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What Has Love Taught You Lately?


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i'm really sorry if this would be long, i just have to get this out of my system...

 

first, i want to let you know what kind of person i am. I hate waiting, i lose focus easily, i'm very very forgetful, i'm the kind of guy who analyzes things (mind over heart), i never get attached easily, i don't believe in love at first sight, i hate romance, i'm an intrepid, i rarely show emotion, i've been in and out of terrible relationships (not because of the person, i never hold any grudges on anybody), maybe the longest relationship i've been into was less than a month (sadly, one of my closest friends snatched my girlfriend), and i've vowed to myself that i'm never going into a relationship again (haha yup, deep inside, i realized that i was scared because of the things that happened to me). i'm really a worthless, unemotional, happy-go-lucky, come-waht-may person.

 

well, things were going steady for me, nothing exciting really. Then, i met "the girl." It all happened suddenly. Haha, i did some stupid things like not signing all my documents so that i'd get a chance to meet her again. Yup, i had the BIGGEST crush on her. But of course, being the chillaxed guy that i am, i never showed it. One day, she texted me to follow up on the documents. I saved her number and texted stupid stuff just to strike up a conversation. Eventually we became friends. She was really a workaholic so she goes home at wee hours. I tried being a gentleman. I asked her if i could go with her going home so that she'd be safe (honestly, her safety is my first priority although i'd be a hypocrite if i'd tell you that it gives me immature kiligs). The first time we went out, i already asked her if i could court her.

 

After that, we started going out everyday (as in monday to sunday), texting (she'd get angry if i don't text her), calling (to check if i'm home), even meeting up just to buy snacks. Man, my defenses really crumbled. I got attached to her so easily. I got to know how beautiful a person she is. She's the most wonderful, most amazing person for me. Everything i said in the second paragraph changed for me. I never minded waiting up for 5 or 6 or 7 or what have you hours everyday. I started quitting smoking, i started focusing on things. I was genuinely happy. because of her, i began realizing that i was also an important person (which i nver dreamed that i'd realize). After the first failed relationship that i had, i prayed everyday that i'd meet the right person who'd, i believed that every failed relationship means that the other person is the wrong person but that person would only take you a step closer to the right one. I didn't want to believe it but, I think i found the right person. Man, those two months were the happiest days of my life.

 

But good things never last for me, really. A couple of weeks ago, she went on a vacation (she didn't want to tell me where or with whom, she's with) and i knew what would happen. When she came back, everything changed. I knew what happened. Haha, man, for once in my life, i want to be wrong on what i know will happen. That day was the same day that i was about to ask her if it could be us. That same day was the day she got back with her ex.

 

I was really in shock. We already planned on having dinner at my house so that she'd meet my family and all. haha, i couldn't eat, i couldn't move. man it sucks so much.

 

I told her i was willing to wait even if it means waiting for nothing. I told her that i'd never do anything to destroy their relationship. I can't and won't make her unhappy. I told her that she probably was one of the closest friends that i've ever had. I told her that i'm just here for her if she needs anything. I'm always worried if she's safe, if she got home, if she ate already, if she got another papercut, if she's sad, if she's in a foul mood, or whatever. For the first time in my life, i gave somebody the one thing that i've been trying to protect until the time that i walk down the altar with that person (no it's not my virginity, i've lost that so many years ago). I told her i love her so deeply, so real, so clearly, wholly. that i love her with all that i am. I vowed never to say those 3 words but there, i said it.

 

Now, as always, i'm alone. She doesn't reply when i text her simple texts like "how are you?" or "did you watch blah blah blah." I've so many friends but i feel so alone. I've never felt this loneliness before. i think i just have to get used to this. Everywhere i look, everything reminds me of her. It's so painful but i've made a decision. I'll still love her no matter what until who knows when.

 

I still wait for her after work (yah i walk around the malls until it closes and then i go troll along EDSA) everyday. I still bring the jacket that she loves to wear. I still bring with me an emergency bandaid all the time. I still bring a big bag (eventhough it has nothing in it) to put her things when it rains. Etc. etc.

 

Now all i have left are the small things that i've kept everytime we're together (candy wrapper, straw, cigarette butt, etc.). To many people, those things are just trash. To me, they're the only treasure i have.

 

I miss her so much...

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Just came across an interesting quote:

 

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

 

^_^

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