Viola

He looked me straight in the eyes and said "i love you, sweetie". I cried because although he said ILY before, this time felt like he really meant it. 

I sent my bf a small package containing some filipino sweets, an "i love manila" shirt and a handwritten letter.  For context, my bf lives in the US and we have an LDR. 

When he opened my package, he devoured the sweets, tried on his new shirt and read my letter.

The shirt is too small for him so he cant wear it but he won't get rid of it. The sweets are gone. But every night, he shows me my letter, which he reads every night before going to bed. He said, out of everything i sent him so far, my letter is what he treasures most. I really do have a keeper. 

Woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night.

Called my boyfriend, and he just stayed on the phone with me until o fell asleep again. When I woke up, he was still on the call. 

My bf finally gave me a kiss without me asking for it. I always ask him for a kiss whenever we say goodbye/goodnight. He is not the type to express himself that way. But today, he did it without me asking. That made me happy. 

Its a sad day today. One because we didn't win. But ive accepted defeat as gracefully as i can. 

But mostly im sad because im having one of the worst days of my life and i wish he was with me. 

I broke up with my bf. So he is now my ex. 

He has a lot of issues and takes his anger out on me. In the past few weeks, he has been verbally abusive. 

Last night, he was abusive again. And so i made the decision to break up with him. Eventhough i love him, i can no longer excuse him when he lashes out. 

Yung ngayon palang nag give up na sya.  Tapos sasabihin nya, in 5yrs if we are still both single, we should get married. Ano yun? Napanood ba nya yung movie ni Sharon at Aga?

Yung nag uusap kayo, may katext na iba tapos ibang babae pala. Ung ayaw ka nya i let go pero ayaw din nya na maging kayo because of so many reasons. Ano reserve ako?

Nung nagalit ka, biglang block nya dun sa girl. Ano ba talaga. Kung ayaw mo, let go. It hurts either way. 

Ako na nagsabi na friends na lang us, payag naman sya pero ang dami pa kuda. Ano friends na lang ba talaga? Ano ba talaga?

Yung nagsabi kang aalis ka na lang.. tapos aayaw pa rin.

Pero alam mong nag give up na sya kahit hindi pa nag sisimula. Ayoko na. I tried. I opened my heart to him. Now im closing it. Ayoko na mas masaktan 

Well here i am again with a broken heart.

Im supposed to be this awesome, amazing women. So why can't i be loved back?

How can you say you want me to be in your life yet not want to be with me?

I have a feeling he cant be trusted 

There is this one guy here whom i want to give a chance so much but i just cant trust because of the things he won't answer. 

So it has been close to a decade since i've been out on a proper date. Life has forced me to shun men because i know i cant get in a relationship with them.

This year is different. In finally free. Im also already 40. So while i can finally resume my life, go out and have fun, im too old now.

Still, it would be nice to be asked out on a date, go out, dress up, feel the romance. It would be nice to receive flowers again and made to feel like cherished. 

Time has passed me by. Im used to being alone. Maybe, im destined to be alone. 

While, i may be too old to find love, at least i am finally free to pursue my dreams 

Listening to the Corrs song.. while not entirely applicable, some lines made me sad because i wished someone stayed. Well he left . Ran away is more like it. 

I've seen this place a thousand times

l've felt this all before

And every time you call

I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now

I've seen this in my eyes

And though it feels so great

I'm still afraid

That you'll be leaving anytime

Where do i start...

2021:

Yung huling usap nyo ang ayos ayos, tapos biglang mawawala.

Yung ilang beses mo na binigyan ng chance pero wala pa rin 

Yung last minute nag cancel with a lame excuse and then disappeared. Why are you so scared?

Back in 2008: yung kayo pa, pero sabihan ka na pwede ba manligaw ng ibang babae. Ano to open relationship? 

Back in 2005: ung may matanggap kang tawag na nagpakilalang gf ng bf mo. Tapos malalaman mo, #2 pala ung tumawag sayo at ikaw ung #3 at may #4 pa. 

Back in 2003: ung binigay mo na ung puso mo, tapos malalaman mo married with kids? 

2022 is all about self improvement for me. So I decided to take up biking. This has been on my mind since 2020 when pandemic started, then moreso around november last year when I started a healthier lifestyle. 

I initially planned to enroll in a gym but i dont think it is safe yet. So to hit two birds with one stone, biking is the logical solution. 

I need help. I was gonna buy a bike at the start of the year, but i was hit with covid and is still in quarantine. Once Im done isolating, i want to get my own bike.

What should i get with a measly budget of 10k max. This is the absolute max.

Please note, i am new to biking. I dont even know how to ride a bike. So i'll be learning that as soon as i buy one. Im also only 4'11 so the big tall bikes are not for me.

 Any suggestions ? It must be budget-friendly, beginner-friendly and height-friendly. 

I mostly plan to bike around my village first then hopefully when im capable, ride longer distances and when the world permits, still use it to go to work in Makati. 

TIA

Selosa? Yes, I am. Until im given enough reason not to doubt my partner.

For example, if he proactively gives info about his lakad. I wont need to ask him, he'll just let me know. 

"Im going out with the boys, there will probably be girls there but i promise not to touch "

A message/text like this tells me a lot of things 1) he is not keeping things from me 2) he knows the presence of temptation 3) he knows his limits 

I would probably just say ok to this. Of course he might still be lying, but something like this would stop me from being selosa.  Him cheating and being caught is a different topic.

Getting ghosted by someone who was important to me

I recently got back from a 3-day staycation. I realize how lonely my house makes me feel. I was able to sleep during the staycation and now i cant sleep again. This home males me feel anxious, stressed, and lonely

I ordered dresses online and most of them have problems. One is too short. The other doesnt fit my chest. The other is the wrong size.

Hey,

I finally gave up on you. But what you did hurt. And so i am back to being unable to trust anyone right away. 

Thanks.

Happiness is a dreamless sleep next to someone who's arms are around you,as if saying he will always protect you.

Wala na yata mga Aquarius dito

Im having a bad day. I want to grieve and yet i cant. I want to move in and i still feel stuck. I feel like im in a limbo.

I want to trust someone and yet i cant. I want to be near people and yet i push them away. 

Im having a bad day. 

Im having a bad day today. I used to just shake off sadness. But being home the entire time, it became harder and harder to cope.

Every day, i would wake up and think, is it a bad day or a good day. If it is a bad day, i would rather just stay in bed 

Today, i woke up and know that it is a bad day. There is this feeling of melancholy that you cant explain. I dont know what triggered this sadness im feeling now. I was doing ok for several weeks. Today just happened to be a bad day.

And every time i have a bad day, it becomes more difficult to get back to normal. Tonight, i started thinking, if i hurt, then maybe i wont be sad.

Hey you,

Wherever you are now, im having a really really bad day. I woke up feeling down and i started to cry. 

it has been several weeks since i last felt this way.

i dont know where you are. I dont know what's with your life now. All i know is today, im angry at you. Because you said you'd be there for me whenever i feel this way. But you are not. 

I hope tomorrow turns out to be a better day

Macy had cancer. That was what I can remember. She was one of the pillars here. 

Im a plus size woman. Two weeks ago, i decided to go on a diet. So far it is working out for me. I have a very sedentary lifestyle. My work is to crunch numbers and analyze them. So i spend my day in front of my laptop.

Now that my body has adjusted to the new diet (low cal, low carbs), i need to introduce some physical activity. 

Here's my problem. I tried walking around the village, but my village isnt exactly "safe". Lots of stray dogs and people walking around not wearing a mask. We dont have any nearby parks. 

I dont have space in my room to even do yoga and the living area has no space as my father's wheelchair occupies most of the space. The only real space is in the kitchen, where most of the "living" happens. So there's also no space there unless i exercise after midnight.

I dont want to join a gym yet(maybe later), as i dont want to shock my body. 

What can i do as a beginning exercise that will allow my body to adjust to my new diet and physical activity. Im hoping to join a gym around january next year.  Are there exercises i can do in a small space? Lets say a 2ft by 2ft space.. basically the space in front of my laptop.