Falling In Love But Not Getting Horny, Not Wanting Or Having Sex

[kingpopoy]

this actually happened to me way back in college.thinking of it now and seeing that girl made me regret everything i should have done but did not.

[diladede]

experienced it before..was truly inlove with a very young girl..she was 16 i was 24 then. i don't want to rush doing it, she was so "mapusok". but i just couldn't do it..kept thinkin her parents trusted me..and she was underage so legal issues and i'm older and should know better.i said we could wait for two more years..well,she got pissed and we parted ways..sigh..

[rachelleferrariz]

meron pbang ganyan??

[SaintPeter5858]

It happened to me in high school. angelic face but not sexy. So parang kulang sa sex drive

[draxxm]

I would say that when two people truly love each other, sex comes almost naturally and instinctively. It may not be the only form of expression, it may not be the highest form of expression, but definitely, it is an important form of expression.

 

I must say, too, that in a love-relationship, there is a thin line separating love and lust. More often than not, it is pretty hard to distinguish when you feel in love or in lust as the two intertwine so very succinctly.

 

However, I do believe that, true love is found in the times when one partner just doesn't feel horny (for whatever reason), and the other partner being able to respect that.

 

My significant other used to feel bad whenever she doesn't feel well enough to allow me the privilege of sexually loving her. At times, she would even just allow me to do her, even if she doesn't feel it, or would not be enjoying it.

 

I definitely appreciate her on that. BUT, I'd always reply with a "thank you, but no thanks all the same." Why? Because, I could not imagine touching during those moments. And, I would often assure her that it's no big deal for me, and that, I don't loose any interest if there such times when she's not in the mood, or not feeling well, or has something in mind that does not allow her to feel horny.

 

Once, in fact, during a date, her visitor suddenly arrived. All of a sudden, her face fell because she felt bad for me. I might feel disappointed. (Her ex's would, she said.)

 

I assured her that I didn't feel anything close to that. We could still enjoy the date. (And we did!) In fact, I did date her two days after even while she had it. I just wanted to assure her sex is not everything, and that, I can appreciate and enjoy her even in the times she just wouldn't be disposed to it. (She told me that her ex's wouldn't be dating her during her red days. That's something not me.)

 

In any love-relationship, anything and everything done should be consensual, and both partners should be enjoying. To engage in something whereby only one is enjoying, and the other is not, goes against the grain. There is no exchange of anything, there is no relationship, there is no intercourse (even if you're doing it physically).

 

it's kinda one sided actually (at least for me). when the woman asks, you can never say no even if you're not in the mood. but if it's the other way around and the woman said no... then you know your way into the bathroom

 

on topic:

yeah happens to me. i'm not your typical knight-shining armor. i'm more of a pussycat guy. i yearn for love, cuddling, intimacy. kinda makes me less-manly but thats who i am. gusto ko lagi ako naglalambing. when i embrace i close my eyes and hold her tight with all the love in the world. even if im just laying my head on her chest (i never notice na tigas na tigas na pala ako)... i just lay there, feel her heartbeat and savor the moment... thats when i feel love. there is this girl in school and i tell her i love her... everyday! 10 years after - she got fed up hehehe.

[kits11326]

maybe at first if your intentions are clean, but sex will come later... naturally it will be awaken from the two of you...

[tripmate]

i agree on above comment, 1st was clean and it came eventually.....

[ChardPurple]

This really happens. But of course if the girl insists to have sex I don't think the guy will turn it down.

[KillTheDEVIL]

That's possible but less practical.

[KillTheDEVIL]

maybe at first if your intentions are clean, but sex will come later... naturally it will be awaken from the two of you...

 

Correct. It may undergo a gradual transition then will evolve into a relationship that includes physical sexual contact.

[cHinitababe86]

possible. but its really hard finding a person who has the sincerest and the most pure intentions.

yes you fall inlove. but IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HAS TO HAPPEN. or to happen immediately.

if its real love in the first place, it would come in the right time.

you dont rush things, and enjoy each other's company. hindi ko naman sinasabing hindi dapat mangyari.

nangyayari yan, pero mas maganda kung sa tamang panahon.

lust and love are two different things. iba pag sinabing nakipag sex dahil nahorny lang plainly.

at iba din ang passionate love making, out of expressing your love for each other.

pareho ding may ibang meaning. though sometimes, kahit completely inlove na pareho,

hindi parin naman nawawala na may kaunting lust ka parin for your partner that adds excitement to it. haha

Edited August 27, 2011 by cHinitababe86

[draxxm]

i fell deeply in love and got horny everytime... i wanted sex all the time, but not getting any

[barg]

Sometimes when you respect and love someone so much, you don't want to mess anything up. the typical thoughts that pop into one's mind are, " I'll wait until marriage", "what if I come on too strong?" "Where would she like me to pop one?" ...etc, etc.. It's almost impossible, in my belief, to not be horny when you're with someone you're attracted to.

Edited August 31, 2011 by barg

[vanillaLatte]

Interesting thread. I didn't realize there would come a time when I'd get un-horny. I used to want action all the time, every time, to the point I thought it was an illness. I just want it so baaaad.

 

Then it just... stopped. I was in a steady relationship then when I dried out. (I'm not even 30 so I don't think this is aging or menopause .) A month without sex to me was unthinkable, but now I don't even get horny anymore, save for several bursts, but that's it.

 

Being in love and not getting horny sounds weird, but then, maybe you aren't in love with the person anymore? An ex used to say to me it's ok if we don't do it as long as were together. It was sweet, but leaves me bitin and wanting. Our mismatched level of libido was one of the reasons why we broke up.

 

I don't know if my mojo would go back if I ever fall in love again. I hope.

[cHinitababe86]

It will eventually go back.....

Dahil nga siguro s sobrang active mo nun at naabot mo ung peak ng sex drive... and age is one factor.

or kelanga mo lng ng ibng approach pra maibalik.... to awaken ur sleeping hormones..

wla lng may masabi lng heheh

 

mahirap yan. minsan, sa sobrang high na ng libido, saan ba mapupunta.

edi sa pagbaba. haha

pero minsan, d naman un basta bumababa, for as long na gumagawa ng way

ung couple how to keep the fire burning.

kaya i think walang excuse sa babae or sa lalake if ever na nagkakaron

na ng pakiramdam ng panlalamig.

[BrightestStar]

It's possible, but it rarely happens.

[BrightestStar]

Interesting thread. I didn't realize there would come a time when I'd get un-horny. I used to want action all the time, every time, to the point I thought it was an illness. I just want it so baaaad.

 

Then it just... stopped. I was in a steady relationship then when I dried out. (I'm not even 30 so I don't think this is aging or menopause .) A month without sex to me was unthinkable, but now I don't even get horny anymore, save for several bursts, but that's it.

 

Being in love and not getting horny sounds weird, but then, maybe you aren't in love with the person anymore? An ex used to say to me it's ok if we don't do it as long as were together. It was sweet, but leaves me bitin and wanting. Our mismatched level of libido was one of the reasons why we broke up.

 

I don't know if my mojo would go back if I ever fall in love again. I hope.

 

Nice explanation Madam. Psychotherapist are probably unanimous in saying that sex is what gives more pleasure to the relationship. IN fact, the more you have sex, the closer you become. so without sex, the bond is also less.

[shinkee]

its very possible. may girls talaga na pang-kama, meron din yung pang-mahalan lang. bihira lang yung both.

[Quicksilver_]

possible. but its really hard finding a person who has the sincerest and the most pure intentions.

yes you fall inlove. but IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HAS TO HAPPEN. or to happen immediately.

if its real love in the first place, it would come in the right time.

you dont rush things, and enjoy each other's company. hindi ko naman sinasabing hindi dapat mangyari.

nangyayari yan, pero mas maganda kung sa tamang panahon.

lust and love are two different things. iba pag sinabing nakipag sex dahil nahorny lang plainly.

at iba din ang passionate love making, out of expressing your love for each other.

pareho ding may ibang meaning. though sometimes, kahit completely inlove na pareho,

hindi parin naman nawawala na may kaunting lust ka parin for your partner that adds excitement to it. haha

 

very well said!

[cHinitababe86]

Sometimes when you respect and love someone so much, you don't want to mess anything up. the typical thoughts that pop into one's mind are, " I'll wait until marriage", "what if I come on too strong?" "Where would she like me to pop one?" ...etc, etc.. It's almost impossible, in my belief, to not be horny when you're with someone you're attracted to.

 

yea. somehow i can relate to this post.

pwede panga isipin nung tao na baka hindi siya type kaya

nothing happens eh.

pero usually, based from how i experienced things,

nangyayari na masyado ang respeto dahil the person treats

you special. in kalye term, HINDI LANG PANG KAMA.

ung horny, oo naman. tuod ang tawag sayo pag kahit kaunti

dka naapektuhan lalo na kung magkasama or magkatabi kayo.

 

very well said!

 

thanks dear.

[newcityboy]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

[jgc813]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

 

Haven't you heard of "for better and for worse?" I think that's part of the marriage vows, right? No exceptions are made, not even the wanting or not wanting to have sex.

 

To be categorical about your question, I think it is NO -- not wanting to have sex is NOT a valid reason for you to break up with your spouse.

 

In a case like this, there is a need to do some fixing up. Why not try to undergo some marriage counseling? The not wanting to have sex may just be a consequence of a far deeper problem which could be relational, psychological, moral, or physiological.

 

 

 

[friendly0603]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

 

 

Haven't you heard of "for better and for worse?" I think that's part of the marriage vows, right? No exceptions are made, not even the wanting or not wanting to have sex.To be categorical about your question, I think it is NO -- not wanting to have sex is NOT a valid reason for you to break up with your spouse.In a case like this, there is a need to do some fixing up. Why not try to undergo some marriage counseling? The not wanting to have sex may just be a consequence of a far deeper problem which could be relational, psychological, moral, or physiological.

 

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/french-woman-sues-husband-lack-sex-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

[newcityboy]

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/french-woman-sues-husband-lack-sex-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

 

thanks friendly, you're right not everything is fixable.

[jgc813]

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.co...-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

 

Eventually, you have found a fix. Fixable doesn't mean that things are returned to their original state.

 

There are many reasons why libido can just disappear. The disappearance may be temporary, or it can be permanent. Medication may cause it's disappearance, e.g. taking high doses of statin drugs or blood thinners. The same is true for certain illnesses or physiological states, e.g. being diabetic, or having a stroke. On the psychological/moral side, sometimes a case of infidelity will cause loss of trust and confidence on one partner and thereby will hamper the desire for the fulfillment of the marital obligations, i.e. have sex with one's spouse.

 

The above, however, are not grounds for the dissolution of marriage.

In canon law, the church allows annulment only if, at the time of consent -- which means prior to marriage -- there is already permanent impotence or frigidity such that one of the spouses cannot have sex.

 

Psychic-natured incapacity to assume marital obligations (Canon 1095, 30)

You or your spouse, at the time of consent, was unable to fulfill the obligations of marriage because of a serious psychological disorder or other condition.

In the family code of the Philippines, it's the same. The impotency or frigidity has to be existent before the marriage and is incurable:

One or the other party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage. (Art. 45)

When in the course of the marriage, one of the partners suddenly loose interests in sex, a fix must be found. Firstly, the cause of the lost of interest must be known; Secondly, a remedy has to be established, and that does not necessarily mean that the pre-nuptial desires of sex for each other should be restored.

 

I agree. At times, the desire for sex may no longer return. The fix here is meant more for the marriage, not just for the sex part because the loss of interest for sex alone is NOT a valid reason for breaking up with your partner.

 

Edited September 29, 2011 by jgc813