Writings of the Heart

[the grudge]

HOW I STILL WISH YOU WILL PERMIT THAT WE TALK IN PERSON.

 

AS I HAVE ASKED IN THE PAST - JUST TALK. NO FIGHTS, NO DISCUSSIONS, NO ARGUMENTS. JUST TALK.

 

COMMUNICATION IS STILL THE KEY TO AN EFFECTIVE AND POSITIVE EXCHANGE OF ONE SIDE THE OTHER AND VICE VERSA.

 

BUT YOU ARE TOO AFRAID. DID I LEAVE A PERMANENT TATOO ON YOUR BACK?

 

----------

 

IT'S COMFORTING TO KNOW YOU STILL HAVE THOSE GIFTS.

 

AS FOR MYSELF, I HAVE THE CD. I MAY HAVE RETURNED THE COVER, BUT KEPT THE DISC.

 

YOUR PHOTOS ARE EMBEDDED IN MY PC

 

----------

 

I DID GO BY YOUR OLD PLACE THE DAY FOLLOWING THAT INCIDENT.

 

I WAS TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR LEAVING. I WAS SO HUNGRY I WAS DETERMINED TO EAT BREAKFAST THERE WITHOUT FEAR.

 

BUT I WAS DISMAYED BY THE NEWS THAT CONFRONTED ME.

 

----------

 

GOOD THAT YOU CAN FINALLY LOOK UP THE SKY.

 

I LEAVE SO EARLY FOR WORK NOW THAT I DON'T GET TO SEE THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY.

 

THEN COME BACK AFTER DUSK HAS SETTLED.

 

-----------

 

HAVE YOU READ OR HEARD THAT I LOST MY FAVORITE UNCLE?

 

I WHISPERED TO HIM ONLY GOOD THINGS TO COME UNTO ALL MY LOVED ONES - YOURSELF INCLUDED.

 

-----------

 

ONE OF THESE DAYS, WHEN YOU LOOK UP THE SKY, YOU WILL SEE ME FLY BY.

 

TAKE CARE ALWAYS. HERE'S A PRESENT FOR YOU...

[hungryenjoycoke]

I am teary eyed! I am smiling at the same time.. i wish to call you... pero... baka i would long for it eh... well... thanks. thank you... thank you so much...

where's your smile? :flowers:

[the grudge]

I am teary eyed! I am smiling at the same time.. i wish to call you... pero... baka i would long for it eh... well... thanks. thank you... thank you so much...

where's your smile? :flowers:

 

I WILL NOT FORCE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.

I CANNOT DO ANYTHING IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CALL ME.

ALL I CAN DO IS WISH THAT YOU DO. MAYBE ONE DAY, MY WISH WILL BE GRANTED.

 

[Queen Darkeinjel]

it's been fun loving you...

 

for the short span of time that you allowed me to care for you, i am happy that i was given that chance...

but since love is never permanent, i'll let you go no matter how much it hurts...

 

forgive me, i am hurting...

let me cry it all out, let the tears wash away the pain...

let me drown in misery...

 

and hopefully, one day, i can look at you and say i don't love you anymore

[the grudge]

I MISS YOU.

 

SOMEBODY ASKED ME LAST NIGHT:

 

"YOU DO STILL LOVE HER, DON'T YOU?"

 

"TELL ME THAT YOU MISS HER"

I COULDN'T ANSWER IN A STRAIGHTFORWARD MANNER.

 

I CAN ONLY SMILE.

 

SHE KNEW THAT I STILL LOVE YOU.

 

SHE KNEW THAT I MISS YOU.

 

I KNOW SHE WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE.

 

SHE IS MY OFFICEMATE WHOM YOU NEVER GOT TO KNOW.

 

SHE'S JUST A FRIEND, NOTHING MORE.

[mightbeyou]

:goatee:

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

 

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.

And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

 

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.

The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

 

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.

My soul is lost without her.

 

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.

My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

 

The same night that whitens the same trees.

We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

 

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.

My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

 

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once

belonged to my kisses.

Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

 

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.

Love is so short and oblivion so long.

 

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,

my soul is lost without her.

 

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,

and this may be the last poem I write for her.

:goatee:

[doper_nier]

as i wait for my eyes to shut.. i keep wondering where are you now..did i already lose you..have i done nothing to win you back...did i make the greatest mistake of not finding you... all i want is happiness and that's what lost in my damn life..im alone and free,yet sadness still haunts me...

[doper_nier]

loneliness is the word that best describes me..

 

emptiness is what i felt since your gone...

 

crying became a habit when i think of you...

 

memories of the past now controls my life....

 

i love you are the three words shoud've told you....

 

that somehow maybe saved our special bond...

 

and waiting is the game i still play, hoping to win you back...

[cherriedu]

this is what i've written months ago:

 

Out of respect for myself, I simply cannot give even a slightest way and opportunity for you to cheat on me again.

It is sad that even up to this time, that almost 3 months had passed by, what happened is still vivid in my memory. It still remain unacceptable, foul and disrespectful of a relationship I tried to protect and take care. It is still a sign of "unreal" love. For people who loved and loved truly wouldn't risk hurting the other person just to feed his curiosity, just to fit in his group of friends, just to satisfy his own pleasure. You cannot build your joy on someone else's pain. You should not have taken that risk.

[-wasted-]

this is what i've written months ago:

 

Out of respect for myself, I simply cannot give even a slightest way and opportunity for you to cheat on me again.

It is sad that even up to this time, that almost 3 months had passed by, what happened is still vivid in my memory. It still remain unacceptable, foul and disrespectful of a relationship I tried to protect and take care. It is still a sign of "unreal" love. For people who loved and loved truly wouldn't risk hurting the other person just to feed his curiosity, just to fit in his group of friends, just to satisfy his own pleasure. You cannot build your joy on someone else's pain. You should not have taken that risk.

 

darn girl!ur soo deep...

 

i pity that guy.he doesnt know what hes losing...

 

para di ot...

 

sometimes i wish i was superman so that i could fly you to places, fly you to places,weave magic,

but im only human and all i could do is to love you in my own extraordinary way...

[hungryenjoycoke]

at the back of my mind

I keep on remembering

how we started

how we made a good love out of it

how we've been eaten out by our hearts' madness

and how we've been broken into pieces

and then time will come to bring us in our new selves...

in a more clearer ground

in this new world

[the grudge]

You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.

You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.

You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,

and my only prayer is that you realize

you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

[the grudge]

I COULD NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF YOU.

 

SEEING YOU LAST WEEK HAS PROVEN THAT.

I DO LOVE YOU. TREMENDOUSLY.

AFTER ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT

WE HAVE EXCHANGED, I COULD STILL FIND YOU

IN THE DEEPEST RECESSIONS OF MY HEART.

MY SOUL YEARNS FOR YOUR COMPANY.

 

MY HANDS WERE TREMBLING AS I SAW YOU.

 

YOU ARE STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS

AS I FIRST LAID MY EYES ON YOU.

 

YOU SEEM TO BE MORE MATURED NOW. YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU WANT.

 

I TRIED HOLDING BACK MY TEARS WHEN WE WERE

TOGETHER.

 

THAT SATURDAY MORNING HOWEVER, I WOKE UP.

IT WAS 2:55 A.M. AND I WAS CRYING LIKE A CHILD.

CRYING FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

 

I TRIED TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF. KEEPING MYSELF BUSY WITH

THE USUAL AND UNUSUAL THINGS THAT I OFTEN DO AT HOME.

BUT ALL THE TIME, YOU WERE IN MY MIND. ALWAYS THINKING

HOW YOU ARE, HOW MY SON IS DOING.

 

EACH TIME THAT I CLOSE MY EYES, I SEE ONLY YOU.

 

I WISH I'D HAVE THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU MORE

CLOSE. TIGHT. I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH OF YOU.

 

AS YOU FLY AWAY, PLEASE TAKE MY LOVE WITH YOU.

I AM TRULLY SORRY THAT IT HAD TO BE THIS WAY.

THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT. I SHOULD NOT HAVE ACTED THE WAY

THAT I DID BEFORE. IT WAS DISMAL OF ME. I AM REALLY AND

SINCERELY SORRY.

 

I WILL STILL LOVE YOU ANYWHERE LIFE TAKES ME.

NO MATTER IF YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE BETTER THAN ME.

I WILL LOVE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY.

[x2fursy]

I often wonder where you are. That sweet smile you shared with me before you turned and walk away was the only memory you left me with. I miss you and sometimes, we just have to let time heal all the wounds.

[hungryenjoycoke]

I want to share this article to all MTC members. This is from the book I am currently reading (Like the Flowing River by Coehlo) Here it is:

 

There are times when we long to be able to help someone whom we love very much, but we can do nothing. Circumstances will not allow us to approach them, or the person is closed off to any gesture of solidarity and support.

Then all we are left with is love. At such times, when we can do nothing else, we can still love - without expecting any reward or change or gratitude.

 

If we do this, the energy of love will begin to transform the universe about us. Wherever this energy appears, it always achieves its ends. 'Time does not transform man. Will-power does not transform man. Love transforms.' says Henry Dummond.

 

I read in the newspaper about a little girl in Brasilia who was brutally beaten by her parents. As a result, she lost all physical movement, as well as the ability to speak.

 

Once admitted to hospital, she was cared for by a nurse who said to her everyday: 'I love you.' Although the doctor assured her that the child could not hear and that all her efforts were in vain, the nurse continued to say: 'Don't forget, I love you.'

 

Three weeks later, the child recovered the power of movement. Four weeks later, she could again talk and smile. The nurse never gave any interviews, and the newspaper did not publish her name, but let me set this down here, so that we never forget: love cures.

Love transforms and love cures; but, sometimes, love builds deadly traps and can end up destroying a person who had resolved to give him or herself completely. What is this complex feeling which, deep down, is the only reason we continue to live, struggle and improve?

 

It would be irresponsible of me to attempt to define it, because I, along with every other human being, can only feel it. Thousands of books have been written on the subject, plays have been put on, films produced, poems composed, sculpture carved out of wood or marble; and yet all any artist can convey is the idea of a feeling, not the feeling itself.

But I have learned that this feeling is present in the small things, and manifests itself in the most insignificant of our actions. It is necessary, therefore, to keep love always in mind, regardless of whether or not we take action.

 

Picking up the phone and saying the affectionate words we have been postponing. Opening the door to someone who needs our help. Accepting a job. Leaving a job. Taking a decision that we were putting off for later. Asking forgiveness for a mistake we made and which keeps niggling at us. Demanding a right that is ours. Opening an account at the local florist's, which is a far more important shop than the jeweller's. Putting music on really loud when the person you love is far away, and turning the volume down when he or she is near. Knowing when to say 'yes' and 'no', because love works with all our energies. Discovering a sport that can be played by two. Not following any recipe, not even those contained in this paragraph, because love requires creativity.

 

And when none of this is possible, when all that remains is loneliness, then remember this story that a reader once sent to me.

 

A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals.

 

The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.

 

One night, the moon, who knew of the rose's loneliness, asked: 'Aren't you tired of waiting?'

'Possibly, but I have to keep trying."

"Why?'

"Because if I don't remain open, I will simply fade away."

At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.

 

 

:thumbsupsmiley: hmmm... i'm very inspired by this article... thanks coehlo

 

--REMAINING OPEN TO LOVE

by Paulo Coehlo

Like the Flowing River

[the grudge]

MY ANGEL UP HIGH

 

T'WAS A RAINY MORNIN I COULD RECALL

WHEN YOU WERE BROUGHT OUT INTO THIS WORLD

MY JOY TO SEE YOU BRIGHT AND ABOUT.

OH WHAT A HAPPY FEELING IT WAS TO HOLD

YOU IN MY ARMS.

 

I STILL REMEMBER YOUR FIRST TERRIBLE TEST.

WHEN A FEW DAYS AFTER LEAVING YOUR NEST.

YOU WERE DIAGNOSED WITH NEONATAL SEPSIS.

 

IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT HASTE

I TOOK YOU TO WITH NO TIME TO WASTE

TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOU WERE CONFINED.

DEXTROSE AND MEDICINES WERE NEEDED

THE DOCTORS OPINED.

 

SOON YOU WERE GROWING

AND GREW UP YOU DID.

MUCH LIKE "TATAY", EVERYONE SAID.

FOR YOU RESEMBLED ME - ONLY A GIRL.

 

YOU WERE MY ANGEL FROM THE START.

ACTING LIKE MY CONSCIENCE

NEAR OR FAR.

WE HAD SO MUCH PLEASURE

TOGETHER WITH YOUR TWO BROTHERS.

 

I KNOW YOU LOVED KUYA AS WELL.

ESPECIALLY KEVIN WHOM YOU SLEPT WITH IN BED.

HE HAD A SISTER HE COULD CALL.

EVERYTIME HE WANTED TO PLAY BALL.

 

BUT SADLY....................OH SO SADLY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GOD DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO STAY.

HE TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME

TOMORROW WOULD BE THAT DAY.

 

I HAVE BEEN LOST EVER SINCE.

NOT KNOWING WHEN I CAN EVER SEE YOU.

YOU WERE THE ANGEL OF MY LIFE.

YOU LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY

YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL DOES.

 

I STILL VIVIDLY RECALL YOUR CONDITION

AT THAT TIME. YOU WERE ALIVE YET LIFELESS.

TUBES AND MONITORS ARE ALL THAT IS LEFT

TO KEEP YOU BREATHING.

 

TOMORROW WOULD BE THAT DAY.

9 YEARS TO BE EXACT.

WHEN FINALLY I RAN OUT OF TEARS.

ALL THAT WAS LEFT WERE FEARS.

 

11:42 A.M. WAS WHEN THE GATES OF HEAVEN OPENED.

TO RECEIVE YOUR SOUL WHILST ANGELS SANG.

I COMMENDED YOU UNTO HIM.

NANAY, KUYA AND YOUR BELOVED BUNSO WERE ALL CRYING.

BOTH YOUR LOLAS, NINONGS AND NINANGS, TITOS AND TITAS.

TEACHERS FROM BOTH SCHOOLS, CLASSMATES NEW AND OLD.

SISTERS FROM THE FOLD

ALL WITNESSED AS YOU GASPED YOUR LAST.

IT SIGNALLED THE END

BUT A JOYFUL BEGINNING UP ABOVE.

 

I DID NOT LEAVE YOU THERE.

STAYING WITH YOU IN THE MORTUARY.

WATCHING OVER YOU AS YOU WERE EMBALMED.

I EVEN SAW YOUR HAIR STAND UP.

AS YOU WERE BEING GIVEN THE BATH.

I ASKED IF YOU WERE FEELING COLD MY PRECIOUS.

AS IF YOU WERE STILL ALIVE.

 

I LED YOU BACK HOME

WHERE THRONGS OF PEOPLE WERE WAITING.

IT WAS AS IF YOU HAD THE GRANDEST PARTY

OF YOUR LIFE. 8 DAYS I DID NOT SLEEP.

PEOPLE WERE ALWAYS THERE.

 

UNTIL FINALLY YOU WERE LAID TO REST.

WHERE NOW I CAN ONLY DO MY BEST.

TO VISIT YOU. BRING YOU FLOWERS AND PRAYERS.

AND LOOK UP TO THE SKY TO SEE YOU SMILE.

 

I HAD LOVED YOU FROM THE BEGINNING.

YOU WERE LITERALLY A PART OF ME.

AND WHEN YOU WENT AWAY

I NO LONGER COULDN'T STAY.

 

OH I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MY EVER DEAREST CHILD.

I JUST HOPE AND PRAY THAT ONE DAY

WE COULD BE TOGETHER AGAIN.

 

NO MATTER WHERE I GO

NO MATTER WHO I LOVE

MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.

STRONG AND HEALTHY.

BECAUSE YOU WERE A PART OF ME.

 

ON THE EVE OF THIS 9TH YEAR

I PRAY.

WATCH OVER YOUR NANAY, KUYA AND BUNSO.

I KNOW YOU ALSO LOVE YOUR LITTLE SISTER

WHO LOOKS AND ACTS SIMILARLY LIKE YOU DO.

 

ENJOY HIS ETERNAL COMPANY MY DEAREST.

PRAY THAT SOON WE WILL BE TOGETHER.

FOR IN YOUR LOVE I FIND TRUE CONSOLATION.

A LOVE THAT IS PURE AND WITHOUT ANY MALICE.

A LOVE THAT FINDS PLEASURE IN FORGIVENESS

AND TRUE CARE.

 

HELP ME PRAY.

LIFT ME UP.

THAT I MAY TRANSCEND ALL THESE HARDSHIPS

OF THE HEART, MIND, SOUL AND BODY.

 

HELP ME TO BE PREPARED.

SO THAT WHEN I FINALLY SEE YOUR HAND OUTSTRETCHED.

I WILL BE READY TO ACCEPT.

I WILL LEAVE ALL EARTHLY BEINGS BEHIND.

IF YOU I SHALL EVER FIND.

 

WAIT FOR ME WHERE YOU REST.

WHERE I HAVE TAKEN MY LOVE'S BEST.

I HOPE TO BE THERE

IF NOT TOMORROW, THIS WEEKEND.

I SHALL BE ALONE THIS TIME.

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO CALL HER MINE.

 

I LOVE YOU MY DAUGHTER. ALWAYS AND FOREVER MORE.

 

15 SEPTEMBER 1986 - 14 AUGUST 1999

[hungryenjoycoke]

i am sorry...

i know God is with her now.

just be strong.

i'll be offering a mass for her tomorrow or at the weekend.

[x2fursy]

Had i not seen that post last night, who would've thought you still cared for me after all these time? Thank you my dearest. Now my heart is ready to come home. Thank you for your kisses this morning, it made my day so much better. Yes, low profile my love... keep a low profile.

[ChoukoHanako]

Dear Justine,

 

All my life, i have been wondering why princesses don't really live out their role. I often sit and stare at the marvelous world we both live in. It's nearly a week since my father's deadline was set. And you have given me nothing but respect and attention. Now, it's my turn to show you just how much i can support someone who has been loyal to me.

 

Yes. My answer is yes. I cannot promise you a happy ending bt you are the prince i have been waiting for. Welcome to my life.

 

Always,

Mrs. Schaden

Edited September 3, 2008 by ChoukoHanako

[the grudge]

I found this in my inbox as I returned from travel today:

 

Heto title: Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi.

 

 

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.

They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but

remained to be 'friends.'

 

They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure

she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.

 

They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each

other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't

know the real score. Even

 

her friends are in the dark. 'Parang sila, pero hindi.'

 

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in

the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives

her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their

friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may

overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila

magkaholding hands lagi?

 

Sila kaya?

 

'He hasn't admitted anything,' she rants. 'But I let him hug and kiss me.

 

Parang kami, pero hindi.'

 

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch

movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books

for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex

jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and

never talked about it. He said 'I love you' once but she wasn't sure if she

heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing

she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's

assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

 

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,

they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh

restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

 

They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe

that 'sila na' but then she's not really sure about it. 'We don't talk about

it but it doesn't really matter,' she'd tell her friends. 'What's

important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is.'

 

The 'parang kayo, pero hindi' stage. Others call it MU or mutual

understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.

 

Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase

where the persons involved are more than friends, but not

quite lovers.

 

Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of

you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your

gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi

kayo mag-dyowa.

 

Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

 

This kind of 'relationship' can happen at different stages for

different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still

love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a

reason. A nd for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna

magkabalikan.

 

 

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong

nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso

kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

 

Testing lang.

 

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually

the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya

nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di

naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya

nangagaliwa kasi 'hindi naman kayo.'

 

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung

naghahanap ka lang naman ng 'kalaro.'

 

 

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala

talagang kasiguraduhan.

 

 

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi

naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

 

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.

 

Puwedeng 'buti na iyan kesa w ala' or puwede na iyang 'pantawid-gutom.'

 

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa

kunwa-kunwarian.

 

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think

that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship

at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that 'kilig' feeling.

 

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships

din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason

that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone

else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

 

My rationalization, 'okay na iyun, kesa wala.'

 

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung

kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag

tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam

kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang

wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

 

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the

emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae

lagi ang lugi.

 

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you

can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga

ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your

role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if

you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.

 

Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

 

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?

You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang

na mahal ka rin niya.

 

Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.

Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.

 

This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.

 

Or if there is a relationship at all.

 

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?

 

What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?

 

What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys,

only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

 

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a

disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would

be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo

alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang

pinanghahawakan.

 

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no 'us.' Meron lang 'you and me,'

hindi 'us.'

 

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi

eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo

maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And

you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only

to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with

somebody else.

 

Ang h irap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then

you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

 

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.

Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

 

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the

process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live

the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

 

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable

guy, a friend told me, 'Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.

 

Magpakasaya ka.

 

Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita.'

 

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.

 

Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang 'parang kayo pero

hindi' stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang

doon lang siya ...

 

almost, but not quite.

[chubbywubby]

"It's funny how one incident can change you're life forever. And it's just crazy how most of the time we are afraid of being involved with someone just because that person doesn't fit our definition of "ideal". I would often wonder what the world would be like if every single person in this world is blind...literally blind. Love would be a different scenario. It would have a whole different meaning to each and everyone because people will not look at you and despise you or change their minds about you just because you're a little too overweight or your clothes are weird. People will pay more attention to what you have to say and they will listen very patiently to what your heart beats for. Your hearts will talk to each other, your touch would define who you are and your voice will express what you feel. The kind of world I wish to live in. But...that's not the way it is. The world is too cruel and time is too fast paced to take time for things like listening to the heart of someone. And life...life would be blunt. The sunset and sunrise, even the stars would be useless if we're all blind, for we wouldn't see how they shine for us..."

 

ME? I'd rather be blind for YOU...

[Queen Darkeinjel]

LOVE AND INFATUATION

 

onced you experience this feeling new

definition is not clear though given a few

hot blade on butter that is what it is

give it a shot make sure to hit not miss

 

some say that it is patient and kind

others it would drive you out of mind

said to send one stepping on cloud nine

and to feel it not it is a crime

 

definitions from fantasies were made

the truth concealed by lies that were laid

over rated this emotion to be called

reality to be faced no one has ever told

 

infatuation a feeling so common

mistaken for love give a reason

eyes are blinded misted and dreamy

heart and mind wake up to reality

 

infatuated dreaming of bells and doves

falling in love with the idea of love

perfect story lived with a happy ending

a faerytale life to one who is but dreaming

 

love that is true found by the one made wise

by experiencing pain, hurt, deceit and lies

perfect bliss or bed of roses love will never be

but a thorny path of trials or a boat tossed at sea

 

infatuation demands time for everything

future and life thrown away without thinking

wings to explore and grow to one another is given

lovers sacrifice made while the pain is kept hidden

 

-written 1991

-i was in my sophomore year (high school)

[sha79]

"finding love in the most unexpected place, in the most unexpected time,

and falling in love with the most unexpected person has created havoc in my heart,

my mind, and my soul...

but finding you made me happy and you are the sweetest thing that has happened in my life..."

[wifelessloved]

 

to my dear husband,

 

i know how we started wasn't how we both expected. we faced family life too soon. i know that you don't love me that way i do. i know that you've had relationships before that were far off better even the best than what we currently have. i loved you from the time we became "us" but i know that deep inside you, you felt otherwise. i felt no love. i was the only one giving it to you. we were married because of resposibility. we are loving each other because of responsibility. even when i hear you say you love me, i don't feel it. it even hurts me more. i just wish that you would be able to love me for who i am. i know i make mistakes, i'm not perfect for you.

 

i know that its not your intention to hurt me when i don't know things and don't understand you but i hope you'll be more patient. i'm not as smart as your previous ones but i'm trying my very best to be a dutiful wife to you. i can't always laugh on all your jokes because they really hurt me sometimes.

 

i wish that you could make me feel more of a friend, your partner, your wife...

 

i still love you

 

i will love you even if it hurts...

[ChoukoHanako]

I think i do need to do what you told me to.

 

And maybe it's the thing i should've done since the beginning. It was fun and okay. I didn't realize it'll come to a point where i have to feel jealous about someone. Who stays jealous over that kind of woman/girl anyway?

 

I can't even tell you how much you've grown inside my heart. But maybe, i am not the girl who likes staying on the losing end. Do what you want and be happy, my friend.

 

For i can never wish you anything less than that.... J.

 

i :heart: you.

A