Falling For A Therapist - Merged Thread

[juandelacruzband]

 

very well explained madame. OTHER men would like to do things thinking 100% that it will happen.. women? win or lose. will do it, thinking.. what could possibly happen.

 

some are risk takers.. others? they are afraid to face failures.. because the society speaks well than ourselves. we listen to them.. because they know what is right. and we dont..(when we are in love)..

 

*sigh*

 

 

 

 

Masakit naman po yata yun ma'am, na sabihin na kababaihan lang ang maaring gumawa ng hakbang o bagay sa mga sitwasyong walang kasiguraduhan. May mga kalalakihan din naman na kaya din ang gawin yun. May mga kalalkihan din na marunong tumanggap ng pagkasawi at pagkabigo. Marahil nasa tao yun kung sapat na ang kanyang lawak ng pag-iisip. Ngunit sang-ayon din naman ako sa iyo, na maraming mga kalalakihan ang sigurista at inuuna ang sariling kapakanan, o di kaya, iyon lamang ang kanilang adhikain - ang maging makasarili.

 

Totoo nga, na marami ang takot na sumugal dahil takot sa paghuhusga ng lipunan. Ngunit ang masasabi ko lang diyan ay pagdating ng totoong kahihinatnan, maibabaling mo ba ang sisi sa lipunan? Nasa bawat isa ang paggawa ng desisyon kung kaya't kinakailangan ang lubusang pagtitimbang ng bagay-bagay. Sa bawat sitwasyon, di natin natatanaw ang lahat ng bagay dahil tayo ay masyadong malapit (o malayo) sa mga pangyayari kaya't kinakailangan natin ng pananaw ng ibang tao. Di lang ng basta kung sinu-sino, kundi ng mga taong sa ating palagay ay may pagmamalasakit sa atin. Sa ganitong paraan, lumalawak ang ating pananaw sa totoong kaganapan at tayo ay maaring makapagpasya ng mas mabuti ayon sa ating hinahangad.

 

Salamat po at magandang gabi sa inyong lahat.

[truellusion]

hay salamat. i can't say i'm happy pero i'm kinda contented narin now. ok na kami ni girl. kami parin basta wag ko lang daw gagawin yung mga ayaw niya. yun pala ang reasons niya bat inaaway ako.. i'm being a control freak na, na gusto ko siya paalisin sa work niya, na parating nagtatanong ng mga seryosong tanong. i should respect her decisions, and kung gusto niya talaga umalis at mag japan wala nako magagawa. sabi naman nila dun din sa club na yun nag work tita niya at nasa japan na daw at nandon daw siya para sa family niya kaya intindihin ko daw siya...

 

i cant be her priority talaga so enjoy ko nalang this moments with her. if it won't last then be it... kung kami naman talaga para sa isa't isa, kami parin magkikita sa finals...

 

@mwah and IMurANGEL

kami rin mam mga lalake we can adapt and make sacrifices in the name of love, we can also defy what society tells us and be against all odds when we're in love.

[mwah]

Gender has nothing to do with this, unless we want the discussion to veer towards that direction. The playing field is also level on the trust aspect (need it be spelled out than trust is also an issue with the women?) Though it can be said that most men in this situation will play their cards closer to their chest, it cannot and should not be a general statement assumed to be a fact.

 

The sad thing here is that when both the parties try to make believe that it is genuine. When the bubble bursts, it ends up 180 degrees the other way and they hate each other.

 

The key here is the word "some," because men are also capable of taking risks and accepting failures, the same way women can. Men are also capable of doing things not clearly seeing the goal or taking journeys without knowing the destination simply because the trip alone is worthwhile. Men are also capable of listening to third party views because these are objective in nature.

 

And the same are also true of women.

 

True, gender has nothing to do with this.

 

I just felt it's not fair to expect commitment and trust from someone who is aware that the other party is not being true to his own word, albeit to a different party. I don't think it's right for someone to expect full commitment and loyalty from another when he/she himself/herself is already committed to someone else. But I do echo Ms. IMurANGEL's sentiments - some individuals may handle that kind of set-up while others cannot.

 

IMHO, it all boils down on how you both handle that kind of relationship, how you handle your expectations from one another and your readiness to face all possible consequences.

 

 

 

@mwah and IMurANGEL

kami rin mam mga lalake we can adapt and make sacrifices in the name of love, we can also defy what society tells us and be against all odds when we're in love.

We all do.

 

Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?

[ChickBenetto]

True, gender has nothing to do with this.

 

I just felt it's not fair to expect commitment and trust from someone who is aware that the other party is not being true to his own word, albeit to a different party. I don't think it's right for someone to expect full commitment and loyalty from another when he/she himself/herself is already committed to someone else. But I do echo Ms. IMurANGEL's sentiments - some individuals may handle that kind of set-up while others cannot.

 

IMHO, it all boils down on how you both handle that kind of relationship, how you handle your expectations from one another and your readiness to face all possible consequences.

 

 

 

We all do.

 

Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?

 

 

It says something about a person when there is an existing commitment yet, still goes out the path of wooing another. It's bound to lead to treachery of one or both parties involved and is already somewhat of a preview of possible things to come. Although, it is noble to accept human frailties and account for one's errors in life, it does matter that chapters are completely closed prior to the turning of a new one. This makes it fair for all parties involved in the past, present and the future. When choices are made, one should try to account for the benefit, or at least, the welfare of the parties, directly or indirectly involved. A process of rationalization is in order, such that you, the decision maker is fully convinced of the act and the corresponding repercussions. Indiscretion on this aspect may lead to a phenomenon we often call regret.

 

Though it sounds simple in a theoretical discussion such as this, in reality it is much more confusing. Being in the thick of things, require more than thoughts or emotions. It requires a strong constitution.

[spongebobby]

Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?

 

good point. unlike more conventional relationships when the couple can go on an extended getting-to-know-you phase, the guy has to decide soon whether he can take this to the next level: whether he can introduce her to his friends, and whether he will ultimately marry her.

 

any guy who has not thought of taking this to the next level can only be one of several things:

1. already married

2. has no intention of marrying the girl, not even in a what if scenario

3. is only using the girl for free sex

4. is in self-denial that sooner, not later, he will have to confront the idea of marriage.

5. just a plain prick.

 

from this perspective, i can fully understand the cynicism of posters such as imurangel.

[marblebay]

@mwah and IMurANGEL

kami rin mam mga lalake we can adapt and make sacrifices in the name of love, we can also defy what society tells us and be against all odds when we're in love.

 

You are totally right on this. Generally speaking, men entering into this kind of relationship or sort of arrangement make a lot of sacrifices not only time and money but as well as other things: such as public ridicule; his reputation in the society; his family (if he has one), and other things.

 

 

 

i said SOME and others.. its up to you where to put yourself in it.

 

i always say this.. hundred times now, (maybe).. do not regret if failure awaits in the end.. just think of the happy memories/feelings...

i only hate people who have so much hate of his/her past and so regretful when they USED TO BE IN LOVE AND HAPPY..

when you cannot forgive him/her for hurting you, for making you a fool, for making you believe..

yes.. it'll hurt or it hurts to know those situations.. but YOU CHOSE TO LOVE HER/HIM so dont regret your CHOICE.

 

we are not the same.. we share a different story..

 

Yeh, maybe you are right but knowing that the gal fooled and cheated on me and never loved me medyo imposible yata 'yung sinasabi mo. Siguro or depending on the situation unlike what happened to me a few months back. Mahirap maka-recover, I tell you that it was so hard/difficult for me to regain my self confidence, self-esteem and self respect after what had happened. Para akong naglalakad ng walang ulo.

 

 

 

True, gender has nothing to do with this.

 

I just felt it's not fair to expect commitment and trust from someone who is aware that the other party is not being true to his own word, albeit to a different party. I don't think it's right for someone to expect full commitment and loyalty from another when he/she himself/herself is already committed to someone else. But I do echo Ms. IMurANGEL's sentiments - some individuals may handle that kind of set-up while others cannot.

 

IMHO, it all boils down on how you both handle that kind of relationship, how you handle your expectations from one another and your readiness to face all possible consequences.

 

We all do.

 

Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?

 

I did what you have advised, and look what happened to my life.

 

 

 

Just to add. . . I'm thankful that an "ATE" came around to help me move on.

[truellusion]

Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?

sis, that seems to be irrational. if you are following this thread you'll learn that in spite of there are men HERE who gave their full love the relationship still didn't work...

 

take for example tagalupa's experience (this may hurt him a bit but no offense sir). he left his long time gf, gave his full trust to the girl (PSP), offered his love truly, and promised to understand her always even though her career will hurt him emotionally. so he offered a clean slate as you say it...

 

then what happened next? the girl wasn't ready for the relationship and they broke up. why? coz he can't give her financial stability. let's just be honest here, unless you can give her financial stability which is why they're working in this industry, they will not leave and just go with you.

 

masakit for us guys when we have given all our love and gave up everything we once have for the GRO/PSP and in the end she'll not regard our sacrifices. i don't want to make the same mistake as tagalupa did (no offense again bro). i love her truly (totoo) but falling in love doesn't mean you need to be foolish.

 

what if i offer her a clean slate? breakup with my gf, introduce her to my family, friends, etc. gave her a share of my income enough for us to live but still she felt not ready for the relationship at sinabing intindihin moko andito ako para sa family ko at hindi para sayo... and then we broke up. diba sayang lang yung ininvest kong love?

 

i'm not generalizing here na lahat ng girls who's working as GRO/PSP ay ganon. pero it's clear in this thread na 90% of this kind of relationship doesn't work KAHIT NA ginawa na ng guy ang lahat. example ko lang dyan ay si sir tagalupa at MidKnight_Tranz, you guy's can back read their experience and you'll learn you can't blame me if i'm being cautious.

 

give and take ang relationship. i gave her my love sincerely and in return i was hoping she'll leave her job for me, pero she refused mas gusto niya mag japan. i pointed out all the sacrifices i did for her, and you know what sabi niya sakin? isinusumbat mo naba sakin lahat yan? sabi ko, NO, i just wan't you to see and understand all the effort i gave in this relationship.

 

i see it this way. these girls though tatanggapin ka nila as BF pero they're NOT READY for a serious relationship. mamahalin ka nila ng totoo pero yun lang ang kayang bigay nila, di nila kaya ibigay ang future nila sayo, so why should we MEN here offer our future too to them? it should be mutual. since hanggang dun lang sila, pagmamahal rin lang ang bigay natin, we can't offer them our future unless mayaman tayo na kayang ilabas sila sa kalakarang ito. (honest opinion)

 

bakit ba kelangan sa lalake parati dapat mataas ang expectations? bakit sa mga babae society tells na we shouldn't expect much when we truly love them daw? diba mali? yun lang hinihiling ko sa kanya at sinusumamo, mutual dapat kami. kasi nakakapagod kung ikaw lang ang lumalaban (ika nga ni tagalupa, hahaha namumuro nako). sana maintindihan mo sis, sobrang stressful and pagmamahal na di nasusuklian.

 

pero bakit nga ba andito parin ako sa relationship nato kahit alam kong 90% neto ay hindi nag woworkout? simple lang, kasi in love ako at mahirap diktahan ang puso...

[truellusion]

good point. unlike more conventional relationships when the couple can go on an extended getting-to-know-you phase, the guy has to decide soon whether he can take this to the next level: whether he can introduce her to his friends, and whether he will ultimately marry her.

 

any guy who has not thought of taking this to the next level can only be one of several things:

1. already married

2. has no intention of marrying the girl, not even in a what if scenario

3. is only using the girl for free sex

4. is in self-denial that sooner, not later, he will have to confront the idea of marriage.

5. just a plain prick.

 

from this perspective, i can fully understand the cynicism of posters such as imurangel.

dude, back read and you'll learn there are guys who already gave their all to their girls. but still the relationship didn't work.

kasi nga isa lang ang PINAKAMAHALAGA dito. not LOVE but the capacity to bail them out of this industry.

 

don't ride the boat of these girls (mwuah and Imurangel) when you haven't read the whole 176 pages of this thread.

experience and knowledge is the teacher in this thread not self opinions. di mo kelangan sumangayon parati sa opinion ng iba. i will accept and respect their opinions BUT experience here weigh more... it'll teach me more.

Edited February 22, 2009 by truellusion

[truellusion]

I did what you have advised, and look what happened to my life.

 

Just to add. . . I'm thankful that an "ATE" came around to help me move on.

oonga pala isa karin pala sa mga sawing palad (nakakalungkot). so bro we don't need to agree with them, opinion nila yan hindi masasabing tama hindi masasabing mali, respect nalang natin.

the best is to learn from our experience.

 

experience is the best teacher. ika nga.

[spongebobby]

dude, back read and you'll learn there are guys who already gave their all to their girls. but still the relationship didn't work.

kasi nga isa lang ang PINAKAMAHALAGA dito. not LOVE but the capacity to bail them out of this industry.

 

don't ride the boat of these girls (mwuah and Imurangel) when you haven't read the whole 176 pages of this thread.

experience and knowledge is the teacher in this thread not self opinions. di mo kelangan sumangayon parati sa opinion ng iba. i will accept and respect their opinions BUT experience here weigh more... it'll teach me more.

 

dude, i've been following up this way way before you even became a member, so your innuendo about me not reading this thread is hollow.

 

and if you have read this thread, as you self-righteously imply, you will know that i have been involved in this type of relationship. several times. and i know people who have been in this complex love affair.

 

so i know what i am talking about.

 

and i do not intend to ingratiate or make papogi to anyone in this thread. not to any mpa/gro or any other female who frequent this forum.

[marblebay]

oonga pala isa karin pala sa mga sawing palad (nakakalungkot). so bro we don't need to agree with them, opinion nila yan hindi masasabing tama hindi masasabing mali, respect nalang natin.

the best is to learn from our experience.

 

experience is the best teacher. ika nga.

 

Thanks bro., sa akin charge to experience na lang ang lahat. Although, it is too painful to forget and so traumatic what had happened to me, and the only consolation or just to ease the pain is that I'm trying to convince myself na-"ego" na lamang ang nasaktan sa akin and not the "heart" and the rest of the people na nasaktan din.

 

As I have said all over and over again, falling in love with the MPAs/PSPs/GROs at their work place ay maling lugar at maling oras or it is a wrong place and time to fall in love with them. Maybe, it is much better in getting to know them outside the place at saka "nagka-developan" or explore the good things that is/are going between the 2 involved.

[truellusion]

and if you have read this thread, as you self-righteously imply, you will know that i have been involved in this type of relationship. several times. and i know people who have been in this complex love affair.

 

so i know what i am talking about.

so sir why did you have to agree to what she said? na "Just a thought sir, if you truly love her - then why not start out on a clean slate and offer her your name and a good future?"

unless you didn't try ALL your best then you can agree to her opinion, or unless your relationship workout then you can agree? so which one of the two?

as i said, experience is a better teacher here than opinions... haven't you learn from your experience that you have to agree to what they say?

 

dude, i've been following up this way way before you even became a member, so your innuendo about me not reading this thread is hollow.

and being a long time member of this forum doesn't account us more knowledgeable about the topic.. it aint even an issue here so please don't bring that up. forgive me if i've been hollow, sorry bro. i just want them mostly the girls to understand the emotional trauma we're facing here specially when we gave all our best and still nothing works... ika nga ni sir marblebay

Mahirap maka-recover, I tell you that it was so hard/difficult for me to regain my self confidence, self-esteem and self respect after what had happened. Para akong naglalakad ng walang ulo.

kung iniisip natin sila at sinasabing tao rin sila nagmamahal at nasasaktan din. sana maisip rin nila na tayong mga guest ay tao rin at nasasaktan.

 

at kapag sinagot nila tayo as their bf meron silang responsibilidad na pinasok na dapat i work out, hindi just to have a bf or someone to treat them special...

[jetpilot_88]

good point. unlike more conventional relationships when the couple can go on an extended getting-to-know-you phase, the guy has to decide soon whether he can take this to the next level: whether he can introduce her to his friends, and whether he will ultimately marry her.

 

any guy who has not thought of taking this to the next level can only be one of several things:

1. already married

2. has no intention of marrying the girl, not even in a what if scenario

3. is only using the girl for free sex

4. is in self-denial that sooner, not later, he will have to confront the idea of marriage.

5. just a plain prick.

 

from this perspective, i can fully understand the cynicism of posters such as imurangel.

 

why do we have to pressure ourselves to take it to the next level? you can love her naman without offering marriage or whatever. the mere "letting go" of your emotions for females in this industry is difficult enough. so if i may offer an advice, take your time and enjoy it. rushing these things can only get you into trouble...

[mwah]

I did what you have advised, and look what happened to my life.

Just to add. . . I'm thankful that an "ATE" came around to help me move on.

There are no certainties in this world.

You took the risk and things didn't turn out the way that you want them to be.

And I have to admire you for that - for taking that risk.

 

 

what if i offer her a clean slate? breakup with my gf, introduce her to my family, friends, etc. gave her a share of my income enough for us to live but still she felt not ready for the relationship at sinabing intindihin moko andito ako para sa family ko at hindi para sayo... and then we broke up. diba sayang lang yung ininvest kong love?

Maybe we just have a different perspective of what love is all about.

It is never wrong to love another person and wanting the best for him/her.

But when you view everything as an investment and expecting interest in return, that's a different story.

 

 

i'm not generalizing here na lahat ng girls who's working as GRO/PSP ay ganon. pero it's clear in this thread na 90% of this kind of relationship doesn't work KAHIT NA ginawa na ng guy ang lahat. example ko lang dyan ay si sir tagalupa at MidKnight_Tranz, you guy's can back read their experience and you'll learn you can't blame me if i'm being cautious.

Yup, I don't blame you if you're being cautious and segurista.

Nah, like what I said before - it's how the two of you work things out.

Just think of it this way - if you're being cautious, so is she.

 

 

give and take ang relationship. i gave her my love sincerely and in return i was hoping she'll leave her job for me, pero she refused mas gusto niya mag japan. i pointed out all the sacrifices i did for her, and you know what sabi niya sakin? isinusumbat mo naba sakin lahat yan? sabi ko, NO, i just wan't you to see and understand all the effort i gave in this relationship.

You want her to leave her work but did you leave your current longtime GF for her?

I may not be in her situation but I think I understand what she's going through.

 

 

i see it this way. these girls though tatanggapin ka nila as BF pero they're NOT READY for a serious relationship. mamahalin ka nila ng totoo pero yun lang ang kayang bigay nila, di nila kaya ibigay ang future nila sayo, so why should we MEN here offer our future too to them? it should be mutual. since hanggang dun lang sila, pagmamahal rin lang ang bigay natin, we can't offer them our future unless mayaman tayo na kayang ilabas sila sa kalakarang ito. (honest opinion)

Dude, you said it yourself - it has to be mutual.

The fact that she's in that kind of work doesn't mean that you can come up to her, expect her to take your intentions seriously despite you being in another relationship.

 

 

bakit ba kelangan sa lalake parati dapat mataas ang expectations? bakit sa mga babae society tells na we shouldn't expect much when we truly love them daw? diba mali? yun lang hinihiling ko sa kanya at sinusumamo, mutual dapat kami. kasi nakakapagod kung ikaw lang ang lumalaban (ika nga ni tagalupa, hahaha namumuro nako). sana maintindihan mo sis, sobrang stressful and pagmamahal na di nasusuklian.

Mataas na expectations ba na pumasok sa relationship na walang sabit? Unfair nga ang nangyayari eh, ikaw okay lang na may longtime GF - pero sya, okay lang ba sa iyo na magkaroon ng ibang BF? Yun ang mutual di ba?

 

Ano ba ang ipaglalaban niya in the first place? Ang maging number two sa buhay mo?

Nagiging stressful ang pagmamahal dahil sa paghihintay ng sukli. Ganon naman palagi eh.

 

 

pero bakit nga ba andito parin ako sa relationship nato kahit alam kong 90% neto ay hindi nag woworkout? simple lang, kasi in love ako at mahirap diktahan ang puso...

Ingat na lang dude, wag ka sanang malunod.

 

Pero wag naman din sanang sobrang dehado na siya. You expect her to take a risk on you and take you seriously pero di mo naman kayang ibigay yun sa kanya. Yun lang naman talaga ang point ko from the very start and it's very basic.

 

I hope you take no offense in the things that I wrote. Just consider it as a third party opinion but believe me, I am no stranger to such stories and situations. It takes effort for a relationship to work out and it takes more than just trust and honesty from both parties to survive.

 

I've written this over and over - relationships are born out of different wants and needs but everything boils down to mutual respect.

[MidKnight_Tranz]

I've been out for about three days and I see that a lot has happened in this thread. I do hope that tempers and emotions are kept on check. I understand both the male and female perspectives and I see that they all seem reasonable.

 

Just for those who wouldn't want to back read here is my experience in a nutshell...

 

I've been a club goer and have fallen in love many times with women in that line of work. But the last GF I had was the first one that lived with me here at home. At first we were just flirty within the club but eventually we had a relationship outside the club. We go out, and practically do everything that two people in an intimate relationship do (including introductions to our families). She moved into my place, and we had a grand time. I could say that it was really love that we felt for each other. I can financially support her, unfortunately i can't support her family. That is the reason why I never asked her to stop her work even though deep inside I really wanted to.

 

I had a talk with her Auntie who also had experience in her line of work and she told me to stop her from working. Her aunt even informed that she (the aunt) would be supporting the family. Bottom line is that she wanted what she thought was best for her niece. We got to talk about this but she still insisted to go to work. I guess she wants some extra money for herself (which I really don't mind). I was very lenient with her and she was free to go do anything, I never stopped her from doing what she wanted. I guess that is where all the problems started. after the first few months together, there would be times she wouldn't go home days at a time. She preferred to stay with friends and work over staying at home with me (again I really didn't mind this as her happiness is what I really wanted). Then there came the time when she was at home she'd ignore me most of the time. Two weeks before Valentines (our monthsary) she left to work at a different place and she lived with her sister which is closer to her place of work. That's when the communications began to subside. I text her everyday but her replies came back too far in between. at that point I really didn't know where the relationship was going. We never had a chance to go out on Valentines Day and a few days later she decided to call it quits. Stating that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and she was still enjoying her job and friends.

 

I never faulted her for that. I understood the circumstances of her life and I understood that she was not used to having guys offer what I had to offer. I think it scared her. The thought of leaving everything that she was used too. I chance to drown her problems through booze. Those were the things I can't offer. I can't offer a life that would be the same as her life right now. I wanted a different life for her, I guess she didn't want that. It doesn't matter that we want a better life for them. What matters is what type of life they want to live. I can't force myself or my beliefs on her. I guess the relationship just didn't work on a higher level.

 

Now its time to move on (move forward). I just devised a plan on how to do that and I feel that it may help some of the people who’s hearts have been broken. I'll share these with you guys on my next post so that I can keep this short.

 

As always, feedback would be appreciated.

[ChickBenetto]

This thread has been in existence for years and the discussion mostly revolved around emotions, financial capabilities, trust and other similar issues. However, it is rare that the element of time is factored in. So what about time you say? Time is an element that these women are up against. Each passing day, they age and proportionally (though perhaps not on a daily basis), their "market value" decreases. The aging process is not on one's side for people engaged in this business. There will be a point in time when the aging process will take its toll on them in either physical, mental, emotional or financial aspects.

 

This brings me to my next point. Is your attraction based on beauty, on their skill, or their seemingly different perspective in life? When they age and they are not beautiful anymore or cannot "perform" like before, would that attraction still exist? When they go out of the industry, integrate with society and regain their "normal" perspective in life, will you still be enamored?

 

The bottom line is this, you met them in this industry, and fell for them in this situation, now, can you continue that commitment with them still in it? Loving someone and expecting them to change will never work, YOU have to change and adapt to the circumstances. After all, they have a reason for being in that situation. One cannot walk around carrying the flag of salvation and expect that things will be equal between the two of you. If it is to be, they will leave on their own volition, simply because it is their decision and not yours, imposed on them.

 

Their situation is very difficult as it is, and another complication certainly will not help. In this situation understanding, discipline and patience are called for, and you must deliver if you are to succeed.

 

Otherwise, wait for the right time.

[MidKnight_Tranz]

Moving forward…

 

Accept

 

Accept that there are things not under our control. There are forces beyond our experiences that we simply don’t understand. Accept that the relationship is over, and that you’ve done everything in your power to save it. This is where the line in the Barbara Streisand song, “If you love someone then set them free, if they comes back again it was meant to be”. You just have to accept the fact that there is a strong possibility that she wouldn’t be coming back.

 

Forgive

 

Forgive your partner for everything wrong that he/she has done. There is no room for bitterness if we truly want to move on. For some this is the hardest part to do. I believe there is a psychology behind that. If a person can’t forgive his/her ex, it’s himself/herself that he/she can’t forgive. Forgive that fact that you allowed this to happen to you. Loving someone is never a sin. Love is such a powerful emotion that I believe there is nothing that would come out wrong as long as everything was done out of the true essence of love. Without forgiveness, the scars would never be healed.

 

Learn

 

Reflect on the relationship. Reflect on things that you feel could’ve gone better. Without learning, we are doomed to do the same things over and over again. When we do the same things over and over again it is no fair to expect different results. Absorb all the learning from the relationship. It would make you a better person as whole which improves the chances of having a better relationship in the future.

 

Love

 

Love your ex. Just because you broke up doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t love your ex. Wishing him/her well is a better feeling than hoping that he she deserves everything bad. Love is not an emotion that is switched on or off. It is developed. Those who say that they don’t love their ex after the breakup never entered the relationship with the intentions of having it work and entered the relationship for all the wrong reasons. Love for me is unconditional; a relationship doesn’t define how much you love a person a relationship is just a representation of love.

 

Most important of all is to love yourself. I always believed that you can’t give want you don’t have.

 

Move forward

 

Letting go of baggage. Letting go is not destroying/returning or throwing away everything that reminds you of your ex. Letting go is about being ok with what just happened. Going into the next relationship without moving forward doesn’t help your next relationship. You’d just end up comparing all the relationships that you had. Thinking of which relationship is better will never help you have a good relationship. Each relationship is unique. It would not be healthy for the next relationship if you haven’t moved forward.

 

Live

 

Don’t let the past hold you back from living your life be it in or out of a relationship. The supreme force behind everything be it God, Allah, Buddah, or what ever name you call it, have bought you all these challenges in preparation for something great.

 

 

I just thought of these things a few hours ago and decided to share it. You may agree or disagree with it. These are how I understand how life works based on my experience. This is my truth, it may also be yours

[MidKnight_Tranz]

This thread has been in existence for years and the discussion mostly revolved around emotions, financial capabilities, trust and other similar issues. However, it is rare that the element of time is factored in. So what about time you say? Time is an element that these women are up against. Each passing day, they age and proportionally (though perhaps not on a daily basis), their "market value" decreases. The aging process is not on one's side for people engaged in this business. There will be a point in time when the aging process will take its toll on them in either physical, mental, emotional or financial aspects.

 

This brings me to my next point. Is your attraction based on beauty, on their skill, or their seemingly different perspective in life? When they age and they are not beautiful anymore or cannot "perform" like before, would that attraction still exist? When they go out of the industry, integrate with society and regain their "normal" perspective in life, will you still be enamored?

 

The bottom line is this, you met them in this industry, and fell for them in this situation, now, can you continue that commitment with them still in it? Loving someone and expecting them to change will never work, YOU have to change and adapt to the circumstances. After all, they have a reason for being in that situation. One cannot walk around carrying the flag of salvation and expect that things will be equal between the two of you. If it is to be, they will leave on their own volition, simply because it is their decision and not yours, imposed on them.

 

Their situation is very difficult as it is, and another complication certainly will not help. In this situation understanding, discipline and patience are called for, and you must deliver if you are to succeed.

 

Otherwise, wait for the right time.

 

 

I must agree that my initial attraction either based on beauty, skill, or their different perspective in life because it is what truly attracts me. Their differnt perspectively in life is truly outside of the norm. As I mentioned, this is the basis of initial attraction. I fall in love with these type of women because I get to know them stripped of their job. I make it a point that I get to know them outside their place of work.

 

To answer you question "can you continue that commitment with them still in it?"... the answer is yes. I never asked them to stop working. I just give them the option. I never expect them to change. I admit that I have carried the flag of savlation as you mentioned it but I never forced it on them. Maybe the wron thing I did was to show them that I had the flag of salvation ready. I believe that they can't bear the responsibility of pulling another human being into the mess they are into. And for that I have alot of respect for them.

 

Anyway, I'm out of the relationship already. I'm in the healing process. I can't honestly say that I'd fall for them again. Let's just see what happens next.

 

BTW, thanks for your point of view.

Edited February 22, 2009 by MidKnight_Tranz

[bulz]

i can relate to this thread.. this happens to me a lot of times na...and all i can say is masarap talaga sila magmahal alaga

 

may mga naka live in na ako dati.,theyre all in this line of work which is pag naalala ko makakamiss lang talaga coz its not just play ung nangyari samin

love talaga...

[marblebay]

This maybe my last post on this thread 'coz this situation is already a "passe" to me. However, in the long and difficult process of healing and learning from a lot of you gals and guys, I made the following summary:

 

(a) first, it is a case to case basis. It depends on the intentions of the gals and guys. May mga gals/guys na pure ang mga intentions at meron din namang mangloloko or thinking they can pull a fast one.

 

( second, the word "trust" and "honesty" sa relationship. Recently, I watched a DVD film "entrapment" where the issue was "trust". And I quote what the lead actor (Sean Connery) said "We try first, and then trust." Honesty naman, both the gal and guy should and must be honest to each other and in facing the reality. They both should answer the question: "KAYA BA NATIN?"

 

© third, "commitment" - - - to everything not only to each other but in all things and aspects. 100% commitment, and the desire to move to the next level of relationship. This includes the financial aspects 'yun responsibilities ng gal and for the reason she's working in that trade.

 

(d) fourth, get out immediately - - - meaning, if things are all in placed and have been mutually agreed by the gal and guy, immediately get out and start the new life, and no turning back.

 

Unfortunate for me, sa "first" pa lang ay nadisgrasya na ako. LoLz

 

I'm thankful that an "ate" came around to enlighten me on this traumatic experience.

 

Good luck gals and guys.

 

Marblebay signing off from this thread.

 

[truellusion]

thanks people. you all make sense here.

 

@mwah ty sis. i accept your opinion naman, no hard feelin in my part. i know i can't give her my full yet kasi i'm afraid baka mangyari sakin yun mga nangyari sa mga guys here. maybe masyado akong sigurista pero kung sure rin naman yung girl na gusto niyang sumama sakin, magwork out man or not i'm happy na. kasi atleast we tried and we're willing to try our best.

 

@MidKnight_Tranz salamat rin ng marami bro. kasi my experience is almost like yours hybrid lang ng kay tagalupa at sayo. siguro nga di ko pa siya kaya tulungan at ilabas sa industriyang ito. para sa marami satin i'm not capable of that, pero having a salary bracket of 30k up i feel enough na yon para saming dalawa. yun nga lang tulad mo di ko kayang tulungan ang family na binubuhay niya. and gusto ko rin matuto siya sa sarili mag hanap ng ibang work. sabi ko nga sa kanya di lang isa ang road to success maraming route papunta dun. success in life is not measured by the money we earn, but by the happiness and contentment we gain.

 

@ChickBenetto thanks din sir, you write deeply. my brain bleeds! LOL. pero you're the most logical person here and doesn't let your heart speak over your head. kung matutunan ko lang gayahin ka at unahin ang utak kesa puso edi sana maiiwasan ko masaktan at makasakit...

 

@marblebay Good luck always and may we mend this broken hearts. minus visit narin sa thread na to at lalo ako nagiging emotional kapag nababasa ko ang mga experience dito.

 

Enjoy love and life nalang dudes and dudettes!

[jetpilot_88]

ive been contributing in the thread for quite a while na ren... and u guys have been a great help to me. when the time comes that we cant work it out... help....

[blow_gobi]

I kept on telling myself - and successfully. I guess - it wasn't meant to be serious, it's just a partnership between 2 people with mutual needs. She works, we see each other when I feel the need to see her, and I didn't ask questions about what she was doing in-between.

 

This worked well for 3 years, we got used to this kind of relationship, there was nobody else for her but me, that what she did was work, and I never thought this would end. I felt the need to repay her for her kindness, for all the things she did for me, by giving her a shot at a better life - an education, so she'll have a good job when she gets older or when I'm no longer with her, and perhaps "subsidize" her housing. This way, she could also be with her son and raise him (she's a single parent) successfully.

 

But even before we're able to pursue this plan, she was gone. Not answering my text and phone calls. Sayang. I had plans for her. I was confident she could pull it off because she's intelligent and had this strong desire to eventually get a more decent job. Now I miss her, and i feel so sad, and is so disappointed in not making a difference in her life...

[thisislife00]

i do have one. not so romantic. actually it's still on going. fell badly in love with a therapist in LKS. it all started after my first visit in LKS. i promised angel, the receptionist that i would pay LKS a visit whenever i go to manila. it was all an accident. it was feb 22 of this year and we were scheduled to go to Davao for a golf tournament. after 6 hours of waiting at the airport, the management finally informed us that our flight was cancelled so we had to take the flight to manila at 6pm and take the flight from manila to davao at about 5am. it was already past 8 when we arrived in manila, we checked in at Century park hotel, where passengers of cancelled flights are normally checked in. we had dinner and after that, all of my teammates were already drained as in almost no more energy except for me who is always hyperactive. at around 10:30, i thought of how to make my overnight stay in manila worthwhile. that's when LKS came to my mind. at first, i didn't want to go but then because of boredom, i've decided to. when i arrived at LKS, it was really obvious that i was a newbie, haha didn't even know the schedule of the pussycats. haha. i didn't even know who was the receptionist that time. and so i availed their combo. she asked me, "cno po gusto nyong thera?" then i asked her, "available ba si honey?" haha. she said "wala na po. tapos na po sked nya" haha. then i asked her again who's available. ayun. my first choice was jewel kasi all of them were total strangers ehh. as in i really don't know anyone (first timer nga weh) kaya kahit sino na lang. then napaisip ako, tapos nagtanong ulet, sino po ba mairerecommend nyo? ayun, si sophie. so the receptionist guided me to the cubicle. a bit nervous, i waited for her to arrive and finally she did. and the whole session went on, a bit of chit chat sessions tapos hiningi ko number nya. while i was on my way back to the hotel, tinext ko agad. haha ate pa nga tawag ko sa kanya weh haha. then after a few days, unti unti na nahulog loob ko sa kanya. ayun. and the rest was history. i still treat her with all respect, and promised myself to change for her. iba lang kasi naramdaman ko sa kanya weh. bsta sa mga magiging guest ni miss sophie sa LKS, wag nyo lang po bastusin. un lang po. salamat. Love you hunn.

[truellusion]

para di OT, break na kami ni girl. may iba siyang bf umamin sa isa kong number na di niya alam na ako. i ask her kung may bf siya kunyari manliligaw ako, sinagot ibang name na guest niya rin. shite huli! putek, they can't be trusted girls at clubs... ang sakit pa ng mga sinabi niya, mahal niya daw yung guest kahit may asawa na... di niya raw alam ang dahilan, bakit kelangan daw ba may dahilan parati kapag nagmamahal? saka mas nauna daw yun sakin... sayang seryoso pa naman ako sa kanya.

 

and for the record, hindi gwapo yung guy at maitim. holy shite nasayang gandang lalake ko! sabi ko sa kanya ang panget ng may asawa na bf niya bat nya ko pinagpalit sa may sabit pa! sabi sakin mayabang daw pala ako at mapanlait lalong ayaw nya na daw sakin... hindi ako ganyan tao, natapakan lang talaga pride ko. pasensiya na mga sir kung mayabang, BITTER lang talaga ako ngayon at nilalabas ko sama ng loob. di naman talaga ako mayabang sa totoong buhay. pero ang sakit sobra ng ginawa niya... buti nalang nakinig parin ako kay tagalupa at di ko binitawan original gf ko, kahit muntik na...

 

add this to 90% here that didn't work out...

Edited March 9, 2009 by Wyld
quoted post DELETED