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If Only.... Mga What Ifs ng Buhay Natin...


Guest simply_miss

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believe it or not i dont have any decision that i regret... why? because im the kind of person na if im in this kind of situation, i usually take the risk that would make me happy... i know, it may sound selfish to others pro kc d ba? why should i care about what others would say eh this is my life and im the one in control of it and aside from that, when i make a decision i stick to it no matter what.. yes, there myt be negative outcomes bec of what i decided to choose but atleast im happy and i get to be stong and learn at the same time... life is too short to ponder on regrets and what if's instead of thinking of what you should have done maybe it's time for you to think what you should do with the situation in front of you... either you give up or you go on with it...

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Hi guys!

 

This topic really touched me...

 

Currently, i have a wife and three kids... I'm 30, professional and very busy with work...

Though i can clearly state that i'm happy with my life now, there is one question that keeps hounding me...

And that would be my ex girlfriend from my late highschool and early college days...

She has been off my mind since i married 7 years ago...

But on the early part of this year, she suddenly went back into my conciousness...

Several nights was i awakened with her image... For no apparent reason, i was dreaming of her...

I can see only a face... without emotions, without any apparent movement...

This disturbed me till now... For several days i made no move, obviously i was perplexed and paralyzed with the question why was she hounding me in my sleep...

We have no communication for so long... Twelve years if i remember it right... But why? Why now?

Then, i remembered... My sister told me way back that she tried to call me up in my old house, the house that i used to live before i was married...

My sister said that she just came back from Japan, and when she arrived, i was the first people she called up...

I never knew the reason... IF ONLY i called her up to say hello... My sister told here that i was already married... she never called up again....

 

When i can no longer bear the pain of anxiety, i tried to find her... Or to put it exactly, at first i tried to find out her number...

I went to her cousin's place... There, i found out that her family still stays at their old house in taytay....

I found the courage to call their house... Her mother was the one who answered the phone... She said that she was already married to a japanese national, though they have no kids yet... The day that i called, her mother said that she just arrived from japan... She was not there though, they went to the beach...

 

After that, i never called up again... I lost her number, but i knew how to go their house....

I never did find the courage to go there though... I was afraid, of what i would feel and see....

For now i knew deep down, that i still yearned for her....

That if i see her again, that feeling may surface and i know that it would be wrong...

 

The big if for me was...

IF ONLY i was not married when she came back, would we be in each other's arm? If only i could turn back the hands of time...

I will bring this question for a very long time....

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magka-blockmate kami noong 1st year college. hindi ko sya masyado pinapansin. pero nirereto ako ng isa kong kaklase na ligawan ko sya dahil isa sya sa mga magaganda sa klase namin. ewan ko ba bakit iba ang niligawan ko. kaya lang nabasted ako. sinisisi nga ako ng kaklase ko ba't iba ang niligawan ko.

 

balik tayo sa kanya. minsan, nakakasabayan ko sya umuwi. nililibre ko sya ng pamasahe. one time, tumawag sya sa bahay namin. gulat ako kasi di ko naman naibigay number ko sa kanya. nagkakaroon na ako ng hint na maaaring may gusto sya akin.

 

okay, lumipas ang maraming araw na binalewala ko sya. after a year, lumipat ako ng ibang school. nagkita ulit kami sa isang mall. hiningi ko number nya. kaya lang hindi ko nagawang tawagan sya. hanggang sa nawala ko na ang number nya. lumipas ang ilang taon, nagkita ulit kami. nagkamustahan, pero di ko na yata nahingi ang number nya.

 

lumipas ang panahon, ilan babae na rin ang nakarelasyon ko, pero hindi naman nagtatagal. naaalala ko sya kahit di ko na maalala pangalan nya. minsan naikukwento ko sya sa kabarkada ko tungkol sa mga babaeng pinalampas ko. gusto ko sana magkita kami ulit.

 

pasakay ako sa loob ng fx nang bigla akong tinapik ng makakatabi ko. tuwang tuwa ako. akalain mo nga na nagkita kami ulit sa pangatlong pagkakataon. ililibre ko sana sya pero nauna syang nagbayad at ako tuloy ang nalibre nya. panay sya kwento tungkol sa trabaho at hiningi nya number ko kung sakaling kakailanganin ang tulong ko sa work nila. ako naman nag-iisip na heto na, hindi ko na sya pakakawalan. pero nung nagtanong sya kung meron na akong asawa, sabi ko wala pa. ako naman nagtanong. para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang marinig ko ang sagot. may asawa na sya at 2 anak! parang may tumutusok sa puso ko tapos pinakita pa nya ang picture ng mga anak nya sa cellphone. hindi na tuloy ako maka-concentrate sa mga kinukwento nya. panay oo at konting reaction na lang ginagawa ko, tinatago ko na lang pangkalungkot ko. malapit na ako sa bababaan ko kaya nagpaalam na ako sa kanya.

 

base sa mga kwento nya, sya ang tipo kong babae na gusto ko mapangasawa.

pero huli na.

naiinis ako sa sarili ko!

 

nagsisisi tuloy ako.

sana hindi ko sya binalewala.

sana sya na lang niligawan ko noon...

 

 

ngayon may gumugulo sa isipan ko.

binabalak ko na i-text sya at ipagtapat ang tungkol sa kanya.

gusto ko lang na malaman nya ang naging frustration ko.

kaya lang nagda-dalawang-isip ako.

baka kasi lalo lang mapasama at mapahiya lang ako.

 

Merging SERENDIPITY thread with the IF ONLY thread... the premises of the two threads directly overlap...

Edited by Wyld
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  • 2 months later...

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