BonerBalingit Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Is anyone here bothered by Cerge Remonde's mouth when he speaks? His mouth looks like it has its own life and drool will come out of its left side. Why did GMA choose him as Press Secretary?!!! Quote Link to comment
LYCHEE Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 (edited) imbistigador : bkt mo nilinis ang kubeta? failon : natural, naji jingle nako eh! :upside: aftermath of sec. gonzales calling pao chief acosta "crazy" for showing at failon house: from pao to siopao :goatee: Edited April 21, 2009 by LYCHEE Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 (edited) Si Sisa noon!!Si Mirriam ngaun!!--------------------------------------------- Evolution of Mirriam Santiago 1990- "Fight Graft and corruption"1992- "To Challenge Ramos for presidential election"1998- "To challenge Erap for presidential election"2001- "Fight with Erap's corruption"2004- "Fight with GMA's corruption"2010- "Basilio.... Crispin.... Nasan na kau!!!huhuhuhu. text jokes lang po ito. wehehe Edited April 22, 2009 by uaeboy25 Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 malapit anaman ng election.uso anaman ang political jokes FRIESKumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR."Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries"order ni FVR sa ingles."And you Sir? tanong ng waiter."The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too" sagot ni Erap. GROUPErap was asked if a group of birds is called a flock of bird, and a group of fish is called a school of fish, and a group of wolves is called a pack of wolves, then what do you call a group of dogs?Erap: Madali lang yan, anong akala ninyo sa akin tanga!Di anser is "asociation" . BRIDGENagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister. "Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines ? ""Yes," mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong din, "Ah... Is London Bridge falling down?" Quote Link to comment
JohnMayall Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Got this joke from email. :boo: :cool: Re: Fwd: FW: Why the Philippines is in a mess? This is why the Philippines is such a mess: A Travel Agent says 30 of her years of taking reservation requests from government officials explains why we are all in in trouble. Here's a few choice reservation questions from these bright people: 1) Senator Tessie Oreta asked for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2) I got a call from ex-Mayor Joey Marquez, who wanted to go to Capetown. Explaining the length of the flight and passport information, he interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts . Without trying to make him look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, ' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ..' His response ....(click). 3) Congressman Mark Lapid called, furious about a Florida package we did for him and tv star Kris Aquino. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that was not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!' (so he expected to see the ocean on both sides of the hotel?!) 4) Sen Ralph Recto's wife (actress Vilma Santos) asked, 'Is it possible to see England from Canada ?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'But they look so close on the map..' 5) Senator Lito Lapid asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I noticed he had only an hour lay-over in Dallas . When asked why he wanted to rent a car, he said, 'I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time.' 6) Senator Jinggoy Estrada (son of Erap) called last week. He needed to know how it was possible that his flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a.m.. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but he could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told him the plane went very fast, and he bought that! 7) Congressman Ronaldo Zamora asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude!' I looked into it and explained the city code for Fresno , California is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage. 8) Former presidential candidate, now tv star Eddie Gil inquired about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, he asked, 'Would it be cheaper to fly to California and take the train to Hawaii ?' 9) I just got off the phone with Senator Bong Revilla who asked, 'How do I know which plane to get on?' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them..' 10) VP Noli De Castro asked, 'I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , FL. Do I have to get on one of those twin engine planes?' I asked if he meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. He said, 'Yeah, whatever!' 11) Congressman Dilangalen called and had a question about the documents needed to fly to China . I reminded him he needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this, he said, 'Look, I've been to China four times and every time they accepted my American Express!' 12) Senator Miriam Defensor called to make reservations, 'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .' The agent said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?' 'Yes, what flights do you have?' replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!' The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You don't mean Buffalo , do you?' 'That's it! I knew it was a big animal,' she said. Now you know why the Philippine Government is in the shape that it's in. Maybe being a politician and knowing basic geography are two talents that can't co-exist. Sarah Palin the US vice president candidate seemed to think Africa was a country. Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 (edited) ANONG GATAS?"Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum," kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang presidente.."Ah ako, Enfalac, 'yun ang mahal, eh," sagot ni Cory."Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino," sabi ni Ramos."Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?" tanong ng tatlo."Ano yata Lactacyd." ALLEGATIONSIn a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ALLEGATIONS THESE DAYS AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO THE "ALLIGATORS' ARE. IN LABOROne particular day many years ago, Erap'swife was having labor pains.Erap panicked so he called their doctor.Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?Erap: Yes, doc!Doc: Is this the first baby?Erap: No, doc. This is Erap! Edited April 23, 2009 by uaeboy25 Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 ANOTHER EXAMPLETeacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?ERAP: Carabao, ma'am!Teacher: Very good. Can you give another example?ERAP: How about another Carabao? KAMUKHA DAWJingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?Erap: Mukha kang pera. THE WIFESa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, "I haven't met your wife. Where is she?"Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, "Oh, my wife just passed away." Quote Link to comment
LYCHEE Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 ERAP, Jinggoy, Loi, and JV are ol kidnapd by masked abu sayaff terrorists. The usually brave jinggoy wrestles with 1 of the bandits, removes his mask revealing his face. The bandit shoots Jinggoy dead.. JV also sees his face and get shot in the process. The terrorist puts his mask back and shouts at ERAP: "Ano tinitingin mo? Nakilala mo ang mukha ko, ano!!! ERAP retorts back: "Aba, hindi...malabo nga ang mga mata ko!...pero, itong si Doctora Loi malinaw na malinaw ang mga mata...dba hon?" :upside: Quote Link to comment
uaeboy25 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 (edited) INFORMATIONErap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco ?Operator: Just a minute sir...Erap: Thank you! (klik). 1-10 noong bata pa si jinggoyLoi: Bobo ka talaga jinggoy! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?jinggoy: Mas bobo si Daddy, mama, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.' Logic Lang IyanOne day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic.Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro.Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang.Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan.Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay?Erap : Oo...Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda.Erap : Oo.Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka rin sa dagat.Erap: Oo..Ramos ; Eh di kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo pumupunta sa beach.Erap : Oo.Ramos : At kung mahilig kang pumunta sa beach, mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit...Erap : Oo.Ramos : Eh kung mahilig ka sa mga seksing babaeng naka-bathing suit, >eh >>di >> > >lalakeng - lalaki ka.Erap : Oo..Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng - lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.Erap : Oo.Ramos : Kita mo na na, ganyan lang ang logic!Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!The following day, Erap sees Lacson in the Senate.. . ..Erap : Pareng Ping Lacson, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.Lacson : Sige nga!Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?Lacson : Wala.Erap : BAKLA! BAKLA! BAKLA :cool: Edited April 24, 2009 by uaeboy25 Quote Link to comment
camiar Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two! Quote Link to comment
camiar Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 Top 5 “revised copy” for Mar Roxas’ premature political ad “Padyak”: No. 5Anak itabi mo.Ako na.Sobrang sikip dito sa loob,Sumasakit ang batok ko. No. 4Anak, itabi mo.Ako na.Hindi ako ‘kita ng mga tao sa labas.Palit tayo ng puwesto. No. 3Anak, itabi mo.Kasi naman, kuwento ka nang kuwento, ayan, lumagpas tuloy ako.Ako na nga! No. 2Anak, itabi mo.Ako na.Sa sobrang bagal mo, ‘inip na si Korina sa kakahintay sa kabila.Baka nangangati na ‘yon sa dumi ng hangin dito sa lugar n’yo. And the No. 1 revised copy for Mar Roxas’ premature political ad “Padyak”:Anak itabi mo. Hindi n’yo ‘ko anak!At lalong hindi ko kayo ama! Anak, sabi nang itabi mo eh!Ako na! Sinabi nang hindi n’yo ako anak eh!At ‘wag n’yo kaming abalahin. Wala pa kaming kita! Put*ng inaaaaa! Sinabi nang ako na eh! Bababa ka ba o hindi?! Postscript: Shocked, the boy and his sister rushed home. The man in blue maneuvered the pedicab across the street, fetched her girlfriend, and together, headed straight to Wowowee studios where the same pedicab was raffled off to a lucky viewer. Maagang pamasko mula kay senador Quote Link to comment
camiar Posted May 5, 2009 Author Share Posted May 5, 2009 This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" Dear Mr. President: Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's -economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed. It can't get any easier than that! If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard. 1 Quote Link to comment
tagalinis Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Di ba most of the people who get elected ARE POLITICAL JOKES????? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment
Ryuji_tanaka Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 what does Lucifer have in common with politicians?they both sweet talk people into handing them very precious stuff.but at least Lucifer delivers on his promises! Quote Link to comment
fieryhotmale Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 A man with brain cancer went to a neurosurgeon to have a brain transplant. After the PF had been agreed upon, it was time for the man to choose the brain to be implanted. Doc: This brain is from a nuclear scientist, it costs $100,000. Man: Don't you have anything better? More expensive? (Being vain, the man wanted to show off) Doc: How about this? This brain is from an engineer. This goes for $200,000. Man: Nah! Not that. I want something better. The neurosurgeon finally went to the end of the brains on display and held up another. Doc: I am sure you will just love this brain. This is the most expensive and the best. It's gonna set you back a million dollars flat. Man: Preposterous! No brain can cost that much! Anyway, from whose is it and why is it so expensive? Doc: Its from a politician. Its expensive because its seldom been used. Quote Link to comment
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