A Complicated Relationship

[wildswans]

the reason that i thought of telling her what i've found out is because i want to have a basis or reason to break up with her. if i'll just break up with her and tell her because she still has hung up with her ex without any basis, she'll just accused me of making an alibi that she still has hung up with her ex. she'll just pass the blame on me. also, i don't like the breakup to be sort of revenge on her cheating or shortcomings.

 

i just want to be clear that's all but i don't know if it will have any negative effect if i tell her that i found out what she's hiding and what will be the negative result will be that's why i'm asking.

 

hope you guys understand.

[Yama]

Just show your balls to this lady of yours and tell her what you really want in this relationship. Are you exclusive to each other? Arent you jealous of seeing a pic of her with her ex? Do you still wanna take more of her pretty girl bullshit? Its what you want that matters.. thats the only reason you should have, and theres no need to justify that to anybody.

[Joie]

if i decided to break with her na, i should tell her the reason why right? that i found her secret friendster account and her going out with her supposed ex?

 

i don't plan to tell her kasi that i found out about it by snooping around her email sent folder although she gave me her password without me asking.

 

 

Put it as simply and as plainly as you can by telling her that you dont think she is into your supposed relationship as much as you are.

 

If she asks why tell her that you just "know".

 

Just break it off. And break it off soon.

 

That will make it easier and faster for you to move on.

[Larry]

Just show your balls to this lady

 

I am very much in favor of this course of action

 

nothing gets a woman more commited than hairy man balls

 

i want to have a basis or reason to break up with her.

 

WTH do you need this for?

 

isn't the fact that you feel that you don't work great together enough?

 

I say cowboy up and just tell her what you feel

 

that and show her your balls

[Joie]

I am very much in favor of this course of action

 

nothing gets a woman more commited than hairy man balls ...

 

that and show her your balls

 

Larry, youre actually funny.

 

And wildswans, what else do you need to see, feel and understand before you wisen up to the fact that in this so called relationship, you are on the losing end and have been there ever since this started?

 

Save some dignity for yourself and walk away now.

 

You dont need to explain anything... you dont owe her anything.

 

At this point, your lookout is YOU.

 

No one else.

[Larry]

Larry, youre actually funny.

 

yes funny and correct

[Goddessa]

As a member of the estrogen-packed species, I kinda feel bad for you Wildswans. I don't wanna pass judgment on your gf's behavior, but I guess the reason why you feel really uncomfortable (read: pissed off) in this relationship is that YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL of it anymore. Meaning, you are insecure, unsure, feeling unloved, distrustful, losing your faith in your manhood everyday. Nothing puts a man down than not being on TOP of things, hehe (anybody who likes having a woman on top's gotta be a man so sure of himself). I'm not being sexist oki? Let's just be honest here.

 

Even if we love the person we are with, that love deminishes when our pride is being trampled on, and it will slowly turn to disgust and later, hatred. You're on your way to feeling the latter, man. The thing with you is, instead of defending your pride, your dignity, you chose to be her doormat. What for? For the sex? For the love that you feel she doesn't feel for you anyway? For not being proud of you? What is your reason for staying with her, man?

 

Okay, let's say that it's LOVE. But real love is supposed to be unconditional, dude. When u love, you don't complain. You Just Love. But you are complaining. You are whining. You are very pissed off now. That's not love anymore.

 

I think, more than love, it's your ego that's talking now, Wildswans. It's taking a really bad beating and you feel powerless and that's what's really eating at you. You're angry 'coz you know she's playing with you and you don't know how to reverse the situation. You feel used and abused and you are still making excuses for that. Man, look at you. You have been reduced to snooping into her friendster account! That's pathetic! Sorry for saying that, but it just is.

 

Man, do you really love her? Or you just feel good at being needed by her? The way I see it, you think that she's a lost child and you've appointed yourself to be her guardian, her savior and you wanna protect her and make her happy. That is commendable. Really. THat's what a real man is supposed to be. WE women are all looking for that kind of man. He's perfect. Almost.

 

But we woman are also turned off by a doormat. Nothing turns our hormones off than a man so desperate for love. I guess, that goes vise versa. THis chick is using u for whatever reason, sex, companionship, as a validation of her beauty, as an emotional crutch, whatever. BUt she is with you coz she needs you somehow.

 

But need is not love.

 

I think you both have problems within yourselves that need troubleshooting. Nevermind her. Mind yourself.

 

I think it's YOU that needs loving badly, Wild. But don't expect it from anybody.

 

LOve yourself, man. Completely. And when you finally do, that's the time you can really love someone else.

[Inday]

Learn to love and appreciate yourself first, before you love someone else. Walang ibang magmamahal sayo kundi sarili mo lang.

[zxd168pzz]

If you backread a bit, I've already contributed to this thread. So let me just sum it up..

 

Don't take this personally Wildswans, but hear me out...

 

 

You are both immature and superficial into this relationship.. she's clueless, and you're clueless..

 

TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT ..

 

You both need to mature first before you can get into a serious relationship.. bugoy pa kayong dalawa

 

Cheers!

[goddessofperpetualdeliciousness]

so, what's the latest? did you ask someone other than that girl what is the meaning of "SHE IS JUST NOT INTO YOU"?

 

or probably, the if it's love, hang on... if it's dignity, move on?

 

haynaku... wildswans, bebe, WAKE UP!!! :hypocritesmiley:

[Joie]

yes funny and correct

 

 

Snooty too.

 

LOL.

 

Anyway... have we scared the threadstarter off?

 

Im sorry for being so blunt dude but ...

 

Some things just have to be said as bluntly as possible.

 

I advocate calling things as I see them - it avoids a whole lot of confusion and misunderstanding in the end.

[josdiv33]

tama ka dyan inday, :cool:

[arrow]

A piece of what we call complicated, explained

 

 

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became

lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."

 

They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's

okay. They still date. They still have sex.

 

They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other

but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even

her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

 

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same

barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers

and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting

something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he

hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?

 

Sila kaya?

 

"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.

 

Parang kami, pero hindi."

 

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie,

have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for

his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.

 

They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.

 

He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly

because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her

feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's

doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he

has a girlfriend!

 

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both

mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in

posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.

 

They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na"

but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it

doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am

enjoying this -- whatever it is."

 

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual

understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends.

 

Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the

persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.

 

Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have

admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do

the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo

mag-dyowa.

 

Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

 

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different

reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you

want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons

that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

 

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.

 

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang

muna.

 

Testing lang.

 

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy

--may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl

(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala

muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi

naman kayo."

 

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung

naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

 

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang

kasiguraduhan.

 

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman

sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

 

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.

 

Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

 

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

 

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that

pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun,

if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

 

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din

ako.

 

No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit,

because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't

ready to commit.

 

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

 

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung

kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag

tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya

ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing,

puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

 

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the

emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang

lugi.

 

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you

can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba

magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in

his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel

jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.

 

Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

 

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if

he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.

 

Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're

not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.

 

This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.

 

Or if there is a relationship at all.

 

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?

 

What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?

 

What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to

find out that he is seeing other girls?

 

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a

disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the

end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka

lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.

 

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"

hindi "us.

 

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.

 

Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo

maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be

miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out

eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody

else.

 

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd

end up hurting yourself in the process.

 

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna

isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the

consequences.

 

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process,

kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying

what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships

and wait for the real thing.

 

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a

friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.

 

Magpakasaya ka.

 

Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

 

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.

 

Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero

hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya...

almost, but not quite.

 

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have

received.

 

Hope it works for you - and me

 

 

---source..unsolicited email---

[Goddessa]

ARROW: That post was very enlightening, thanks!

 

I just wish that in any relationship, there are no gray areas. Tall order, I know, but come to think of it, it's always communication that's causing all our emotional sufferings. Bakit ang tao hindi na lang maging prangka all the time? Bakit hindi natin masabi ng diretsahan ang feelings natin sa isa't isa?

 

We are social human beings and we are all love junkies. Yup. Kahit mag-deny pa ang iba diyan. We are built that way, to want to be with other humans, the need to interact all the time. We are all capable of loving over and over again. Pero isa pang meron ang tao ay pride o ego. This is the greatest enemy of love and they both reside in us. Kaya nating magmahal ng sobra-sobra at balewala naman actually ang masaktan tayo, basta ba hindi ka lang ginagago. Kapag feeling mo niloloko ka na, umaandar na ang pride, magrerebelde na 'yan. More often than not, tinatalo ng pride ang love.

 

Sa totoo lang, honesty lang naman ang kelangan natin eh. Dapat klaro palagi ang stand point ng bawat isa para walang malalagay sa alanganin. Ako kasi, kapag alam ko kung saan ako nakalugar, matatanggap ko ang anumang desisyon, kahit sobrang sakit basta tapatan lang kami sa isa't isa from the get go. Ang mahirap kapag nagmumukha ka ng tanga, nagbibigay ka ng courtesy at respeto sa kanya kasi nga may pagpapahalaga ka sa feelings niya pero parang he doesn't care. Iyon ang masakit. May pinagsamahan naman kayo kahit papaano, at least naman tratuhin ka bilang kaibigan o kahit na tao na lang. Konting respeto lang naman ang kelangan para magkaintindihan. Iyong iba naman, they'd deliberately lie to you to spare you the pain of knowing the truth. I'd prefer blunt honesty anytime. 'Di bale ng malaman ko ang masakit na katotohanan galing mismo sa taong concerned kaysa malaman ko sa iba later na tinatarantado lang pala niya ako. Doon na nagkakawalaan ng respeto. Imbes na maging magkaibigan na lang kayo in the end, magtatanim ng galit ang injured party.

 

Wild:

 

H'wag mong dibdibin masyado ang sitwasyon mo. Tingin ko, hindi mo na siya love. Ano na lang 'yang nararamdaman mo, withdrawal syndrome hehehe. Kasi kung love mo pa siya, hindi ka hihingi ng advice. No amount of advice can keep you off her. Hindi mo iisipin na ginagago ka niya. Hindi ka magda-doubt sa kanya. You'll always have faith in her no matter what. True love is absolute faith and trust amidst overwheming odds.

 

If you really love her, delete this thread. You've heard enough. Keep on loving her. Without question.

If not, walk away from her and move on. On to the next chick, dude. Who knows, you might just get lucky this time. Or take time to be alone and get to know your inner self again. What do you really want in life? I'm sure, being with someone who doesn't love you as you deserve to be is not one of 'em.

 

'nuff said.

[scalper]

I had just come from a relationship where my ex was a certified player that can't get out of it anymore.. She has two identities..

 

1. the nursing student that is sweet, smart, virgin daw ( ang alam ng nanay). stick to one DAW..

2. Nangkakarir cya ng guys since she early 2004 after her debut.. She has had 54 guys all very well documented in her black book and even sa cell.

3. She accepts Ebs that are actually sebs on the first date if type nya yung guy or the guy would date her..d naman daw cya psp pero she likes guys to spend on her.. may mtc member pa nga made an indecent proposal to her dinedma nya kahit MAGALING yung pagka pm sa myspace.. but with other guys she gives in ..

 

After knowing all that I still loved her.. pero in the end .. so many wrongs too little rights.. now galit na ako sa kanya.. wala na ang love as a bf .. i just love her as EFREN