Viola

Officially 40. Let's see where life takes me. 

Im turning 40 in a couple of days. Part of me feels excited because i lasted this long. Most of me feels down because i feel like life hasn't turned out the way i planned. 

But this time, i want to celebrate. Just this once, i want my day to be my day. I've ignored it in the last decade and i just want to celebrate my life. 

Gong Xi Fa Cai! 

Im not gonna waste my time getting to know someone who keeps so many secrets. Im done.

On a side note, im turning the big 40 soon. Im thinking how to celebrate this milestone. 

Weekends tend to highlight how alone and lonely i am. 

There are days when you remember how alone you are. This is one of those days

Well this is late, but 2021 has taught me not to wait on anyone who doesn't want to be there or who can't decide if they want to be there.

So for 2022, i'll just plunge straight ahead and damn who gets left behind. 

Im no longer waiting. If you want to be where im heading, then decide now.

Day 6 of my quarantine. Im still feeling weak but much better than the last few days. I even feel like working but i end up falling asleep again. 

As usual, im welcoming the new year sick. I hope this is just the flu. But to be on the safe side, i will be self isolating

Spent the day wallowing in bed again.

The past few days has made me sad. I guess today is the last blow. Anybody up for a chat? I could use really use someone to talk to today.

Holiday blues hitting hard today. I need someone to talk to

3 days ago, i was so happy. Yesterday not so much, today has gone downhill.

Holiday blues.

Question: is it better when you do it on a round bed vs a rectangular bed? Why or why not?

Context: my bestfriend and i were looking at themed motel rooms for the heck of it and we saw a room with a round bed. She casually mentioned, it is easier and better with a round bed and she wont tell me why. 

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I cant seem to shake off this feeling of loneliness and sadness. It must be the holiday season finally affecting my mood.

Oh gosh im drunk. Hahaha

Thoughts: this morning, i felt sad. Really sad. This afternoon, i told myself, the first single guy who would ask me out, i will say yes to. This evening, someone asked me out. I dont know him i dont know his intentions. But i said yes. Might be a stupid decision though. But in my defense, i am extremely sad.

Thoughts for today: im single. Im free. My heart is broken but im willing to try again. I dont know if im ready, but the first step is to try. I just wish i can meet someone who dont normalize ghosting, who would at least tell you what's up instead of disappearing like a coward. 

I feel sad today. Like i lost something. It makes me want to cry. But I won't. I will try my best to live my life like normal. 

Drunk

Men who ghost are cowards. Is it so hard to say "it is not working out, lets end things"?

Cowards.

Another insomnia attack. I wish i could have just one night of uninterrupted sleep

Dealing with tech or customer support is stressful. I just want to upgrade my internet plan and they want me to pay for features that come with the new plan as these are "add ons"

In a mood for a cuddle

Itching to go out, shop, eat and play pokemon go again. It has been several months since i last went out for leisure.