From my side, I knew there was nothing lacking because I maintained constant communication, not to mention, I kept sending her stuff she had wanted and craved for from the Philippines.

 

But when one is defective (for lack of a better term), the uncorrected/unresolved defect will always manifest itself. She returned to her old ways. She started drinking and smoking again. Her manner of dressing returned to her former ways. In less than three months, I had discovered she was already seeing and sleeping with another guy. And I feigned ignorance all along. I continued until six months, pretending not to know. In all those times, she kept up with her lies and denials.

 

Is she the rule, or an exception to the rule? The rule, meaning, her history of sexual relationships proved her trending behavior.

 

I believed she was more of the former.

+1

[BrandonMortiz]

very important. you need to know, and make it a basis for acceptance. you need to really know your partner.

[t3sla]

Thanks for all the inputs. In my situation, the person that i'm dating came from two past relationships na more than 2 years. So yeah, I guess talagang you really need to know the person and be ready to accept whatever experience she had from her previous relationships.

[j]

Thanks for all the inputs. In my situation, the person that i'm dating came from two past relationships na more than 2 years. So yeah, I guess talagang you really need to know the person and be ready to accept whatever experience she had from her previous relationships.

i guess it helps to have different perspectives? to help you see a situation from a different angle.

[baMbee🐝]

It does not matter, as long as she looks clean or you know she's clean.

[janik]

It depends if both partners want to. Knowing someone's history is probably a good idea if you are ready to get serious with the relationship.

[jgc813]

It is better to know, than not to know so that your decision, whether to accept or not, will be the result of an informed judgment. Whatever will be the end result of going ahead or not (with the relationship) will be to your consolation, or to your disgust.

 

Latin: "Praemonitus praemunitus." Literal English: Forewarned forearmed. Dynamic Filipino: Nang huwag magising na mataas na ang araw.

[j]

It is better to know, than not to know so that your decision, whether to accept or not, will be the result of an informed judgment. Whatever will be the end result of going ahead or not (with the relationship) will be to your consolation, or to your disgust.

 

Latin: "Praemonitus praemunitus." Literal English: Forewarned forearmed. Dynamic Filipino: Nang huwag magising na mataas na ang araw.

agree ako diyan.

 

based on what i'm seeing here, the reasons for not knowing is "ignorance is bliss" or if you dont want to tell, dont ask.

 

pero mahirap nga yun di mo alam, and then you complain when you're sideswiped

Edited January 16, 2016 by j

[SpaceGrey]

im the first! achivement!!