The Mail Box

[colette]

mahal kong nanay,

 

bakit ka may favoritism? why am i always the one washing the dishes at night? hindi mo pinaghugas pinggan si ate. why??? pag si ate late dumating sa bahay, you always have food in the oven for her. pero ako, nothing.

 

nanay, kung hindi ka magbabago, lalayas na ako sa bahay. i'll marry my black penpal. at hindi kita padadalhan ng dollars.

 

sana maisip mo din akong ipagtabi ng ulam.

 

nagmamahal mong anak na malapit nang hindi ka mahalin,

 

colette

[colette]

dear ambong,

 

i dunno why you could not wait for me and married marina in obando. were you too horny that waiting for me was torture? i told you i'd only be ocw for 2 years. 2 years! so we can build our dream home in paombong.

 

i heard marina is pregnant. here's wishing the manananggal visits her at night. and don't you dare hang garlic by the window. she is garlic-proof!

 

ambong, i'm so lonely without you. i still remember the times you would call me collect. i was always so happy. not like dolores who would curse because of astronomical phone bills. you see, i love you so much. i don't really care if we are poor, as long as we are together.

 

why, ambong? tell me why you couldn't wait!

 

 

crying all the time,

 

colette

[Wolf]

hi.

i'm really sorry if i screwed up the other night.

would love to see you again and make up things with you.

before you leave.

 

[Shiro]

Apparently, I can no longer make mistakes

Apparently, there is no one important in your life except yourself.

Apparently, you are a spoiled brat who does not know how to listen.

Apparently, you say you do not love me.

Apparently, you've been playing the world for a fool.

Apparently, you thought we'd never notice.

Apparently, not.

 

Goodbye.

 

Grow up.

[wjc-934]

jean,

 

sa piling mo, ang oras ay parang lumilipad...

diko maipaliwanag ang aking nararamdamang ito

masaya ako pag kasama ka...

ikaw ang minimithi gabi at araw...

na ang magmamahal sa akin ay ikaw...

 

kit

[colette]

dear ambong,

 

now that i'm back in the barrio, it still feels as though i'm still not here.

everything has changed. you are not the ambong i know. you left my life,

my dreams, and this barrio you grew up in.

 

i don't know what life you live in obando with marina. or if you are ever happy.

i'm not sure i want to know. it pains me to even think for when i do, i see you

with her and it's a stab in my heart.

 

ka igme asked me out the other day to watch a movie. i could not bring myself

to go with him. deep down, i still feel attached to you. i feel i must stay faithful

and loyal.

 

but of course, i should not. i am not blind and stupid to still wish

we'd be together.

 

ps. someone told me she saw marina dancing. why? is she infertile?

 

 

your one and only colette

[colette]

dreams no more

 

remember, when we would sit by the riverbank, holding my hand.

your other hand holding a stick. drawing some imaginary figure.

your dreams for me? for us? you were at it the whole time.

i wondered. but did not ask. you were in some world i could not

grasp. but i was never insecure. not ever thinking that maybe it

was someone else you were thinking of. because you were holding

my hand. i felt your heart. your pulse, alive. in love.

 

those dreams, i still wonder about. and at night, when there are no stars,

and the moon has not woken, i sit by the window, trying to look far, because maybe, maybe, those dreams are out there. with my eyes, holding tears,

i would find them. i would find the figure your stick drew.

 

i'm staring at my left hand. the hand you held tightly. it is cold. not warmed

by you. it is cold. and almost dead. it breathes not. it dreams not. it clasps

not your hand.

 

crying all the time,

 

colette

[colette]

your picture

 

and when there were no more tears falling, when my body, close to

giving up life, would not respond to more sadness, i would sit on

my bed. feet under thighs, my whole being aching silently, i would

utter your name. softly, at first, a faint whisper. i would say

"ambong" repeatedly. the name of the man i love.

 

and then i would close my eyes. my thought i would send off.

to journey into space. into worlds unknown. so they may find you.

so they might touch you, where my hands cannot. so they may kiss

you, where my lips cannot.

 

oh, ambong, if only you know how much i suffer. how life no longer

begins n the mornings with the crowing roosters.

 

if only you know my days now are spent, waiting for my last breath

because life has ceased having meaning.

 

i don't want life.

i don't want life.

 

when it's not with you.

 

 

crying all the time,

 

colette

[colette]

the fiesta

 

we were so happy then. we danced the night away. and you even joined

me in the kitchen, where a plate of tatay's adobong palaka was set aside

for us.

 

and then you said, "colette, remember when the kids at school would tease

me? they said my eyes looked nananabik like hayok eyes of palaka?"

 

that grossed me out, ambong. i imagined i was chewing eyes. but of course, i was not. frog's leg dangling on my lips.

 

but i said "ambong, of course, i did not laugh. i thought your eyes were beautiful. they would sometimes look gulat. but harmless, really."

 

and then you kissed me. my tongue trying to reach your throat. trying to

taste swallowed viand. trying to taste you. my love. my reason for being.

 

and then you pulled my arm. you walked fast, and i followed. you took

me to inang's bahay kubo. on the bamboo floor, looking up to the santos

and santas imahen, you devoured my virginity. i confiscated your

manhood. we rocked our world. the anahaw roof fluttering with each thrust.

the floor creaking with each moan. i was so wet, ambong. and you were

in and out like a mad man. then suddenly, "ay, nahugot!" i exclaimed.

and you, quickly re-inserting. into that place so deep, the cave that was

home to your hito.

 

it will be fiesta time. but i don't wait with eagerness.

 

it is not fiesta without you, ambong. i'm so tigang without your hito.

 

 

crying all the time,

 

colette

[colette]

i swear

 

 

one of these days, ambong, i will turn up at your doorstep, when marina has left for the fields. you will open your door to a woman naked. a woman in love who wants you to see her naked, that you might remember her as she was before, when her erect nipples made you drool. when you would flick your tongue on them as your fingers played with her pussy. yes, ambong, i shall turn up,

and you will see the world you left behind.

 

you used to say, you were always full after you've sucked on them.

you used to say after you've devoured my juices, for three days, you

were not thirsty or hungry.

 

i'm pinching my nipples now, ambong. i'm imagining they are being kissed

and sucked by you. i'm rubbing my pussy with a pillow. pretending it's

your hito rubbing it.

 

ahh, must love only exist in dreams i make? but i swear to you, ambong,

when i turn up at your doorstep, you open your door to a woman

grabbing your hito.

 

 

not anymore crying but horny instead,

 

colette

[Zerreit]

E,

 

Why??? :cry:

 

L

[wjc-934]

jean,

 

 

Siguro nga hindi ito ang panahon para sa ating dalawa.

Hindi ito ang pagkakataon para sa pag-ibig ko sa iyo.

Natatandaan mo nang minsang tanungin mo ako Kung sino ang babaeng mahal ko? "Darating din ang panahon na malalaman mo...” yan ang naging sagot ko sa iyo.

 

Ngayon ay sasabihin ko na, ikaw yun, ikaw ang laging laman ng aking mga panalangin, ng aking paggising at pagtulog. Ikaw ang nagbibigay kulay sa mundo kong ito, at sana ay madinig mo ito.

 

 

kit

[irshes]

M,

 

I'm still heady, with alcohol, conversation, smoke and laughter. Tonight was the first time we danced.

Each time we get close feels like a brand-new experience. I can never fully predict what will happen when you get that close to me. Your scent never fails to render me powerless. Until now, I'm still reeling...

I can just imagine the looks we'll be exchanging later. Now you know why they keep the tequila bottle from me

I can't wait to see you.

 

T

 

P.S. The look on your face when I tease another is priceless.. but I know you like that, don't you?

[Shiro]

i'm so tired...

so hurt...

for so long.

 

i want this all to end

i want this love

to wither and die

 

i want to stop hurting

 

i have to let you go

 

but i can't.

[tio_pot]

You give your hand to me and then you say hello

And i can hardly speak my heart is beating so

And anyone can tell you think you know me well

But you don't know me

 

No you don't know the one who dreams of you at night

And longs to kiss your lips longs to hold you tight

Oh i am just a friend that's all i've ever been

Cause you don't know me

 

I never knew the art of making love

No my heart aches with love for you

Afraid and shy i let my chance go by

The chance that you might love me too

 

You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye

I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy

Oh you will never know the one who loves you so

Well you don't know me

 

You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye

I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy

Oh you will never know the one who loves you so

Cause you don't know me

Oh no you don't know me

Oohh...you don't know me