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My Dear,

 

You don't have to worry about me. Continue with your life as I am with mine. I will be fine. I am a strong woman. I can take care of myself. I can handle everything. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Maybe I did hurt myself too for allowing myself to feel something for you. But you have imbibed in me to never regret loving someone. Fate really is twisted. But I am not blaming fate for all the hurt and the misery. Why should I blame fate when it is responsible for us crossing paths. But I'm here, you're there. You have your life there. I have my own life here far away from you. We can't do anything about it. There are ways but there are too many risks to take which I don't think you are ready to take. You are young, we both are. A man like you will not go on single for long. I am sure there are plenty of women there after you. Maybe you'll be happier with them. Who knows how and where fate and destiny will lead us. I always did believe there are reasons why people bump into each other. Maybe it still is not time for us to know the reason why. Maybe someday it will be revealed to us. In due time. Maybe someday our paths will cross again. Maybe someday we'll both be in the same wavelength. Who knows? In due time we will know. I love you. I always will. No one can take that feeling away from me. Not even time. You have been embedded too deep in my heart already for me to just stop loving you. But I have to move on. I have to....

 

Enjoy your life. Always be happy. Live, learn, and love.

 

L

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pren,

 

before the situation gets out of hand for both of us... i decided to put things right for us and settle for respect and sanity for the great things that are happening to us... we are so fast we may be gobbled up by the ecstatic passions and by the expectations that we tend to forget where we came from.

 

thanks for the wonderful intimacy that we shared... it will not be forgotten and it will remain as a part of you in me. still.

 

but i chose control over an affection going haywire because of obssession. im sorry.

 

still your friend in time of need.

 

your poison.

 

cee.

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I'm facing the toughest battle in my life right now...Even though I know how to face the toughest challenge, I woke up to the realization that I ain't seen nothing yet. What I'm experiencing right now can make a General order his men to retreat or a Captain to jump ship and leave his crew behind.

 

Yes I am battle scarred, but I didn't know that the worse is yet to come...Now I wonder if I still have enough strenght in me to go on with the fight. Indeed, everyday is a struggle. Life is tough. But no matter how tough it is as long as I hang on to my faith in Him I know that I'll make it through.

 

 

"Cast your burdens upon Me

Those who are heavily laden,

Come to Me, all of you who are tired

Of carrying heavy loads,

For the yoke I will give you is easy

And My burden is light,

Come to Me and I will give you rest."

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Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

Closer to where i started

Chasing after you

 

i'm falling even more in love with you

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm standing here until you make me move

i'm hanging by a moment here with you

 

forgetting all i'm lacking

completely incomplete

i'll take your invitation

you take all of me

 

now.. i'm falling even more in love with you

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm standing here until you make me move

i'm hanging by a moment here with you

 

i'm living for the only thing i know

i'm running and not quite sure where to go

i don't know what i'm diving into

just hanging by a moment here with you

 

there's nothing else to lose

there's nothing else to find

there's nothing in the world

that can change my mind

there is nothing else

there is nothing else...

there is nothing else

 

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

Closer to where i Started

Chasing after you

 

i'm falling even more in love with you

letting go of all i've held onto

i'm standing here until you make me move

i'm hanging by a moment here with you

 

i'm living for the only thing i know

i'm running and not quite sure where to go

i don't know what i'm diving into

just hanging by a moment here with you

 

just hanging by a moment...

hanging by a moment...

hanging by a moment...

hanging by a moment here with you..

 

I had fun. Especially with all that singing :lol:

Thank you for listening, talking, and all the other things in between.

Thanks for everything.

 

T.

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HON,

 

i didn't mean to alarm you the other day. i was just tired.

i'm sorry things happened. i couldn't deny it anymore.

i owe him the truth.

 

don't worry now. things will be ok.

next month or maybe next week i'll start my new life.

this time it'll be with you.

 

i love you.

and though i am ready to go, i won't.

i couldn't leave you.

i will fight for us.

 

i love you.

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Dearest ....

 

I know we have to say goodbye eventually ... thank you for the memories ... time will heal all wounds ... time will make me see things in perspective ... im sorry if i can't reciprocate it for i know there is no such thing as us ... im really sorry much as i wanted to let go of the feelings i can't ... i'd rather sacrifice what i felt than hurt someone along the way ... i know you can feel it ... but i won't say it ...

 

ciao

just me

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Dear God,

 

I really needed the quiet moment with you the other night. Sorry for not giving you the proper acknowledgments and thanks but thank you for being with me always. Thank you for the hugs and the love. You give and give so much - so much so that I find myself saying 'no'. Thank you for the blessings and the love. I just feel like venting. Either I've stayed around here too long or I just crave for my own little comfort zone over there, my own little space. One of my numerous vulnerable moments. I accept though not necessarily like it all the time - I did say my comfort zone is not having one. I am also aware its part and parcel of what needs to be done - the growing, molding, preparation, learning never stops. I know, I know. Where much is given much is also expected but it doesn't mean I can't bitch about it every now and then right? It also doesn't mean that I won't go through it willingly. The resistance is dying out and you sure don't leave a stone unturned. I will miss my friends. Be with them as you are with me. As for me and as always, my life is in your hands. You gave me the dream and I'm chasing it, living it. The rest is up to you, always has been. Funny but whatever I'm going through somehow reminded me of a quote from Gandhi 'My life is my message'. So bring it on because I want it all. You have always given what I've asked, never left me wanting, always beyond my expectations. Just blow me away. Use me. Guide me. 'I surrender to your guidance and prosper with ease'. Again, thank you for everything :)

 

Love always,

 

E

Edited by Z
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My Dearest,

 

Have we chanced upon each other already, so close yet blinded to the truth? It's been a while since I've written you and will be a while longer. The time is not yet ripe and besides, I just want a hug. So I look forward to a long cool embrace under the setting of a warm summer sun; the light hearted spirits borne from our sweet banter; a rhapsody of sighs from one sweet kiss. Sigh. Till then I take one step forward to my untoward, surrendering to my unknown. If only to live, if only for love of life. Till then when dreams come to pass and in our clasp.

 

Lovingly,

 

E

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dear ***,

 

i want to thank you for last night... i had a great time... it was like we never parted... i could hardly contain myself... but i thought that it was better to keep things at a distance so we wouldn't complicate things any further... it's way too complex as it already is... let's just leave it at that... otherwise, somebody's bound to be hurt again...

 

love,

L

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Dear Daddy,

 

Tonight you saw me crying, his picture in my arms. You went into my room, sat beside me and held my hand. You didn’t say a word; you just looked at me with those eyes so full of understanding.

I’m sorry. I know it pains you to see me sad. You never said anything to me about it, but I know how much you worry about me. Staying up until I get home from a late night out. Making me coffee every morning when I come home from work. Hugging me as much as I want. Learning the guitar chords of the songs we love so we can spend Sunday afternoons at home, singing together. Entertaining my barkada wth your stories (I’ve lost count of the times they told me they wished their fathers were like you). We don’t have much money. We are not that well-off. We have just enough get by. But what you and Mom have given me and my siblings are far more valuable. You have given us your time, patience, attention, and unwavering love.

I was fourteen when we had that talk. You told me not to bring home a man I don’t find worthy of my love. “You are a smart girl, and you have our full trust,” were the words that you said. I remember my friends thought it odd that I date yet never did I let them visit me, pick me up, or drive me home. Until now, I abide by that. You trust my judgment, even though I admit there are a lot of times I was mistaken. You let me learn by experience.

So far, there has only been one.

You have met him, and you liked him, didn’t you Daddy? He is the only man I have introduced to you and the family, the only man whom I allowed to speak and get close with my sisters, the only man whom I ever let into our house and our lives. You treated him like family from the moment you knew him. You accepted him wholeheartedly, because you knew I loved him enough to let him get to know the most important thing in the world to me: my family.

That night I received that call from home. I left work, rushed home and found all of you in tears. It was you that told me the news. It was you that comforted me, gave me strength, and helped me go through the agony of the days that were to pass. When I lost him forever, it was you that held me in your arms.

It has been four months. I am trying so hard to get on with my life, I really am. It’s just that I miss him so much sometimes it’s too hard to contain it in silence. I love him so much every time I think about him, my heart breaks into a thousand pieces again and again and again and again.

Daddy, I can’t promise you that this is the last time you will see me cry. I will love again. I will encounter more disappointments. I will get hurt a lot more times. The world is not a perfect place.

It’s a comfort to know that should those times come once more, I can always run into your arms.

 

Always,

Your little girl

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I am wounded, scarred and bleeding

I have fought a battle.... and yet I lost.

I looked around and found no one

no friends, no family, no foes, no enemies.

Why am I alone in this battlefield?

Where are my enemies?

Have I killed all of them?

How about my men? where are they?

Were they killed as well?

 

I walked for a while.. and saw nothing.

just blood on my face, hands, body and legs.

yes, I still am profusely bleeding.

and noone was there to help.

I have won a battle ALONE.

 

I walked for a few more mile

then felt my wounds aching

not because of the bleeding

but because of the tears falling from my eyes.

I didnt notice I was already crying

crying, for I felt so alone.

No... it wasnt just a feeling.

it was real... I am alone.

 

I wanted to go home, but I cant.

For even if I do.... i fear I will face more defeats.

and the defeat will be having no one

to greet, welcome and rejoice with me

for the battle I have just won.

 

No happy faces, no tears... just blank stares.

Stares that stab me like a sharp razor

and yet deadlier.

Stabs that will wound me deeper.

 

To you whom I have fought this battle for

I am sorry I have failed you.

I am sorry I have disheartened you.

I feel in my heart I wont have you back

cause I know you didnt like the way I have won the battle,

I did it MY WAY... when I know

you want it to be fought.. YOUR WAY.

 

Every scar in my body will remind me of you.

Each scar will remind me of how I vigorously fought

fought for the belief that I will win the battle for you.

Deep in my hearts I know I won..

but when I look in your eyes... I feel defeated.

 

And when you see me...

be reminded of these scars

the scars that will be left in my body in honor of you.

 

Today.... I have just won and lost a battle.

A battle I am willing to fight for again just to help you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the battle of friendship.

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Hi mailbox long time no see....

 

don't know if i should be happy or sad. knowing what questions i have to answer in order to get my life moving in the right directions. however did i make the right decision. if its wrong i may be scarred for life.... sana nga tama

 

Nice poem sweetpyche... parang kwento nang buhay ko yan

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833 Bus Ride

 

A world to create, a dream I'd have everyone partake

Again to reconsider, ponder, such hunger to sate

As I glance through foggy windows, my state

 

Standing under a cloudy grey sky

Let out a deep mon, from my lips a sigh

The occasional patter of raindrops on my eye

 

A smile upon my lips in my desire to cry

For he walks in my heart, embraced a death

A covenant none may part

 

Once again on my seat, pen on hand

Oblivious to the hourglass, running sands

Ignorant of the chill and heat, wet and dry

 

Just the moment, a thought, a dream I abide

Every bit else a choice to fade and die

A friendly face, an affirming chat, unlikely places

All this in a night, my bus ride

 

24-02-2004

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Dear Mum & Dad,

 

I know you're worried about me travelling alone sometime this year. I'm a grown woman now. I am capable of making my own choices and my own decisions. I will not be totally alone, we've got family in the States that I can run to.

 

I want to do this not because I want to leave you but because I need to grow and to learn on my own. I feel like I cannot do this if I continue to stay under your wings. I need to explore things on my own, to see the world and to experience it.

 

Do not worry. I know there are trials on my way. Trials that I'm sure I can tackle and get past through. I am your daughter and you taught me to be strong. It is in our blood.

 

I will come back a better person, a better daughter. I will not be gone for long, I promise you that.

 

I love you both and you will always be my parents and my family no matter where I am.

 

Love your daughter,

 

L

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Dear Dad,

 

I miss you. i wanna be with you and mom and my brother..but i cant, coz i need to attend more important things in my life right now..I wanna say sorry, for all the bad things i told you...for all the bad things you have read in my diary, its not true that i hate you, its not true that youre a bad father to me...we always clashed, because we have the same attitudes, we're both "pasaway", but i want you to know that i love you Dad...i never told you personally how much i love you..i love you the way i love mom. Its not true that i love mom more..Its just that we have different interests, thats why we never had time to bond, we never had the time for you to know me more and for me to love you not only as a dad but as my bestfriend. I regret that you left for the states without me telling you how sorry i am for all the things ive done, i know ive hurt you, but it was unintentional. I hope someday ill be able to go there, to be with you,and we will be one happy family again. I love you Dad, thanks for your beautiful genes and all the things ive learned from you. Youre the best father Dad, see you soon...

 

Love,

Jasmine

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Kung mabasa mo ‘to, ibigsabihin tama ako. Hindi ako pinili mo. At ibigsabihin, kung nasa’n ka man ngayon, hindi mo ako kasama. At hindi na siguro muling mangyayaring magkakasama pa tayong muli.

 

Hindi ko pa rin siguro naiintindihan ang mga dahilan kung bakit ito ang kailangang kahantungan nating dalawa. At hindi pa rin siguro ako handa. Ganunpaman, wala na akong magagawa.

 

Ngayon, kailangan ko na’ng mag-isip hindi na lamang para sa sarili ko, ngunit para sa’yo na rin. Pinaghandaan ko na ang araw na ito, malamang may mga kaibigang naghihintay ng tawag ko ngayon para sumaklolo sa’kin. At hinihingi kong mapanatag ang loob mo sa kaalamang may mga tao sa paligid kong handang sumalo sa paghihirap na hindi ko kayang sarilihin.

 

Pero ngayon, alam kong inaaalala na rin kita. Tulad ng matagal ko nang sinasabi sa’yo, nahihirapan ako para sayo dahil wala kang pinagsasabihan, sa pagkakaalam ko, ng tungkol sa ating dalawa. At ngayong tapos na ang lahat, alam kong hindi lamang ako ang nahihirapan. Alam kong ikaw rin. At ayokong isiping nag-iisa ka sa panahong ito. Kailangan mo ng kaibigan. Tulad ng mga kaibigan ko’ng nandito para sa’kin ngayon.

 

Gusto ko sanang ako na lang ang karamay mo, pero dahil sa napili mong desisyon, hindi ko kakayaning maging ga’non sa ngayon. Hindi ko pa kaya.

 

Mula sa araw na sinabi kong gusto kong mamili ka, alam mong alam ko na ito ang mangyayari. At alam mo kung ano ang mga dahilan kung bakit gano’n ang pinaniniwalaan ko.

 

Hindi ko alam kung may nagbago na sa mga yo’n ngayon, hindi ko alam kung nakapag-usap ba talaga tayo. Malamang pagkatapos kong makuha kung sa’n na patungo ang sinasabi mo, pinaalis na kita. Hindi ko na kailangan ng paliwanag.

 

Kasi alam kong kahit ano’ng paliwanag mo ngayon, wala akong maiintindihan. Wala akong maririnig. Masyadong maraming nakaharang na damdamin para makaabot sa utak ko kung ano man ang mga sasabihin mo. Alam kong mahirap para sa’yong hindi makapagpaliwanag. Pero wag ka mag-alala, kapag handa na ako at kapag nasa mas mabuti na akong kalagayan, siguro makakapag-usap na tayo ng matino.

 

Mahirap para sa’king marinig na kaya mong maka-recover sakin. Masakit. Gusto ko kasi isiping kung ga’no kita kamahal ay ganun din ang nararamdaman mo para sa’kin. At base sa mga nakaraang mga araw, alam kong mahihirapan akong pakawalan ang kung ano mang namagitan sa ating dalawa. Masyado kitang mahal para maniwalang madadalian akong makawala sa nararamdaman ko para sa’yo. Hindi ko makita kung pa’no ko gagawin yun. Kung kaya ko ba.

 

Hindi ko sinasabi ang mga ito para mahirapan ka. Sinasabi ko lang kung ano’ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. Natatakot nga ako. Sinusulat ko ‘to sa trabaho, habang wala masyadong ginagawa. At akala ko pag ganun ang ginawa ko, hindi ako maiiyak kasi mahihiya ang mga luha kong lumabas dahil sa dami ng tao sa paligid. Syempre mali na naman ako. Pilit ko nang pinipigil ang pag-iyak, ngunit kailangan yata nila talaga lumabas, may ilang nakakatakas pa rin.

 

Kaya sobrang hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang mangyayari sakin. At kung tama ang panalangin kong mahal mo ‘ko tulad nang mahal kita, hindi ko na rin alam ngayon kung ano ang nangyayari sa’yo. Sana mas malakas ka sa’kin para kayanin ito. Sana naiintindihan mo lahat ng nangyari, para mas madali para sa’yong pasanin ito. At higit sa lahat, sana hindi mo pagsisihan ang nagawa mong desisyon. Sana tama. Sana ito nga ang pinakamabuti para sa ating lahat. Sana maging masaya ka.

 

Gusto kong malaman mo at maniwala ka na hindi ako nagsisisi sa kahit ano. Kung may nasabi man akong ganun kanina, wag kang maniwala. Hindi matinong tao yung kausap mo kanina. Gusto kong sabihin na kung nakapagbitaw man ako ng masasakit na salita, dalawang rason lang: galit ako dahil mahal kita, o kaya gusto na talaga kitang paalisin, galitin para kayaning mong makaalis.

 

Alam kong umiiyak pa rin ako ngayon at hindi ko alam kung kelan ako titigil. At gusto kong umiyak ka. Hindi dahil sa tarantado talaga akong tunay ngunit dahil sa hindi man maibabalik ng luha ang lahat ng gusto ko sanang hindi mawala, makakatulong ito sa paghilom ng mga sugat na naibigay natin sa isa’t isa. Mga sugat na kung pwede lang ang isa’t isa rin ang magpapagaling, ngunit kailangang hanapan natin ng lunas habang tayo’y magkahiwalay.

 

Tulad ng aking pangako, magtiwala kang rerespetuhin ko kung ano man ang nahantungan mong desisyon. Mahirap gawin, pero kakayanin. Kakayanin dahil mahal kita. At siguro din dahil kailangan ko na muling mahalin ang sarili ko.

 

Salamat para sa lahat. Para sa awit, sa tula, sa pag-ibig, at higit sa lahat, salamat para sa’yo. Mahal kita.

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Like anyone would be

I am flattered by your fascination with me

Like any hot-blooded woman

I have simply wanted an object to crave

But you, you're not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

 

Must be strangely exciting

To watch the stoic squirm

Must be somewhat hard telling

To watch them burn me shepherd

But you you're not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

 

Like any uncharted territory

I must seem greatly intriguing

You speak of my love like

You have experienced love like mine before

But this is not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

 

I don't think you unworthy

I need a moment to deliberate.

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