Divorce In The Philippines

[lomex32]

Please share your thoughts

 

My Wife thinks that I employed her to be my Spouse

.... I agree on this concept as was before she was at home attending to our children, manage home

and i still love her then

 

But Now

I think that we should have been PARTNERS after all she has money to spend for non-family stuff and our children has grown up and my respect for her flew away the window

..... She insists on the original setup

 

Which is Which?

 

 

.......................

 

In this day and age, there certainly aren't any significant advantages to marriage (I'm speaking of situations wherein both partners are on an equal footing - finance-wise especially). And let's face it, if one's primary purpose for getting married is to be 'supported' by their spouse, you had better well cater to EVERY whim demanded by said spouse. Seriously. Such is not a "partnership" - it's called "employment." 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[hitomi]

ako po agree sa divorce, ginagawa na din naman dito satin yun e. at least kapag may divorce obligado ang child support o kaya pagbibigay ng custody sa parent na kayang magpalaki ng mga bata, wawa kasi mga anak.

 

a better idea would be to work at marriage so that it won't end in divorce, but that's off-topic hehe

[new2dabeat]

Please share your thoughts

 

My Wife thinks that I employed her to be my Spouse

.... I agree on this concept as was before she was at home attending to our children, manage home

and i still love her then

 

But Now

I think that we should have been PARTNERS after all she has money to spend for non-family stuff and our children has grown up and my respect for her flew away the window

..... She insists on the original setup

 

Which is Which?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Let me start by saying that by no means am I offering any kind of legal or therapeutic advice - just so we're clear.

 

Now to business.

 

I think your "situation" is exactly the crux of this thread - to me it seems like a textbook example of a perfectly legitimate reason to get a divorce:

 

1) you're not in love with her anymore

 

2) she probably feels the same towards you

 

3) she seems capable of supporting herself

 

4) there are no (young) children to worry about

 

That being said, what do you both think you're getting in return from each other? She's getting her living expenses paid, you're getting...? Sex? Companionship? A hot meal each evening?

 

If your combined answers show a predominant bias in advantage towards one party, then I would say that there definitely needs to be some talking going on.

 

I really don't see why people seem to believe that "once in love, you always have to be in love." Or that a man (or woman) is beholden to keep "supporting" their spouse when all else about the marriage is obviously defunct. Again, if that's the fallback, then I call bulls**t on "we married because we love each other."

 

Don't get me wrong. Love is great, Love is grand, cherish it when you have it. But by NO means should it be the predominant basis for a marriage. Again, there's absolutely no compelling reason why a couple in love needs to get married. It's almost a catch-22, if you're so in-love, why do you need some piece of paper to legitimize it? The flip being that most women (yes, women - men are NOT as hung up on this as you think) will go "why won't you marry me if you love me?"

 

Does getting married make your "love" any stronger? Does its lack make it any "weaker?" If you say "yes" to either - then I call bulls**t on your "love."

 

Marriage != Love (to those not versed in some forms of shorthand, "!=" means NOT EQUAL)

 

And yes, there ARE perfectly legitimate reasons to get married - foremost being children (and I only say this because this is a Philippine audience - a society that still adheres to the old notions of "bastards" and whatnot). That flippant comment aside, it IS much easier to raise children as a couple - but again, nothing says said couple MUST be married (see comment re: "bastards").

 

Marriage is an outdated and outmoded societal construct. It serves no purpose (irrespective of the ASSUMPTION that societies that cherish marriage are "better" overall than those that don't - any half-assed attempt to do even online research on this will find plenty of information on that regard).

 

We'd all be better off with "Partnership Contracts" - *real* pieces of legal documentation that specifically state:

 

A) How long the Partnership is for (Contracts are, of course, renewable subject to renegotiation).

 

The purpose of the Partnership (to raise x kids until age y; to buy a joint-ownership property; etc etc).

 

C) The legal obligations of each Partner (guaranteed sex x times per week; 50/50 - or whatever ratio - responsibility for expenses; etc etc etc).

 

Wouldn't that be so much easier (not to mention more realistic) than a "marriage?" This way, people can REALLY put their money where their mouth is ("money" in this instance referring to both the real thing and "love").

 

If you're really "in love" and are totally secure in that, then item A (Contract renegotiation time) should not be an issue. If you're really marrying for economic reasons rather than love, then item C (Legal Obligations) will make it perfectly clear for all to see whether you're full of sh*t or not...

[MA]

Please share your thoughts

 

My Wife thinks that I employed her to be my Spouse

.... I agree on this concept as was before she was at home attending to our children, manage home

and i still love her then

 

But Now

I think that we should have been PARTNERS after all she has money to spend for non-family stuff and our children has grown up and my respect for her flew away the window

..... She insists on the original setup

 

Which is Which?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Ah...I can see where your dilemma's coming from.

 

You see, my dear, your wife has become/gotten accustomed/used to having you as the financial backbone of the family - which, to my think, was only fitting and appropriate back when she was just a plain housewife and therefore didn't have an income of her own.

 

But now that she has work and is earning well for herself, you'd naturally expect her to shell out. Only, she doesn't. I cannot speak for her, but this may well be another classic example of people getting too comfortable with set-ups/arrangements that have been in existence since the very beginning and have proven themselves to be very functional/effective that to change it just a tad bit would mean devastating disruption.

 

Let's put it this way, you did a very good job of raising and feeding a family with your own income that even without your wife's additional income to supplant it, your family didn't starve. What's more, you were able to send your kids to school and still have a few thousands (or more) to spare for extra expenses and a bit of luxury maybe. So maybe, your wife is operating on the premise na "Kaya mo naman buhayin your family" (because that's what you've been doing from the very start), so she doesn't feel obligated to share. Not even when she's financially capable of doing so.

 

Let's face it, there are still residual manifestations of the age-old paniniwala that "Men should provide for the family". And some ladies are still pretty much living this norm out. But only some, as more and more women nowadays are waging war against dependency (of any kind) by getting good jobs and effectively, earning more.

 

Have you tried talking to your wife about it? I know money and finances do not always make for good husband-wife conversations (especially when there are problems involved), but talking it over is the only way to solve it. Or you could try and pretend you don't have enough so she'd be compelled to assume some of the financial responsibilities.

 

But then again, i could sense that there is more to it than what you're saying because you also mentioned that "ALL your respect for her (wife) have gone out the window". There are ways to try and mend marriages/partnerships on the brink of demise/dissolution and people would always tell you to exhaust all means possible. But i'm sure you know that when all else fail, you can always petition for the ties to be severed completely.

 

And that is why i would very much want Divorce to be recognized and legalized here in the Philippines.

Edited December 8, 2005 by MA

[Hudson]

Please share your thoughts

 

My Wife thinks that I employed her to be my Spouse

.... I agree on this concept as was before she was at home attending to our children, manage home

and i still love her then

 

But Now

I think that we should have been PARTNERS after all she has money to spend for non-family stuff and our children has grown up and my respect for her flew away the window

..... She insists on the original setup

 

Which is Which?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You have a dilemma on your hands there. What to do? Only you can ponder upon the right course of action. We can only share our thoughts and that is why we are here. i can only share what i have gone through so you can discern and reflect upon it.

 

I married when I was only 21 years old in '85. She was pregnant at the time. Another good reason not to get married. I provided for her continued education and all the incidental expenses. I got to take care of the children since i had more time ( doesn't mean unemployed ). When she graduated she got a job in the insurance industry. I never asked her to give any part of her salary to the household. I truly was in love with her when we got married up to 2001. The untangling of our marriage started when our last child was born in '96. She became so demanding and unbearable. I did all the household chores as in all. In June of 2001, a few days after our anniversary, she came to me and said that she finally loves me 100% but has some conditions. She said that she only loved me 25% before this day. She would hang out with her friends and come home drunk. She would insist that i don't go out and not see my friends but that she has the right to hang out with her friends. I could only make love to her with 1 day advance notice so she could prepare her mind. I have to give her gimmick allowance.

 

The final nail in the coffin of our marriage was when i had her cell phone line cut because her bill was outrageous. She went out that night and came home at around 1am drunk again but this time she was shouting her lungs off at the front door. She went up to my room and woke me up with a punch to my chest. Our youngest child was in my arms at the time because he had a fever running. She would have struck the kid had i not shielded him with my arms. She woke up the rest of the kids to tell them that i had a kerida. This was the first time the kids saw us fighting. I explained to the older kids what she was talking about.

 

When i had finished my explanation. She was crying and begging me to forgive her and take her back. I had resolved to throw her out of the house. I flew to manila that same morning to let things cool and would have stayed longer than 3 days had it not for my kids plea to come back to them.

 

I filed for an annulment and it is still pending because she said she would not contest it if i give her 2 million. She has a place of her own which i pay for but she would usually hang at my house when i'm not there because of the kids daw but she would always be infront of the tv.

 

I am all for divorce but the aggrieved party should not have to give any support to the offending party.

[babymaker]

...I fully agree to you that government or yet not even anyone should interfer but who will?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Government has no business interfering in people's personal or family arrangements.

 

In short you mean There is no Divorce if there was no Marriage at the first place .... hmm

 

No. This is not what I meant.

 

I meant, that government should NEVER have anything to do with marriage.

 

I mean, people should be FREE to make their OWN arrangements.

 

There should NEVER be any government marriage.

 

Let the respective people's RELIGIONS, families, cultures, traditions handle their own marriages.

 

If they have no religion, then let them make their own arrangement, contract, agreement.

 

Government... get out!

 

Whether people want to have a heterosexual marriage.

Whether people want a lesbian or homosexual marriage.

Whether people want to marry an animal.

Whether people want to marry off their OWN children.

Whether people want to marry MANY WIVES.

Whether people want to marry MANY HUSBANDS.

 

Whether people want to DIVORCE or NOT HAVE ANY DIVORCE in their religious or personal marriage contract.

 

Government... get out!

 

Do you see the concept of FREEDOM here?

 

Let the islamics do their islamic thing: up to 4 wives, yes to divorce.

Let the catholics do their catholic thing: monogamy, no to divorce.

Let the protestants do their thing: monogamy, yes to divorce.

Let the mormons do their thing: polygamy 4+ wives possible.

 

Do you see the concept of FREEDOM here?

 

No government laws against concubinage or adultery... let the people sort out their personal lives...

For example in Malaysia, the islamic police only monitor the lives of fellow islamics.

But the Chinese are free to do their own chinese culture free from islamic persecution.

 

Do you see the concept of FREEDOM here?

 

I want to break FREE!!! Pare, kanta ng QUEEN yan. :thumbsupsmiley:

[dianne]

agree ako dyan, why do we have to remain in a bad relationship na one of you suffers and pag nag hiwalay kayo and you found the right one di pa rin kayo pwede mag asawa ulit dahil kasal ka pa rin. there should be divorse in the philippines.

[lomex32]

MA (Vicky), new2dabeat, hmlokh

 

Your thoughts are very enlightening.

 

All of our 12 years (by Dec 30) of married life

Sweethearts "supposed to be" at 20 years (April 1985)

Our 1st born turning 17 by month-end

 

Some hard thinking what life has got us into......

 

new2dabeat

That being said, what do you both think you're getting in return from each other?

She's getting her living expenses paid,

you're getting...? Sex? Companionship? A hot meal each evening? <----- NONE OF THESE

 

 

MA

Have you tried talking to your wife about it? <--- REFUSES.... she walks away

I know money and finances do not always make for good husband-wife

conversations (especially when there are problems involved), but talking it over is the only way to solve it.

 

.... Whenever we come to this she always say I am trying to be calculative in my own way..

.... i showed her an Excel spreadsheet to what accounts our expenses vs my income (take note mine alone). She plastically agreed

but when pay day comes it was only wishful thinking

 

.... The catch, she has time and money for fancy dinner (hmlokh take note) with friends and the magic word is "Pabayaan mo lang ako, OK",

Humonguous phone bills, Gas fuel guage most of the time when she uses is on E, etcetera etcetera

 

FLASH BACK/REWIND

The thought that I let her work before was for her to know the value of hard-earned MONEY.

When she did work, she learned to live a lavish lifestyle .... My mistake of was it?

She never did learned up to this writing .... and is arrogant as ever

 

"""Or you could try and pretend you don't have enough so she'd be compelled to assume some of the financial responsibilities."""

 

FAST FWD

Now at sometime I knew I am preparing my 1st born's college by next year...

I started managing my finances (take note mine) and family's expenses...

I opened a separate bank account and run a small business

I retrench one of the 2 maids (after all my 2nd child is aged 11)

I pretended that I have no money to spare on cable TV, Telephone .... Guess what ... chop chop, i payed it to get it back

.... As usual, she is with her own lifestyle ..... Now she deliberately shows her discontent to me by disregarding her duties

What the heck. This is the point where I equate things ..... She really blew my patience and berated me with queridas and anything she can throw at me ....

 

hmlokh

We have a very much similar story, I was 19 then ....

We got married, i was 23 <--- new2dabeat This is the point that you said

 

"""And yes, there ARE perfectly legitimate reasons to get married - foremost being children (and I only say this because this is a Philippine audience - a society that still adheres to the old notions of "bastards" and whatnot). That flippant comment aside, it IS much easier to raise children as a couple - but again, nothing says said couple MUST be married (see comment re: "bastards")."""

 

Similarly she will come home arrogantly, she does not even know if the children had supper because they are already asleep,

 

"""I had resolved to throw her out of the house. I flew to manila that same morning to let things cool and would have stayed longer than 3 days had it not for my kids plea to come back to them.

""" <--- We are in this stage now ..... If she does not want to leave and so I will ... She threaten to sue me with all what i got .....

 

 

 

OVERALL

-------

For the thread... I seemed to be stucked with a Liability where it is like a business gone sour.... Fortunately for failed businesses there is SEC, DTI, PSE and DOLE.

For failed marriages what do we have ..... ?

 

Buti na lang MTC

Thanks, MA (Vicky), new2dabeat, hmlokh

[new2dabeat]

is there any recent *serious* push to get divorce legalized in the PI?

[lomex32]

- March 8 1999

HOUSE BILL NO. 6993 - By Representative Manuel C. Ortega <-- They rather spent Congress time on Garci, Jose Velarde, Jose Pidal

 

 

- March 19, 2005

House Bill No. 4016

Serious Puse by Gabriela party-list Representative Liza Maza's was REJECTED by GMA

President Arroyo's View of Divorce

"The view of the president... let us remember she is basically pro-life, pro-family so it looks like under current thinking, she would oppose this bill on divorce,"

 

In a statement, Maza said she was "not at all surprised," that Arroyo would be against her divorce bill but stressed that despite opposition from the presidential palace and church, she would continue to campaign for it. ......

 

 

is there any recent *serious* push to get divorce legalized in the PI?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[new2dabeat]

hmm, seems to me like there's ample opportunity to start a well-managed and well-funded organization and/or campaign (or several) to push through a divorce legalization.

 

the kye would, of course, be to have as many *female* backers (in positions of "power" or authority - such as key businesswomen, etc) as possible. otherwise it can be easily seen as yet-another "benefits only men" initiative.

 

and let's not even get started on getting The Church to just plain shut-up on the issue - if it were left to them, everyone would be encourage to f*ck like bunnies and to hell with STDs and unwanted "accidental" children...

 

levity aside, how does a bunch of old dried up men and women - who don't marry and are avowed a life of celibacy - qualified to dictate "family values" and pontificate on the ("ill") virtues of sex? to a BILLION people at that?

 

sheesh, talk about ludicrous...

[Guest wackeen]

Just some quick takes.

 

I think the government only gets involved in marriage because of its economic implications: i.e. taxation, acquiring property, inheritance etc. There is also a mandate to protect the rights of children, and to ensure that they receive care and support. I don't think the government cares whether two people love each other per se, only that it is necessary to maintain order and ensure some degree of equity.

 

In any case what I really wanted to react to was the reference to the anti-violence law. It is simplistic to correlate abusive husbands to the absence of divorce as an escape route. Scumbags are scum by nature not circumstance, and even rich people who can afford to support a dozen families can beat their wives or children.

 

After all divorce does not relieve a man of his economic duties. In fact it forces one to fully recognize the obligation to support because the alimony is usually quantified and qualified in the settlement proceedings.

 

I think divorce boils down to one thing: it is not about how to end a marriage cleanly but getting into a position to be able to marry again and start another family/relationship!

[gig0l0]

Marriage is not for everyone. If you cant keep it...then it's as simple as...dont get married!!

 

If you cant see marriage as a union of a man and a woman in love....if you see it more as a contract....then just pls dont get married...

 

[Guest wackeen]

Marriage is not for everyone. If you cant keep it...then it's as simple as...dont get married!!

 

If you cant see marriage as a union of a man and a woman in love....if you see it more as a contract....then just pls dont get married...

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

That's a fair statement. I guess my line of thinking is that our topic being Divorce, that we should be discussing strictly the legal aspects of marriage.

 

Discussing the philosophical/moral/religious/romantic aspects of marriage is a dead end in my opinion. I think everyone agrees why people should get married, stay married, and stay committed.

[Belly Dancer]

Marriage is not for everyone. If you cant keep it...then it's as simple as...dont get married!!

 

If you cant see marriage as a union of a man and a woman in love....if you see it more as a contract....then just pls dont get married...

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

it is a fair statement. but then nobody really knows "who" they're really marrying. even if you have been together for so many years and think you know each other so well, this is no guarantee that your marriage will work. or in some cases, the person you thought you were marrying was a completely different person once the ink dried in the marriage contract. divorce is an option they can take. like so many has said in this thread, why stay in a marriage that has gone bad or sadly for some, to hell.