Writings of the Heart

[blubalz]

You're here. You're truly here.

 

I congratulate myself for acting normally in front of the group. I'm grateful that in everybody's excitement and happiness to see you, I can safely become a wallflower.

 

My real challenge is when it's just the two of us.

 

Tarantado ka kasi. Gago.

 

How do u keep so much hatred inside when u could just opt to "ctrl+alt+del" and all those negative emo will be gone. U deserve to be happy. U deserve someone else. Smile always.

[neville]

How do u keep so much hatred inside when u could just opt to "ctrl+alt+del" and all those negative emo will be gone. U deserve to be happy. U deserve someone else. Smile always.

 

I have no other place to vent out how I really feel, how frustrated I am with myself for failing to move on.

 

Only here.

 

It may be possible to easily move on if he has not returned. But he has; and for at least a few months, I have no way to avoid him thanks to a weekly group activity. Save for one person, nobody knew about our rift. They all think that things are good between the two of us.

 

I'm done doing the lovesick fool scene. Humor me as I slowly flush him out of my system.

 

 

***

 

 

Thank you for the encouragement. I don't deserve someone else now. I deserve a better me. :-)

[blubalz]

We are a product of our choices. Choose to be happy. Choose to move on and the world would move towards that direction too. Move on, take one step at a time soon enough you'll be living a life you deserve you will be loving yourself again. As you take those little steps dont forget to smile it would make things easy.

[deathscythe0402]

Pag nagmahal ka ng isang tao, mahalin mo siya kung sino sya at hindi para baguhin para maging isang taong gusto mong maging siya. (based on my personal experience)

[jsa2009]

gave you everything

- my skills

- my knowledge

- my time

- my wealth

- my wisdom

- my life

 

what else do you want?

 

don't you get it?

 

guess not...

[NightWriter]

Dear....

 

I like it when you look at me after we had sex. It's that look of satisfaction of your face after our 6th inning. You keep on going and going and going!

 

Like the energizer bunny that you are.

 

 

Lisa

[Mister.Jay]

They say the past haunts you. But for me, it's the memory of the moment. A moment that defines who you are right now.

[blubalz]

I know this post is prolly not addressed to me but somehow this made my day.

 

Thanks for the positive insight!

 

God speed

 

My pleasure,Ma'am. I live to combat negativism and spread positivity. invest ur energy in living a meanigful life and on things (or person/s) that matters.

 

Be happy always.

[neville]

And tomorrow will be the first day that we will be alone in one place.

 

I half expect a fight to ensue between us. A fight that will clear the air. I'd rather argue with you like we do before when we drive each other up the wall, than not talk at all.

 

An argument like Ron's and Hermione's is better than their cold war, right?

 

I know you have many issues, I hope you initiate to fix ours.

 

I miss you. I really do.

Edited October 22, 2013 by neville

[RED2018]

the mere sight and sound of you would always want me to dream with my eyes open...

[neville]

It'll be okay.

Just be positive

 

He cancelled. And i won't see him this weekend.

 

My crazy family will drive me up the wall, instead.

 

Uh-oh. Haha!!!

[bher2]

it was the plan...

to walk away from you,

so you could have a life of your own.

that's how i love you,

for i couldn't take the chance to hurt you.

[juicypoozy]

You are the one who makes me happy .. And i love you very much

[*Jessie*]

Confessions of an Ex-Stalker

Contributed by raptor (Edited by mimi)

Peyups.com

<a name="cutid2">

 

Have you ever fallen for a girl you met online? I know what you’re thinking. It’s crazy, stupid, a waste of time. I thought that way, too, until it happened to me.

 

When you’re playing counter-strike (CS) online over at Destiny, you do not expect to find a girl fragging enemy heads with you. Yes, some “girls” do play but most are poseurs, even gay. The first time I saw her CS nickname, that’s what I thought: another impostor. She was stumbling all the time, always looking the wrong way.

 

Her nickname is Trin. Her first name is Trinity. She lives somewhere in Makati. She studies in UP Diliman, as I do. She doesn’t give her last name and exact address.

 

I was content on watching her play. At times, she plays well, fragging two or three enemies in succession. Yet her deaths always outnumbered her kills (as far as I know). Did she ever complain? No. Did she ever lash out at the cheaters? Not that I know of. She seemed to be happy just shooting the crap out of enemies.

 

Which included her ex-boyfriend. One very late night last November, around 2am, I joined a CS session with her in it. She was chatting with a guy while waiting for the next round to begin. After several frustrated attempts by the guy, she confided that she was playing CS as an outlet for her anger. You see, she said, my boyfriend is with a girl at Eastwood at this very moment, and will someone please k*ll them both? It made me laugh, until I realized how hurt she was. All guys are bastards, she said, you could never trust them. I did not have the guts to chat with her but I could feel her pain.

 

She became more melancholic after that. Instead of posting inane messages like “mga gago teammates ko” like the other players, she would post song-quotations like “I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, I wanna lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me” to no one in particular.

 

She was above it all. How could you not like a girl who plays counter-strike yet quotes Savage Garden? As it turned out, she likes playing CS while listening to her MP3s.

 

She can be naïve at times. In a CS chat session, she revealed that one time, she gave her cell number to a guy who then immediately posted it for the other guys. Afterwards, according to her, she began getting texts and calls from strangers. She was furious during the chats, trying to track the bastard, to no avail. In the end, all she could say was that all guys are truly bastards.

 

Sometimes she would keep silent, even when others tried to talk to her. But one time, I caught her alone in a map, shooting at ghost terrorists. After a few rounds, I tried saying hi to her. She replied with “Hello my friend, we meet again, it’s been a while, where should we begin, feels like forever…” When I saw that, my heart melted. It was from my favorite song, My Sacrifice, by Creed. She didn’t know it at that time. Whatever happens, I thought, this girl will be special.

 

She told me why she doesn’t chat on yahoo anymore; instead she likes to play CS while chatting and listening to her MP3s (how cool could she get!). She made me laugh when she said that CS “cheaters cheat so others won’t know they have one less ball.” She also answered a question that had been bugging me: she plays late at night simply because she is finding it hard to sleep at night. To tire her mind, she plays CS.

 

I called her once before while she was playing, just to check if she was for real. (Yes, I got her number from the posts.) What came out of my cell’s speaker was the sweetest voice I have ever heard. It was a simple “hello, who’s this” but my heart skipped a beat. I introduced myself as someone else and asked her what she was doing. She responded by saying she was playing counter-strike. I was too nervous to talk more so I ended the call.

 

Not content with that, I tried finding her on campus, since I know her course. It was nearly impossible because UP students could be taking any class anytime. Fortunately, her course does not have that much students. I found her by simply asking a department staffer if he knows Trinity. Yes, he said. When I asked where she is, he said he saw her go to Dr. *****’s class at the corner room. All I had to do was ring her phone while watching the class.

 

When I did so, it was hard to reconcile the submachine gun-toting Trinity that I know with the lovely girl who answered her phone. She had long, shiny black hair like in the commercials. Her skin was very pale; she didn’t have any nail polish. She couldn’t have been more than 5’5’’ but she sat tall. She had bright round eyes, her lips full even at a distance. It was the same sweet voice. When I hang up, she did the same. I realized then why the department staffer knew her.

 

She was lovely, in the truest sense of the word.

 

I realized, too, what I had to do. Before I fall in a bottomless abyss, before I trap myself in an impossible quicksand, I had to stop thinking about her. She was out of my league.

 

Nowadays, I still miss chatting with her, but I don't dare anymore. I still catch her playing very late, her score as bad as it gets. The guys continuously harass her, mocking her score. Trin, enigmatic as ever, just replies with a smiley.

 

What they don’t know is that they are playing with the loveliest counter-strike player on the internet.

[silvervic]

I want to share one from the ramblings I posted on my personal FB page last Oct. 4, 2013:

 

"What's lost is lost for good. Don't dwell on the sadness but don't forget the pain. Learn. Look back then look ahead and pick up the remnants and create something new. Eureka Moment: To those who broke me in the past, I'm still here, better and ready to get broken again, so that I can build again a new and better me."

 

Like the phoenix, I, too, will rise from the ashes of the past heartaches and blaze my way into the future.