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J,

 

 

Bakit nga ba malungkot ako tuwing umuulan?

Marahil dahil sa patuloy kong hinahanap ang iyong piling. Hinahanap ko ang iyong yakap at halik. Hinahanap ko ang iyong tawa't ngiti, ang paglalambing na sa iyo ko lang naramdaman at ang pagpapahalaga na sa iyo lamang nanggaling.

Ngunit nasaan ang lahat ng ito, at ngayo'y patuloy kong hinahangad na makapiling kang muli?

Saan ba ako nagkamali? Nasaktan ba kita ng lubusan na iniwan mo ako nang hindi man lamang binigyan ng pagkakataong magpaliwanag o malaman kung saan ba ako nagkulang?

Naiinis ako tuwing nababasa ko ang mga hinanakit ng mga babaeng iniwan ng kanilang minamahal. Napapaisip ako kung bakit ako, isang taong may tunay na intensiyong magmahal ay hindi nabibigyan ng pagakakataon na ipakita ang aking nararamdaman. Lahat ng ipinagkait sa akin, pati rin ba ang pagkakataong magmahal?

Tinatanong ko sa sarili kung bakit. Bakit ganito ang nangyayari sa akin. Ginawa ko na ang lahat ngunit kulang pa rin.

Masakit sa akin ang nangyari. Nag-akala akong minahal mo ako ng tunay, ngunit ang katunayan ay hindi naman pala. Bumalik ka sa iyong "tunay" na minamahal at lahat ng pagmamahal na ginugol ko sa iyo'y parang tinapon mo lamang sa basurahan na hindi man lamang inisip kung may tao ka bang nasaktan.

Ano ba ang akala mo sa akin? Na tulad lamang ako ng lahat ng lalaki na madaling makalimot sa kani-kanilang nararamdaman? Na matapos nilang gamitin ang kanilang babae ay iiwan na lamang nila na parang basahan? Hindi ako ganun, hindi ako tulad nila. Hindi ako tulad ng karamihan sa lalaki ng itinatago ang kanilang nararamdaman. Na pinipigil ang kanilang pag-iyak. Na nananakit kapag galit. Hindi ako manggagamit. Ipinakita ko sa iyo na mahalaga ka sa akin. Na ikaw ang nais kong makasama ng habang buhay dahil minahal kita. Ngunit nabigo pa rin ako.

Ngayon ko lamang napatunayan sa sarili ko na kahit ang laki na ng paghihirap ng isang tao, madali pa rin na mawala sa kanya ang mga bagay na tunay niyang pinagpapahalagahan. Ang mga taong tunay niyang minamahal.

Marahil iniisip mo ngayon na may kasama na akong iba. Na nakalimot na ako sa iyo. Pero hindi eh. Tuwing umuulan na lamang ay naaalala kita. Kasi umuulan noong nagpaalam ka sa akin.

Tuwing umuulan ay tila umaagos ang aking luha kasabay pagbuhos ng luha ng mga ulap. Na kumukulog ang aking puso kasabay ang kulog ng langit. Nagimistulang nalulunod ako sa luha ng hinanakit. Ang mga alaala'y patuloy na gumagalos sa aking damdamin, at ang sugat sa aking puso'y tila hindi na maghihilom.

Minahal kita kahapon, mahal kita ngayon, at mamahalin pa rin kita bukas, sa makalawa at kailanman. Sana maintindihan mo ako, sana bigyan mo muli ako ng pagkakataon...

 

 

Kits

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I have the spark of clarity this week.

 

I am not tired nor sick, and the load of worke I have somehow set aside. And I have had a few good nights of sleep.

 

This week is not to be wasted. Drink and booze must await. Friends too, fortunately they are 3000 km away anyway.

 

I need to re-form or re-assess my long term plans now, work until I tire, until the spark burns out! I need to review the strategies, before another new assignment is upon me and I am again lost in the hurly burly of details and tactics, once more not very sure of my precise place and heading in the overall situation map.

 

I feel the rare moment when the manager in me is confidently instructing myself what to do, just as if I was one of my own subordinates. And just as snappily following...

 

Carpe diem!

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Thank you for the affection....

Thank you for the attention....

But can I afford to go on with this?

The stature.. the status.. the life.... all will be thrown away....

Surely we will have a very very hard life......

Is this the future that i would want.....

 

M. D. .... tuluyan ba kita?

Edited by Leslie Garcia
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Guest bubblegum

Mahal ko,

 

You never left my mind. I wanna thank you for all the love you have unselfishly given me. I know that I'm a pain in the ass most of the time.. but still.. you were there for me. What have I done to deserve your love?

 

I love you so much. :*

 

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Guest breakdowngirl

All in Love Is Fair

Stevie Wonder

 

All is fair in love

Love’s a crazy game

Two people vow to stay

In love as one they say

But all is changed with time

The future none can see

The road you leave behind

Ahead lies mystery

But all is fair in love

I had to go away

A writer takes his pen

To write the words again

That all in love is fair

 

All of fate’s a chance

It’s either good or bad

I tossed my coin to say

In love with me you’d stay

But all in war is so cold

You either win or lose

When all is put away

The losing side I’ll play

But all is fair in love

I should have never left your side

A writer takes his pen

To write the words again

That all in love is fair

 

A writer takes his pen

To write the words again

That all in love is fair

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Follow Me

 

You don't know how you met me

You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye

All you know is when I'm with you I make you free

And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

I'm singing....

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

 

I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear

Cause as long as no one knows

Than nobody can care

Your feelin' guilty

And I'm well aware

But you don't look ashamed

And baby I'm not scared

I'm singing...

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

 

Solo

 

Won't give you money

I can't give you the sky

You're better off if you don't ask why

I'm not the reason that you go a stray and

We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

 

You don't know how you met me

You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye

All you know is when I'm with you I make you free

And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

I'm singing....

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me

 

Follow me

Everything is alright

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night

And if you want to leave

I can guarantee

You won't find nobody else like me.

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Why Fall in Love?

 

 

“Why should people fall in love?” I ask myself one night. What makes people stupid to take the risk to be hurt with all the pains that a relationship brings? The responsibility attached in entering a relationship is much more difficult than the school works given to me by PATTS.

 

Falling in love is a pain in the neck. You need to text your girlfriend once in while to check how she is doing. You need to be reminded with the monthly greetings for your monthsarry. You have to prepare something for the date she answered you “Yes”. You have to text her good night and good morning everyday. And if you’re the galante type of partner, you have to give her something every special day of the month, making your relationship look like an exchange gift activity. Surely, part of your monthly allowance will be allocated for your meriendas, lunch or dinner together, more e-loads or cards for text messages and calls, and for gifts as well.

 

Sometimes if she’s the matampuhin type of girl, you have to console her. You even need to do stupid things, loosing your dignity in the process. When you’re in love, you need to say sorry, forgetting your big pride which not even your parents can put down.

 

With all these sacrifices, why do people still fall in love?

 

I started looking back 3 months ago when I was in the same position, the last time I ever fell for a girl. Entering a relationship is not because I choose it. It is not a decision where you ask yourself “Should I fall in love?” When we fall, we did not weigh the responsibilities that will be added to us. We fall in love because we feel it. We fall for someone because we are happy having him or her as our company, our partner that we can share part of ourselves.

 

Despite all the hardships and sacrifices that it brings us, we still choose to continue because we know that we’re happy with them. We are inspired to excel in something we do because of love. Even the pride and dignity we built for years topples down for the sake of that one person that just been part of our identity.

 

When we’re in love we’re simply happy. A different kind of happiness comes to ourselves especially when we know that the feeling we have is mutual, shared and expressed. It is the magic that keeps us going on, the strength that makes us fight when everything falls down, the inspiration that boost our adrenaline, the only feeling that brings a different type of excitement and rush of blood all over us. It is the feeling we can’t ever forget, not even when we’re in a new relationship. Once a part, it will always remain a part of us, only remained buried inside.

 

So why do I fall in love? I don’t know. All I know is the next time I’d be falling; I’d still remain stupid for it, just like the first time 3 months ago.

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Guest breakdowngirl

Are you afraid that if you fall for me, I will never be faithful to you? I may be a player but when I am in love, I am in love. Though when I am in love and in pain at the same time, I tend to do things in revenge...

 

tangna ayaw ko ng ganito ako <_< nababanas ako! <_<

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there are times when i just want to walk away but i cant.

its as if my feet have turned into lead and they just stand here... transfixed.

 

when i try to turn my back .... some unseen force prevents me from doing so.

and i remain, facing you... staring at that precious face,

letting my eyes scan each and every feature that makes you.. you...

 

love is never easy. its full of rough turns and bumpy roads...

but i have willingly taken this path with you.

whether or not it turns out to be the best ride of my life

or i take a tailspin out of the path,

i dont really have a choice anymore.

im in for the ride.

 

i just hope that the course

does not throw us too many obstacles along the wa.

that way, we can finish this journey ... together.

 

:heart:

Edited by WyldChik
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sweetie,

 

i know you always want the best for me, for us. and i also know that you always mean well in all your intentions. i am sorry for making you worry so much but all i really wanted was to understand you where you're coming from. i hope now, everything is ok between us.

 

please know that i would never do anything to destroy this thing that we have because it is way more precious than anything else that i've ever come close to. you are my life now.

 

L

 

ps: thank you for the surprise. you never cease to amaze me with your affection. i miss you more than ever.

Edited by Mayella
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