A Complicated Relationship

[the trainer]

dude its better to let go, there is a great chance she not taking you seriously, worse comes to worse you're just a rebound. Maybe its better to take it easy, no relationship what so ever first. After all of this you should be emotionally tired. I know i just came from a rough relationship just as yours. Go out, meet new friends, just take it easy. Dont go out to get a replacement... just enjoy life first. If ever after a month or so and you still want her, then maybe you can give it a try, but for now, take a vacation from her.

[wildswans]

just like to update you guys on what happened recently. i'm sure most of you will react bluntly but feel free to do so coz i appreciate those straight to the point advice rather than just to make me feel better but i hope you guys would understand my part. here it goes:

 

few days ago, i carelessly miss sent a msg(regarding my prob) to my gf intended for a close friend so i had no choice but to talk to her about it.

 

when we're finally face to face, i asked her point blank if she still goes out with her ex. she said no. i asked the 2nd time with a more serious tone and she said they last saw each other MAY 2006 on her birthday. i asked her again to tell the truth and she got somewhat irritated and told me if i were to doubt her then better not continue anymore.

 

i asked her to explain about the secret friendster account. she went quite and asked what friendster so i told her about it including the pic. she said it's her ex who's controlling the account right now and not her. according to her, she and her ex knew each others passwords in friendster and email. when they broke up, her ex changed the password which prompted her to create a new one. she thinks that her ex wants her back coz he invites her out whenever there's a family gathering. i asked if they text or talk to each other alot. she said she only reply to his text. i got pissed and asked her why the hell she told me she's not replying him. she just kept quite. i don't know if she's just trying to be polite that's why she replies to him and told me she's not coz she knows i get jealous easily.

 

i asked her when did they broke up, it was MAY 2006 and i was surprised coz we went into the relationship just last week of JULY 2006 so i asked her if i'm just a rebound guy. she disagree saying that they often had an on-off relationship during the latter part of their relationship and she's so sure of breaking up with him finally coz she didn't cry. she doesn't want her ex anymore according to her coz she's the one who broke up with him.

 

she's quite most of the time during our conversation coz she said she was shocked. she's also dissappointed about the matter coz each time there's something good about to happen, something bad would come up to spoil it like she planned to introduced me to her sister then this thing came up making her think if we're really meant for each other or not.

 

our conversation was cut short coz she still has class so we decided to continue it the next day and she planned to talk to her ex regarding it. i told her that if she still wants her ex back all she has to do is tell me honestly and i would just let her go without 2nd thought and she doesn't need to say anything rather than go out with him behind my back but she insisted she doesn't want him back anymore.

 

the next day she hugs me real tight and cried coz she feels that i like to break up with her already and was ready to let her go then she told me she talked to her ex already.

 

according to her, her ex wants her back. they broke up MARCH 2006 according to the ex but she remembered it was MAY. she got confused coz of their frequent on-off relationship so i don't know who's telling the truth this time. her ex wants her back coz the way they broke up wasn't that clear and he thought there's still a chance for them together. my gf told him all about his shortcomings during the latter year of the relationship and he said he can't change for her like that so my gf told him that she doesn't want him anymore and he just said "di wag".

 

i asked her why one of the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, she said she don't have an idea. she didn't even tell him that she has a BF already coz they didn't get to that topic. if she really don't want him back anymore then i'd think she's just afraid to let her ex know she has a BF already coz she's afraid what her bf would think that she has a BF already after a short span of time. same with, i think, why my gf wants to introduce me as a suitor first to her sister coz she said her sister might get surprise. maybe this is why she can't introduce me to her friends and family also coz they might think i'm just a rebound.

 

i gave her the benefit of the doubt coz i feel what was presented was circumstantial evidence and as you guys have seen that i've been patience all along, i just don't want to do things hastily that i'll regret it afterwards. since i still love her, i'm willing to give her the chance to work on introducing me to her sister then family and friends. i'm just hoping that if she's doing something behind my back then it will come out. it's just a matter of time and maybe then i would have a solid evidence..

 

i don't know if i'm being dumb, confused or what but i still feel something for her and i just don't want to regret breaking up with her in the end but one thing's for sure, i'm now more on using my mind in assesing the situation. i'm being more aware of the things surrounding the relationship right now.

[Joie]

quote name='wildswans' date='Nov 16 2006, 11:05 PM' post='3907020'

 

 

* i asked her to explain about the secret friendster account. she went quite and asked what friendster so i told her about it including the pic. she said it's her ex who's controlling the account right now and not her.

 

Thats such an easy thing to say ... it doesnt really explain anything but you have to take her word for it. Convenient.

 

** i asked if they text or talk to each other alot. she said she only reply to his text. i got pissed and asked her why the hell she told me she's not replying him. she just kept quite. i don't know if she's just trying to be polite that's why she replies to him and told me she's not coz she knows i get jealous easily.

 

Again... whats your proof? Right now its her word over yours and honestly, I dont think she has given you much reason to believe her. There are more reasons not to.

 

*** she's quite most of the time during our conversation coz she said she was shocked. she's also dissappointed about the matter coz each time there's something good about to happen, something bad would come up to spoil it like she planned to introduced me to her sister then this thing came up making her think if we're really meant for each other or not.

 

Perhaps, and this is just an alternative viewpoint - she was quiet because she couldnt say much to defend herself because you were right on the bat with your hunches...

 

Its so easy to say she planned to introduce you to her sister now. Now when the sh*t hits the fan.

 

**** the next day she hugs me real tight and cried coz she feels that i like to break up with her already and was ready to let her go then she told me she talked to her ex already.

 

Guilt?

 

***** according to her, her ex wants her back. they broke up MARCH 2006 according to the ex but she remembered it was MAY. she got confused coz of their frequent on-off relationship so i don't know who's telling the truth this time.

 

And can you live with not knowing who is telling the truth or not? Can you live with all the questions plaguing your mind about your gf and her ex (?)... with not knowing whether the ex is, indeed, an ex?

 

****** i asked her why one of the pic was dated during the 1st month of our relationship, she said she don't have an idea.

 

I dont think a digitized date on a picture would lie. If the digital date on the picture says it was taken a month into your relationship, then it was. Not unless the ex fixed it up on photoshop. But after all the doubts and the loose ends, do you honestly believe this?

 

"She dont have an idea?" is such a convenient excuse -- much like saying "It was the dog that did it".

 

******* it's just a matter of time and maybe then i would have a solid evidence..

 

In the meanwhile youre okay to play dumb and be used? Instead of using this time to begin picking up the pieces and moving on?

 

******** i don't know if i'm being dumb, confused or what but i still feel something for her and i just don't want to regret breaking up with her in the end but one thing's for sure, i'm now more on using my mind in assesing the situation. i'm being more aware of the things surrounding the relationship right now.

 

You dont want to regret breaking up with her you say. But dont you regret wasting precious time and effort on a relationship that seems unfair? One thats beset by questions and more questions... doubts upon doubts?

 

Youre not being aware, youre being hopeful. And given what you have told us about your situation - im not sure thats a good thing to be.

 

But its your life. This post is, at best, unsolicited advice - something you can read and discard.

Edited November 16, 2006 by Joie

[wildswans]

Joie,

 

sorry for the confusion. the date on the pic that i'm talking about is not the digitized one found in the picture itself but i'm talking about the "caption" option in friendster where you can say stuff about the picture you posted. if it were the digitized one found in the picture itself then i would've break up with her already with no 2nd thoughts.

 

just want to clarify.

[cuatro_ojos]

Oh boy...

 

Is she sooooo beautiful that you can't afford to let go of her?

 

Your attention is so focused on her that you appear to have intentionally blinded yourself to other girls who may have the potential to love you more sincerely than your present girl.

 

My two cents' lang bro...

Edited November 16, 2006 by cuatro_ojos

[Joie]

Joie,

 

sorry for the confusion. the date on the pic that i'm talking about is not the digitized one found in the picture itself but i'm talking about the "caption" option in friendster where you can say stuff about the picture you posted. if it were the digitized one found in the picture itself then i would've break up with her already with no 2nd thoughts.

 

just want to clarify.

 

 

And that small fact is supposed to be consolation enough for you for all these lies and half truths that you have been subjected too?

 

Dude, im a woman. This is not disloyalty to my gender when I say this - youve hooked up with a player who has managed to twist you around her little finger so tight you cant see straight.

 

There are many other women in this world who will treat you better and make you happier.

 

Do you honestly think you can be happy with a relationship like this? Or with a GF who is carrying all these emotional baggage around?

 

At some point, doubt and mistrust will make you more miserable than you might be now, or you will ever be in the future.

Edited November 16, 2006 by Joie

[Goddessa]

Wildswans:

 

Quit questioning or doubting your decisions anymore. Quit bugging us for advice you don't really need. Stop puking your s@%t out only to slurp them all back in. And no, don't use your mind in loving. It'll never work. Love and smarts are a bad combination. They'd always k*ll each other and leave the person a complete mess, with NOTHING.

 

We've all had our share of broken hearts at some point in our lives and did we all love like there was no tomorrow? I think no one is immuned to this. Lahat tayo ay natatanga talaga sa pag-ibig. Others choose to use their brains in loving. That's crap. Real happiness has nothing to do with intellect. It's pure feeling. All the mighty have fallen hard for love. You are not alone, dude. Your predicament is a classic case and it will happen again ang again to other mortals today and in the future. Because love is the perpetual E of humans:) hehe

 

Kaya lang, marami kami na burned beyond recognition na sa usapang amour kaya we cringe at the thought of being vulnerable again, like you. As I was reading your recent post, I kinda feel bad for my initial comments. Forgive my ascerbic remarks, even if they happened to be the truth.

 

So, congratulations on being a doormat. Enjoy it while it lasts hehe. Hindi mo naman talaga mafi-feel ang depth ng love mo sa isang tao if you are not willing to totally lose control. If this is not true, then wala na siguro tayong maririnig na sob love songs sa radio. That's the drawback of loving. You have to be totally vulnerable to be able to really feel it. And we all crave for that high, but most of us are afraid. Hindi naman lahat ng tao, swerte na makatagpo ng perfect match nila. Kalimitan, minamalas talaga. But still we secretely hope, that one day we will find this person whom we can love completely and vise versa without sacrificing our pride and our dignity. But I still admire people who are willing to risk it all for love. Like you.

 

So, quit thinking too much, dude.

 

Just love.

 

Kung saan ka masaya, doon ako. Peace!

Edited November 17, 2006 by Goddessa

[Guest majadera]

wildswans,

 

the longer you stay in that hell hole relationship, the harder it is to get out. believe me.

 

as i always say: "when in doubt. flee."

 

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.... Benefit of the Doubt only applies on your first few months... if longer, that's stupidity.

 

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better...

 

Just stop this. Cut the cord and deal with it. (easier said than done. i know. am a fool too. )

 

Time spent in whining and uncertainties would be better spent in getting ahead. don't you think?

 

oh.. also.. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

[wildswans]

we broke up already. actually, she broke up with me just when i planned to break up with her the same day.

 

i caught her lying to me. someone close to her family saw us at a mall. she was so afraid and begin to get paranoid. she said that person would be invited to her sister's debut party and would surely talk about seeing us so she told me that whatever happens i should always remember that she loves me and the coming days would be a make or break thing for us.

 

i was pissed at what she's saying coz instead of trying to fight for our relationship first, she's trying to bail out of it. she gave me the same reason again that she's afraid her mom won't let her go to school. she told me that, at this point, she can't survive without her parents. she can try fighting for me but only in words coz her parents holds her by her neck and she owes her parents her life.

 

sure enough, judgement day came and the one who saw us told her mom about us. according to her, her mom was so pissed that she was slapped during the party and she felt embarrased to those who saw it. she claimed her mom confiscated her cp that's why she wasn't able to text me for more than 12 hours.

 

the next day, she said she got her cp back coz she told her mom she was the group leader in some of her subjects and she's needed by her groupmates. my gut feel somehow tells me she's lying to me but i didn't confront her about it anymore. the next day, she told me she wasn't allowed to go to school anymore and what not.

 

unfortunately, i found out she was indeed going to school and was just lying to me. it hurts me alot so i decided to break up with her but the next morning, she refused to meet me saying that she's not yet allowed to go to school. i sort of pressured her a bit and she got pissed so she break up with me thru text. i didn't tell her that i know she was lying to me.

 

few days after the breakup, she tells me she misses me and wants to meet up with me if she's allowed to go to school already. i got pissed and told her about her lying to me. she said she didn't want to explain things anymore and i got a little pushy that she got pissed even more.

 

i guess what happen wasn't that surprising anymore considering that she's been a bit cold with me few days prior to the break up incident.

 

i was able to feel some sigh of relief that it's over and somehow felt good about it but as my anger slowly subsides, i'm beginning to feel the pain and i'm beginning to miss her already but i know it's all over already and i don't think i can trust her again so now i'm trying to pick up the pieces and trying to move on.

 

btw, the gf of my ex-gf's ex's brother confirms that my ex-gf is still seeing the "ex". from what she said, sila pa daw and taken na daw yung ex-gf ko. she didn't mentioned about them breaking up and getting together so i guess she was two timing and i'm the #2. of course, i didn't let that girl know who i really am but deep inside my gut feel is telling me she just telling a half truth maybe coz i'm just in the denial stage..i don't know for sure.

 

thank you for all your patience and time in giving me your piece of advice. i really appreciates it.

[jzee19]

...remember..when they say no... say NEXT!!!!

[lomex32]

COMPLICATED?

 

I have to get my marriage annuled to free myself from LIENS and ENCUMBRANCES <----- How complicated just this can be .....

[tagpi]

Methinks MTC's got a lot of shrinks.

 

The dude simply wants the girl, the girl is confused (with two guys), boy wants to break up (but can't - without a valid reason), girl can't seem to break up with guy (s), needs the pampering and some deep-down lovin' always.

 

Everybody can't seem to decide! Everybody's got benefits, and who doesn't want benefits?!

 

Pero ok din yan, people discuss. Maybe someone somewhere needs an advise.

 

Dude, scoot. Best advise, make up your mind. Us peeps can only give our two cents.

 

Or it has been half a year. Any update on your saga? :goatee:

[czashi]

it sucks to never know where to stand.. but you gotta have to risk and ask..

 

at least you know what to do next!

[lomex32]

Knowing is one thing ...

 

Having the heart and mind to do/execute it, is another...

 

at least you know what to do next!

Edited May 25, 2007 by lomex32

[_Honey_]

a relationship only becomes complicated if the persons involved are complicated too.

those who have unsettled conflicts from their pasts.. hangups.. yadah, yadah..

 

gee..i've been there.. at first it felt like sunshine.. later, it feels like suicide..

ayoko na..

Edited May 25, 2007 by _Honey_