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Falling in Love with Someone When You Cannot...


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#21 Cookster

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Posted 15 October 2003 - 10:01 PM

um....divorce was brought up for what purpose again?

No, I am not pro divorce.
I just don't understand why you have to stay away if you were lucky enough to be loved back by somebody you truly love.
Ok, so you have complications.

I am confused about this. Very Much.
If i put myself in the wife's shoes, I would want the woman to die a terrible death for even thinking about taking what's mine. Of course, i would also want my husband to be loyal to me...

but if he has to ask about how he can stay away from someone..
then I no longer can call him mine.. right?

If i put myself in the other woman's shoes, as long as I feel happy, for as long as I am ok with the "situation" and understand all the rules, then I wouldn't want him to stay away from me... Future or no future.
My Life. I decide how I want to live it. If I want to live it as a man's other woman, so be it.

If i am to play the role of the kid, I would keep my mouth shut. My parents deserve to be happy, and even though it's noble to want to stay together to give me a good future.. It's not going to work. Individually, they deserve to be happy, if my father would be happier with another woman, so be it. I'm sure my mother won't be happy even if he stays with us if she knows in her heart that the only reason why he's staying is to "Keep the family together".

Lastly, if i am to play the role of the husband.. it's a matter of who is more valuable. Priorities. Do I love her as much as my wife? Is this just a passing thing? Will i tire of her soon? Will my wife ever forgive me? can i forgive myself if my wife can't?

Nice one swit....

This is really confusing....

There is a reason why God placed our brains over our heart...so that we can think first with our heads before our feelings...but you cannot ignore what you feel that is why its confusing...

My stand is with my family...the girl got involved bec of me....I know that...but I have to be responsible for my family....they are my priorites...I made a vow and that is the one vow I will NEVER break...I will love my kids that much that I have to endure tha suppression of my feelings and the guilt of knowing that I hurt someone I really care about....

That's it...

#22 dermaboy

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Posted 15 October 2003 - 10:05 PM

THE BEST GIFT A FATHER COULD GIVE TO HIS CHILDREN IS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER.

....hhmmmm...very good but not the best...

#23 dermaboy

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Posted 15 October 2003 - 10:30 PM

hmmm... tough questions different scenarios but it would only lead to one thing....... how to stay away from the so-called "sinful" feeling..... it's a matter of choice and will...... there are some things that we do not because we want to do it but because it's the right thing to do.... it may not be based on norms but primarily on our own standards.... oh well.. it's still easier said than done....

i guess ill just cross the bridge when i get there.... errrrrr actually im approaching that bridge already.... darn <_<

i guess being happy and right are entirely two different things...

to happiness: doing the right thing:
the wife: -let go of husband -defend the marriage
the kids: -let go of father -defend the family
you : -choose your love -choose your family
the girl : -be a mistress -forget the relationship

me : i'd definitely go for the right thing (i hope hehe.).

#24 449239

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Posted 15 October 2003 - 10:46 PM

um....divorce was brought up for what purpose again?

No, I am not pro divorce.
I just don't understand why you have to stay away if you were lucky enough to be loved back by somebody you truly love.
Ok, so you have complications.

I am confused about this. Very Much.
If i put myself in the wife's shoes, I would want the woman to die a terrible death for even thinking about taking what's mine. Of course, i would also want my husband to be loyal to me...

but if he has to ask about how he can stay away from someone..
then I no longer can call him mine.. right?

If i put myself in the other woman's shoes, as long as I feel happy, for as long as I am ok with the "situation" and understand all the rules, then I wouldn't want him to stay away from me... Future or no future.
My Life. I decide how I want to live it. If I want to live it as a man's other woman, so be it.

If i am to play the role of the kid, I would keep my mouth shut. My parents deserve to be happy, and even though it's noble to want to stay together to give me a good future.. It's not going to work. Individually, they deserve to be happy, if my father would be happier with another woman, so be it. I'm sure my mother won't be happy even if he stays with us if she knows in her heart that the only reason why he's staying is to "Keep the family together".

Lastly, if i am to play the role of the husband.. it's a matter of who is more valuable. Priorities. Do I love her as much as my wife? Is this just a passing thing? Will i tire of her soon? Will my wife ever forgive me? can i forgive myself if my wife can't?

I like your adv to this guy. You always put yourself into another shoes but you should also consider yourself. The pros and cons of the situation.

As for you Lian, these are only adv and YOU are the one in that situation. Maybe we can relate on some of the things that you experience but we haven’t experience the same degree that you have right now. Decide what’s best for you and to your family. As for me, you should find time to talk to your wife … to your kids … and to that girl especially with your decision. You should also find time to meditate on your decision. And whatever your decision … you should be firm with that decision.

#25 LovenFaith

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 01:32 AM

huhh...!!! so complicated...!!! : :unsure: :cry: :cry:
but f m d wyf though, i will surely feel f there's smtng bothering my
husband's mind, and so, m gna ask him wats wrong, heart to heart talk.
f i've learned that he has another girl but he wants 2 leave it already, m gna
exert sme effort 2 help him, maybe i'l b the one 2 talk 2 the girl f he find hard times in doing that... but...
if i've learned that he rreally love that girl, though the pain will surely k*ll me, i will change our relationship from being partners to bestfriends. wats d use of kipng him f his heart's not n me? besides, i love him that much that i dont want him to be
confused all the time, m gonna give him all the time he's needed to figure out
what he's really up to.
on the other hand, f m d mistress, i wouldn't make further complications, as long as were happy whenever were together, i wouldn't drag the time he has for his family. i love him that much that m willing to sacrifice however painful ts 4 me., nwy, ts d thoughts that counts, so even f were not together as long as we love each other, we dont nid 2 hurt other people, i'll always go for quality over quantity.
one morre thing, f i really love him that much, i will never let his relation to his family be destroy just because of me. i know if it happen, he will be shattered and i don't want it to be happen 2 him, i really love him that much.


gus2 k nang maiyak s topic n to, can we start a thread about the MISTRESS' AGONY?

GOSH, my pieces of related emotions just gushing out.

as for you lian, take your tym, be vocal to both of them, whoever wishes ur happiness and not theirs will be the ryt choice. i dnt say u have to take what's good for u first, but this would be a good parameter of whom u should have to choose.

Lastly, take time to pray. u've asked each and evryone of us about your problem but did u already talk 2 HIM and ask d same question u've asked us?
:blush: :blush: :blush:


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#26 lord_rochester

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 09:01 AM

complicated question.

the thing is could you really stay out of the way. di ba we become stupid when we are in love?

pero as usual there is always a limit to this stupidity. (good thing)

so you could just simply stay out. the "how" question is difficult. pero when you reach your limit you will stay out or else you haven't reached your limit yet.

#27 irshes

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 09:53 AM

Cut the communication.

She's trying to k*ll herself? She needs psychiatric help, not you. You are NOT responsible for whatever action she takes. You shouldn't feel guilty. She has issues. You may be part of the reason she acts that way, but in the end she's the one who has control over what she does.

I've been through a dilemma similar to that of the girl. I almost gave up on my BF because of guy #2 (in this case, you). Guy #2 is no longer here. But I am. I'm still alive, breathing and well. I've learned a lot, and right now I can say with utmost honesty that I'm happy with my life.

Time has been a very good friend.

#28 Killer5

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 10:56 AM

gawin mo yung mga ginagawa mo dati nung wala pa sya sa buhay mo

#29 Guest_kizmet_*

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 11:09 AM

I am in the same situation.... I share same semtiments....

I still love him but we both belong to our own family ---- period. We just enjoy what we presently have.... our own family - our company... I don't expect much more than that. We don't have any plans of ruining our own family.....

But honestly... I still have this hope that one day... just maybe one day we both could be free and..... well..... it's just a dream!!!!

#30 kadafy

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 11:22 AM

I am in the same situation.... I share same semtiments....

I still love him but we both belong to our own family ---- period. We just enjoy what we presently have.... our own family - our company... I don't expect much more than that. We don't have any plans of ruining our own family.....

But honestly... I still have this hope that one day... just maybe one day we both could be free and..... well..... it's just a dream!!!!

be mindful of your thoughts ms. kizmet. they may become actions.

there is such a thing as the power of the subconscious.

so, if you've really decided as what have you said, don't entertain those thoughts/dreams.

word of caution lang po... :)

#31 TheRaven

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 11:27 AM

Simple lang! One, if my feelings for that person on that day is reaching quite an intensity, I ignore the person or go the opposite way or close myself up! Two, if my feelings for that person is so-so, on that day, I could actually talk to her all day without so much fuzz or I can even play catch-you-if-I-could without actually being emotional about the matter.

#32 Guest_kizmet_*

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 11:32 AM

I am in the same situation.... I share same semtiments....

I still love him but we both belong to our own family ---- period.  We just enjoy what we presently have.... our own family - our company... I don't expect much more than that.  We don't have any plans of ruining our own family.....

But honestly... I still have this hope that one day... just maybe one day we both could be free and..... well.....  it's just a dream!!!!

be mindful of your thoughts ms. kizmet. they may become actions.

there is such a thing as the power of the subconscious.

so, if you've really decided as what have you said, don't entertain those thoughts/dreams.

word of caution lang po... :)

thanks kadafy... i'll stick that to my mind!!! :)

#33 sugaRRay

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 02:57 PM

yan ang nangyayari pag nag asawa ka ng hindi mo ganon ka mahal... tsk! tsk! tsk!

- kailangan mo png mag isip kng sino pipiliin mo...
-kailangan mo pang takutin sarili mo sa posibleng mangyari...
-kailangan pang may magsakripisyo sa kalokohan mo...

balik sa question... pano nga ba... :rolleyes:

i make it a point kasi na kung mambababae ako... dapat...
-mas maganda misis ko don...
-mas mahal ko dapat misis ko don...
-alam nya ang score...
-alam ko ang score...

(eh nainlove na nga eh) :wub:

so nainlove na pala ko...
-isa lng sya na mag sasakripisyo pag iniwan ko sya...
-3 kami na mag sasakripisyo at baka mas madami pa pag pinagpatuloy ko hangang mabuko... :cry:

#34 sugaRRay

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:01 PM

yan ang nangyayari pag nag asawa ka ng hindi mo ganon ka mahal... tsk! tsk! tsk!

- kailangan mo png mag isip kng sino pipiliin mo...
-kailangan mo pang takutin sarili mo sa posibleng mangyari...
-kailangan pang may magsakripisyo sa kalokohan mo...

balik sa question... pano nga ba... :rolleyes:

i make it a point kasi na kung mambababae ako... dapat...
-mas maganda misis ko don...
-mas mahal ko dapat misis ko don...
-alam nya ang score...
-alam ko ang score...

(eh nainlove na nga eh) :wub:

so nainlove na pala ko...
-isa lng sya na mag sasakripisyo pag iniwan ko sya...
-3 kami na mag sasakripisyo at baka mas madami pa pag pinagpatuloy ko hangang mabuko... :cry:

naghahanap ka lng yata ng sagot sa problema mo eh...??? hehehe

#35 Chi-Chi

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:05 PM

if you really love the person ndi mo sha oofferan ng life na hindi sha sasaya... un na lang isipin mo parati..

#36 igilah

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:27 PM

sabi nila, there's nothing a good talk cannot solve...

somehow, you will have to find a way to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. a great many people fail to understand that nothing lasts forever and that, hard as we all try to be the perfect partner, we often come to realize that just as easy as it is to fall in love, it is that much easier to fall out of love. but, falling out of love does not mean that you no longer love her. it's just that your love for her, i would assume since you are still there, has now gone to a different level.

make her understand, truly understand, that you both have a right to be happy... that you are no longer happy, and that by you not being happy, it would be hard for you to make her happy as well.

let her know also that living apart does not mean becoming total strangers. you're still there to comfort her in times of need and to celebrate with her in times of joy.

whatever you do, if you truly are no longer happy/satisfied with your relationship and want to move on, do not make the mistake of staying for the sake of "idealism" (that marriages are supposed to last a lifetime), for fear of hurting the other person and/or the kids. many people try too hard to have a long lasting relationship to do just that. but, the individual who has changed end up frustrated, unable to find happiness in the first place where it should be found, at the home. so, the individual goes on day by day faking it, only to find him/herself agitated and irritated by the littlest things. this is then taken out on the kids and/or the partner. as you can imagine, this is not healthy for the individual nor for the other parties involved. abuse soon become the norm. no one profits from an unhappy relationship.
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#37 igilah

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:28 PM

sabi nila, there's nothing a good talk cannot solve...

somehow, you will have to find a way to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. a great many people fail to understand that nothing lasts forever and that, hard as we all try to be the perfect partner, we often come to realize that just as easy as it is to fall in love, it is that much easier to fall out of love. but, falling out of love does not mean that you no longer love her. it's just that your love for her, i would assume since you are still there, has now gone to a different level.

make her understand, truly understand, that you both have a right to be happy... that you are no longer happy, and that by you not being happy, it would be hard for you to make her happy as well.

let her know also that living apart does not mean becoming total strangers. you're still there to comfort her in times of need and to celebrate with her in times of joy.

whatever you do, if you truly are no longer happy/satisfied with your relationship and want to move on, do not make the mistake of staying for the sake of "idealism" (that marriages are supposed to last a lifetime), for fear of hurting the other person and/or the kids. many people try too hard to have a long lasting relationship to do just that. but, the individual who has changed end up frustrated, unable to find happiness in the first place where it should be found, at the home. so, the individual goes on day by day faking it, only to find him/herself agitated and irritated by the littlest things. this is then taken out on the kids and/or the partner. as you can imagine, this is not healthy for the individual nor for the other parties involved. abuse soon become the norm. no one profits from an unhappy relationship.

#38 igilah

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 03:35 PM

embarrassing, mali pala yung topic ng last post ko, para pala sa asawa mo 'yon.

well, at least okay problem mo...

sabay hirit si rod stewart:

some guys have all the luck
some guys have all the pain
some guys get all the breaks
some guys do nothing but complain...

#39 sugaRRay

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 04:10 PM

embarrassing, mali pala yung topic ng last post ko, para pala sa asawa mo 'yon.

well, at least okay problem mo...

sabay hirit si rod stewart:

some guys have all the luck
some guys have all the pain
some guys get all the breaks
some guys do nothing but complain...

hehehe... oo para sa asawa yun... e pano yung sa kerida? B)

#40 vogharth

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Posted 16 October 2003 - 05:44 PM


you just have to be tougher dude... i know that would hurt, but you just have to do what you have to do...

goodluck...

I thought i was tough... so many times i've convinced myself to leave her...

...but as an assh*le that i am.... i started to soften once i see her crying already...

... and at one time, lumuhod pa sa harap ko :(

..damn!

i feel you bro, though iba ang sa case ko... to add that you're bein' stalked... stories/lies comin' from their side... would really drive you nuts... sent me into bein' drunk everyday for two months... sleeping at 3 and goin' to work a few hours after... its hard... things would be so much easier if you don't love her... but you have to do it... NOW...

seek comfort dude... i tell you it would be very hard if you do it alone... glad i have my family... my homies who'd drink with me kahit di na kaya... and MTC to channel the frustrations you have...

just be tougher dude... be with your wife... and kiss your kids everytime you have your chance...

good luck ulet...




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