Bad Boy Or Good Guy!

[caramelkisses]

I sense the sincerity of your post....and i believe there are women out there who are just like you....the good girls that you are referring to are mirror images of what we are (or used to be).....sadly.....you just can't have 2 good people in one room (sensya na...i believe opposites attract) ....true we may have not noticed you....maybe because you were too shy to make your presence felt.....or maybe because good guys look for something they don't have.....a wild side.....

 

I guess our fates dictate otherwise.

 

It's funny that you mentioned having a wild side. My ex, a normal, sometimes good guy (my biased opinion after the breakup, of course), was never able to reconcile himself with the fact that I have a more adventurous side despite the strict code of ethics that I live by. Yes, I was -- and still am -- a nice girl in public, did and said all the right things and was always courteous and polite et cetera et cetera ad nauseum ad infinitum because that's how my parents raised me, but when we were together in private, I was open to doing things that, in his opinion, belied my good girl image. To me, there was never a disconnection between these two sides, especially within the context of a relationship, but he seemed to find it unnerving, to say the least, and yes, it was one of the reasons the relationship eventually went sour.

 

And therein lies the rub. Men are always saying that they "want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets," to quote a once-popular song, yet when they get one, they don't seem to know what to do with her. Why? Is it the eternal "be careful what you wish for" syndrome? Maybe a case of cold feet? Maybe, maybe not. Whatever his reasons for behaving the way he did, I refuse to let his actions influence my thoughts and feelings about the other men I might meet and want. Call me an idiot for being an eternal optimist, but I still believe that there are good guys out there and that I might meet one someday who will want to stick around. It's a wide world, after all.

 

My two cents' worth. Peace.

[joggernaut]

It's funny that you mentioned having a wild side. My ex, a normal, sometimes good guy (my biased opinion after the breakup, of course), was never able to reconcile himself with the fact that I have a more adventurous side despite the strict code of ethics that I live by. Yes, I was -- and still am -- a nice girl in public, did and said all the right things and was always courteous and polite et cetera et cetera ad nauseum ad infinitum because that's how my parents raised me, but when we were together in private, I was open to doing things that, in his opinion, belied my good girl image. To me, there was never a disconnection between these two sides, especially within the context of a relationship, but he seemed to find it unnerving, to say the least, and yes, it was one of the reasons the relationship eventually went sour.

 

And therein lies the rub. Men are always saying that they "want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets," to quote a once-popular song, yet when they get one, they don't seem to know what to do with her. Why? Is it the eternal "be careful what you wish for" syndrome? Maybe a case of cold feet? Maybe, maybe not. Whatever his reasons for behaving the way he did, I refuse to let his actions influence my thoughts and feelings about the other men I might meet and want. Call me an idiot for being an eternal optimist, but I still believe that there are good guys out there and that I might meet one someday who will want to stick around. It's a wide world, after all.

 

My two cents' worth. Peace.

 

You have a point here caramelkisses ... being a good girl in public or having a nice image from people around you doesn't mean that you are prohibiting yourself of being adventurous or sometimes wild in private, I have this kind of Ex before who has a very very good image on her family and friends but when we're in private ... she's a very adventurous/open minded girl trying new things. You are like my ex caramel kisses ... can we be friends? LOL

[spongebobby]

It's funny that you mentioned having a wild side. My ex, a normal, sometimes good guy (my biased opinion after the breakup, of course), was never able to reconcile himself with the fact that I have a more adventurous side despite the strict code of ethics that I live by. Yes, I was -- and still am -- a nice girl in public, did and said all the right things and was always courteous and polite et cetera et cetera ad nauseum ad infinitum because that's how my parents raised me, but when we were together in private, I was open to doing things that, in his opinion, belied my good girl image. To me, there was never a disconnection between these two sides, especially within the context of a relationship, but he seemed to find it unnerving, to say the least, and yes, it was one of the reasons the relationship eventually went sour.

 

And therein lies the rub. Men are always saying that they "want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets," to quote a once-popular song, yet when they get one, they don't seem to know what to do with her. Why? Is it the eternal "be careful what you wish for" syndrome? Maybe a case of cold feet? Maybe, maybe not. Whatever his reasons for behaving the way he did, I refuse to let his actions influence my thoughts and feelings about the other men I might meet and want. Call me an idiot for being an eternal optimist, but I still believe that there are good guys out there and that I might meet one someday who will want to stick around. It's a wide world, after all.

 

My two cents' worth. Peace.

 

very good point. am reminded of the dichotomy between virgins and whore, as if such a woman does not exist.

 

most men are simpleminded that tend to classify women into broad categories: good or bad. the good they introduce to their friend, they marry, and use to adapt to society's norms of what a "good, normal" family should be. have you ever heard of the question: is she good enough to bring homt to mommy? well, that's the good girl. the bad on the other hand,men play with and i will bet, they have the most fun with. but will they be good enough to bring home and meet the parents? probably, but most probably not.

 

the confusion comes when a woman is both virgin and whore. such a paradox can drive man crazy. is her prim and proper decorum just a front, hiding a sexually-charged dynamo? as alanis morisette once asked: will she have your baby/will she go down on you in a theater? is she just a drink away from being wild? or is she wild even to begin with?

[Mirage_hankvoyager]

Men can't decide what kind of woman they want. They crave both the slut who will do magical things in bed without wanting to discuss "feelings", but they also need the nurturing, motherly woman who will take care of him and be a good mother to his children. This is why married men frequently go to strip clubs even though they insist on loving their wives.

 

This split of desires exists among women, too. It is more commonly recognized as the "Bad Boy" infatuation or why "good guys finish last". It's because women have the same dual desires, which are just being realized because of the sexual freedom women now have.

[spongebobby]

Men can't decide what kind of woman they want. They crave both the slut who will do magical things in bed without wanting to discuss "feelings", but they also need the nurturing, motherly woman who will take care of him and be a good mother to his children. This is why married men frequently go to strip clubs even though they insist on loving their wives.

 

This split of desires exists among women, too. It is more commonly recognized as the "Bad Boy" infatuation or why "good guys finish last". It's because women have the same dual desires, which are just being realized because of the sexual freedom women now have.

 

i think most men know what they want. what they can't handle is if the demure turns into the vamp at a flick of the night switch. or beneath the plain librarian type attire is a dominatrix' outfit.

 

it becomes worse, if he marries her without having even had a glimpse of the girls' other persona.

[preacher]

Good points ladies and gents.

 

I guess in the end, it all boils down to differences in personalities.

Yes there are "nice guys" who ae hiding behind this facade in the hopes that they won't be called insecure wimps. There are also those people who are hiding behind this "nice guy" mask but in reality are only after some booty. But then every so often, there are people who takes good care of their women. They're gentlemen with a secure sense of themselves. They make the decissions but always takes his partner into consideration. He's not loud but he speaks his mind, he's not violent but won't hesitate to fight if needed be. The conundrum is that these nice guys are still being left behind and over taken despite these characteristics.

 

Maybe we'll never know. But just maybe by this simple exchange, we can have a glimpse of an answer....

 

:mtc:

[jzee19]

BAD GUYS!!! =)

[sampatsiaw]

good girls goes out with the bad guy flirts with the bad guy takes him home...

but marries the good guy

[tagpi]

An all around bad guy probably looks rough (stubbles, scars, tattoos), has a cold stare, in control, hates being bitched and prefers doing the btiching/cussing, drinks, smokes, kicks ass (literally). But the later on he gets knifed, gunned down, kicked in the ass as well by other bad guy wannabes. Oh, movies.

 

You'd probably pick a bad guy in the sense that he can protect you, take control of things while being mature and a bit rough on the side. Mysterious, manly, dependable. Can do some carpentry, cut wood, fetch water, change tires, wears undershirts and jeans to the mall with sneakers on. And looks good in it.

 

You'd probably get the good guy for the finer edges, being in touch with his feminine side (er...metrosexual), the thoughfulness. CAring and emotionally stable, soft spoken, also cool. And someone who looks good in dockers, slip ons and a nice branded sport shirt.

 

My 2 cents is that most ladies pick the guy with the softer side, at least for those looking for a long-term relationship. Ayaw nila ng magulo ang utak. Bad boys are just poster boys, the good ones are taken home and presented to mama. :goatee:

[Waterbearer]

After all they've been through with their ex's, why do they still prefer dysfunctional relationships over guys who treat them nicely and with caring and due respect? Are you one of them?

[angel_by_day]

well, we're talking about women here who've had history of any form of abuse in the past....whether sexual or otherwise. With such history, these particular set would often than not, settle for just anybody who would shower them with the least attention and care, whether these guys are jerks or decent ones. The trauma, the stigma is there...and will be there for a long time....sometimes too long that they tend to have distorted images of themselves....that they can only deserve as much....nothing beyond that....nothing better than that....and often too, they do not see the bad guy as "bad"....they tend to take the blame for whatever dysfunctional thing that may happen....thus the cycle....

 

It's more than just a hurt ego....often, there is loss of self-esteem, loss of self-worth....and this is something which is not easy to rehabilitate.

 

this is a pretty interesting, and should i say, realistic thread....i hope our kind moderator will not close this....

Edited July 23, 2007 by angel_by_day

[mangkiroyalty]

more of a PATTERN, sad to say.

[DELISYUS]

if, at any age in your life, you went through a roller coaster of emotions because of abuse, or just plain emotional neglect... you become hooked on the feeling, and thus it becomes a pattern

 

by hooked... one can mean addicted (to the rush of small rewards and slivers of hope that he'd change, or things will get better), or it's the only thing you know or believe you deserve (because your self-worth was low or nil in the first place, or because you were betrayed/fooled without seeing it coming before), or you can't get past the experience (was it anything you did or failed to do?), or you actually enjoy it (because it makes you feel good if ever you get to change someone for the better, etc)

 

i've always maintained that only the really insecure ones (or fine, yung gusto yung sakit ng ulo) are attracted by bad, abusive, neglectful, unfaithful partners... kasi if you know your worth, then you won't need someone to hurt you and disappoint you just to have the drama or thrill you want in your life... you'd rent out a movie or go bungee jumping instead...

Edited July 23, 2007 by DELISYUS

[JudeLaw]

typically the type of women who keeps ending up on this kind of relationship are those with really low self-esteem. And that having a rather chaotic relationship somehow makes them feel they are above the matter. Low self-esteemers feel like they are designed or destined to be "martyrs" and bear the sufferings.

 

It's usually scary for them if the situation is normal, making them harder to accept that abuse not part a happy relationship. Henct, the tendency is one way or another for these women to create a conflict or situation which would lead to grave abuses...and get the normalcy they unconsciously need.

 

 

 

 

well, we're talking about women here who've had history of any form of abuse in the past....whether sexual or otherwise. With such history, these particular set would often than not, settle for just anybody who would shower them with the least attention and care, whether these guys are jerks or decent ones. The trauma, the stigma is there...and will be there for a long time....sometimes too long that they tend to have distorted images of themselves....that they can only deserve as much....nothing beyond that....nothing better than that....and often too, they do not see the bad guy as "bad"....they tend to take the blame for whatever dysfunctional thing that may happen....thus the cycle....

 

It's more than just a hurt ego....often, there is loss of self-esteem, loss of self-worth....and this is something which is not easy to rehabilitate.

 

this is a pretty interesting, and should i say, realistic thread....i hope our kind moderator will not close this....

[Frida]

more of a PATTERN, sad to say.

 

not really, baka nagkakataon lang. It is hard to explain kung bakit eh. Let us not underestimate the cliche "Love is blind."

 

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Jericho Rosales and his Jeans band super suck!